Is it unhelathy to have a small social circle...

[Michelle in AL]

Twice in the past couple months, I have heard that the smaller your circle of community is, the more your world shrinks. One person who said this was my pastor, and it was not meant in a positive way, i.e. a small circle is not healthy.

 

I went to my dh's Christmas party lat night. I knew a handful of people, but I really enjoyed talking to the ones I knew and meeting new people. I did all the meeting on my own (dh has severe social anxiety). According to the myers brigg I am right on the extrovert/introvert line, so I'm no social butterfly.

 

Today after reflecting on this, I wondered if I WOULD be happier if I had a group of people that I saw a few times a week. I've worked before, and I have fond memories of all the women who supported me and each other along with just the daily chit chat. These are the people that I remember yrs later that really came through for me, were there when you needed them. I don't think you can have this type of relationship with your kids, that's a different dynamic. My dh is not one to interact this way. I don't think internet relationships are a substitute either.

 

I do have church, but only go one day a week, and my Sunday School class has only 5 people, and only one other woman comes occasionally.

 

How do you feel? Is this an important component of life that we are missing since most of us are at home? I know some of us work, I do too, but I work from home :tongue_smilie:

 

Any ideas for volunteering etc that would bring you in contact with a small group of people?

[Michelle in AL]

Sorry for the misspelling in the title. Maybe it should've read Is it unhealthy to have a small circle of community/support.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Honestly, I think that the depth of your connection to your social circle is more important than the size. If you have two very close friends and a very close intimate family, then that's much more important than 200 superficial friend and family connections.

 

I do have that kind of relationship with a couple of people on the internet but not in the general forum - we PM each other daily, and often multiple times daily.

[OnTheBrink]

If you're happy with your social circle, then that's fine. Don't let others sow seeds of discontentment by suggesting that your life has to look a certain way to be right.

 

And, I agree with Jean.

[Mom-ninja.]

Well, I don't agree. My DH has one friend. They have been friends for over 20 years.

 

I have had many friends but all have come and gone. Lately, it seems all the close friends I've had, something goes awry in the relationship. I'm tired of losing friends. I think my DH has the right idea. I've decided to focus on my family relationships and just have acquaintances.

[justamouse]

I have a really broad spectrum of friends and they are the riches of my life (apart from my dh and kids).

 

I think the bad thing is when your circle is not just small, but homogeneous. You tend to become xenophobic, and that limits you.

 

I'm not saying a hand full of friends is bad, not at all. I'm only deeply intimate with a hand full of people, but I have friends that I talk to every week that make up many races and sexual orientations.

Edited December 13, 2010 by justamouse

[Heather in OK]

Honestly, I think that the depth of your connection to your social circle is more important than the size.

:iagree:

 

I have a small social circle. And even then, it's not really social, just a small group of friends. I would call two or three of them close friends that I have known for 5+ years each.

 

"Girl's Night Out", playgroups, women's Bible studies, etc. do not appeal to me in any way.

[Tap]

I think, that as long as you are happy with what you have, then it is just perfect for you.

 

 

Some people love to have tons of friends and others are happy with one or two. It is just up to the individual.

 

I have friends who come and go, and rarely stay close buddies with someone more than 5-6 years. I don't have relationships go bad...they just fade. These same relationships often come back around in later years.

 

Dh has the same friends he had in his teen years. LOL

[Michelle in AL]

I have good close friends too, friends that I can really count on and that I see regularly. I think I miss the more regular adult interaction, not necessarily friendship based either, if that makes any sense.

[Guest Katia]

I have had many friends but all have come and gone. Lately, it seems all the close friends I've had, something goes awry in the relationship. I'm tired of losing friends. .......... I've decided to focus on my family relationships and just have acquaintances.

 

:iagree: Wise words. I, too, am just focusing on my family relationships and no social circle; just acquaintances. So far, it's working much better.

[Dinsfamily]

Honestly, I think that the depth of your connection to your social circle is more important than the size. If you have two very close friends and a very close intimate family, then that's much more important than 200 superficial friend and family connections.

 

 

:iagree: I think it's harder to maintain a large social circle. I'm an introvert and, while I like to be around people, too much social interaction is exhausting for me. I've found that I'm a better friend to a few.

[KidsHappen]

I have a very small circle but it contains exactly the right amount of people for me. ;)

[IsabelC]

I think that for someone to dictate some kind of "ideal social circle size" is a bit like somebody deciding that everyone should wear the same size and style of clothing. The best group of friends and acquaintances is the one that gives you the opportunity to feel comfortable and connected, receive the support you need, and offer service to others.

[Parrothead]

I don't even have a social circle. It is more of a social triangle.

 

I've been at the point where everyone I knew well enough to be friends with were anonymous people on the internet. I think if I didn't have this forum at that point in my life I'd've be in serious trouble.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have good close friends too, friends that I can really count on and that I see regularly. I think I miss the more regular adult interaction, not necessarily friendship based either, if that makes any sense.

 

In that case, there are adult Bible studies, lessons in knitting, scrapbooking, Chinese callligraphy. . ., volunteering at the library or a food bank, a walking group . . .

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I think that for someone to dictate some kind of "ideal social circle size" is a bit like somebody deciding that everyone should wear the same size and style of clothing. The best group of friends and acquaintances is the one that gives you the opportunity to feel comfortable and connected, receive the support you need, and offer service to others.

 

:iagree:

 

And I think there are different kinds of social circles, too. I have a variety of different types of people in my life, and I choose to spend time with them in different ways. For instance, there are only a few friends I would enjoy a shopping trip or spa day with, but if I'm having a pool party, the more the merrier.

[Peela]

I have a really broad spectrum of friends and they are the riches of my life (apart from my dh and kids).

 

I think the bad thing is when your circle is not just small, but homogeneous. You tend to become xenophobic, and that limits you.

 

I'm not saying a hand full of friends is bad, not at all. I'm only deeply intimate with a hand full of people, but I have friends that I talk to every week that make up many races and sexual orientations.

 

:iagree:

I know its not right to say what is right for everyone...and as homeschooling mums we are at home a lot...but I do think it is generally healthier to have contact with a diverse group of people....not necessarily all friends you would call up in a crisis...but just people you have contact with over time. It is mind expanding. It doesnt mean you cant have a rich life without it..but I certainly value it. I have always loved to meet well travelled people, too...people form other countries, people who have done interesting things. It expands the possibilities for myself and my vision for what is possible for my kids. And i am an interovert. I can easily spend days on my own.

In many ways homeschool has expanded my social circle because I have been part of the homeschooling community- locally with various activities and connections with people I really wouldnt normally socialise with, in Australia, and internationally too (I would count these boards as my social circle in a very general, loose kind of way).

I think its one of those things it jsut pays to be realyl honest with oneself. Has this idea popped into your life and touched something in you because it resonates on some level...or are you perfectly content with your social life and are just doubting yourself? Some poeple do hide away at home out of fear...I especially think that is not healthy for homeschooling mums because that sets an example for our kids.

Whenever I have become isolated I take on an activity for myself- a cooking class, a yoga class, a dance class. Its enough to get me out of the house and into the world a bit more and I usually meet interesting people.

[texasmama]

Haven't read any of the other replies, but if you are happy, I see no need to change. If you are not, then go for it!:D

 

I am pretty extroverted (married to an introvert), and I was a stay at home mom for seven years with little ability to get out among other folks. I now have two part time jobs and some volunteer work, and I am much happier. I do better if I can have some social/professional contact which is separate from wife/mom/homeschool teacher. But to each his own - truly, if a person is happy with a small circle of friends, there is nothing necessarily pathological about that.:001_smile:

[Elizabeth in WA]

I think I miss the more regular adult interaction, not necessarily friendship based either, if that makes any sense.

 

This. So much so that I joined a workout group and get up in the middle of the night, er at 4:30, three mornings a week just to have regular adult interaction. The exercise is a bonus.

[Sophia]

Don't let others sow seeds of discontentment by suggesting that your life has to look a certain way to be right.

 

 

I already knew this but I appreciate hearing it again ;)

Thanks, and blessings on your week!

[Heather in Neverland]

I have just a few people that I am very close with then a large circle of social acquaintances. I like it that way. :D

[Rosie_0801]

If you're happy with your social circle, then that's fine. Don't let others sow seeds of discontentment by suggesting that your life has to look a certain way to be right.

 

And, I agree with Jean.

 

I agree with Jean and SolaMichella :)

 

A small social circle doesn't have to make you unhealthily insular. Unless you spend your whole life listening to one song on your ipad over and over, you are accessing different ideas by reading books, watching the news, listening to the radio, reading this forum :D, eavesdropping on people in checkout queues etc.

 

And I agree with Peela :) If your heart is telling you it's unhappy with the situation, you ought to do something about it. If your heart is content, be like a duck and let others' comments dribble to the floor ;)

 

I don't know if it's the same in the States, but if I were looking for a new social outlet, I'd check the bulletin board at the library and at the local council office. They usually have pamphlets for local groups. If I was looking for a craft, I'd search for guilds in my town. People are around doing all sorts of stuff. I wouldn't have guessed I could do a diploma in spinning and another in weaving in my town.

 

Rosie