Should we "shettle" for a girl or boy this time?

[MaryElizabeth]

Ok. I'm tired of debating this, so can you all please offer some input/thoughts to help steer me here. Here's the deal:

 

My son (my only child thus far) turned four on July 26th, so he's almost 4.5 years.

 

We're going to try to "target" my Dec 29th egg in hopes of conceiving.

And, if we're successful, we'd be due in September.

 

If you've heard of the SHETTLES METHOD, you know that it's a scientific way of TRYING to choose the gender of a child. Last I heard, it supposedly had like an 85% "success" rate. I know several ladies who swear by it.

 

So, given that my son and this (potential) child will be 5 years and 2 months apart, should we "shettle" for a girl or boy?

 

FWIW, we plan to homeschool K-12.

 

Any thoughts?

Edited December 20, 2010 by MaryElizabeth

[brehon]

Hopefully I'll be able to adequately answer your question. I have 5 kids (3 girls & 2 boys) from 9 to infant (5 1/2 months). My two boys are 5 years apart (9 & 4). Due to space limitations they share a room as do the 2 oldest girls (7 1/2 & 6).

 

My boys generally get along fine with the older one playing well when the 4 yo wants to play "baby" things. Actually, I find myself more trying to rein in the 4 yo from doing things he's not just not quite able to (imagine monkey see, monkey do). My 9 yo has a special place for his special books, toys, etc and the 4 yo is absolutely NOT allowed to touch. Things, of course, aren't perfect; dh and I are saving money to convert the open porch area off the boys' room into an enclosed area for the 9 yo because he really does need time away from his siblings sometimes. This area will have his bed and maybe one of those swinging hammock chair thingys (I forget what they're called -- see above re: 5 children 9 and under :tongue_smilie:)

 

If you're asking whether 2 boys 5 years apart will play together better than a boy and a girl, my answer is an unqualified you just never know. Temperment and personality plays so much into these things and you just can't plan for that. Regardless of the gender of the baby the elder child will obviously have different interests.

 

If you're asking whether the gender of your second child will affect homeschooling, my answer is probably not. I'm not sure which philosophy of homeschooling you're planning on for your eldest (and any subsequent children), but at 5 years apart they'll more than likely be in different learning stages. This has advantages and, erm, challenges.

 

My opinion is to just have fun (:lol:) and not worry about "Shettling" for either gender. I'm not sure if I've helped you or just rambled on.

[Crimson Wife]

Personally, I'd want at least one of each gender. The only time we used Shettles was for our DS (obviously it worked for us). Have fun! :D

[Parrothead]

Does it really matter?

[Heather in OK]

Does it really matter?

 

:iagree:

[plain jane]

Does it really matter?

 

:iagree:

 

I got the impression that's what the OP was asking- if it did matter? :)

 

OP, I don't think you can go wrong either way. Honestly, it's going to come down to temperament and personality of each of your children, and there's not much you can do about that.

 

If it were me, I would just relax and let nature choose for you. :)

 

Some parents like having one of each, while others think that two of the same gender would get along better. I know people in both situations and both are equally happy.

 

One thing I would not like to see happen is for you to make up your mind that you really want a _____ but instead have a ______. Some things just are better left out of our hands.

 

I don't fault you at all for trying Shettles. It did work for us when we were hoping for one gender over the other. But, I realized at the time that what I really wanted was a baby so either way I'd be happy and it sounds like you will be too. :)

[keptwoman]

If you have no strong feelings either way then I can't see the need to aim for either.

I don't get the whole "one of each" thing that some people want. Personally, I would have preferred all one sex. It's very individual I think.

[Peela]

I am glad I have one of each and my yearning for another child would probably have been much worse if I had only one or the other. But if thats not even a consideration for you, then I wouldn't worry about it. Just have fun!

[Crimson Wife]

I don't get the whole "one of each" thing that some people want. Personally, I would have preferred all one sex. It's very individual I think.

 

Girls have a special relationship with their mothers and boys have a special relationship with their fathers- that's why I always wanted at least one of each. It's fun for me to have girls to do girly stuff with and I love seeing DS and DH do guy stuff together. :)

[Word Nerd]

Don't over-think it. There is no wrong answer.

[NanceXToo]

Personally, I'd want at least one of each gender.

 

Me, too. When I was pregnant with my third (and last) I really wanted him to be a boy as I already had two girls. And he was! Yay! (No "shettling" here, it just worked out that way). That doesn't mean I wouldn't have loved him if he was a girl- but I think it's nice to have both. To each her own, though! :D

[katilac]

I don't think it matters as far as them getting along, being close, etc, so go with your own preference if you have one. When children are close in age, I think it's often easier to have the same gender, but at five years apart I don't think it makes a difference.

[clementine]

My only concern would be if you got the opposite gender than the one you 'tried' for. Not that you wouldn't love the baby, but that it wasn't what you were hoping for.

[sagira]

It's more a personality issue than anything. My ds, who's 4 years apart from dd, gets along great with dd. They play together and all. How's the personality of your boy? Either way, which gender would you like? An older brother can be a protective figure. Ds feels that way about dd. He protects her a lot, and is very helpful.

[MaryElizabeth]

Picking up from my last week's thread....

 

I won't be disappointed with either gender as I have no leanings one way or the other -- thus my posing the question.

 

But, I would like the kids to interact well together and I wanted to hear from you all as to how your various combos work and whether more of you had more positive things to say about the older boy, youngest girl combination than did the older boy younger girl combo or vice versa.

 

Thanks for the input!

Any more input's welcome as well.

[CalicoKat]

Does it really matter?

:iagree: unless you can shettle for a healthy baby?!

[snipsnsnailsx5]

Since Shettles is far from 100% accurate (some argue even that his ideas are backwards and don't work at all) - It probably wouldn't matter much if you decide to do Shettles or not. You'll still have about a 50% chance of either gender!

 

I understand the desire to try to have a certain gender though. Sometimes, honestly, I get angry when people who have a mix of boy/girls try to judge my desire to try different methods to get a girl. I feel like they don't understand what it feels like to only have one gender, and MANY of that gender, with the possibility to have the opposite gender getting smaller and smaller. We can't have an unlimited amount of kids. :( They also don't understand how it feels to have always imagined having a daughter starting when they were a little girl and then as an adult realizing that may not ever happen now.

 

Of course all we want is a healthy baby. Of course we'll be happy with whatever gender we get. But some part of us, that we hide deep down inside, will be crying for that daughter that may never come to be.

 

*hugs*

[Evergreen State Sue]

After years of infertility, we finally had a boy. We were glad to have either at that point. 18 mos. later we got a girl. We used some method to try for the girl, but who knows if it was the method or not? I was glad to have a boy first as I also thought of the older brother as a protector of the younger sister. I can't address the age span in your case other than to say in my family I have a brother 4 years older and a sister 8 years old. We are closer now as adults than when we were kids. My children are not very close, but I don't know if I had 2 boys if that would have made a difference. It is a matter of personality I think. I am glad, as someone else said, to have one of each. I enjoy doing girl things with my dd and boy things with my ds. I think I would have missed not having a girl I could relate to as a woman. If money is tight, I think it would be nice to have the same gender to share clothes and a bedroom.

[HappyGrace]

We didn't care much either way but shettled for fun anyway to see what would happen and it DID work out the way Shettles said!

 

Have fun!

[boscopup]

Are you planning any more kids after this, or will this be it?

 

We wanted one of each. Obviously, that didn't happen. :D When I was pregnant with #2, I was really hoping it'd be another boy, and I was happy it was, but mine are also closer together - all 2.5 years apart. So they play really well together. I love watching them. I do mourn the fact that I won't be able to share mother-daughter things (especially since I'm into homebirthing, NFP, etc., so I wanted to share those ideas with my daughter from the start... I can still share those ideas with a DIL, but it will have to be done more carefully... I will of course accept it if they choose a different path ;) ). I love my boys though and am thrilled to have them. It will be fun to watch them all helping daddy with the farm work or working on cars together. And I am teaching them valuable skills that will make their wives happy, like putting the toilet seat down and cleaning up after themselves. ;)

[d.g.]

Of course all we want is a healthy baby. Of course we'll be happy with whatever gender we get. But some part of us, that we hide deep down inside, will be crying for that daughter that may never come to be.

 

This is me. We tried for a girl for a year, Shettles-style, and instead we got our 18mo DS. I love him to pieces, but I would give many, many things to have a little girl too. And when my dearest friend had a "surprise" conception and birthed her precious baby girl a few months after DS was born, I cried. A lot. I still want a baby girl, but my tubes were tied during my second emergent c-section, so it's never going to happen.

 

 

To the OP -- We weren't actually "trying" the month I conceived, but we still ended up with girl-friendly timing (I ovulated over a week earlier than expected during what was going to be a no-trying month). DH was back to work in another state by the time I dropped an egg that month. We still conceived a boy. All that to say, the Shettles method isn't guaranteed, even if it can influence the odds.

 

As for getting along, our 5-year-separated boys play well together sometimes, not so well others. It's definitely a temperment thing.

[mama2cntrykids]

I got the impression that's what the OP was asking- if it did matter? :)

 

OP, I don't think you can go wrong either way. Honestly, it's going to come down to temperament and personality of each of your children, and there's not much you can do about that.

 

:)

:iagree:

[phathui5]

I'd say to go for a boy.

[Brigitte]

If you have no strong feelings either way then I can't see the need to aim for either.

I don't get the whole "one of each" thing that some people want. Personally, I would have preferred all one sex. It's very individual I think.

 

Before we found out the gender of our twins, I swore one was a boy and the other was a girl (based on heart rate). When we found out they were both girls my mother said "It's easier that they are the same gender. That way you don't have to drive one to soccer and one to ballet." Well, they are both girls and I am still driving two different places, instead of soccer I drive to the barn for riding.

 

Like a previous poster mentioned, in the end it all boils down to the individual personality of the child.

 

I personally would not try for a particular gender if I were the OP. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. Just have fun and see what happens!

[MaryElizabeth]

Before we found out the gender of our twins, I swore one was a boy and the other was a girl (based on heart rate). When we found out they were both girls my mother said "It's easier that they are the same gender. That way you don't have to drive one to soccer and one to ballet." Well, they are both girls and I am still driving two different places, instead of soccer I drive to the barn for riding.

 

Like a previous poster mentioned, in the end it all boils down to the individual personality of the child.

 

I personally would not try for a particular gender if I were the OP. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. Just have fun and see what happens!

 

Well......I would agree to have fun and see what happens, but the issue with that is that by NOT specifically aiming for a girl, we would TEND to have a boy. Girls (per Shettles) are harder to conceive. We had s_x four days before my egg and still had a boy, so the odds are seemingly stacked in the boy camp. My husband is one of four boys and all of his siblings (except one who isn't married/has no kids) have boys (my son has 7 boy first cousins on paternal side). So, odds are MALE in our case, especially given my fertility signs and my hubby's health status (per Shettles). So.....if I want to go for a girl, I will have to try hard and have s_x 5 days pre-egg. That's why I asked the question also ----- if I just have fun and go with it, I feel that by default that in and of itself is shettling for a boy.

 

As for having a girl to do girly things with, I'm concerned I'm too boyish myself to be a good girl mom. I have ZERO sense of style, I wear no make-up, I don't decorate, I loathe shopping, I shave my legs once a week to not hurt my hubby.....I just fear being a bad girly mom and her showing up to functions and being as unstylish as her mom and taking heat for it. But at the same time, I love the relationship I have with my own mom and sisters and long for that type of comraderie. Also, I feel that given the age gap, a girl will be more mature, my son (being male) slower to mature and that they'll meet in the middle more with things in common. Then I wonder given the opposite genders if they'll have nothing in common as he won't care a lick about playing dolls, etc. But....around here she'll have to be a country girl, so they can do those things together. Then I think with a boy, that he'll get into the habit and babying him and bossing him and that the younger will grow up to be a henpecked, indecisive kid.

 

But, when I try to imagine a 10 year old boy playing with a 5 year old boy....I just can't envision it either (I never had a brother; I'm one of three girls). Thus my asking for your "visions" of how the combos may look.

 

A few of you asked what my son was like....so I'll try to answer:

My son is a social kid. Loves talking to kids of all ages and perfect strangers. We'll be in Walmart and he'll initiate conversations with adults we pass, "Hi. My name is ___; how are you?" He's very sensitive. Very cautious. Not a juggernaut kid. Type A. Tends towards perfectionism/detail-oriented. Likes science projects. Jovial. Cuddly. Hates being/playing alone. Loves being outside. Is neutral about sports (at this age). Slow to warm up to new ideas. An overall sweetie. Not mean to others. Plays well with others.