Do you have a horrible relationship with your mother?

[TXMary2]

I do and I want it to end. I love my mother because she gave me life and she loves my kids, but I can't do the roller coaster anymore.

 

When I was a kid she was nuts - threw things at us, pulled our hair, called us names. She was married to an alcoholic and I understand the non-drinker usually acts crazier so I know she did the best she could with what she knew.

 

When I was a teen, she was hands off and all wrapped up in herself. My Dad was sober, they were in 12 step programs and she acted human for many years.

 

When I was 21 she left my father for another man, he dumped her and she wanted my father back but by that time he met someone else. They divorced and he remarried. She then got involved with someone for a year and a half who was physically abusive. She went downhill, regressed to her crazy ways.

 

Shortly after getting away from the abusive man she got involved with a man 18 years younger and they are still together. However, she has been what I would call emotionally and mentally unstable ever since. She is VERY difficult to be around. She treats me like I am an idiot, calls me 6-12 times A DAY and thrives on complaining and drama. We run a small business together (bad mistake on my part) and she makes me crazy with all things related to that as well.

 

She went crazy on me Saturday and when I walked away from her she threatened to run me over! She said it in front of my 14 yo son. My 14 yo ds keeps his distance for the most part, but she lures him in by buying him things. Same with 19 yo ds. 6 yo ds loves her and wants to see her all the time and I believe a lot of the behavior issues I have with him stem from her influence.

 

I want to get away from her, get my family away from her, but she lives behind us. I will not let her drive me from my home, so moving isn't an option. I am torn, but mostly this is not a healthy woman and we don't have a healthy relationship so why does this break my heart?

 

If you have a mentally ill/emotionally unstable parent, how do you deal with it?

[Parrothead]

If you won't move, you need to get her to move. To another state.

Buy out her half of the business and suggest she move to Florida. Drop a hint to the guy she is with now.

 

If you succeed in getting her moved, change your phone number and locks.

[Impish]

Why does it break your heart? Because like everyone on the planet, you deserve(d) a mother who loves you unconditionally, wholly and unreservedly.

 

My mom is still living, but has never been a 'mom' to me.

 

From one motherless daughter to another :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[TXMary2]

If you won't move, you need to get her to move. To another state.

Buy out her half of the business and suggest she move to Florida. Drop a hint to the guy she is with now.

 

If you succeed in getting her moved, change your phone number and locks.

 

 

Her moving IS a possibility. She rants all the time about hating our HOA so it is possible. She won't leave the state. She followed us to where we are now - we left CA to come to TX.

 

Why does it break your heart? Because like everyone on the planet, you deserve(d) a mother who loves you unconditionally, wholly and unreservedly.

 

My mom is still living, but has never been a 'mom' to me.

 

From one motherless daughter to another :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Thank you!

[curlygirlzx2]

My mom is Bi-Polar and I haven't talked to her or seen her in 5 years. I had to do it for my sanity and for the sake of my family. It's very sad when the one person who is suppose to support you, protect you, and love you does nothing but hurt you. :grouphug:

[newbie]

I am done w/my mom, I recently caved and gave her another chance w/specific boundaries, and they were thrown out the window.

 

So glad I moved.

[RoughCollie]

I felt guilty when I told my mother she could no longer be in contact with me or my family. The guilt lasted about 2 days.

 

Three years later, I caved when my MIL told her that DS3 had a serious operation. I took the call in DS3's room just as they were wheeling him in from the recovery room. I let her into our lives again, but we don't see her much (maybe once a year) because she lives 750 miles from us. She knows the strict boundaries I laid down and that if she crosses the line, out she goes Forever this time.

 

My kids don't like her at all. It's no wonder because I am convinced that she has a personality disorder. My mom is convinced that she is, to quote her, "the most mentally healthy person she knows".

[TXMary2]

My mom is Bi-Polar and I haven't talked to her or seen her in 5 years. I had to do it for my sanity and for the sake of my family. It's very sad when the one person who is suppose to support you, protect you, and love you does nothing but hurt you. :grouphug:

 

How do you tell if someone is bi-polar? I am not sure if my mom truly has a mental illness or if she is just so used to playing a victim that she can't break out of it. She holds grudges, is judgemental/hypocritical, views herself as always being wronged by someone else and is nasty about people who seem to be happy. She treats service people horribly if they even breathe wrong. Nothing is ever her fault - she constantly points blame. She offers people help and if they take her up on it she holds it against them (BTDT with her enough to know not to do it anymore!).

[CoastalGal]

I'm SO sorry you're going through this...I know it's hard. :grouphug:

 

My MIL is similar...it is very hard to watch my DH go through it.

 

We had to put some distance between her and us -- but it's not far enough. ;)

[CoastalGal]

How do you tell if someone is bi-polar? I am not sure if my mom truly has a mental illness or if she is just so used to playing a victim that she can't break out of it. She holds grudges, is judgemental/hypocritical, views herself as always being wronged by someone else and is nasty about people who seem to be happy. She treats service people horribly if they even breathe wrong. Nothing is ever her fault - she constantly points blame. She offers people help and if they take her up on it she holds it against them (BTDT with her enough to know not to do it anymore!).

 

People that are bi-polar tend to be extremely high OR extremely low...and not too much in between.

 

There is a "label"/name for the syndrome/symptoms you are describing...it escapes me right now. :glare:

Hopefully someone else will think of it...

Edited October 19, 2010 by CoastalGal

[Denisemomof4]

is it narcissistic personality disorder?

 

I just don't see how the situation can change. It must have been a huge mistake to move so close to each other AND run a business together. Is there ANY WAY you can get out of the business arrangement? I never, EVER could have worked with my mother. I never would have even tried.

 

My mother and I didn't have a good relationship but I'm SO GLAD that we were able to mend it and move on to truly enjoy each other for over 10 years before she died. I'm thankful for that all the time. I think somehow I would have lived life with HUGE wounds had that not happened. BUT, my mother wasn't difficult or mentally ill as your mother was. I know she had favorites and I wasn't one of them. I had a very painful childhood, going around feeling left out, lost, and unloved. But I was able to work through all of that, forgive, mend, and enjoy. She was never a mother to me like I am to my kids. I felt like she was never there for me. But I was able to accept her as she was, realize all of HER hurts from her own life, and love her. I don't know if that's possible with your mother, but it certainly IS impossible with you guys working together and living so close to each other!!!

[Lara in Colo]

This is the club that nobody wants to be a member of.

I also have a mother I have broken away from. I would love for her to move away as well. The truly annoying thing is that we moved ALL THE TIME when I was a child. She never cared about my school or friends, but now that there is more reason for her to be elsewhere, she's staying here!! GRRRR.

 

I guess the best advice I can give is to really think about what she does to you and yours. Mine would try to break up my marriage and make my life h*ll. I was always either angry, afraid or suicidal after being with her.

Now I have so much more peace and I don't question my every move. Think about the good of the break-up and focus on that. (this will keep you fortified for when you want to let her back in)

 

What really helped was talking to my pastor and really getting permission to let the relationship go.

 

As to the house and business: DO what you have to do for your sanity, and health of your family. Talk to DH and see what you can do about moving (Your mother isn't driving you away--you are leaving for a fresh start). You could take the car issue and get a restraining order I suppose.... You can PM me if you want to talk more.. but good luck and I'll be praying for you.... it was the hardest, best, saddest, most empowering thing I ever did.

 

 

Lara

[Lacie]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I don't know what to say, it would be hard to cut her out when she lives so close and y'all share a business.

 

Growing up my grandmother was more of a mom to me than my mother. Just about the time my mother and I started to fix things she got married again. Now we find out that the man she married is a sex offender. She knew that and still allowed him around me alone and allow him around my children. Nothing happened to any of us, Thank God. But she has shown some very bad judgement, to put it lightly. I am cutting her out right now too.

 

Even with a bad childhood and bad relationship it is a very emotional thing to cut out a parent. You want so badly to have that typical mother-daughter relationship, but you know that it will not happen.

 

It is a horrible situation, but you have to do what is best for your family. I hope things work out well.

[Alicia64]

We moved 3,000 miles away and I've cherished every moment of it.

 

For the first time in my life I feel like I can really breath. For me, I wouldn't look at it as "being driven from my home" as much as escaping the craziness.

 

But I fully know that I don't know all of the details of your life.

 

I'm realizing for the first time how happy life can be without the ridiculous stuff going on all the time.

 

Alley

[Nakia]

In a word, yes. But I set some boundaries with her weeks ago, and life is so much easier. I'm sorry you are going through this. :grouphug:

[ChristusG]

Wow. You need to get away. I wouldn't look at it as being driven from your home. I'd look at it as saving your children from all of the craziness. She threatened to run you over?? In front of your child?? I couldn't handle that.

[mommaduck]

Moving or having absolutely NO CONTACT is the only way. I have so been there!

[dancer67]

If you have a mentally ill/emotionally unstable parent, how do you deal with it?

 

:grouphug::grouphug: To you. Because I know exactly how you feel.

 

I have never had a mother. Well, physically I do. But as far back as I can remember, she has never been emotionally stable. I was always the mother to her.

 

She is now in her late 60's. She does not drive. She does not shower. She does no personal care whatsoever.

 

I called eldercare services for her, and they had her put in a Psychiatric facility because I couldn't take her destructive behavior. She almost burned down the house with her smoking, she was hoarding, and my dad lives there who is physically disabled.

 

I tried getting a court ordered guardianship, but I was turned down because she "passed her competency test"..huh??????

 

So, here I am still trying to deal with her. I used to get mad, angry and upset with her.

 

But, I have now realized I have done everything I could. Physically and legally. I am out of options.

 

I missed having a mom in my life. Makes me question everything I do with my own kids. I never had any role model to go by.

 

It isn't easy. But I have to keep telling myself that it isn't her fault, and she can't help who she is. Wanting a mother, and getting one is just not going to happen. Sadly.

 

Acceptance was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

[lionfamily1999]

<inserting fingers into ears>

LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa

 

Wish I could be of more help, but this works for me.

[TXMary2]

I hear what some of you are saying, but I am not moving. She can move if she wants. If she ignores the boundaries I set I could always call the police, but honestly she loves to be a victim so my not speaking to her or cutting her off right now is perfect fuel for her drama fire. She will tell anyone who listens how horrible I am being by not speaking to her- and that is fine with me becuase her people are not my people IYKWIM.

 

If/when she does call I will just tell her she can't be part of my life right now. I did already tell her that if she gets help, ie counseling that I would revisit the relationship.

[delaney]

I really wish that I could say that I have a great or even good relationship with my mother. I wish I could move away from her and just put DISTANCE between us. She is a wonderful grandmother to my kids but on a scale of 1 to 10 she was a 2 for a mom. It took me 41 years to figure out that she really doesn't like me. The realization came when we had a huge fight about who knows what and in the process I revealed to her that the reason I hated her side of the family was that because my oldest cousin molested me as a child. Her answer: How was I supposed to help if I didn't know?

Really? Your child tells you this and that is your reply? Not shock, not feeling bad for me. Did she ever mention it after that day? Nope. She won't talk about it. Nice.

So needless to say after years of criticism and comments I have learned to snap back and cut her off. Everything nice she does comes with a LOOOOOOONG string attached. She is the pro at digging up the past to throw it in your face. If my kids didn't adore her I would tell her to go to hell. My dad is sweet but so uninvolved it is maddening.

:grouphug:for you because your situation sounds much worse. Feel better knowing that you are not alone in wanting to be away from your mom. Giving birth does not make you a mom, just a mother.

[mysticamethyst]

I'm sorry you are going thru this. It is tough when the person who hurts you the most is suppose to be the one care for you the most. I have tried to cut my mom out of our lives but it hasn't worked yet but life has gotten much better now that she lives in FL and I live in TX. You are in a horrible position and there is no right answer. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

I do and I want it to end. I love my mother because she gave me life and she loves my kids, but I can't do the roller coaster anymore.

 

When I was a kid she was nuts - threw things at us, pulled our hair, called us names. She was married to an alcoholic and I understand the non-drinker usually acts crazier so I know she did the best she could with what she knew.

 

When I was a teen, she was hands off and all wrapped up in herself. My Dad was sober, they were in 12 step programs and she acted human for many years.

 

When I was 21 she left my father for another man, he dumped her and she wanted my father back but by that time he met someone else. They divorced and he remarried. She then got involved with someone for a year and a half who was physically abusive. She went downhill, regressed to her crazy ways.

 

Shortly after getting away from the abusive man she got involved with a man 18 years younger and they are still together. However, she has been what I would call emotionally and mentally unstable ever since. She is VERY difficult to be around. She treats me like I am an idiot, calls me 6-12 times A DAY and thrives on complaining and drama. We run a small business together (bad mistake on my part) and she makes me crazy with all things related to that as well.

 

She went crazy on me Saturday and when I walked away from her she threatened to run me over! She said it in front of my 14 yo son. My 14 yo ds keeps his distance for the most part, but she lures him in by buying him things. Same with 19 yo ds. 6 yo ds loves her and wants to see her all the time and I believe a lot of the behavior issues I have with him stem from her influence.

 

I want to get away from her, get my family away from her, but she lives behind us. I will not let her drive me from my home, so moving isn't an option. I am torn, but mostly this is not a healthy woman and we don't have a healthy relationship so why does this break my heart?

 

If you have a mentally ill/emotionally unstable parent, how do you deal with it?

 

I am the sole care giver to my mother. She is not my biological mother....but adopted me because she FORGOT to take her name off the registry...YES...she told me that and that she didn't ever want any kids...but after she adopted my brother (also not bio) she definitely didn't want any more kids. My dad wanted me, so she said "ok" YES, she has told me this.

 

Since my Dad died, I had to move her closer to me as she is mentally unstable. She always has been. No drugs or alcohol, just a certifiabl;e looney. She neglected both my brother and I. We had clothes and a roof...otherwise we were expected to take care of her. I am still expected to take care of her...even wehen she poops her pants and wipes it all over the walls of her apartment...yep...you read it right. She is not always like that...she is however a nag and a busybody. Now she is starting to forget what she said before...so it is exponential! I think I am ill now (auto-immune disease) because of the stress she has had me under since I was a small child. She calls ME "Mommy" and NO, it is NOT a cultural thing with us....it is mental!

 

I see her once a week, take her to the grocery store, do her bills, make sure she throws out her rotten food, that she is dressing aprropriately etc. I also take her to her doctor appts. but I try to make those only during that one time a week.

 

She can also be quite funny and to everyone else she is not like this. I really used to think it was just me...that I was too sensitive or maybe I was just a bad girl so why should she love me....sigh...Now I know I didn't deserve that...but I also know I am the bigger person! I will do my obligation to make sure she has good medical care, food, a roof over her head...things she gave me....BUT, I am NOT her best friend. I will NOT argue with her nor allow her to ruffle my feathers. I will not allow her to abuse my kids...or even stress them out. I AM their mother...they liusten to me. She is NOT allowed to discipline them in any way unless they are literally running in the road in front of a truck! She knows that and has complied. She is not allowed to force my kids to kiss her or hug her . They can if they want to...but ONLY if they want to.

 

I was not protected from her by anyone...not neighbors, teachers, relatives, adoption social workers etc. they ALL knew how she treated me and my brother. They all tsk...tsk...tsked...but no one did anything about it....not even discuss it with her...which might have actually helped. She had no idea HOW to be a mother and is just too wrapped up in herself to notice anyone else exists.

 

WOW!! This turned into a spill my guts session...therapy...:tongue_smilie:

 

I guess how I deal with it, is I made certain boundaries...and I enforce them fiercly.

If they are crossed, or she tries to cross them, I kindly remind her where the boundary is...and then I excuse myself...meaning...visit cut short, gotta go...see ya next week.

 

Sorry you have to deal with this!

Hug your kids and be thankful you didn't repeat her mistakes. I pray my shortcomings never offend my children...and I ask them all the time (especially my grown ones) if they are having/ had a happy childhood...and so far, I have a really wonderful relationship with my adult children and my younger kids as well.

 

:grouphug:

Faithe

[kalanamak]

 

She went crazy on me Saturday and when I walked away from her she threatened to run me over! She said it in front of my 14 yo son.

 

You might consider 6 months of a restraining order. This might sound "over the top", but I think it would get her attention. (I'm being serious.)

[TXMary2]

I am the sole care giver to my mother. She is not my biological mother....but adopted me because she FORGOT to take her name off the registry...YES...she told me that and that she didn't ever want any kids...but after she adopted my brother (also not bio) she definitely didn't want any more kids. My dad wanted me, so she said "ok" YES, she has told me this.

 

Since my Dad died, I had to move her closer to me as she is mentally unstable. She always has been. No drugs or alcohol, just a certifiabl;e looney. She neglected both my brother and I. We had clothes and a roof...otherwise we were expected to take care of her. I am still expected to take care of her...even wehen she poops her pants and wipes it all over the walls of her apartment...yep...you read it right. She is not always like that...she is however a nag and a busybody. Now she is starting to forget what she said before...so it is exponential! I think I am ill now (auto-immune disease) because of the stress she has had me under since I was a small child. She calls ME "Mommy" and NO, it is NOT a cultural thing with us....it is mental!

 

I see her once a week, take her to the grocery store, do her bills, make sure she throws out her rotten food, that she is dressing aprropriately etc. I also take her to her doctor appts. but I try to make those only during that one time a week.

 

She can also be quite funny and to everyone else she is not like this. I really used to think it was just me...that I was too sensitive or maybe I was just a bad girl so why should she love me....sigh...Now I know I didn't deserve that...but I also know I am the bigger person! I will do my obligation to make sure she has good medical care, food, a roof over her head...things she gave me....BUT, I am NOT her best friend. I will NOT argue with her nor allow her to ruffle my feathers. I will not allow her to abuse my kids...or even stress them out. I AM their mother...they liusten to me. She is NOT allowed to discipline them in any way unless they are literally running in the road in front of a truck! She knows that and has complied. She is not allowed to force my kids to kiss her or hug her . They can if they want to...but ONLY if they want to.

 

I was not protected from her by anyone...not neighbors, teachers, relatives, adoption social workers etc. they ALL knew how she treated me and my brother. They all tsk...tsk...tsked...but no one did anything about it....not even discuss it with her...which might have actually helped. She had no idea HOW to be a mother and is just too wrapped up in herself to notice anyone else exists.

 

WOW!! This turned into a spill my guts session...therapy...:tongue_smilie:

 

I guess how I deal with it, is I made certain boundaries...and I enforce them fiercly.

If they are crossed, or she tries to cross them, I kindly remind her where the boundary is...and then I excuse myself...meaning...visit cut short, gotta go...see ya next week.

 

Sorry you have to deal with this!

Hug your kids and be thankful you didn't repeat her mistakes. I pray my shortcomings never offend my children...and I ask them all the time (especially my grown ones) if they are having/ had a happy childhood...and so far, I have a really wonderful relationship with my adult children and my younger kids as well.

 

:grouphug:

Faithe

 

 

:grouphug: to you too. I am sorry your situation is so hard! I honestly don't know what I will do if I someday have to take care of her. You are a good daughter and she doesn't deserve you!

[Denisemomof4]

I hear what some of you are saying, but I am not moving. She can move if she wants. If she ignores the boundaries I set I could always call the police, but honestly she loves to be a victim so my not speaking to her or cutting her off right now is perfect fuel for her drama fire. She will tell anyone who listens how horrible I am being by not speaking to her- and that is fine with me becuase her people are not my people IYKWIM.

 

If/when she does call I will just tell her she can't be part of my life right now. I did already tell her that if she gets help, ie counseling that I would revisit the relationship.

 

this is excellent. Stay strong and hold firm!!!:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

I am the sole care giver to my mother. She is not my biological mother....but adopted me because she FORGOT to take her name off the registry...YES...she told me that and that she didn't ever want any kids...but after she adopted my brother (also not bio) she definitely didn't want any more kids. My dad wanted me, so she said "ok" YES, she has told me this.

 

Since my Dad died, I had to move her closer to me as she is mentally unstable. She always has been. No drugs or alcohol, just a certifiabl;e looney. She neglected both my brother and I. We had clothes and a roof...otherwise we were expected to take care of her. I am still expected to take care of her...even wehen she poops her pants and wipes it all over the walls of her apartment...yep...you read it right. She is not always like that...she is however a nag and a busybody. Now she is starting to forget what she said before...so it is exponential! I think I am ill now (auto-immune disease) because of the stress she has had me under since I was a small child. She calls ME "Mommy" and NO, it is NOT a cultural thing with us....it is mental!

 

I see her once a week, take her to the grocery store, do her bills, make sure she throws out her rotten food, that she is dressing aprropriately etc. I also take her to her doctor appts. but I try to make those only during that one time a week.

 

She can also be quite funny and to everyone else she is not like this. I really used to think it was just me...that I was too sensitive or maybe I was just a bad girl so why should she love me....sigh...Now I know I didn't deserve that...but I also know I am the bigger person! I will do my obligation to make sure she has good medical care, food, a roof over her head...things she gave me....BUT, I am NOT her best friend. I will NOT argue with her nor allow her to ruffle my feathers. I will not allow her to abuse my kids...or even stress them out. I AM their mother...they liusten to me. She is NOT allowed to discipline them in any way unless they are literally running in the road in front of a truck! She knows that and has complied. She is not allowed to force my kids to kiss her or hug her . They can if they want to...but ONLY if they want to.

 

I was not protected from her by anyone...not neighbors, teachers, relatives, adoption social workers etc. they ALL knew how she treated me and my brother. They all tsk...tsk...tsked...but no one did anything about it....not even discuss it with her...which might have actually helped. She had no idea HOW to be a mother and is just too wrapped up in herself to notice anyone else exists.

 

WOW!! This turned into a spill my guts session...therapy...:tongue_smilie:

 

I guess how I deal with it, is I made certain boundaries...and I enforce them fiercly.

If they are crossed, or she tries to cross them, I kindly remind her where the boundary is...and then I excuse myself...meaning...visit cut short, gotta go...see ya next week.

 

Sorry you have to deal with this!

Hug your kids and be thankful you didn't repeat her mistakes. I pray my shortcomings never offend my children...and I ask them all the time (especially my grown ones) if they are having/ had a happy childhood...and so far, I have a really wonderful relationship with my adult children and my younger kids as well.

 

:grouphug:

Faithe

 

have you considered talking to her doctor about what she's doing? Maybe she'd be better off living in a group home or some other setting where her needs are cared for and it won't be your responsibility. Rubbing poop on the walls for YOU to clean up? I wouldn't do that. Have you made HER clean it up? Or just left it? Would she clean it up if you did?

 

Do you think your mother could have dementia?

 

ETA: I hit enter too soon. Your situation is absolutely HORRENDOUS. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are a good person to do what you are.

[mcconnellboys]

I mostly just don't see my parents or have much to do with them. They are pretty much completely unavailable to either their children or grandchildren. Every time we attempt to include them in something important in our lives, they find some way to spoil it and make a bad memory. They have more time to spend on/with strangers than they do with their "family". I use that word hesitatingly, because they really aren't like a "family" at all....

 

When we were growing up, we were constantly told that "we'd better marry and have grandchildren" because they were going to leave everything to their grandchildren ("we* were obviously of no value). They were working hard to retire early (hence the reason they could never do anything with/for us as we grew up) so that they could spend time with their grandchildren. They weren't going to take us to Europe, etc. with them, but someday they were going to take their grandchildren. Of course, all but one of those grandchildren are now completely grown and they've never spent time with them at either our houses or theirs, much less taken them anywhere, etc.

 

Oh, that's enough. I can't change it. All I can do is live my life and love my own, nuclear family. And someday, if they have families, I will love all of them, too. (And talk to them, see them, do stuff with them, take them places - all the stuff families DO together.....) I can't change my life or my now 75 year old parents. It does no good to dwell upon it. I just have to go on the best way I can.... I really do try not to think about it....

[TXMary2]

You might consider 6 months of a restraining order. This might sound "over the top", but I think it would get her attention. (I'm being serious.)

 

She claims she was "joking" and after she said it she told my son, "Oh I wouldn't really do that to your MEAN MOM." It's loony and she doesn't see it. According to her I am mean and ungrateful. Whatever! I admit I lose my patience with her, but I think anyone would lose their patience with someone who repeatedly does things they are asked not to do and someone who fly's off the handle at ridiculous things.

 

I have told her do not call me between 9 and 3, yet 9 out of 10 days she still does call - and frequently. If she does manage to not call between those hours my phone rings EXACTLY at 3pm. I have even taken the phone off the hook and turned off my cell phone to stop the interruptions.

 

I have also asked her to STOP buying junk food for my kids, but she still does it. I don't buy junk food and if she didn't live behind us and get visited by my kids daily then I wouldn't complain about it.

 

She buys junk items at the dollar store and sends them home with my kids. I have told her over and over she does not have to buy my kid's love! She has credit card debt and I don't. Yet, because I don't buy things we can't afford she tells me I must mismanage our money. Since when is not buying something you don't have the money for "mismanaging" money?

 

Those are just the minor irritations- not the major issues.

[lisabelle]

I haven't seen my mom in about 4 years. I'll spare you all the horrible and similar stories, but I got my break when she told me she didn't want anything more to do with me just before she went into the Peace Corps. She didn't last, of course, but when she emailed me upon her return expecting a place to stay I ignored it. I got several increasingly angry emails from her but she finally got the hint.

 

When my dad was diagnosed with Stage IV melanoma, she flat-out left him for a married man. Strangely, he and I keep loosely in touch. We don't talk about her since she got back from the Peace Corps because he knows I just about had a nervous breakdown trying to stick to my guns. But I guess the idea is that he knows how to get in touch with me if anything bad ever happens.

 

I got a modest inheritance (~$15,000) from a cousin about 7 years ago and I've just put it in savings for when things get really bad with my mom. I won't ask the dh to spend his hard-earned money on bailing her out of jail or for her eventual institutionalization, so at least I have this...

 

My four other siblings cut her loose much longer ago than I did.

[lionfamily1999]

I hear what some of you are saying, but I am not moving. She can move if she wants. If she ignores the boundaries I set I could always call the police, but honestly she loves to be a victim so my not speaking to her or cutting her off right now is perfect fuel for her drama fire. She will tell anyone who listens how horrible I am being by not speaking to her- and that is fine with me becuase her people are not my people IYKWIM.

 

If/when she does call I will just tell her she can't be part of my life right now. I did already tell her that if she gets help, ie counseling that I would revisit the relationship.

Are you my sister? :grouphug: Be strong.