What do you teach your children about psychopathology?

[kalanamak]

I have no problem teaching the major mental illnesses (schizophrenia, delusions, mania, etc), nor with chemical dependency issues. I'm talking more about people who we frequently hear complaints about here: personality disorders.

 

I grew up on a non-dysfunctional family and general community. I was unprepared for what I was going to meet in the wide, wide world, and while nothing really terrible happened to me, there are some things I'd wish I'd known.

 

Do you teach your children about personality disorders? The noxious ones, and even the non-noxious ones (schizoid, e.g, just so he or she can be a more compassionate person towards them). In my experience in life, everyone does meet "cluster B" types, but they seem to just have to learn to deal with them via the School of Hard Knocks. Any ideas on how to do this in a more sensible fashion?

[Lisa in Jax]

I'm trained as a mental health counselor, so we probably talk about this more than most families. ;-)

 

My teen (17) and I have talked quite a bit about personality types and personality disorders. I have talked to my tween (11) in general terms, but not in any detail.

 

Lisa

[Impish]

I don't honestly know. Diva knows that MIL isn't mentally healthy...its the only way we could think of to explain her, in a way that wouldn't encourage ill feeling. You don't expect rational behaviour from someone that is mentally ill.

 

At the same time, I whole heartedly believe that as a society, we've taken to labeling ppl with mental illness (ie psychopath, sociopath) who are simply evil. Yes, mental illness exists, but so, I firmly believe, does evil...and by trying to affix a label to everything is a way of denying the existence of evil. Sometimes I wonder if a person with NPD is evil, since so much of what they do is...but I honestly don't know. Someone that kills children I have no such hesitation about.

 

At the end of the day, I honestly think that acknowledging evil to be important, and rationalizing it is to our detriment.

[Lawana]

When one has relatives with mental illnesses, that makes for plenty of opportunities for discussion;). Now, when the dc come across people with inappropriate behavior, they are likely to ask if the person is mentally ill. I hadn't thought about what to do absent these inbuilt circumstances.

[OrganicAnn]

After seeing several articles/shows about abused women and how the abuser tend to use the same technique - isolation, denigration etc. I would think it would be helpful to teach girls about signs of a potential abuser. I think if parents only try to do this in the midst of the abuse, it is not 'heard'. I guess as parents we don't want to think it could happen to our child or that they aren't old enough for it to happen to them. So we put it off. (just me projecting here).

 

I think teaching kids how to 'handle' or avoid people with these type of issues avoids the whole question of why the person acts that way (psychological issue or evil or whatever).

[Guest janainaz]

I grew up with a mother who has narcissistic personality disorder and she is to the farthest extreme - the absolute worst possible case scenario. She's mentally ill. For years I would read about schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder and the more classic mental illnesses, and she never seemed to quite fit any of them. But I recently embraced the fact that she does indeed have a mental illness and I wish I had known a lot sooner. I just brushed off "personality" disorders because I assumed we all have one to some degree or another. I looked at them as little quirks that made people generally annoying. I did not consider a personality disorder a "mental" illness. I do now.

 

I WISH I had been able to understand that her behavior was not 'normal' and that she had a mental problem when I was younger. Because I grew up with her, I did not have the ability to look at her the way most other people did. While part of me thought she was cruel and out of her mind, the other part of me took her illness on as beign something wrong with me. So in regard to teaching young children about the broader spectrum of mental illness, I would say that if you are going to discuss it, discuss ALL of it. Most children would probably notice something being 'off' in someone if they have been raised in a semi-normal family. I would hope that my children would be able to detect mental illness on someone else. Of course, some personality disorders (like my mother's) often take time to notice.....

[4kids4me]

You know what? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that many people don't even know much, if anything at all, about personality disorders. I hadn't even heard of it until a couple of years ago, and even then I grew up with family members having mental illness. How can one teach something they don't know about?

 

And how to do this in a sensible fashion? Sigh. You know from our discussions that even *I* have a hard time processing and dealing with it in one of my family members. There's a lot of emotion that is involved. :glare: Sometimes I wonder what part is actual "mental illness" and what part is just being plain manipulative (or not wanting to grow up/deal with certain things). Gosh, is there any answer to your question?

Edited July 25, 2010 by 4kids4me
sucky grammar

[Guest janainaz]

You know what? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that many people don't even know much, if anything at all, about personality disorders. I hadn't even heard of it until a couple of years ago, and even then I grew up with family members having mental illness. How can one teach something they don't know about?

 

And how to do this in a sensible fashion? Sigh. You know from our discussions that even *I* have a hard time processing and dealing with it in one of my family members. There's a lot of emotion that is involved. :glare: Sometimes I wonder what's actually part of "mental illness" and what part just being plain manipulative (or not wanting to grow up/deal with certain things) plays out. Gosh, is there any answer to your question?

 

 

My mother was out of my life for 15 years and before that it had always been an emotional rollercoaster and nightmare. She resurfaced a few months ago and I tried to give her a chance, although it was easy to see that she was not well at all. She started out ok and was respecting some boundaries that I had set, but it only lasted for so long and she went right back into her abuse with me.

 

She is manipulative and she lies. She is void of empathy or care of anyone's feelings except for her own. She is cold and it's not too difficult for her to stay out of my life. In fact, I believe it's easier for her not be around me.

 

When I read about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the severity of hers, what I read left me with zero hope that she would ever change. Accepting that idea was deeply hurtful to me because I needed some sliver of hope that my love could make a difference. I know she was severely abused by her own mother and something in her just never coped with it. You hear about some people that grow up in horrible circumstances and they endure all sorts of abuse and turn out to be amazing people. Others don't. Only God knows.

At least a schizophrenic can get help through medication - there is a clear chemical imbalance in the brain. But a personality disorder seems to stem from emotional pain and that I can't begin to understand. So to teach one about it, they'd need some experience with it and all they would need to know is how to protect themself from the abuse.

 

It just depends on the personality disorder, I guess.

[Garga]

Just now I went to Amazon.com. In the "books" category, I typed in "difficult people."

 

There are a lot of books out there about dealing with difficult people in the workplace, at home, etc.

 

I'd start there, if I were teaching my kids about personality problems.

[dragons in the flower bed]

Do you teach your children about personality disorders? The noxious ones, and even the non-noxious ones (schizoid, e.g, just so he or she can be a more compassionate person towards them). In my experience in life, everyone does meet "cluster B" types, but they seem to just have to learn to deal with them via the School of Hard Knocks. Any ideas on how to do this in a more sensible fashion?

 

I would teach it in health class in high school, or in a psychology class.

[laughing lioness]

When dh watches movies (not very often anymore) he just can't help himself- he gives most characters a diagnosis :001_smile:. I was the only one in my psychopath class that earned an A + and everyone wondered why!! (plus my dad was a psych and my mom a therapist too but they just invited the psychos to live with us - no diags, just hands on ..it was the 70's, what can I say...). We do talk about the diff between PD's and characteristics of PD's- both our fams along with several friends have given us ample opportunity. My older kids know several characteristics of several PD's.

[Crissy]

I don't know much about mental illness, so I haven't been able to teach my sons any specifics.

 

We did have a general conversation about mental health yesterday after our neighbor, a young wife and mother, committed suicide.

I told them that I believe our society too often sees mental illness as a character flaw, and that I think we need to recognize how fragile the human mind is. I think more people would seek help for their mental health in the same way we seek help for our physical health if we viewed the issue differently.

 

We are still shaken by the loss of this young woman, and I don't really know what else to tell them.

[kalanamak]

You know what? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that many people don't even know much, if anything at all, about personality disorders. I hadn't even heard of it until a couple of years ago, and even then I grew up with family members having mental illness. How can one teach something they don't know about?

 

 

Well, in non-technical language, you hear words like "jerk" or "thug" or "psychopath" or "weirdo" or "creep" or "egotist" or "drip" or "oddbodkins". I wish I'd had a little intro in how to recognize "off" people. I tend towards the technical because I work with these people. However, I don't really know how to talk to a child about them.

 

If you deal with the public at all, you do meet them. I got a big taste waitressing (along with a crash course in how to deal with drunks) when I was 17.

[Jean in Newcastle]

We minister to many elderly with personality disorders. We've just told the kids that Soandso has difficulty with appropriate emotions and/or reactions.

[Joanne]

Everything. Or, nearly. They sometimes even sit in class with me. :D

[elizabeth]

Plenty. Specifically what the Axis II disorders are and along with some clinical information, a few examples in literature or film. Unfortunately it is a part of our lives as dh and I are both attorneys and our home and office are in one building. Since dh is a disability attorney we see the whole gamut and it is certainly important for the safety of the family and employees that we are all well versed in the differences between a run of the mill histrionic versus an antisocial personality that might be physically or verbally aggressive. My bff is" in the weeds" so to speak and has been a wonderful resource . She married another psychotherapist so I have been really fortunate in having trusted friends help redirect my efforts on behalf of clients that seem to take two steps forward and four back. Back to your original question a good college textbook should suffice as long as there is a solid bibliography within.

[elizabeth]

I don't know much about mental illness, so I haven't been able to teach my sons any specifics.

 

We did have a general conversation about mental health yesterday after our neighbor, a young wife and mother, committed suicide.

I told them that I believe our society too often sees mental illness as a character flaw, and that I think we need to recognize how fragile the human mind is. I think more people would seek help for their mental health in the same way we seek help for our physical health if we viewed the issue differently.

 

We are still shaken by the loss of this young woman, and I don't really know what else to tell them.

 

I am so sad to hear this. I do not think that depressed individuals do not seek help . The problem is accessiblity to resources that are appropriate. The insurance companies have culpability in terms of forcing family docs to be the gatekeepers or worse diagnosticians. Then when seriously ill people get to the point where hospitalization is needed the insurance companies kick them out in three days with a prescription. The only stigma that remains is that these situations are not preventable. They are preventable deaths in many circumstances but it takes the insurance companies to quit telling MD's how to practice medicine by forcing patients to only have a few visits, plenty of meds and dangerously short hospital stays. Ignorance and stigma are not killing people anymore the insurance companies and some spineless docs are all it takes. Rant over.

[texasmama]

I am a therapist and thus have more information/knowledge/experience about personality disorders and mental illnesses than the general public. I discuss these with my almost 15 year old, as she is able to have a basic understanding of them at her age. My littles are not at the age at which they can understand these abstract concepts, though my boys have a working knowledge of learning disabilities and Asperger's Syndrome because these issues affect people in our life. As they get older, I will inform them of more mental health issues/differences in people.

[KidsHappen]

Well, since my mother, brother, one of my dd and I are all bi-polar, they are pretty well educated with mood disorders. We also have some problems with anxiety, ADD and OCD in the family so they know about that too. I have also talked with them about Autism and Aspergers. We haven't really discussed personality disorders though.

[katemary63]

I did not consider a personality disorder a "mental" illness. I do now. QUOTE]

 

 

:iagree: I too, have learned this through the school of hard knocks. I've finally had to admit that someone who could do such things MUST be mentally ill! You are not alone. My DH and I BOTH grew up with hard core NPD parents. It's a nightmare! I've had to talk to my DC about NPD in order to try to explain how someone who says they love you could do such things. Finally, we just cut them out of our lives.

[Peela]

DH is a psychotherapist- not a psychologist though.

So yes, it's all spoken about freely here. Talking about people's "issues" is kind of normal for us. Really...most of us have issues one way or another, some are more extreme.

Edited July 25, 2010 by Peela