Decluttering and kids--how do I insist on getting rid of their things?

[melissel]

This mostly concerns my DD7, who gets very emotionally attached to her things, but whose room is practically bursting at the seams. I need to declutter her room, but she gets very upset at the idea of me throwing her things away. For example, I'm really thinking that the 37 toilet paper rolls she collected a year ago to build things with (in spite of the $200 worth of building materials we already have) can probably go out now, but she won't willingly get rid of them, even though she hasn't used them for anything in forever. Her room is crammed full of play jewelry that no one wears, doodads that are ignored, papers that she can't bear to part with, etc.

 

How do I get rid of that stuff? It's making me crazy. No matter what kind of agreement we come to (e.g., one thing in, one thing out), when the time comes to get rid of things, she melts down. My mom is worried she has a hoarding tendency :(

 

WWYD? How hard would you force this issue?

[Parrothead]

Send her to play at a friend's for the day. While she is gone take care of the junk. Generally I only throw away paper, junk and broken stuff.

[dansamy]

From a hoarder, she's feeling insecure. Her "stuff" makes her feel safe. "I might need it." is the single greatest reason/rationale for keeping something. There's no other way to do it except take her by the hand, go into her room and help her decide what to keep. If she hasn't needed/used it in >1yr, out it goes. You're going to have to enforce that rule.

 

I regularly hire someone to help me. He literally sits me on the couch, hands me a laundry basket and I fold laundry while he purges stuff. I have to do this, otherwise, I'll be overtaken by clutter. He never throws away anything that is genuinely needed/important. Just clutter that I have gotten attached to. It is very hard for me to do it, but I have to do it.

[KJsMom]

It's easier for my girls if they know the things will be going to someone who can use them. We try to declutter before birthdays and Christmas. They know they will be getting new things and they feel better about getting rid of the old things because we donate them. It was easier for us after the first big sort because they found things they forgot about and they had more room to play with the things they kept. I just have to remind them how much they liked it after we finished.

[Jumping In Puddles]

One thing that worked for my dd6 was to take everything out of her room and closet, including shoes and clothes. Everything off the walls too, and left one empty room with a bed and dresser and empty shelves. I made sure she wasn't home during all this, lol.

 

My living room was bursting with toys and junk (old pasta boxes, spice jars, leaves :001_huh:, etc.) and seeing it all piled in the living room was almost sickening!

 

It took me all day, but I rearranged her furniture a little and I chose what to put back in her room. I put back a tiny, manageable portion of stuff. It turned out that she LOVED it that way. If I discussed what I was going to get rid of, she would have cried and told me how special it was, even if it was a half eaten acorn. :sneaky2:

 

Her room looked great and she loved the change of the furniture (and a repaint) and she loved the space and the easy cleanup. She also liked the way I arranged her things on the shelves even though she almost never can keep it as neat as when I do it for her.

 

Of course, she still collects things but now she has only one small bin (12" x 12"), that she is allowed to collect anything she wants in AS LONG AS IT GOES back in the bin. If it is on the floor, I throw it out. No exceptions.

 

Another thing that helps around here is if my kids want to make something, then they make it right away. No procrastinating. If they need to save up or search for supplies than they can have a bucket while they actively save. If it gets shoved in the closet or they lose interest... those supplies are GONE.

[Krista in LA]

What helps my kids is to put everything they haven't used/played with in a long time in a big box and then put the box in the garage. They feel safe because the stuff is still there, but also enjoy the extra space in their room. I leave the box there for about a month and they can go get anything they want out of the box if they miss it. After a month, I go through the box and donate or throw out everything that's left. It's quite painless for them this way.

[Mejane]

 

How do I get rid of that stuff?

 

Surreptitiously, of course. ;) Little by little when she's not looking. If she has that much stuff, she probably doesn't even really know what she has. You could box it up and put it away for awhile to see if she does notice. If after a few weeks there's no mention of it, out if goes.

 

ETA: Just read through the thread. See I'm not the only sneaky one. :)

[melissel]

Surreptitiously, of course. ;) Little by little when she's not looking. If she has that much stuff, she probably doesn't even really know what she has. You could box it up and put it away for awhile to see if she does notice. If after a few weeks there's no mention of it, out if goes.

 

:lol: This was my MO for the last 6 years. She started noticing, and now she has everything in her room mentally catalogued! It still works for the main toy areas though. I need to attack the downstairs shelves so I can move some of the upstairs stuff down there.

 

She has agreed to work with me to get rid of four things today (those toilet paper rolls are SO gone!), and I'll start implementing some of the other great advice here after that.

 

I'm so thankful that DD4 does not have this same problem. She loves to give/donate things, and is more than happy to let stuff go. Whew! At least one of us can manage it :lol:

[Melinda in VT]

Sometimes I think it's easier to pick what to keep than what to throw away.

 

Right before #4 was born, I told the kids they could each pick 10 toys. (I let them keep all their books.:D)

 

Everything else we boxed up to deal with in six months. (It actually ended up being closer to a year later, and most of it went right out the door.)

[specialmama]

Kids that age need to feel secure and that their things are safe. Give her a box or two to fill with whatever is most special to her. My dd has a large under-the-bed storage box, plus a shoe box. Whatever she can fit in those boxes stays. The rest is gone. It works. They feel secure because their special stuff is safe, and the rest really didn't matter when it came down to it. :001_smile: Through the years, I've seen things come out of those boxes and make their way to the garbage, only to be replaced with newer treasures she has deemed keepable. It's what I wanted for her: the ability to decide what stays and what goes.

[LibraryLover]

Hmmmm....whenever I feel I am getting irrational about my kids' stuff, I go look in my room...or kitchen or elsewhere in the house...if I have nothing to declutter, I might go in and ask what is to donate and what is to keep.

 

There is no way I would ever clear things out when a child is not home. A baby or toddler is one thing...but a 7 yr old...no. I would do it together, but I would also try not to hyper-focus on her space. Close the door to her room, encourage a reasonable level organization by helping her to organize and sort. The entire house doesn't have to be perfectly decluttered, imo. I like things tidy, but my kids' stuff is their stuff, and they have certain perfectly healthy attachments to childhood treasures.

 

I think we can get over-zealous in 'decluttering'. As I said, if I start thinking about all the shells and such my children have collected and I know is sitting in their rooms, minding their own business, but bothering *me* (which is silly, very very silly), I go clean a kitchen drawer, or go through clothing in my own closet--there is always something to donate.

 

So, yes, help her go through items, ask "Donate or Keep?" box the donations up, and then back away. :auto:

[melissel]

Hmmmm....whenever I feel I am getting irrational about my kids' stuff, I go look in my room...or kitchen or elsewhere in the house...if I have nothing to declutter, I might go in and ask what is to donate and what is to keep.

 

There is no way I would ever clear things out when a child is not home. A baby or toddler is one thing...but a 7 yr old...no. I would do it together, but I would also try not to hyper-focus on her space. Close the door to her room, insisnt on a reasonable level organization by helping her to organize and sort. The entire house doesn't have to be perfectly decluttered, imo. I like things tidy, but my kids' stuff if their stuff, and they have certain perfectly healthy attachments to childhood treasures.

 

I think we can get over-zealous in decluttering. It's not important. As I said, if I start thinking about all the shells and such my children have collected and I know is sitting in their rooms, minding their own business, but bithering *me* (which is silly, very very silly), I go clean a kitchen drawer, or go through clothing in my own closet--there is always something to donate.

 

So, yes, help her go through items, ask "Donate or Keep?" box the donations up, and then back away. :auto:

 

You know, I agree with you to a certain degree. Our problem here is that she wants to keep acquiring more things--more books, more Zhu Zhu pets etc. She literally has no place to put them, but she won't get rid of anything old to make room for anything new. She won't part with any books, even to put them in a box under her bed, because emotionally, she can't bring herself to do it. IMO, this is a problem. No one should be emotionally trapped by their possessions.

 

Also, I was raised the way you described. As long as my parents didn't have to deal with my mess and I kept my door closed, they didn't care what I kept or tossed, how things were maintained, etc. And now here I am as an adult--a slob who's emotionally trapped and frustrated by HER possessions. No one ever showed me that life goes on if you get rid of that pair of sandals that hasn't fit in two years and isn't good for your feet anyway. I'm just now learning these things for myself, and I'm hoping I can take DD along with me on my journey. It's an important lesson, I think.

 

Plus, on a purely practical note, I'm tired of being the only person who maintains all the STUFF that the other people insist on keeping in the house! :banghead:

 

Thanks for your thoughts, LL!

[Jumping In Puddles]

Hmmmm....whenever I feel I am getting irrational about my kids' stuff, I go look in my room...or kitchen or elsewhere in the house...if I have nothing to declutter, I might go in and ask what is to donate and what is to keep.

 

There is no way I would ever clear things out when a child is not home. A baby or toddler is one thing...but a 7 yr old...no. I would do it together, but I would also try not to hyper-focus on her space. Close the door to her room, encourage a reasonable level organization by helping her to organize and sort. The entire house doesn't have to be perfectly decluttered, imo. I like things tidy, but my kids' stuff is their stuff, and they have certain perfectly healthy attachments to childhood treasures.

 

I think we can get over-zealous in 'decluttering'. As I said, if I start thinking about all the shells and such my children have collected and I know is sitting in their rooms, minding their own business, but bothering *me* (which is silly, very very silly), I go clean a kitchen drawer, or go through clothing in my own closet--there is always something to donate.

 

So, yes, help her go through items, ask "Donate or Keep?" box the donations up, and then back away. :auto:

 

I think for a child who is not naturally a hoarder, it is easier to do this. My ds7 has a room full of toys, rock treasures, sea shells, and books but he is not overwhelmed by them and periodically, I help him go through his stuff and get rid of clutter/unused stuff.

 

We are talking about kids who have a room full of junk and toys and are NOT handling it and over emotional about throwing away even the most useless of broken trinkets. Not "special" broken trinkets, but junk that a child won't get rid of because they want to hoard.

 

My dd6 is way different from ds and she collects and gets overwhelmed. After I decluttered her room while she was gone, she just loved it. I knew she would because I know this child!

 

I'm hoping that as she gets older, she will be able to see this for herself and we can get rid of stuff together, then she will get rid of stuff on her own. That's the plan, and only time will tell if I'm messing up or this is a good thing! ;)

[SamuelsMommy]

My son's room was overflowing with toys and it was driving me crazy. I had planned to just clear it out one day when he wasn't there, but my DH made the suggestion to let him do it and then we could go together to take his stuff to Goodwill. We dumped all his toys in the living room floor and I gave him the empty bins that were going back in his room. I told him whatever he wanted to keep had to fit in those bins. There were some hard decisions and a few tears but for the most part he did pretty good. Then we loaded it up and took it to Goodwill. He asks me every couple of weeks if I think the kids who got his toys like them

[LibraryLover]

My thoughts are still the same. Respecting is important. I have one who likes to hold onto what she calls 'Memories". I still work with her to sort. She always has several items that she is done 'needing', including items she thought she would always 'need'.

 

If one has a 6 yr old 'hoarder', one needs to tread very carefully. Simply tossing could make her want to save even more and cause much greater anxiety. Get in there and help the child sort. Have more than two boxes, perhaps:

 

Donate: Out -grown toys, clothing. Maybe keep a couple of small toys that can be packed in a box for the future to consider and will represent the good times had with the toys that are being given away or doanted. Take a couple of photos. Put them in a personal photo album. Save one favorite T shirt. Talk about a friend who might enjoy the outgrown clothing if you don't want to donate to strangers. Engage the child ; help her consider that other people could get joy out of what is no longer useful to her.

 

Trash : Stray bits of paper, broken things. Maybe take one piece of favorite broken thing and put in a jar for a time. Maybe this is where all the tiny odds and end can go. Maybe the hold will lessen.

 

Not sure: Put the not sure things in a box in the garage or basement or attic, or even at a grandparent's or friends home (asssuming it's not a boat load....I was thinking of one box). After a few moths, ask the child if it is time to donate any of it.

 

Treasures: Things the child does not wear/play with but can't yet see to get part with. Put these things (those small stuffed animals etc) in long , shallow lucite box that can be put under the bed.

 

I would work with the child, engage the child in conversation and talk about good memories, and how the memories remain even if the items are passed on. Talk about the capacity of friends or others to love what you love, but have outgrown or no longer need.

 

Most teens are fairly sloppy...they are busy out and about and putting clothing away etc is not exactly a favored activity (I am sure it is for some). But not all 'sloppy' teens becomes hoarders or are slobs in their adulthood. I was not great at keeping my room tidy at all. My mother did close the door a lot. I am a very tidy person today.

 

Hoarding is a mental health issue, and people who work with hoarders do not go in and dump people's stuff. That would probably deepen anxiety and possibly increase the need to hoard. I wouldn't think dumping a child's stuff is going to help, especially if your think the child is developing true hoarding tendancies, which I would think is rare in 'normal' children.

Edited June 1, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Food4Thought]

With our 6-yr old, we told him that we were getting rid of old and broken toys to make room for new toys he would like better. If it's a baby toy, we ask him if a baby wouldn't get more use out of it, then we pick a family and ask if they'd like it. Once he gets to the mindset of giving it away, it's easy to take it to Goodwill or someplace else.

 

He too hordes paper scraps and random junk things. That tendency seemed to go away after I gave him a large shoebox for his "special" things. The funny thing is that there is only one item in the box, but just knowing it's never going to get thrown out seems to be enough for him. He likes to know that we respect that things are special to him. But we make a distinction for things that are really not special. He's helped to throw a lot of things out when we ask, "Is that truly special to you?"

[Moxie]

I have a saver son. He saves things like a leaf because "that is the leaf I found on the day we played outside while Dad was sitting on the deck":001_huh:. Try taking pictures of the "treasures". That way, if he ever misses them he look at the pictures and remember all those happy memories. He has never once asked to see the pictures, btw. Something else that works is to pull out all the toilet paper rolls and give her 1 hour to build whatever she wants with the understanding that then we will be done with them and they will go in the garbage. HTH!

[mysticamethyst]

I really like some of the ideas here to help keep kid clutter under control. I think I am going to get 2 nice baskets for each and what fits can stay. Right now I have the if you want a new toy that is fine but 2 must leave to the donation box or trash. Even with this rule they still have stuffies and other toys creeping out of everywhere. Maybe with baskets I can help them to keep it contained.:001_smile:

[rafiki]

.

[Parrothead]

Send her to play at a friend's for the day. While she is gone take care of the junk. Generally I only throw away paper, junk and broken stuff.

 

Hmmmm....whenever I feel I am getting irrational about my kids' stuff, I go look in my room...or kitchen or elsewhere in the house...if I have nothing to declutter, I might go in and ask what is to donate and what is to keep.

 

There is no way I would ever clear things out when a child is not home. A baby or toddler is one thing...but a 7 yr old...no. I would do it together, but I would also try not to hyper-focus on her space. Close the door to her room, encourage a reasonable level organization by helping her to organize and sort. The entire house doesn't have to be perfectly decluttered, imo. I like things tidy, but my kids' stuff is their stuff, and they have certain perfectly healthy attachments to childhood treasures.

 

I think we can get over-zealous in 'decluttering'. As I said, if I start thinking about all the shells and such my children have collected and I know is sitting in their rooms, minding their own business, but bothering *me* (which is silly, very very silly), I go clean a kitchen drawer, or go through clothing in my own closet--there is always something to donate.

 

So, yes, help her go through items, ask "Donate or Keep?" box the donations up, and then back away. :auto:

Okay, I suppose I need to clarify.

 

I said I'd clear out paper, junk and broken stuff. I did not say that I would throw away treasured toys, collections or anything else that would mentally scar my child if she found that I had thrown it away.

 

I can tell you exactly how many rocks I've carried from house to house state to state. I moved a gold fish from AZ to MT. This was the fish that her best friend at 3 gave to her because the best friend was moving. Seriously how many parents would take a gold fish on a 3 day road trip?

 

Yeah, I will send dd out of the house to clean her room. I will clean it top to bottom, every thing comes out including the bed and dresser so those can be cleaned behind and under. Scribble paper, Old McD happy meal junk that I find behind dresser and under the bed get thrown in the trash. She hasn't seen these things in 6 months and has no emotional investment in them.

 

Dd has too much stuff for her to maintain on her own. She is an only child and only grand child on both sides. I have tried to set limits on gifts. The year that I specifically requested no more than three gifts at Christmas from my parents dd end up with 9 new toys - a set of triplet baby dolls (one gift because they were in the same box) accessories (in one box clothes for each doll plus plastic baby bottles) and a bed big enough for all three dolls. Those were from my dad. My mom sent 3 more gifts from her. My parents are married and before that had always sent joint gifts. So you tell me how to fight that and keep up with the constant clutter that is in dd's room. She can't do it and I can't clean it when she is standing there crying because I want to throw away the dried up marker that doesn't have a lid.

 

So, yes, I will send dd to a friend's house and clean out her room. I will throw away paper, junk and broken stuff. I will clean out behind the furniture, clean out the bins, straighten out dresser drawers and throw away junk. I have a standard for cleanliness that will be kept in my house which includes dd's bedroom. No, her collection of rocks does not bother me, but her not being able to find her Nintendo DS among all her stuff isn't acceptable. Room cleaning around here is serious business not silliness.

Edited June 1, 2010 by Parrothead

[hsbaby]

Funny, I was just dealing with this yesterday with my ds7. It just so happened an episode if Hoarders was on. I had him watch a few minutes of it. He came down from his room a little later with a bag of stuff;)

[manylilblessings]

This is an issue which is more than physical. A friend of mine, who is a professional organizer taught me this concept. It makes sense.

 

We are all allocated a certain amount of space. Our belongings must fit within that space. Some people have 1 shelf. Some people have 1 room, and some have a 10,000 square foot house. All of those people must learn to fit their things within that space. If there are too many, we don't have a space problem, we have a stuff problem. We must learn to live within boundaries to be successful in life. Teaching our children to live within their boundaries is crucial to their happiness. If we do not, they will always pine for more space, and more stuff.

 

So, for my daughter, we organize what she has, but she is not permitted to store her things outside her room. If she has to remove 4 things to find one, that's too much. She must be able to vacuum her floor with everything put away. It helps if I sit with her, and talk about how fun it was to own a certain thing, when it was her favorite. I also remind her that her interests change with life, and that she has not lost anything by moving on. She has just gained more interests. Last, I encourage her that releasing the things which are not our favorites any longer gives us the privilege of blessing someone else. Sometimes there is someone who comes to mind, and other times that person is unknown to us, but will find the precious objects at Goodwill. It still blesses that little girl, and gives her joy.

 

That's how we handle it. My daughter recently gave up hope that she will have a baby sister, for whom she's been saving her favorite clothes. She has 5 brothers... We determined that a friend of hers who loves beautiful things is the perfect recipient for all of her treasured dresses, etc. She gets great joy in bringing those things to her friend, and the friend is the perfect recipient, because she gushes over them.

 

Learning to let go is hard, but mamas and daughters can work through it together. I also ask my daughter to remind me of the same as my cabinets begin to burst. Bless others, release the treasures of the past, and make room for new passions.

[LibraryLover]

Awww, what a nice post. :001_smile:

 

As a person who like things tidy, and as a person who wants to be a good steward of the earth, as well as a respectful parent, I very much enjoyed this.

 

 

This is an issue which is more than physical. A friend of mine, who is a professional organizer taught me this concept. It makes sense.

 

We are all allocated a certain amount of space. Our belongings must fit within that space. Some people have 1 shelf. Some people have 1 room, and some have a 10,000 square foot house. All of those people must learn to fit their things within that space. If there are too many, we don't have a space problem, we have a stuff problem. We must learn to live within boundaries to be successful in life. Teaching our children to live within their boundaries is crucial to their happiness. If we do not, they will always pine for more space, and more stuff.

 

So, for my daughter, we organize what she has, but she is not permitted to store her things outside her room. If she has to remove 4 things to find one, that's too much. She must be able to vacuum her floor with everything put away. It helps if I sit with her, and talk about how fun it was to own a certain thing, when it was her favorite. I also remind her that her interests change with life, and that she has not lost anything by moving on. She has just gained more interests. Last, I encourage her that releasing the things which are not our favorites any longer gives us the privilege of blessing someone else. Sometimes there is someone who comes to mind, and other times that person is unknown to us, but will find the precious objects at Goodwill. It still blesses that little girl, and gives her joy.

 

That's how we handle it. My daughter recently gave up hope that she will have a baby sister, for whom she's been saving her favorite clothes. She has 5 brothers... We determined that a friend of hers who loves beautiful things is the perfect recipient for all of her treasured dresses, etc. She gets great joy in bringing those things to her friend, and the friend is the perfect recipient, because she gushes over them.

 

Learning to let go is hard, but mamas and daughters can work through it together. I also ask my daughter to remind me of the same as my cabinets begin to burst. Bless others, release the treasures of the past, and make room for new passions.

[Rebecca VA]

This issue is what taught me to be careful of giving them too much stuff in the first place! My second child would be a hoarder if I'd let her. I have to make things disappear when she's not around. Thankfully, she doesn't seem to notice that -- it's just having to make the decision to throw things away that really troubles her.

[melissel]

Well, we did it. We actually managed to get through her whole room, which was unexpected! She agreed to get rid of four things. The toilet paper rolls were first: She tried to protest and asked if she could keep three. I said that we use toilet paper every day here, and that if she felt the need to have more, it would only take a few days. In the meantime, we have three sets of blocks for her to use, and the empty basket is now the perfect place to store her scattered American Girl doll accessories (and doll, it's a big basket). We also got rid of a two-year-old box of valentines (the next Valentine's Day will be here soon enough), a book of her choice (it went into the school shelf, since it was a good one), and something else.

 

Then we kept going, through the teetering pile of stuff on her dresser, the bucket of stale Easter candy and junk toys from an Easter egg hunt two years ago (she has since amassed two more containers of toys/candy from Halloween and this past Easter), all the books and clothes shoved under her bed, the scraps of notes and play money and paper airplanes littered around the room, and the three separate boxes of shells and three separate containers of shiny rocks and handfuls of plastic jewelry and so on. We talked about our environmental footprint and how much waste is involved in production and transport of these things, and how much mental and emotional energy they require in simply having them in our house. We also discussed just how many of something one person needs.

 

I made a point about asking her to consider how important all the knick-knacks taking up an entire shelf were to her, but didn't suggest she get rid of any. I also didn't tackle the books issue (though Junie B. Jones and Amber Brown WILL be relocating to the underbed box of already-read books when I get a chance, to make room for the haul from the most recent library book sale). I didn't throw out the long-dead praying mantis, but I did surreptitiously gather and toss the Avatar McDonald's toys and chopped-up, dried-out bits of play-doh (but not the prized play-doh sushi!), along with countless scraps of paper. She chose what to save in her art portfolio, and we agreed on a few things to save in her memory box (long-term storage). I even managed to go through her clothes, but she didn't care at all about that, as long as her Target leggings stay here :lol: At the beginning of the whole process, I told her that even if she didn't believe me, I could promise her that when her room was cleaned out, she'd be able to breathe easier and feel easier in her mind. Afterward, she told me that, though she hated to admit it, I was right, and she does feel better in her room now :001_smile:

 

LibraryLover, again, I appreciate your input, and you gave me a lot to think about. As I said, I can't agree with you on every point, but you did put a different spin on some of the discussions she and I had today. And thank you for all the ideas, everyone. This was a far less painful experience than last time, so I'm hoping that maturity is bringing a new light to the process. This is the child who, not so long ago, had a complete heartbreaking meltdown over a ripped, destroyed mylar balloon that had been accidentally fished out from under the couch. Apparently it was her faaaaaaavorite (even though it had been her sister's balloon in the first place), and she couldn't part with it. I'm relieved that this went so well!

[2squared]

My 8yo loves her stuff. About once a month we go through her room and clean it together. It's a little bit fun spending the time together to look at her treasures. In the end, though, the room is uncluttered. We've done this often enough that she knows the expectations. She has a bin out in a storage shed of her things, and she feels safe putting her things in there. From the bin it will go to the trash.

 

I think I do two important things for her. First, I am ruthless with my own clutter. She sees me constantly organizing and throwing things out. She sees me put little value on things. She also knows that even though I value something, it doesn't automatically stay with us. I do declutter things that I value. I just value something else (like open space!) more. Second, I am ruthless with what I let her bring into our house. I only let her bring in things that I know will truly be special to her and used by her. She would spend her money on junk, but I am trying to teach her how to make quality purchases.

[Mothersweets]

From a hoarder, she's feeling insecure. Her "stuff" makes her feel safe. "I might need it." is the single greatest reason/rationale for keeping something. There's no other way to do it except take her by the hand, go into her room and help her decide what to keep. If she hasn't needed/used it in >1yr, out it goes. You're going to have to enforce that rule.

 

I regularly hire someone to help me. He literally sits me on the couch, hands me a laundry basket and I fold laundry while he purges stuff. I have to do this, otherwise, I'll be overtaken by clutter. He never throws away anything that is genuinely needed/important. Just clutter that I have gotten attached to. It is very hard for me to do it, but I have to do it.

 

How did you find this person to hire to help you declutter? I would love to have a disinterested party to help me get rid of stuff. When I ask my older dds to help me, they tend to do lots of eye rolling and heavy sighing punctuated with many "oh mom, just throw it away!"s.

[AK_Mom4]

What helps my kids is to put everything they haven't used/played with in a long time in a big box and then put the box in the garage. They feel safe because the stuff is still there, but also enjoy the extra space in their room. I leave the box there for about a month and they can go get anything they want out of the box if they miss it. After a month, I go through the box and donate or throw out everything that's left. It's quite painless for them this way.

 

This is how we are helping my pack-rat son prepare for college. We started by putting all the clothes he wasn't going to wear in the next 6 weeks into tubs and stacking the tubs in the spare room - available in case he "needed" something. Now he is working his way through the non-clothes items - anything he won't use in the next few weeks goes into boxes and into the spare room. Once there is some mental space between him and the stuff, I can go thru it and donate/dump what's in the boxes.

[manylilblessings]

When I first learned "decluttering" something in Don Aslett's book gave me great peace. He said, "If you get rid of it, and regret it, give yourself permission to buy it again." Of course, that doesn't work with photos, etc. It does work well with homeschool curriculum, kitchen gadgets, clothing, shoes, and the like. If it's replaceable, and it isn't being used, get rid of it. There are more where it came from.

 

In 15 years, I've repurchased about 4 items. I've gotten rid of thousands.

[melissel]

I think I do two important things for her. First, I am ruthless with my own clutter. She sees me constantly organizing and throwing things out. She sees me put little value on things. She also knows that even though I value something, it doesn't automatically stay with us. I do declutter things that I value. I just value something else (like open space!) more. Second, I am ruthless with what I let her bring into our house. I only let her bring in things that I know will truly be special to her and used by her. She would spend her money on junk, but I am trying to teach her how to make quality purchases.

 

Both excellent points. I am NOT ruthless with my clutter, but I've reached a point where I'm practically paralyzed by trying to manage the amount of stuff in this house, so I'm nearing my breaking point. Also, I do declutter in an ongoing way, but it's not so visible to her. Maybe I should bring her attention to it more, hmmmm... Today after we finished her room, I packed up two small bags of junk clothes to drop into a donation bin, and she helped me with that. That's a good start!

 

As for the bringing of things into the house, this is one of the things in our life that drives me INSANE. The kids are constantly given little things to bring home, by the most random assortment of people. When we go to my grandmother's, she gives them little things that she bought for them at the dollar store. When my mom takes them to work with her, the resident nun gives them little religious doodads. This past Easter my aunt organized an egg hunt for the three kids--there were over 50 eggs per kid!!!!! :banghead: They come home from birthdays, friends' houses, my parents' and MIL's houses, and preschool with SO MUCH STUFF! If I try to say anything, they all say, "Oh, it's just junk, just throw it away." :001_huh: Yeah, that's easy for them to say; they don't have to deal with the kid who gets deeply emotionally attached to every plastic spider ring from Oriental Trading! I just want to cry about all the wasted money and resources from all the junk that passes through this house. I guess I should be relieved it's not candy though, huh? I've read some of the mother/MIL/junk food threads here, and I'm not sure which is a bigger issue!

Edited June 1, 2010 by melissel

[cdgni]

As someone who suffers from clutter, I absolutely approve the housekeeping method- The child go to a neighsbor's house and bingo- everything is done in childs bedroom.

 

I think if the child can learn control and respect for his/her things, everyone will be much happier in the years to come.

 

At one point, I had 10 thermometers because I never could find them when I needed them. I finally found most of them and threw them away. I still have stuff and have a hard time getting rid of it- however, the "stuff" is not important and traps me into a downward spiral.

 

Teach the child how good organization is. Be firm. That's my advice as an adult who has too much junk!

[QuirkyKapers]

I'm glad that it went well! I have been fortunate that both my kids don't care if I go in and declutter. It would be challenging if a child would remember everything they had in their room:)

[2squared]

As for the bringing of things into the house, this is one of the things in our life that drives me INSANE. The kids are constantly given little things to bring home, by the most random assortment of people. When we go to my grandmother's, she gives them little things that she bought for them at the dollar store. When my mom takes them to work with her, the resident nun gives them little religious doodads. This past Easter my aunt organized an egg hunt for the three kids--there were over 50 eggs per kid!!!!! :banghead: They come home from birthdays, friends' houses, my parents' and MIL's houses, and preschool with SO MUCH STUFF! If I try to say anything, they all say, "Oh, it's just junk, just throw it away." :001_huh: Yeah, that's easy for them to say; they don't have to deal with the kid who gets deeply emotionally attached to every plastic spider ring from Oriental Trading! I just want to cry about all the wasted money and resources from all the junk that passes through this house. I guess I should be relieved it's not candy though, huh? I've read some of the mother/MIL/junk food threads here, and I'm not sure which is a bigger issue!

 

I think you need to start working on changing your dc's expectations in regards to this junk. My kids get the same type of stuff, although not in such quantity. Not one of them expects it to either come in our house or stick around. If they are lucky they get to keep something for a few days, but that's my limit. I keep plastic grocery bags into my van, and they are very convenient for collecting such junk and then easily disposing of it before we get into the house.

 

I am also the mean mom who turns down offers of junk and truly walks out the door without it. It's hard to do, but I think it's good for my kids.

[ZooRho]

Get her specific places to keep things, then when it is full she either throws something away from the pile or she can't keep it.

 

I had a envelope folder that ds stored all his church papters in. When it was full HE had to go through it in order to keep the new stuff. It was easier on him to then throw away the older stuff.

[Mommyof4ks]

Maybe she would be ok with taking pictures of the toilet paper tubes, rocks, acorns and so on and then tossing them? I got a digital camera for each of my kids, and they can take pictures of anything that they make, collect, or whatever before tossing it. I have a cd for each of them with pictures of their things on them so they still get to see them but they are not cluttering up the house. They do the same thing with old toys, clothes, and whatever else is cluttering up the room that they no longer need, don't play with or cannot wear. It works for us, and I know if there are tears over something then it really is special. Just a thought.

[Tutor]

What helps my kids is to put everything they haven't used/played with in a long time in a big box and then put the box in the garage. They feel safe because the stuff is still there, but also enjoy the extra space in their room. I leave the box there for about a month and they can go get anything they want out of the box if they miss it. After a month, I go through the box and donate or throw out everything that's left. It's quite painless for them this way.

 

This is what we do too, and it works wonders. Usually I pack everything up when they are not here and when they get home they see their clean room. I tell them that everything that is missing is in a big box and if they find something missing that they still want, I will get it for them (I don't let them look in the box themselves or they'd find 10 other things they wanted to keep that they had no interest in until they saw it in the box). After about a month, the box goes to Goodwill. I'd guess about 90% of the stuff in the box ends up going to Goodwill. I do throw away any obvious trash or broken items when I clean.