Forget-Me-Not Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 I'm LDS, and was married in an LDS Temple. The word obey is not used. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 I remember very little of my wedding. Just a guess that it was included though. It wouldn't have crossed my mind to strike it at that point. Regardless, like mentioned above, we seem to be just fine whether the word was included or not. My vows: To love and to cherish and deeply respect. (Not obey.) husband's vows: To love and to cherish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula in PA Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 Not in ours. Obedience is for dogs, not needed in my marriage. :iagree::lol: Not in ours either, by request, for the same reason. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 Neither obey nor submit were in my wedding vows. I married a partner, not a master. No, ours were to "love, honor, and cherish", for both of us. I would not have agreed to obey in a million years. Not in ours. Obedience is for dogs, not needed in my marriage. IMO, "obey" was taken out before my generation married. I'm 44. I think it's an awful concept for a marriage. The OP stated she was trying not to flame those that chose to use the word in their vows. But, it would be impossible to have any sort of reasonable discussion about the meaning of obey in a marriage service and how that plays out in a marriage with the kind of quotes above appearing in the thread. FWIW-I promised to obey and my husband "endowed (me) with all (his) worldly goods" {Had to put that in because I knew you'd all ask.} I didn't marry my "master", I am offended by the comparison to being a dog, and I don't have an awful marriage-quite a long and successful one given the divorce rate these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 The OP stated she was trying not to flame those that chose to use the word in their vows. But, it would be impossible to have any sort of reasonable discussion about the meaning of obey in a marriage service and how that plays out in a marriage with the kind of quotes above appearing in the thread. FWIW-I promised to obey and my husband "endowed (me) with all (his) worldly goods" {Had to put that in because I knew you'd all ask.} I didn't marry my "master", I am offended by the comparison to being a dog, and I don't have an awful marriage-quite a long and successful one given the divorce rate these days. I do think it's an awful concept for a marriage. I stand strongly by that opinion and my posting it. You wanted a discussion about the meaning of obey in a marriage and how it plays out? I can't embrace or support the implied power differential. I've read, I've researched, I tried prayerful submission to save my (former) marriage. I know what people who "obey" and "submit" say about the concept - I still disagree on a fundamental level. I can't comment on your marriage, but I can say that I don't equate length with success. My (former) marriage was long by today's statistics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 We used traditional wedding vows and the word "obey" was in them. I was so young I really didn't give it much thought at the time. I do believe that the husband is the head of the home and the very rare times we simply cannot agree, what he says goes. My husband is a very giving man and I can't imagine anyone loving and serving their family more than he does. He would never lord it over me. FWIW our 29th wedding anniversary is this Sunday, so it obviously works for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 =FWIW-I promised to obey and my husband "endowed (me) with all (his) worldly goods" {Had to put that in because I knew you'd all ask.} I didn't marry my "master", I am offended by the comparison to being a dog, and I don't have an awful marriage-quite a long and successful one given the divorce rate these days. Geeze, now I see that I should have gotten my dh to promise to obey me, since I endowed him with all my worldy goods...and I didn't ask for a pre-nup either! :ohmy: (And, no, the word obey wasn't in our marriage vows on my side of the equation either. I believe it was love honor and cherish all the days of our lives. Something along those lines.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 My husband and I wrote our own vows -- we didn't call them vows though. I would probably change some of the wording because I am a little different theologically now, but I love that we made our own. I can post them if anyone is interested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 (edited) I do think it's an awful concept for a marriage. I stand strongly by that opinion and my posting it. You wanted a discussion about the meaning of obey in a marriage and how it plays out? I can't embrace or support the implied power differential. I've read, I've researched, I tried prayerful submission to save my (former) marriage. I know what people who "obey" and "submit" say about the concept - I still disagree on a fundamental level. I can't comment on your marriage, but I can say that I don't equate length with success. My (former) marriage was long by today's statistics. No-I don't need a discussion on the issue-I said that with comments like those and yours above there can be no productive discussion as those who have used the word obey in their vows will only be insulted and derided and be told how harmful, hurtful and awful their choice to say those vows was. I think that the term "obey" is being assumed to mean many things in a marriage that it may not mean in an individual's marriage. There is nothing about having that word in my vows that makes me subservient, dog like or any other such description. Nor does it mean that my husband treats me in this manner. Of course you can't comment on my marriage, you don't know the people involved. I didn't say that I considered length the only measure of success-I said that my marriage was successful and long by the current standards-not by my standards necessarily. Edited September 24, 2010 by JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 Geeze, now I see that I should have gotten my dh to promise to obey me, since I endowed him with all my worldy goods...and I didn't ask for a pre-nup either! :ohmy: (And, no, the word obey wasn't in our marriage vows on my side of the equation either. I believe it was love honor and cherish all the days of our lives. Something along those lines.) I'm not saying that everyone or anyone should have obey in their vows. I am in no way trying to insult anyone's choice one way or the other. I am saying that some of the comments made here were insulting. Fortunately most have be quite neutral. As for our vows- 'yup it was a funny trade off but I didn't write them-they came that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 I can't remember. so I asked Dh. He said our priest had an issue with the word obey, and would not include it in our vows. We've had a really nice marriage so far anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 For those of you who consider yourselves Christians and think obedience is only for dogs and/or submissive wives, how do you explain Hebrews 5:8 ? I think you're not understanding what true obedience is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 We did go to a wedding where the bride and groom wrote the wedding vows. In the style of Dr. Suess. "Would you? Could you? If I lost all my hair? Would you? Could you? If I was eaten by a bear" This is hilarious. I love it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 Well, "obey" was in our vows, mostly because we called up the minister the day before our wedding and said "Hey, we're pregnant! Want to marry us tomorrow night?" Klassy, I know;):tongue_smilie:. I actually giggled when the pastor said "obey." Hubby knew what he was getting in to.;) Plus, I knew dh was just not the obey-me-woman type. We were more interested in being married. Actually getting married was just some hurdle we had to cross along the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 I'm not saying that everyone or anyone should have obey in their vows. I am in no way trying to insult anyone's choice one way or the other. I am saying that some of the comments made here were insulting. Fortunately most have be quite neutral. As for our vows- 'yup it was a funny trade off but I didn't write them-they came that way. Oh, I wasn't commenting on anything other than that some of us don't fit the assumed mold. I noted my circumstances to widen the view a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 I don't think you are odd. I have only been to one wedding (other than my own) where it was used, and we go to a lot of weddings. I don't think it is commonly used. I think you are in the majority. I added it, during the ceremony. :001_smile: We eloped and were married by a non-denominational minister in a resort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysticamethyst Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 Obey was in our vows but I didn't say it. We got married in a court house and the JP got to will you love, obey, and cherish I just looked at her very confused and silent for a few seconds too long I guess and then she asked would you like to change obey to honor; I quickly agreed and we all laughed about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarawatsonim Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 We were married by a good friend who was an ordained minister. We all sat down beforehand to discuss the vows and ceremony. He asked about the wording of the vows, which to all honesty I never even thought about for some reason. When the word obey came up (which friend chuckled over because he knows me) my husband stopped talking, looked at me out of the corner of his eye and proceeded to tell the friend that it would be best to find an alternative word. If we used obey he said that it would be like an intentional assistance of me breaking my vows, since I have the tendency to do the exact opposite of what he wants at any given time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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