Alicia64 Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 I've noticed that dh and I get to bickering when we have long weekends together. Especially if we don't have a lot planned. We actually travel together well. But give us a long weekend with miles of time and we start bickering. I'd like to do something different this weekend. One of the problems I've noticed is that I'm demanding about wanting more time w/ him and he's looking for some down time (obviously, he works hard). So part of my plan is getting out the library on my own, getting my hair trimmed etc. But I need to come up w/ ideas that don't cost much. I'm on a tight budget. Any obvious ways of dealing w/ this issue that I might be missing?:rolleyes: Thanks! Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Perhaps a little more of The Obvious would set a good tone for everything else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Our template for this weekend Today, I let him piddle around the house and do his thing while I do my thing. We have a big thing we have to talk about today, I'm doing my research on it at the moment. Tomorrow, I'm getting my hair cut and stuff, I may take eldest with me and we may do some shopping and such. Sunday, we have church and are doing 4th of July stuff after. Monday, we'll probably go do something as a family. One evening dh and I will probably do dinner and/or a movie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 If he has a book or magazine he likes to read, maybe you could curl up next to him and read as well. Dh loves to be able to look at something "hobbyish" with me close by..sometimes I hand sew on a quilt at that time. What about watching a movie together? I second more of the obvious..."tea"...it's really hard to argue after "tea". Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted July 2, 2010 Author Share Posted July 2, 2010 Do you guys know dh?? Yes, he'd respond well with Tea. Oh, okay! ;) Thanks for the reminder! Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 I've noticed that dh and I get to bickering when we have long weekends together. Especially if we don't have a lot planned. We actually travel together well. But give us a long weekend with miles of time and we start bickering. In addition to planning your weekend activities, maybe make a conscious effort to just stop the bickering. My husband and I have been talking about this quite a bit lately, as we both notice that our parents bicker CONSTANTLY these days. It is so uncomfortable for everyone around them, and it can't be an enjoyable way to spend time together even when nobody else is around. Obviously, you can't control his end of the argument, but maybe an intentional evaluation of the situation will help you keep from adding to the bicker session. If you don't say anything, he won't bicker with himself, right? ;) Ask yourself if you can let this one go. Do you need to correct whatever it was he just said? Must you ask him again to take out the trash, or can you have one of the kids do it? And so on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi7Sue Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 A getting out idea: take the kids to the park, preferably one with shade for you to sit in, and bring a book, some knitting, or something else entertaining and portable. McDonald's playlands are fun too. Feed the kids lunch at home, and then get everyone dessert as your admission price. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane Elliot Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Do you guys know dh?? You're hilarious. He *is* male, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane Elliot Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Don't have any expectations of him. Expectations are where I get in trouble. If you don't have expectations, then anything nice that happens is a wonderful surprise instead of being what you expected (or worse, falling short of what you expected). Along the lines of not having expectations...ask him what *he* wants to do with his weekend, then do it together if it's a together activity and get out of his way (with the kids) and do your own thing if it's not. Does he like to fish or hike? Those are free and fun activities. And, as everyone else said, lots and lots of Tea. No man ever complained about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Perhaps a little more of The Obvious would set a good tone for everything else. :iagree: (I don't know how to make my sign holder blush). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 The Obvious would have been my vote, too. But I'm easy like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomOfOneFunOne Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Things to do together . . . Hmmmm . . . Well, it is 4th of July weekend so you should probably watch 1776 if you can get it. Get a big watermellon and sit outside eating watermellon and counting fireflies. A personal favorite but my husband tends to want to opt out b/c of mosquitoes. Go swimming. If you don't have a Y or pool membership you could check out public park pools. Every one can go and if he isnt' a swimmer maybe he could relax and read in the shade (or sun). Go see fireworks. Spread a blanket and bring, bring treats, enjoy. Tip: the small towns have neat shows, are cheaper of free, have less traffic (justifying the drive), and are generally more family friendly (fewer drunks). Play games. Make banana splits. Take a nap. Look at old photo albums. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 I've noticed that dh and I get to bickering when we have long weekends together. Especially if we don't have a lot planned. We actually travel together well. But give us a long weekend with miles of time and we start bickering. I'd like to do something different this weekend. One of the problems I've noticed is that I'm demanding about wanting more time w/ him and he's looking for some down time (obviously, he works hard). So part of my plan is getting out the library on my own, getting my hair trimmed etc. But I need to come up w/ ideas that don't cost much. I'm on a tight budget. Any obvious ways of dealing w/ this issue that I might be missing?:rolleyes: Thanks! Alley Generally we avoid this problem by my husband not having two days in a row off unless he takes vacation days. The last 18 months of long weekends, I think he's had 1-2 where he had two days off. On any given long weekend, I'm hopeful that he'll get one day off. This doesn't count the 8+ months of time that he was underway on the ship and had no days off. This is a four day weekend Friday - Monday for most of the folks here. He'll have two days of travel, one day off and be back to work Monday. He recently came home from 3 months away and is headed out again soon. I really miss having dh around. The kids miss having him around. I hate planning trips and fun outings knowing that he can't join us. He's missed each of our Boy Scout aged sons' courts of honor and was so tired that he slept through most of the end of the year campfire with our youngest. And yet I count myself as a lucky wife to not be dealing with a dh who is deployed to a combat zone for a year or more. So the obvious might be to rejoice that your husband is around at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cindie2dds Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Perhaps a little more of The Obvious would set a good tone for everything else. :iagree: We do much better now that he works at home, no adjusting. It's hard to get used to someone being in the house when he's at work all week. Have fun and enjoy your "Tea." :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 (edited) Generally we avoid this problem by my husband not having two days in a row off unless he takes vacation days. The last 18 months of long weekends, I think he's had 1-2 where he had two days off. On any given long weekend, I'm hopeful that he'll get one day off. This doesn't count the 8+ months of time that he was underway on the ship and had no days off. This is a four day weekend Friday - Monday for most of the folks here. He'll have two days of travel, one day off and be back to work Monday. He recently came home from 3 months away and is headed out again soon. I really miss having dh around. The kids miss having him around. I hate planning trips and fun outings knowing that he can't join us. He's missed each of our Boy Scout aged sons' courts of honor and was so tired that he slept through most of the end of the year campfire with our youngest. And yet I count myself as a lucky wife to not be dealing with a dh who is deployed to a combat zone for a year or more. So the obvious might be to rejoice that your husband is around at all. My husband's work schedule is very much like that now. No days off this holiday weekend either. It's been overtime much of the year for years now. It's a bummer since we haven't been able to see his mom in ages, and she's been hospitalized twice this year. :sad: Last year, however, he had a lot of weekends off--every other one being 3 days. He is supposed to be on a 9/80 schedule where he works 9 days/80 hrs bi-weekly and for the first time EVER since starting with this company, he actually HAD that schedule (most of the time--there were still periods of overtime). He did get a little antsy. If he gets weekends in the summer, at least there's always something to do. He's not into home improvement projects (at all!) but does like to garden. All that to say I do understand the above POV and the OP's. Edited July 3, 2010 by darlasowders Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Dh is around a lot...sometimes I envy women whose dhs are out at work all day, or even work long hours! We handle the frequent proximity by just doing our own thing, and flow back and forth- but without expectations that the other be "available" at any given time. Over time, we spend time together, time apart, and it all balances. I agree that letting go of expectations is helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 I ask the night before if he has anything planned or some stuff he wants to do. If I'm wanting to spend one on one time with him, I might mention it but let him know that I realize his need for downtime too. Just knowing ahead of time what to expect helps alot. Doing all this after some sweet snuggie time makes the discussion go smoother. We're both relaxed and feeling good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jplain Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 On long weekends, I get at least a day to myself. I usually tell DH that I want to clean the house in peace (true!), and that he needs to take the kids and go. Then I actually do housework, but I also play loud music, eat whatever I want, take a break to read a book, etc. Works very well for me! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 By discussing plans before the weekend. This can be a bit tense because what he says and what he means by that aren't always the same thing. It's better to sort through all of that on Friday night... Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Dh spends most of his weekend time outdoors. I'm always inside. I think that's why our marriage has lasted as long as it has. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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