Having visitors during a homeschool week

[femke]

How do you deal with visitors wanting to come over in the middle of your homeschool week. ( I mean people who stay longer than just a morning or so...) I never seem to be able to stick to any schedule (I made plenty :D) and mostly because people think, that because we homeschool they can come whenever suits them. I'm a bit tired of this...but can I do that? Telling people that they can only come on Saturday and Sunday? :001_huh: It's not really a problem yet as dc are still young, but as they grow older: I do have to replace school...!? And do you do any 'schoolwork' when you have people over? (I mean staying overnight for a longer period) I know my ds would get crazy not doing anything for a longer period of time.

We're going to visit family later this month, but I really want to keep up with what we're doing right now. Is it 'done' to bring the stuff along, and retreat to a bedroom to do 'school'? Or am I just a very rude person :tongue_smilie:?

[regentrude]

We rarely have overnight visitors - so if my parents are coming from overseas and stay for two weeks that is a huge treat. We will still do some school in the mornings, but are doing fewer hours while they are here. That's OK - learning is not just desk work.

When we are the ones doing the traveling, we do modified school. The kids will take a lot of reading, and we usually include many field trips in our travels. We have enough time in the school year to do this.

 

I do not have to deal with visitors during the week because people know that I work.

[FaithManor]

Dh's relatives, from out of town, did not like it that we declined hosting them when school was in full session. If it was near a holiday, I tried to plan to take a little extra time off so that we could accomodate a visit.

 

They decided once to drive here from Florida without telling us, at the time I only had one homeschooling, and then were miffed because I didn't clear my schedule. They didn't do it again and were largely ignored during the homeschool period and I wouldn't let them take dd and stay out late doing fun stuff on school nights. Dh backed me up and they were even more miffed that he couldn't take vacation without warning. So, he went to work every day and I homeschooled every morning, then did my household stuff in the afternoon though they were of course free to chat while I worked on the housework and I invited them along when I needed to go on an errand or asked if they'd mind watching their grandchildren while I went to the bank.

 

It happened once. That was it....no more suprise visits. No more coming during the homeschool week. Father in law did make it known that he preferred to visit his retired relatives over us because they at least would take the time to really "be" with him. Well duh!!!!! We just snickered.

 

Faith

[NanceXToo]

We rarely have overnight visitors - so if my parents are coming from overseas and stay for two weeks that is a huge treat. We will still do some school in the mornings, but are doing fewer hours while they are here. That's OK - learning is not just desk work.

When we are the ones doing the traveling, we do modified school. The kids will take a lot of reading, and we usually include many field trips in our travels. We have enough time in the school year to do this.

 

I do not have to deal with visitors during the week because people know that I work.

 

:iagree:

[angela in ohio]

My bil is coming to stay for the month of April. He often comes for a week or two during school each year. In the past, I have taken the time off, but this time we will have to keep going, both because of the length of time and because I have high school students. Yes, as dc get older, you have to make school a priority and make space for it. Many homeschoolers fall trap to "just a bit of time off" here and there, and soon they are very far behind their plans.

 

Since your oldest is only 5, I imagine you could keep going with your basic schoolwork in just a half hour a day or so. We didn't do much more than that for K, anyway. I don't think it's rude to ask for a half hour of "alone time." You could do it during the littles' nap time.

Edited January 10, 2011 by angela in ohio
...if I forgot an apostrophe, did I create a kitten?

[femke]

But what if this happens on at least a monthly base? And we get a lot of visitors during the week. We always felt that we should open up our house for anyone who wants to come, but I'm starting to have my doubts about it now. Most people can come in the weekends anyway.

[GinaPagnato]

Looking at the ages of your children, I wouldn't worry about mid-week visits disrupting "school-time", per se. They're very young, and there's not that much academically that must be done in a given day. However, as they get a few years older, you'll want to put a kabbash on such visits, or just limit them to the weekends. There's no way we could get schooling done if my house resembled a hotel!

 

If, on the other hand, YOU are just getting tired of all these visits (I certainly would!), then you're perfectly within your rights to kindly request that they come on the weekend. It may be that you're just craving an uninterrupted schedule, not necessarily for academic purposes, but just for the flow of life, kwim?

[LittleHouseHomeschool]

We do not allow visitors mid-school week. Education must be the priority. So we politely explain to potential guests, that a mid week visit won't be possible because the teacher and students are hard at work.

 

That said, people are a priority too. But generally speaking, people understand and they are able to wait a few days until the weekend arrives.

[momofkhm]

The day visits, I'd start telling people ahead of time, "we school in the morning, can you come over at noon?" (or whatever time you are usually finished.) At 5, school didn't take a long time so I wouldn't worry too much until your kids are older. But you can think about those limits and start putting them in place.

 

For overnight visitors, it would depend on who it is. My folks would direct the kids to get their school done more than I would. :) I would specifically need to tell them that we are taking the day off! For my IL, I'd ask them to stay at the hotel until lunch time. For anyone else, I'd take off school. No one else comes, ever.

 

And I don't take school with us unless we're going to help with surgery or a hospitalization or something. If we leave home, that's time off. If we do something that local school kids would count as a field trip, it's a day of school. Like the day we went to Kennedy Space Center while in FL, that's a day of school.

[happypamama]

My children are still pretty little, so I feel comfortable with being flexible and taking off a few days, or doing light schoolwork, if we have people visiting. We do school year-round, though, for the flexibility it gives us with regards to taking breaks. If we had very frequent visitors, I think I would put my foot down about visiting during the week, or at least I would say something like, "We will be doing our schoolwork until noon; you are welcome to visit then, or we can meet up with you in the afternoon."

[choirfarm]

But what if this happens on at least a monthly base? And we get a lot of visitors during the week. We always felt that we should open up our house for anyone who wants to come, but I'm starting to have my doubts about it now. Most people can come in the weekends anyway.

 

I'm curious...who are these people that are coming on a monthly basis???? friends? Relatives??

 

Your children are REALLY young and you should only be spending a couple of hours tops on school a day anyway, so it is fine for now. I would worry about it more when they are in upper elementary and above.

 

Christine

[regentrude]

But what if this happens on at least a monthly base? And we get a lot of visitors during the week. We always felt that we should open up our house for anyone who wants to come, but I'm starting to have my doubts about it now. Most people can come in the weekends anyway.

 

What kinds of people do you have visit? Are this family? Friends?

Don't they have something to do during the day or are they just coming to hang out with you? Every month?

 

It would depend on the answer how I'd handle it.

The only visitors aside from overseas family (which get the royal treatment and we reduce school) are out of town friends and colleagues who stay at our house and work during the day; we socialize in the evenings and on weekends because they have work to do while here.

[nono]

Oh we absolutely do school when we have visitors...and they are welcome to participate! Most do! Everyone loves Art and History in the end.

 

I give folks a run-down of our schedule. School is our Number 1 priority here, but that doesn't mean we can't have "exchange students." (Old, old, exchange students usually! :tongue_smilie:) Also, I live in a no rule state. Can you imagine the impression I would leave on someone who visits if we didn't have school? "She says she homeschools, but I didn't ever see them do any schoolwork! And, they don't report to anyone." :001_huh:

 

eta: Ours are overnight house guests. Neighbors don't generally knock or bother us during school time.

[femke]

ehm.. other homeschoolers coming over to play, friends, relatives, church members, someone dropping in to stay for dinner. And everytime someone calls, I rush off to get some chores done. It takes quite some time to prepare extra food, prepare the guest beds etc.

 

Ds3 really thrives on a routine. I haven't been able to keep up with this, because of all the interruptions.

[Tarreymere]

Our only overnight guests we get are people I have given birth to, so they already know how I am. My daughter who is married to an Army guy comes for extended visits when he is deployed, and some of the other kids might be here sometimes for one reason or another. They would never dream of expecting me to postpone educating the younger kids. If anything, they would want to 'help', or maybe 'play school' along with me. So I put them to work........

Remember, I am the one with the two signs up on her house that read 'No visitors, no babysitting, no 'emergencies' between 8 am and 4 pm because we are homeschooling'. I guess that makes it pretty clear to potential guests as they walk to the door. If it didn't, then I would be happy to explain to them my viewpoint.

I think it is funny that some folks believe that kids who are homeschooled won't learn the discipline to keep to a schedule and then expect that a homeschool family should 'drop everything' to entertain them.

[mom2myboys]

I would start setting limits as has been mentioned previously. When someone calls or comes to the door, tell them that today is not a good day but can we make plans for another time. Since you have been allowing visits in the past without much for restrictions, they may push back on you the first few times. "It is just for a little while." "Don't you have an hour?" etc. Be firm but kind. "I really would love to visit with you, but it will have to be another time." Then decide for yourself when it would be acceptable to have visitors. Would you prefer they come in the morning or afternoon? Would you prefer to limit visits to a certain day a week? Let them know and make sure to be consistent in enforcing your boundaries.

 

Best of luck. I am dealing with this now. Not so much with visitors, but people asking for favors and things during the day b/c I am "home." I am trying to explain that "homeschooling" is not the same as being "home and available." ;)

[Tammyla]

They are calling you to inform or ask permission to come over...If you aren't saying no, you are saying yes... Set some boundaries and get comfortable with honestly saying, sorry this isn't a good time.

 

 

ehm.. other homeschoolers coming over to play, friends, relatives, church members, someone dropping in to stay for dinner. And everytime someone calls, I rush off to get some chores done. It takes quite some time to prepare extra food, prepare the guest beds etc.

 

Ds3 really thrives on a routine. I haven't been able to keep up with this, because of all the interruptions.

[laundrycrisis]

I would set the expectation with these people that you have a portion of the day during which you do not want interruptions. I have had to do this with a neighbor. It wasn't fun but for my own sanity, I needed to do it.

 

When my mom comes to visit from out of state, she only comes for a few days, and we only see her once a year, so we take time off to spend with her. When DH's parents come (also from out of state), they stay in their own place here, hang around for a month or so, and were wanting to drift in and out with us with little notice. I had to make it clear this does not work for me - I cannot deal with that for weeks on end. I work hard to set up our activities and to have a routine for getting work done when we are home, and I want visiting time with us to be scheduled in advance.

 

I believe they are offended by this. To me it is a matter of a basic level of respect for our time and the work that I do. If they were planning short visits that are firmly scheduled like my mom's, I would be happy to just plan time off for them. But since they are long periods of time, with them drifting in and out and no firm commitment as to what time will be spent with us, I am not willing to put our schedule up to be changed whenever they wake up and decide they want a few hours with us.

[angela in ohio]

ehm.. other homeschoolers coming over to play, friends, relatives, church members, someone dropping in to stay for dinner. And everytime someone calls, I rush off to get some chores done. It takes quite some time to prepare extra food, prepare the guest beds etc.

 

Ds3 really thrives on a routine. I haven't been able to keep up with this, because of all the interruptions.

 

I would set parameters with them. As a pp said, "We'd love to see you, but we'll have to do it after noon." That would give you mornings to do activities, etc. Or you could have 12-3 be off limits, if you school while littles nap.

 

It is a blessing to welcome people into your home, but you have to get to a point where you welcome them into your life and routine. Otherwise, it's not so much a blessing, and you will burn out. So if they come when it's a bit messy, then it's messy. If they come while it's nap time, then they just get to talk to you while dc nap. They will learn your routine and respect it. They will also feel like less of a burden, because they will know they aren't throwing you off by being there.

 

As far as chores to do when they call, I would set any of those into your regular routine, so that they are already done. I really like the book Sidetracked Home Executives, as they talk about exactly that scenario: how do you get it all done bit by bit so that you aren't frantic when people are coming over. Sit down and figure out what you need. You can keep extra food in the freezer, ready to go for unexpected company. You can have the guest beds already made up as soon as someone leave. And so on...

[regentrude]

ehm.. other homeschoolers coming over to play, friends, relatives, church members, someone dropping in to stay for dinner.

 

 

I have made it clear to other homeschooling families in our circle that my kids do not get to socialize during mornings. There are extremely rare exceptions (such as a one day visit from a family who moved two hours away). My friends know this as well (and most of them work anyway).

So, to the in-town friends and acquaintances, we are NOT available during school hours.

I have absolutely no problem with somebody dropping in in the afternoons and staying fro dinner - I love hosting and it is no big deal to prepare some extra food.

 

And everytime someone calls, I rush off to get some chores done. It takes quite some time to prepare extra food, prepare the guest beds etc.

If it stresses you so much, you need to learn the magic word: NO.

[elegantlion]

But what if this happens on at least a monthly base? And we get a lot of visitors during the week. We always felt that we should open up our house for anyone who wants to come, but I'm starting to have my doubts about it now. Most people can come in the weekends anyway.

 

Learn to set boundaries. Since your dc are young you can start prepping people. If you don't feel comfortable cutting them off immediately, then work it in the conversation and starting next fall keep those boundaries.,

 

ehm.. other homeschoolers coming over to play, friends, relatives, church members, someone dropping in to stay for dinner. And everytime someone calls, I rush off to get some chores done. It takes quite some time to prepare extra food, prepare the guest beds etc.

 

Ds3 really thrives on a routine. I haven't been able to keep up with this, because of all the interruptions.

 

I know some people don't approach it in this manner but I had to see homeschooling as my job. Any other job I've worked I'm not allowed to have visitors just pop in and interrupt my tasks. Homeschooling affords me to be my own boss and so *I* must set those boundaries. My ds is a big routine kid too.

 

When he was younger we had 2 other homeschooling famiies we saw at least 2-3 a week, but it was always after school. We did no errands before school was done either. Work first, play later.

 

It sounds like you have a very open house. That in itself is not a bad thing. If that is a priority to you then you need to find ways to work around it. Set school hours, 2-3 hours should be all you need at that age. Maybe tell people you're not available until after 11 and then every day school at specific times and either involve or ignore whomever drops by.

 

I do think it's important to teach kids how to be hospitable, but not at the expense of their core academics.

[femke]

Thank you for all the good advice! I really should be more strict :glare: I'm going to talk to DH about this tonight. Maybe we can have Wednesdays of for visitors, or do everything in the morning and naptime. I have everything spread out over the whole day, so my schedule will always be disrupted, when someone shows up unexpectedly. Do you answers the phone during schooltime? And what about DH popping in and out of the schoolroom? I like the last one a lot, but not sure if this will work when dc get older.

 

:lurk5:

[elegantlion]

Thank you for all the good advice! I really should be more strict :glare: I'm going to talk to DH about this tonight. Maybe we can have Wednesdays of for visitors, or do everything in the morning and naptime. I have everything spread out over the whole day, so my schedule will always be disrupted, when someone shows up unexpectedly. Do you answers the phone during schooltime? And what about DH popping in and out of the schoolroom? I like the last one a lot, but not sure if this will work when dc get older.

 

:lurk5:

 

We don't take calls during school, unless it is my parents or dh. My mom called just as we started school yesterday. I told her I'd call her back.

 

Dh has been around more often lately and we go in the classroom and shut the door. After several years of schooling he knows better than to disturb us. However when ds was little and dh was home we'd take time to have lunch together or speed up school so ds could hang out with dad. Part of the reason we homeschool is so ds can spend more time with dh. My dh's father died when he was little and never takes for the granted the time he can be with ds. It's made for some wonderful experience over the years. They are closer because we CAN be flexible, but school has to get done too.

 

When they're younger is so easy to be flexible. But now at the middle grade stage school takes 4-6 hours depending upon our day. Distractions take us way off center, both of us, so we limit activities and such. But that has been a progression over the years.

 

I have no qualms about telling people now that ds is older school is taking longer and we need to make sure it stays a priority.

[angela in ohio]

Thank you for all the good advice! I really should be more strict :glare: I'm going to talk to DH about this tonight. Maybe we can have Wednesdays of for visitors, or do everything in the morning and naptime. I have everything spread out over the whole day, so my schedule will always be disrupted, when someone shows up unexpectedly. Do you answers the phone during schooltime? And what about DH popping in and out of the schoolroom? I like the last one a lot, but not sure if this will work when dc get older.

 

:lurk5:

 

He made half of them, so he gets to come in whenever he wants. :D Don't let yourself fall into the "us" vs. dh mentality that threatens a homeschool marriage. (Sorry, unsolicited advice, I know. :001_smile:) If it is disruptive as they get older, you could start asking him to take on certain tasks or plan daddy time in. Just be very open with him about your schedule, and if it becomes a problem humbly ask for his help.

 

I know many homeschoolers who don't answer the phone at all until later. I have my phone set to two different ring tones, so that I know if it is dh or family (answer) or anyone else (don't answer.)

[femke]

No, Dh will come in and ask: Where are my keys? What are we having for lunch? :lol: Do I start to sound like unorganized chaos? I'll have to start making a few changes... :D

[angela in ohio]

No, Dh will come in and ask: Where are my keys? What are we having for lunch? :lol: Do I start to sound like unorganized chaos? I'll have to start making a few changes... :D

 

Oh, yes, I'd politely ask him to stop that. :D

[WVNA]

I have a related question about this. Does anybody have a problem with being viewed as a convenient babysitter since you "don't work"?

[Colleen in NS]

ehm.. other homeschoolers coming over to play, friends, relatives, church members, someone dropping in to stay for dinner. And everytime someone calls, I rush off to get some chores done. It takes quite some time to prepare extra food, prepare the guest beds etc.

 

Ds3 really thrives on a routine. I haven't been able to keep up with this, because of all the interruptions.

 

Hospitality is great, but hospitality can also happen in a more organized routine that fits your family's needs. Your family's food/water/clothing/shelter/maintenance/education should come first now. Sure, you could make some people happy today, Thursday, next week, next month, etc., but what about when your child is behind in math in 4 years because you kept disrupting it?

 

Do you answers the phone during schooltime?

 

Not anymore! It distracts too much. My kids have a hard time getting focused again if I answer it. I let the answering machine do its job. I turn off the ringer and turn down the answering machine and check messages when I get a chance (in case it's dh or someone calling for his business when he's not here).

 

No, Dh will come in and ask: Where are my keys? What are we having for lunch? :lol:

 

"I don't know" and "I don't know" lol. These are my usual (distracted-sounding) answers. Except that it doesn't happen much anymore, because through the years dh and I have figured out how to manage things without hindering each other (much). He works from home for part of the day, so he also does things with the kids (currently piano, math, and cleaning chores).

 

I have a related question about this. Does anybody have a problem with being viewed as a convenient babysitter since you "don't work"?

 

I've never had anyone ask me before, but my answer would be NO except in a medical emergency.

 

I only get one chance to raise my children - there'll be time after they are grown to pick and choose which of these other things I want to do.

[idnib]

I also don't answer the phone during schooltime unless it's my husband or parents. My parents I often call back later. Neither my husband nor I enjoy talking on the phone so it's rarely more than two minutes to talk to him. But people call a lot.

 

I have been toying with the idea of saying something on the answering machine, something along the lines of "We don't answer the phone between nine and noon. Please leave a message and we will return your call after 2 pm (gotta add in time for lunch and getting DD down!) Sort of a hint so they'll be "trained" not to call during schooltime.

 

Has anyone else done this? Does it seem rude?