s/o explaining female cycle to young boys

[Sherry in OH]

Any picture book recommendations for explaining the female cycle to preschool and early elementary boys?

 

A woman's body creates a special nest each month, when it isn't needed, her body cleans it out to start a new nest is no longer a sufficient answer.

[JFSinIL]

Just move up to the nest being like a warm waterbed, only using the potential mother's own warm blood for the waterbed, and, it needs to be emptied and refreshed each month to keep the waterbed ready for any occupants.

[clarkacademy]

Just wondering, (not judging) Why would a boy that young need to know anything about that? I truly cannot imagine why that would be a need to know thing for a young boy. I have noticed people teach children about s3x early nowadays but that? I am really just wondering.

[mommaduck]

Just wondering, (not judging) Why would a boy that young need to know anything about that? I truly cannot imagine why that would be a need to know thing for a young boy. I have noticed people teach children about s3x early nowadays but that? I am really just wondering.

:iagree:

[KatieH]

Just wondering, (not judging) Why would a boy that young need to know anything about that? I truly cannot imagine why that would be a need to know thing for a young boy. I have noticed people teach children about s3x early nowadays but that? I am really just wondering.

 

I was wondering this, too.

[Sherry in OH]

Just wondering, (not judging) Why would a boy that young need to know anything about that? I truly cannot imagine why that would be a need to know thing for a young boy. I have noticed people teach children about s3x early nowadays but that? I am really just wondering.

 

Because they have eyes and are curious. They accompany me to the bathroom. Yes, it would be nice to have privacy, but not practical when we are out and about. They see me changing pads and at the Y, inserting/removing tampons. They want to know why mommy is bleeding. Is she hurt? Will they bleed like that when they are older?

 

DH and I prefer to tell them facts at a level they can understand. We hope to avoid some of the embarrassment we felt at puberty and even as young adults because we were ignorant of basic facts about the human body. The human body is a wonderous creation not cause for shame.

[clarkacademy]

I agree over the shame part totally. But my son has no business what is being inserted in my vagina. I just cannot imagine any of my children standing there watching that. I teach them about privacy from early on. They can't go potty with guests so why should they with me. I love reading about how people do things in all the families on here. It is just amazing even if it is something I don't agree on. Could you possibly tell them something along the lines that is how God makes a womans body in order to have children? I explained it that way with my daughter when she was bout 10 or so because I didn't want her to start and be scared or not understand. And just so moms don't think I left little ones in a public bathroom alone they did go with me and were taught to turn around as going potty is a private thing.

[mommaduck]

Because they have eyes and are curious. They accompany me to the bathroom. Yes, it would be nice to have privacy, but not practical when we are out and about. They see me changing pads and at the Y, inserting/removing tampons. They want to know why mommy is bleeding. Is she hurt? Will they bleed like that when they are older?

 

DH and I prefer to tell them facts at a level they can understand. We hope to avoid some of the embarrassment we felt at puberty and even as young adults because we were ignorant of basic facts about the human body. The human body is a wonderous creation not cause for shame.

 

You can avoid embarrassment without revealing everything...including your bathroom activities. I could take my kids to the Y or to the bathroom out and about and not have them see all of that.

 

I agree over the shame part totally. But my son has no business what is being inserted in my vagina. I just cannot imagine any of my children standing there watching that. I teach them about privacy from early on. They can't go potty with guests so why should they with me. I love reading about how people do things in all the families on here. It is just amazing even if it is something I don't agree on. Could you possibly tell them something along the lines that is how God makes a womans body in order to have children? I explained it that way with my daughter when she was bout 10 or so because I didn't want her to start and be scared or not understand. And just so moms don't think I left little ones in a public bathroom alone they did go with me and were taught to turn around as going potty is a private thing.

Agreed! Mine may steal into the bathroom, but they aren't in there when I'm dealing with my monthly. And the times I've had a tot in there with me, there is usually some way to be discreet, whether it's turning their attention to some object in the room or whatnot while quickly pulling the pad and folding it. Good grief, but to stand there and insert a tampon with a child actively watching...sorry, but I think that has gone the opposite and even wrong direction.

Edited December 10, 2010 by mommaduck

[Renthead Mommy]

Just wondering, (not judging) Why would a boy that young need to know anything about that? I truly cannot imagine why that would be a need to know thing for a young boy. I have noticed people teach children about s3x early nowadays but that? I am really just wondering.

 

Because they asked. And why wouldn't they ask? There's tampons and pads in our bathrooms. They notice only mom's carry these around. They notice they only sometimes end up in the trash. They see ads for both on tv and magazine. They are curious.

 

My 8yo knows most basics. He knows women get periods and that it has to do with having babies.

 

Two days ago, out of what seemed the blue to me he asked "How often do mommies bleed?"

 

I asked him what brought it up, really meaning where did he get the term 'bleed'? I don't think it was one I'd used. Turns out he was helping his dad pull things out from under the guest bathroom sink and there was a pack of panty liners. He's asked me before what tampons were and I'd told him basicly. Apparently his dad used the terms 'when women bleed'.

 

He wanted to know how often it happened. I told him about once a month.

 

Then he wanted to know why it happened. This turned out to be a really good explaination.

 

I've explained it this way in previous years from the basic question of what is that? (Tampon) Which leads to the why? Which leads to what does your bodyneed to do that for? I told him to imagine a lego guy inside a water balloon. He's floating around in it, but if you poke the balloon, it will pop. So imagine another balloon, but with a layer of air around it, portecting the inside balloon.

 

Two days ago I reminded him of the balloons. He was standing there holding a lego guy. I had him put the lego guy in between his hands, fingers and lower palms touching, enclosing the guy, but giving him a little room to bounce around. I wacked his hand and it sort of shot his hands over to the side. Then i put my hands around his (like an outer layer). I crossed my left hand over, wacked my right hand just like I did his, but my right hand protected his hands and the lego guy. Every month our bodies make a new protective layer. If there is no baby that month, the layer lets out (like air going out of the outside balloon). It will rebuild itself next month to try again. He totally got it.

 

You tell them because they've asked. You never know where the orginal reasoning from the question comes from.

[Renthead Mommy]

I agree over the shame part totally. But my son has no business what is being inserted in my vagina. I just cannot imagine any of my children standing there watching that. I teach them about privacy from early on. They can't go potty with guests so why should they with me. I love reading about how people do things in all the families on here. It is just amazing even if it is something I don't agree on. Could you possibly tell them something along the lines that is how God makes a womans body in order to have children? I explained it that way with my daughter when she was bout 10 or so because I didn't want her to start and be scared or not understand. And just so moms don't think I left little ones in a public bathroom alone they did go with me and were taught to turn around as going potty is a private thing.

 

They certainly don't have to SEE you insert a tampon. But you carry them in your purse don't you? You have them in bathroom don't you? You buy boxes of them at the grocerty store don't you? "What's that?" is a normal question when seeing something kids don't recongnize. "What's it for?" is the normal question to follow. And saying something like it's how our bodies function in order to have a baby may work for awhile, but eventually they want to know how it functions that way, and how those products are involved.

[texasmama]

My boys haven't asked and aren't really in the bathroom with me when I am taking care of these things, but my 5 yo dd is.

 

With all of my kids, I looked at an anatomy book with diagrams to show the male parts and the female parts. If I were in your situation, I would show the diagram of the female parts and explain what the uterus is and why blood accumulates and is then released. I think that once they see a diagram of it, it will make sense. It is important for kids to know that it doesn't hurt and that you aren't injured but that is how your body works and is natural. Without this process, the kids wouldn't be here.:001_smile:

 

If you want more privacy when out and about in public restrooms, here is what I did: Took the boys in the stall with me but asked them to face the other way so I could have privacy after they had reached the early elementary age. They understood this and it was not a problem for any of us. My youngest dd turned four last year and asked me if "blood would come out of my bottom now". She wasn't worried, just curious. Kids ask these things. I told her that this wouldn't happen until she was a teenager like her older sis.

[DarcyB]

If it works for some families, I have no right to say "how could you?".

 

Both of my young boys know about it because they've asked questions. Having grown up with having absolutely no knowledge of what was going on except for what I had to go find out for myself, I pledged that my children would NOT grow up with that ignorance. We certainly don't give them more information than they are asking for, not go into gross detail about things, but if they ask, I tell. They've seen my pads in the bathroom and have asked what they are. They know there's a problem because I had to go to the hospital for it..and they were scared, and we explained. They have been in a public restroom where there is little room for any of us to turn, much less not hear what's going on, and if they ask, I tell them.

 

They know it's part of a woman's cycle to prepare for having a child, and if she doesn't get pregnant, the body does a little cleaning to get ready for the next cycle. They've seen a used pad when I accidentally left it in the trash not wrapped well enough and it came open. I'm not going to brush them off if they ask questions.

 

Please don't be judgemental about what happens in other families along these lines.

[clarkacademy]

Well if my son ever saw a tampon he would probally ask as No, there is none of those in my home ever. Personal belief there. They have asked I say it is mommy's private business. They are mommy's things something along those lines. They just don't need to know about things like that in my opinion. My friends daughter was 4 when they explained it to her. For months that child walked up to anyone asking if their vagina was bleeding cause her mommy had a pad in her purse and she could let them have it. WOW! It was humiliating to my friend and let's face it young children love to share what they have learned. When another friend taught her 7 year old about s3x she caught him with her daughters doll that he married. I just really feel that certain things should be taught after children grow out of the phase of sharing and dramatic play. Will my sons learn about it Yes. When they can truly comprehend it. Privacy should be taught to all kids too in my opinion, I cannot stand for other peoples children to walk in on me using the bathroom like it is no big deal and I would be horrified if a child of mine did it to someone else. Like I said I am in no way judging and I really do like reading how different families do things. You guys have always given me great ideas so I was in no way trying to make anyone feel weird or defensive. What works in one family may not work in another but I think it is great how people share on this board. I know if I ever have a problem this is the first place I go!!! :grouphug:

[Miss Marple]

Just my perspective as the mom of 4 boys: They have no desire or reason to know anything about the subject at that age.

 

A simple explanation suffices when asked by young boys about purchases made for the monthly cycle. Really, they don't want any more information. When they do want more information, you'll know it.

 

ETA: I just read your answer about why they are asking. I guess you need to come up with something, but again, I would suggest a simple, non-emotional explanation. I wouldn't worry about getting a book or making a big deal of it.

 

I, personally, could not have my boys in the bathroom with me when I was engaging in personal activities. I *know* it would have scared them to death!

Edited December 10, 2010 by CynthiaOK

[mommaduck]

Please don't be judgemental about what happens in other families along these lines.

I have to apologise for sounding this way. I have to agree with the other mamas about calmly explaining. The part I disagree with is having them actively watch with no redirecting to teach privacy and common courtesy. You can explain, in general terms and understanding for their level. They just don't need to watch YOU put your tampon in your vagina, kwim?

[NanceXToo]

They certainly don't have to SEE you insert a tampon. But you carry them in your purse don't you? You have them in bathroom don't you? You buy boxes of them at the grocerty store don't you? "What's that?" is a normal question when seeing something kids don't recongnize. "What's it for?" is the normal question to follow. And saying something like it's how our bodies function in order to have a baby may work for awhile, but eventually they want to know how it functions that way, and how those products are involved.

 

:iagree:

 

Yep. I buy them in the supermarket while my kids are with me. I carry them in my purse. I leave them out in plain sight in my bathroom at that time of month. Sometimes I ask one of the kids to go grab one from me if I'm downstairs and need one from upstairs. They sell them in public restrooms. They advertise them on TV.

 

I don't make a habit of bringing my kids in the bathroom with me at home. But sometimes when I am out in public with my just turned 5 year old son and I have to use a public restroom, I take him into the stall with me rather than leaving him outside of the stall by himself. Always have. And once in a while, that might involve a quick change of feminine hygiene product while he's in the stall with me. And while I attempt to be discreet about it for my own comfort, sometimes he might notice something. It's part of life, not a dirty secret. I'm a little surprised at some of the judgmental attitudes in this thread in this regard.

 

ETA: Frankly, I also think it's easier for boys to know right from the beginning/early on that women are different and that this is part of a woman's life. I imagine it would be easier for them to just accept it from the beginning than to have to explain it to an older boy, that could be even more awkward I'd think.

[LibraryLover]

Which reminds me of the time my 4 year old son was in the Panera bathroom with me and read the signs on the machines. "What is a tampon, Mom?" Plain as day. He would be the type to read the cereal box at breakfast, and the boxes and bottles in the bathroom.

 

My boys knew, and probably at pretty young age. (For all I know that 4 year old may have read the little tutorial paper all folded up in the box). They appear unharmed by the information. :auto:

[Farrar]

:iagree:

 

Yep. I buy them in the supermarket while my kids are with me. I carry them in my purse. I leave them out in plain sight in my bathroom at that time of month. Sometimes I ask one of the kids to go grab one from me if I'm downstairs and need one from upstairs. They sell them in public restrooms. They advertise them on TV.

 

I don't make a habit of bringing my kids in the bathroom with me at home. But sometimes when I am out in public with my just turned 5 year old son and I have to use a public restroom, I take him into the stall with me rather than leaving him outside of the stall by himself. Always have. And once in a while, that might involve a quick change of feminine hygiene product while he's in the stall with me. And while I attempt to be discreet about it for my own comfort, sometimes he might notice something. It's part of life, not a dirty secret. I'm a little surprised at some of the judgmental attitudes in this thread in this regard.

 

ETA: Frankly, I also think it's easier for boys to know right from the beginning/early on that women are different and that this is part of a woman's life. I imagine it would be easier for them to just accept it from the beginning than to have to explain it to an older boy, that could be even more awkward I'd think.

:iagree:

 

We've had the exact same experience and my boys also have had questions. I try to be calm and just explain it in bare bones terms. Last year we went through a whole bunch of "body" books that were appropriate to kindy and I admit I was really disappointed that even the really frank ones didn't mention how grown up women have a monthly cycle. Maybe there's another other there I don't know about that does though. Unless you actively hide your tampons or pads and the waste created by them (as in the wrappings and so forth) from your children and never purchase them in front of them, I would think any kid would naturally have questions.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Well, since none of the doorknob locks work in our house, both boys have burst in on me while changing pads and have wanted to know what that is all about. I asked them to leave and explained later. I told them mommies make food in their tummies for babies to live on while they are growing in there. Then, if there is no baby, the food comes out and it looks like blood. Mommies have to use those "Mommy diapers", as my kids dubbed them, to catch the blood/food. So far, that explanation has held off the questions for a couple of years. They are 6 and soon to be 8.

[Mejane]

The earlier you start making these things "normal", the less traumatic, gross, or even remotely interesting they are. My kids don't bat an eye at a tampon change, a nursing mother or a filmed birth. It's all just part of life.

[Mejane]

They just don't need to watch YOU put your tampon in your vagina, kwim?

 

Absolutely. I never did it like a magician performing a magic act - holding it up and yelling tada! It was always a quick change that had been explained and so ultimately held no interest whatsoever.

[LidiyaDawn]

Having grown up with having absolutely no knowledge of what was going on except for what I had to go find out for myself, I pledged that my children would NOT grow up with that ignorance.

 

This made me laugh; I'll tell you why.

 

I grew up in a home where these sorts of things were simply not discussed and I've always been VERY private about them - I'm not the wife who adds "tampons" to the list I give my husband for grocery runs, I don't leave the boxes sitting out in the bathroom, I don't take part in convos about PMS or whatever with the girlfriends, etc etc.

 

Well, dd14 got her 'time' back about six months ago and, having grown up with me as her model for how we treat these things (not saying I'm a good one, just that I was it), you'd think she'd be the same right?

 

Nope.

 

The minute her father comes in from work she's all "Dad! Dad! Guess what? I got my period!" and waving her new box of colorful rainbow (marketed to teens) pads at him. :laugh:

 

Quiet, private mom does not always result in quiet, private child!

[mommaduck]

This made me laugh; I'll tell you why.

 

I grew up in a home where these sorts of things were simply not discussed and I've always been VERY private about them - I'm not the wife who adds "tampons" to the list I give my husband for grocery runs, I don't leave the boxes sitting out in the bathroom, I don't take part in convos about PMS or whatever with the girlfriends, etc etc.

 

Well, dd14 got her 'time' back about six months ago and, having grown up with me as her model for how we treat these things (not saying I'm a good one, just that I was it), you'd think she'd be the same right?

 

Nope.

 

The minute her father comes in from work she's all "Dad! Dad! Guess what? I got my period!" and waving her new box of colorful rainbow (marketed to teens) pads at him. :laugh:

 

Quiet, private mom does not always result in quiet, private child!

:lol:

 

Growing up, my mother's mother didn't talk about it, my mother didn't talk about it (till she HAD to and then she was very much out of her comfort zone). My stepdad on the other hand was who we would ask questions, discuss, and openly toss me a package of pads from the bottom of the stairs after grocery shopping. I'm the more person in the family and my husband, raised by a single mother, is overly modest.

[Sherry in OH]

I have to apologise for sounding this way. I have to agree with the other mamas about calmly explaining. The part I disagree with is having them actively watch with no redirecting to teach privacy and common courtesy. You can explain, in general terms and understanding for their level. They just don't need to watch YOU put your tampon in your vagina, kwim?

 

I don't say "okay boys, mommy needs to change her tampon, so watch closely." I try to nonchalantly converse on other subjects while discretely changing it. The problem is, I have to get the new tampon out of my bag, unwrap it (makes noise, you know), remove the old tampon and wrap it in paper, insert new tampon, then get up and walk across the family locker room to the trash can. There is no trash can near the toilet. Distraction only works to a point.

 

It was easier when they were small enough to squeeze into the lockers. They were so busy shutting themselves in the lockers, they did not notice what I was doing.

[clarkacademy]

It was easier when they were small enough to squeeze into the lockers. They were so busy shutting themselves in the lockers, they did not notice what I was doing.

 

 

That is so very funny. When my now 9 year old shut himself in a locker at Y when he was bout 4-5 I became frantic. He popped out yelling TADA I was so gonna kill him but I just had to laugh and make him swear never to hide again LOL

[texasmama]

Absolutely. I never did it like a magician performing a magic act - holding it up and yelling tada! It was always a quick change that had been explained and so ultimately held no interest whatsoever.

 

:lol:

[mommaduck]

I don't say "okay boys, mommy needs to change her tampon, so watch closely." I try to nonchalantly converse on other subjects while discretely changing it. The problem is, I have to get the new tampon out of my bag, unwrap it (makes noise, you know), remove the old tampon and wrap it in paper, insert new tampon, then get up and walk across the family locker room to the trash can. There is no trash can near the toilet. Distraction only works to a point.

 

It was easier when they were small enough to squeeze into the lockers. They were so busy shutting themselves in the lockers, they did not notice what I was doing.

Sorry, just me personally, but I would avoid being in that situation. AKA, I don't do tampons anyhow and I don't swim while on my cycle. Personally, it's one thing that grosses me out about public pools.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I guess I never realized that some people have "personal beliefs" that are anti-tampon? :confused: Or that people would get squicked out that menstruating women (who are wearing tampons) are swimming in a public pool? :confused:

 

Gobsmacked would be a good term for today's realizations. :001_huh:

[Mom-ninja.]

Just wondering, (not judging) Why would a boy that young need to know anything about that? I truly cannot imagine why that would be a need to know thing for a young boy. I have noticed people teach children about s3x early nowadays but that? I am really just wondering.

 

Ha! My 6 yr old just asked me what pads and tampons are. He sees it and wants to know what is is and why. Normal.

 

 

 

Because they asked. And why wouldn't they ask? There's tampons and pads in our bathrooms. They notice only mom's carry these around. They notice they only sometimes end up in the trash. They see ads for both on tv and magazine. They are curious.

 

My 8yo knows most basics. He knows women get periods and that it has to do with having babies.

 

Two days ago, out of what seemed the blue to me he asked "How often do mommies bleed?"

 

I asked him what brought it up, really meaning where did he get the term 'bleed'? I don't think it was one I'd used. Turns out he was helping his dad pull things out from under the guest bathroom sink and there was a pack of panty liners. He's asked me before what tampons were and I'd told him basicly. Apparently his dad used the terms 'when women bleed'.

 

He wanted to know how often it happened. I told him about once a month.

 

Then he wanted to know why it happened. This turned out to be a really good explaination.

 

I've explained it this way in previous years from the basic question of what is that? (Tampon) Which leads to the why? Which leads to what does your bodyneed to do that for? I told him to imagine a lego guy inside a water balloon. He's floating around in it, but if you poke the balloon, it will pop. So imagine another balloon, but with a layer of air around it, portecting the inside balloon.

 

 

You tell them because they've asked. You never know where the orginal reasoning from the question comes from.

 

Perfect explanation.

 

 

Oh, and for those with boys, when you go to public restrooms here's what I do. I put the boys in the stall next to me with instructions to not leave the stall until I tell them to. They have been very good at this. Of course, this works for preschool and older not toddlers. ;) That way you have more room in the stall and more privacy.

[mommaduck]

I don't have "personal beliefs" against tampons (other than I consider them less healthy). No where did I say that. I said I, personally, don't use them. Some women like them and some don't.

 

Now getting squigged out on cycling women in a pool (vs the ocean or lake or what not...pools already have an ick factor for me)...well, yes, there are some people that are icked out by that. Let's see, it's not okay for me to be put off about changing a tampon in full view of children and it's not okay for me to be icked out about the sanitary condition of pools? Wow, I didn't know I was so far behind the times. Remind to to next time go swimming at the Y next time on my cycle with my pad on...I'm sure no one will mind seeing that, right?...and then I need to not forget to drag my kids in with me so they can all see that I'm changing my pad. *eyeroll*

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I guess I don't get where the "Ohmygod, they are little kids and can't possibly hear about SUCH THINGS AT SUCH A YOUNG AND TENDER AGE!!!" comes from? To me, that marks it with SHAME. It is a normal, biological function and talking about it is as natural as telling them about digestion and elimination. It's not like we're letting them watch us have sex!

 

 

If they go around asking women if they are bleeding THEN YOU ADDRESS IT and tell them that, since it's a bathroom activity, people don't want to talk about it/be asked about it. (I wouldn't want someone's kid asking me if I'm about to move my bowels, either, for example.)

 

If they are asking then they are old enough to be told the truth.

 

ETA: Geeze, I just asked why you were grossed out by it. I never said you were WRONG for feeling that way. eyeroll, indeed.

Edited December 10, 2010 by ThatCyndiGirl

[NanceXToo]

Let's see, it's not okay for me to be put off about changing a tampon in full view of children and it's not okay for me to be icked out about the sanitary condition of pools? Wow, I didn't know I was so far behind the times. Remind to to next time go swimming at the Y next time on my cycle with my pad on...I'm sure no one will mind seeing that, right?...and then I need to not forget to drag my kids in with me so they can all see that I'm changing my pad. *eyeroll*

 

1) It IS okay for you to be "put off" about changing a tampon in full view of YOUR children. It is NOT okay for you to tell another mother:

 

"Good grief, but to stand there and insert a tampon with a child actively watching...sorry, but I think that has gone the opposite and even wrong direction."

 

2) It is ridiculous to compare using a tampon in a public pool (which stops the blood flow from coming out into the water) to using a pad in a public pool (which does not).

 

3) The "eyeroll" thing? Pretty immature.

[mommaduck]

I guess I don't get where the "Ohmygod, they are little kids and can't possibly hear about SUCH THINGS AT SUCH A YOUNG AND TENDER AGE!!!" comes from? To me, that marks it with SHAME. It is a normal, biological function and talking about it is as natural as telling them about digestion and elimination. It's not like we're letting them watch us have sex!

 

 

If they go around asking women if they are bleeding THEN YOU ADDRESS IT and tell them that, since it's a bathroom activity, people don't want to talk about it/be asked about it. (I wouldn't want someone's kid asking me if I'm about to move my bowels, either, for example.)

 

If they are asking then they are old enough to be told the truth.

Where's the shame? I don't get how anyone equates young boys not needing to watch their mother change a tampon with shame? Tell them if they ask about, whatever...I'm on board with that. But I don't get the other.

[mommaduck]

1) It IS okay for you to be "put off" about changing a tampon in full view of YOUR children. It is NOT okay for you to tell another mother:

 

"Good grief, but to stand there and insert a tampon with a child actively watching...sorry, but I think that has gone the opposite and even wrong direction."

 

Hmm, I don't know anyone that works with children that would disagree with me. In fact, it would raise red flags with them.

 

2) It is ridiculous to compare using a tampon in a public pool (which stops the blood flow from coming out into the water) to using a pad in a public pool (which does not). Women leak even with tampons.

 

3) The "eyeroll" thing? Pretty immature. No, it merely was to show sarcasm.

.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

To my mind, when someone is so secretive about certain things, it spells 'shame'. It's okay if others see it differently. I've seen the sentiment many times on the board that children should be shielded from information about normal biological functions until some magic age. I just don't agree, but IT'S OKAY IF OTHER PEOPLE HOLD THIS BELIEF SYSTEM FOR THEIR FAMILIES.

 

(And my previous comment about 'personal beliefs that are anti-tampon' were in reference to a comment from a different poster. Clarkacademy wrote something like, "there are no tampons in this house. personal belief".)

 

 

ETA: I've picked up kids for abuse and neglect and I fully disagree with your assessment that "experts would agree about red flags" in regards to a mother changing pads/tampons in front of her kids. It would be neither a red flag nor a cause for alarm in the absence of any other relevant information.

Edited December 10, 2010 by ThatCyndiGirl

[NanceXToo]

Raise red flags? Nonsense. These mothers already explained they don't hold up their tampons yelling LOOK, I'M CHANGING A TAMPON! LOOK AT ME! I THINK YOU SHOULD CHECK THIS OUT, SON!

 

But that sometimes you HAVE to take a young child into a public restroom with you- who leaves a 3 or 4 year old alone outside the stall when they're alone in public?- and the movement, the rustling, the sound, you're not always going to be able to distract a kid from seeing something.

 

They might notice that you're taking care of your needs...and if they do, so what? There's no shame in it. And they're already going to be long aware that these things exist from stores, television, living in a home with women and so on.

 

There's also no shame in wanting to be as private and discreet as possible, as is the case with you, but you certainly are being very judgmental against others in this thread, and the immaturity (or sarcasm, or whatever you want to call it) isn't helping.

[gardening momma]

The part I disagree with is having them actively watch with no redirecting to teach privacy and common courtesy. You can explain, in general terms and understanding for their level. They just don't need to watch YOU put your tampon in your vagina, kwim?

:iagree:

[mommaduck]

To my mind, when someone is so secretive about certain things, it spells 'shame'. It's okay if others see it differently. I've seen the sentiment many times on the board that children should be shielded from information about normal biological functions until some magic age. I just don't agree, but IT'S OKAY IF OTHER PEOPLE HOLD THIS BELIEF SYSTEM FOR THEIR FAMILIES.

 

(And my previous comment about 'personal beliefs that are anti-tampon' were in reference to a comment from a different poster. Clarkacademy wrote something like, "there are no tampons in this house. personal belief".)

 

 

ETA: I've picked up kids for abuse and neglect and I fully disagree with your assessment that "experts would agree about red flags" in regards to a mother changing pads/tampons in front of her kids. It would be neither a red flag nor a cause for alarm in the absence of any other relevant information.

I have friends that do the same job and it would be a red flag for them if the child were older than a toddler or really young child and it happened on a regular basis as has been portrayed here.

 

Didn't catch the "anti-tampon" comment, just knew that your post came close after mine...misunderstanding.

 

I agree with shame and secrecy. I don't see where secrecy was being promoted. Age appropriate answers and encouraging privacy, yes. secrecy, no.

[mommaduck]

But that sometimes you HAVE to take a young child into a public restroom with you- who leaves a 3 or 4 year old alone outside the stall when they're alone in public?- and the movement, the rustling, the sound, you're not always going to be able to distract a kid from seeing something.

 

3 or 4, I would understand, generally would not be many questions from the child, and no need for large answers. Again, I got the impression that these children were older than that. Call me judgmental, I don't care. I do believe that there is an age and time where children don't need to be watching their mother do certain things.

Edited December 10, 2010 by mommaduck

[gardening momma]

I guess I never realized that some people have "personal beliefs" that are anti-tampon? :confused: Or that people would get squicked out that menstruating women (who are wearing tampons) are swimming in a public pool? :confused:

 

Gobsmacked would be a good term for today's realizations. :001_huh:

When I was in my late teens I met another late-teen who never used tampons when swimming. She believed that nothing flowed out when you're in the water.

[NanceXToo]

3 or 4, I would understand, generally would not be many questions from the child, and no need for large answers. Again, I got the impression that these children were older than that.

 

Well, "preschool and early elementary" were the only specific ages/levels mentioned in this thread in regard to kids who accompany their mother while a feminine hygiene product changing might be taking place. And even then the mothers DID acknowledge that they try to be discrete and distract the kids but that it doesn't always work.

 

And I mentioned my 5 year old by age specifically. I still bring my just turned 5 last month year old in the bathroom stall with me if I'm in public and I don't have my husband with me to leave him with while I run into the restroom.

[NanceXToo]

Call me judgmental, I don't care. I do believe that there is an age and time where children don't need to be watching their mother do certain things.

 

Yes, I can see that you don't care.

 

We'll have to agree to disagree.

[sheryl]

I'm sorry, I just don't understand the reasoning or need to tell young kids either boys or girls about menses or s*x regarding the sex thread. Of course it's your decision, but what do you hope to gain by it? The younger the girl/boy the more likely they will forget it and certainly not comprehend it, so I don't see the point.

[NanceXToo]

I'm sorry, I just don't understand the reasoning or need to tell young kids either boys or girls about menses or s*x regarding the sex thread. Of course it's your decision, but what do you hope to gain by it? The younger the girl/boy the more likely they will forget it and certainly not comprehend it, so I don't see the point.

 

Well when I answer my kid's questions in regard to topics like those, I hope to gain:

 

Children who know they can always come to mom for the facts, as opposed to internalizing things they pick up on the streets, with friends, on TV, from overhearing conversations and so on

 

A sense of trust, open communication, knowing parents will be honest with them, etc.

 

An understanding that is gradual and built upon as they get older, that is presented over time in a manner they can understand, that these natural parts of life are accepted and built upon from the very beginning, as opposed to being presented all at once in a way that might come as a shock when they are a bit older (I can still remember my mother trying to show my brother a book about where babies come from when he was like 9, and he threw up haha). My kids have been presented with information that I feel they can handle from the time they were old enough to ask, and it has gone well for us.

 

Other people might have different reasons or different approaches. That's fine, too.

[clarkacademy]

(And my previous comment about 'personal beliefs that are anti-tampon' were in reference to a comment from a different poster. Clarkacademy wrote something like, "there are no tampons in this house. personal belief".)

 

I am so sorry I misworded, it is my personal belief about tampons. I did not mean to imply it on someone else. I just could never use them after my first child. They just no longer felt right to me is all. I don't find them horrible I just can't stand them. So sorry if anyone thought I was remarking on someone elses beliefs. They just totally creep me out so I know my kids have never seen them in my house lol. One of the weird things that makes me ME!!!

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I'm sorry, I just don't understand the reasoning or need to tell young kids either boys or girls about menses or s*x regarding the sex thread. Of course it's your decision, but what do you hope to gain by it? The younger the girl/boy the more likely they will forget it and certainly not comprehend it, so I don't see the point.

 

Because they are asking.

 

Because it's a part of life.

 

Because it's part of their education.

 

Because it is developmentally appropriate to answer their questions in honest, age-appropriate ways when they ask.

 

 

Re: the bolded? The same could be said for many things we teach them, but then they hear about Ancient Civilizations again at an older age and they absorb so much more of the information.

 

When they are little they are told the very basics, then at an older age.....a little more detail. Even older? They can now synthesize even more information still, but that doesn't mean we just make them wait until they are 14 before we teach them anything, kwim?

[mommaduck]

Yes, I can see that you don't care.

 

We'll have to agree to disagree.

So you don't agree that there is an age appropriateness factor?

[NanceXToo]

So you don't agree that there is an age appropriateness factor?

 

In regard to when a boy should be present while his mother is changing her pad/tampon, do you mean? Sure, I guess I do. I just don't think that it's been an issue in this thread. I imagine by the time my son is 6 or so I'll feel comfortable leaving him OUTSIDE the stall door in most cases. At 4 and 5 I haven't felt that way yet.

 

For somebody else, that might be 7 or 8. Then again, by that age, it's probably much easier to distract them or to ask them to turn around a minute.

 

I don't think anybody is bringing their preteen or teen boys in with them- and nobody is doing this as a show and tell thing to begin with. Some people are just more matter of fact about it than others, and I don't see why that isn't okay. For them.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I never thought of "older kids" going to the bathroom with their mothers. I thought we were talking about little kids all along. :confused: When my little kids went to the bathroom with me it was because I felt like they needed my constant supervision, due to young age and no older siblings. That is no longer my situation.

 

Yes, absolutely, if a child was being FORCED to watch his mother change a tampon then yes, that is a red flag, but that seems to be a contrived scenario not really mentioned in this thread. Maybe I'm missing something.

 

ClarkAcademy: I understand. I have gone through periods (ha!) myself of it 'not feeling right' physically, too.

[mommaduck]

I never thought of "older kids" going to the bathroom with their mothers. I thought we were talking about little kids all along. :confused: When my little kids went to the bathroom with me it was because I felt like they needed my constant supervision, due to young age and no older siblings. That is no longer my situation.

 

Yes, absolutely, if a child was being FORCED to watch his mother change a tampon then yes, that is a red flag, but that seems to be a contrived scenario not really mentioned in this thread. Maybe I'm missing something.

 

ClarkAcademy: I understand. I have gone through periods (ha!) myself of it 'not feeling right' physically, too.

I agree. But I'm getting the impression that some of these kids are older, old enough to ask more...as stated "early elementary...might be 7-8" If we were just talking 3-4yr that I could see.