Writing lines - discipline

[JeneralMom]

Okay, so this may be a weird question, but does anyone have kids write lines as a form of discipline? My DH and I were talking about discipline measures once the kids get older. We believe discipline should involve some form of learning and we do not physically discipline the kids. DH mentioned all those Calvin and Hobbes cartoon and historical books where kids write lines (i.e. I will not grab my brother by the arms) 100 times.

 

I said I would ask the Hive if anyone uses this method and if it is effective or if it just makes a kid hate writing.

[Dobela]

I have a couple of times had my son to write lines. For my son those are torture since he hates to write so the mear threat of them is now enough to curb some behavior. I don't remember what I had him write once, but the other time I had him write a verse from the Bible that applied to what he was doing.

[gingersmom]

I can't imagine planning discipline measures years in advance. Are your kids really that bad?

[Parrothead]

I think writing lines can be effective. Depends on the child and the offense.

[Guest CarolineUK]

No, we don't, but DS11's school does - I was amazed the first time he told me one of his friends had been given detention and lines for being disruptive in class, I thought such practices had died out in Victorian times :001_smile:.

[Bambam]

We've used this technique a couple of times. My oldest still has one of her pages still posted by her desk to help her 'remember' not to do it again.

[JoJosMom]

We choose a Bible verse to fit the infraction and have her write it 10-15 times. Works like a charm. In fact, we rarely get that far anymore. We just ask, "Do you need to write ____ verse to help you remember?" The transformation is amazing!

 

All time favorite: "Children obey your parents in everything you do, for this pleases the Lord." I suspect that's every parent's favorite! :tongue_smilie:

 

ETA: We have one DD8 and have been using the method for 3-4 years. HTH

Edited October 12, 2010 by JoJosMom
add age of child

[NanceXToo]

I can't imagine planning discipline measures years in advance. Are your kids really that bad?

 

LOL that struck me as funny!

 

With that said, yes, sometimes we do give this as a punishment (my husband is particularly fond of this and likes to use it for things that he has told my daughter repeatedly, and then she goes and does (or doesn't do) it AGAIN, and he gets fed up, and tells her "go write this 50 times, then maybe you'll remember next time").

 

She does not like doing it- but it has not affected whether she is willing to write in OTHER situations.

 

This started at ages like 9 and 10 though. I don't think I'd do it with a young kid who is just starting out writing or anything.

 

ETA: We do not use physical punishment either. So when there is a need for a "punishment," it's either this, a time out sitting on the steps, or losing something of hers (like her Nintendo DS or something) for X amount of time. Fortunately she's a pretty good kid overall though, it's not an issue like every day or anything!

Edited October 12, 2010 by NanceXToo

[Joanne]

I would not have them write "lines".

 

I have, however, made my children write letters of taking responsibility, of apology, plans for doing better, researching an issue of safety, etc.

[Pamela H in Texas]

It's not my style, but that is largely because I discipline in ways that make most punishment unneccessary. And writing lines just seems like something parents do so that they feel like they are doing SOMETHING.

 

May I suggest, though, if you do it to have the child state it in the positive so they are drilling the positive into their brains rather than the negative. And *I* write things I want to remember (my computer at work had several sticky notes with key things), so maybe a key thought, concept, verse, etc would be appropriate....once.

 

And this seems wise, helpful, and good discipline:

 

I have, however, made my children write letters of taking responsibility, of apology, plans for doing better, researching an issue of safety, etc.

 

ETA: I would not threaten punishment either. I either discipline or I don't. I don't like warnings, bribes, threats, etc. This way my kids knew I'm serious from the get-go rather than when I got to saying things 3 times, a certain decibel level, threatening, etc.

Edited October 12, 2010 by 2J5M9K

[NanceXToo]

I would not have them write "lines".

 

I have, however, made my children write letters of taking responsibility, of apology, plans for doing better, researching an issue of safety, etc.

 

I do whole-heartedly agree that this is a much better idea. Next time my husband assigns my daughter "lines" I will suggest this instead :D

[Haiku]

I said I would ask the Hive if anyone uses this method and if it is effective or if it just makes a kid hate writing.

 

I have had my oldest (now 16) write lines on two separate occasions. Once was when she wouldn't stop saying "My bad" instead of "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry," and once was when she kept saying "I seen" instead of "I saw." She had to write, A correct apology is "I'm sorry" or "Excuse me" twenty-five times whenever she said "My bad" to an adult or family member (I don't care if she says it with friends), and she had to write whatever sentence she used "I seen" in correctly 25 times.

 

I will say that both times, it took care of the problem far more quickly than talking about it did. This is a kid who responds to action, not talking. She hates to write anyway, which is part of why I imposed writing as a punishment. It's aversion therapy. ;)

 

Tara

[BMW]

When one son was stuck with defiant behavior, I took the time to find a verse and picked out a couple of words related to that and he wrote the verse and copied the dictionary meanings for related words and then we discussed it... that required him to focus a bit more of the attitude/challenge and wasn't just "rote".

 

As far as planning out consequences, I think sometimes it's a good idea to have a plan... to be proactive. Not so much in a threatening manner, but to brainstorm how to handle different challenges. In the moment, I am sometimes at a loss because I am frustrated at the child's behavior.

[LauraGB]

Yes, I make them do lines. Depending on how long the sentence is or if it's just certain words, I start out at somewhere around 25-50 times, and add 25-50 for the next infraction, then simply double it each time after that. I'm not even going to tell you what dd had to write 200 times yesterday. :glare: I'm hoping she understands loud and clear why she is writing those words because I'm going to feel just a little bad when she ends up writing it 400 next time :001_huh:.

 

As to whether it's a punishment that yields good results...meh.

Edited October 12, 2010 by LauraGB
badly mispelled word :-)

[ThatCyndiGirl]

It may be prudent to NOT use religious texts that you wan them to love later on. I was forced to write bible verses and that book STILL leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I equate bible with punishment as do a lot of people who were punished the same way.

 

If you want them to love it dont use it for punishment.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Once was when she wouldn't stop saying "My bad" instead of "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry," and once was when she kept saying "I seen" instead of "I saw." She had to write, A correct apology is "I'm sorry" or "Excuse me" twenty-five times whenever she said "My bad" to an adult or family member

 

I can see how doing it similar to this could redirect behavior. It is much like practicing shutting a door correctly after slamming it.

[*********]

{shudder}

 

Bad, BAD childhood memories there.

 

My stepmother used to give out 'sentences', as they were called. In excess. I'm talking, we used to have to write the same sentence 1000, 2000, even 5000 times. No, those are not typos. Thousands of times.

 

For minor things.

 

We had an extra refrigerator in the garage, where we kept extra milk and bread, because our kitchen was small. If the gallon of milk in the kitchen fridge ran out, and whoever's turn it was to remember to bring the next gallon in hadn't yet, we would have to write 'I will remember to bring in milk' thousands of times.

 

So, uh, yeah, I don't use that particular punishment. :tongue_smilie:

 

I DO believe it could be effective, depending on the infraction and the frequency with which you use the punishment. It needs to be relative, you know? Writing about not forgetting something over and over didn't change the fact that I was eight, and didn't have the best memory about insignificant things like carrying a gallon if milk 20 feet. :D

[*********]

If you want them to love it dont use it for punishment.

 

 

This!

 

Same reason why I do not reward or punish with food. It can create a lot of associations that can stick with you for the rest of your life.

 

Learned that one from my childhood, too. ;)

[JeneralMom]

I guess I should have mentioned that this discussion stemmed from a blog post we both read about loving ways to discipline your child (which we were directed to not because our kids are horrible, but because it was a lovely blog post) so we just started discussing discipline measures.

 

At the moment, we re-direct and take things away (for instance, DS7 has trouble keeping his hands off the computer when it is his brother's turn, so if he does it repeatedly, he loses his turn the next day).

 

So, what I am getting from these answers (to sum up) is that it can be an effective discipline measure if used positively - i.e. "I will respect my siblings' boundaries and privacy" rather than "I will not wrestle my brother to the ground", and/or an apology should be written or safety issue researched. Possibly, paragraphs from books, poems, etc. which could re-enforce the lesson could be added. I think my 7yo might be ready for this kind of 'lesson' - he does not like to read, but he loves to write.

 

(as an aside note, I do not think discussing matters of discipline years in advance is a bad thing. I like to be prepared)

[ApronMama]

We've used lines a few times--our 7yo ds gets very, very easily distracted. (I can't count how many times we've found him half naked reading in his bedroom because he saw a good book and forgot to put his underwear and pants on. Its cute til it makes you late several times.)

 

The point of the lines is to give him a task he doesn't not enjoy that requires staying focused to complete it. The more focused he is, the sooner he gets back to doing what he wants. We use the positive "I will obey the first time..."

 

We use Bible verses to discuss how we should behave before or awhile after a situation requiring discipline, but not as part of a consequence.

[Daisy]

I don't make them do lines, but like Joanne, writing is sometimes used for discipline.

 

I've made my children write apology notes (even to each other). I've had them list ways they could have handled a given situation differently. I've had them list 20 things they were thankful for when complaining all day long.

 

I try to make the exercise meaningful.

[Gwenhwyfar]

nope. i think it's one of those pointless, unrealistic "punishments" that doesn't actually teach anything except "don't get caught next time cuz writing lines sucks."

 

however - writing a letter of apology to someone, writing a list of better ways to handle a situation, etc.. these things, to me, are in an entirely different category. we - as adults - often do these things ourselves to resolve a situation.

[Haiku]

nope. i think it's one of those pointless, unrealistic "punishments" that doesn't actually teach anything except "don't get caught next time cuz writing lines sucks."

 

 

Don't you mean "sux"? ;)

 

I'm not one of those people who thinks that every form of discipline needs to have some deeper meaning or even teach anything beyond, "What you're doing is inappropriate/annoying/rude, knock it off." In the case of my daughter, several discussions and reminders of appropriate speech, why we use it, and how our little siblings/children listen to us and pick up bad habits from us did jack squat. Two instances of writing lines cleared things up very quickly. Honestly, that's good enough for me. Generally I want my discipline to be meaningful, but sometimes I just want quick results, kwim?

 

Tara

[Gwenhwyfar]

Don't you mean "sux"? ;)

:lol:

 

 

I'm not one of those people who thinks that every form of discipline needs to have some deeper meaning or even teach anything beyond, "What you're doing is inappropriate/annoying/rude, knock it off." In the case of my daughter, several discussions and reminders of appropriate speech, why we use it, and how our little siblings/children listen to us and pick up bad habits from us did jack squat. Two instances of writing lines cleared things up very quickly. Honestly, that's good enough for me. Generally I want my discipline to be meaningful, but sometimes I just want quick results, kwim?

 

Tara

 

haha - you know what? i'm not really in the 'everything must have deeper meaning' camp either.. i don't always explain everything/etc to my kids & we most definitely don't sit down and have meaningful conversations for every offence.

 

case in point - dd13 was blasting her music earlier. again. i skipped over the deep meaningful discussion about respecting the abilities of others to hear themselves think and went right to an offer to toss it out the window. it's quieter in here now. ;)

[Haiku]

it's quieter in here now. ;)

 

:D :party: (or not, as the case may be ;) )

 

Tara

[Beach Mom]

From this weekend:

"School work is more important than the Ravens' game."

 

DH assigned it to be written 10 times when there was a football/homework priority issue prior to the game on Sunday. It was the fastest writing the child ever completed :glare:. Timing is everything!