Need to vent... is it okay?

[scrapbabe]

I just need to get my thoughts out and bounce them off of someone else. Ever feel just completely dissatisfied with your life? Like you are really blessed, have great kids, good hubby, nice home, but just feel unhappy?

 

I know I shouldn't be unhappy, and should focus on the good, but I'm struggling to do it. I'm tired - a lot from having my thyroid removed - but a lot just worn down. I'm tired of running my husband's business. I don't want to be there, I don't want to work, I hate carrying that load. I just want to be home, raise my kids, homeschool, and have time to relax once in awhile.

 

Gone are my days of just being a mom and I hate it. I hate going to work at our business, I hate that it's always a stress, even when I'm not there. I hate that it makes family time almost impossible. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!!!! Hubby takes it personally, because he "uprooted" us all from a really good job and life, to come start his own business. He loves what he does, but we still are barely making ends meet (after 2 yrs), are extremely in debt, and I live so far away from family. I can't talk to him, or he feels bad. I don't want him to feel bad.... I just. don't. want. to. do. it. anymore!!!!!:banghead:

 

Thanks for listening if you got this far.

 

Shalynn

[mrbmom77]

:grouphug: No words of wisdom but I said a prayer for you. :grouphug:

[Caitilin]

No advice, just hugs.:grouphug::grouphug: Are you spending time in the sun? I find that if I don't get enough sun-hours, I start to feel really blah, even though there's nothing really wrong with me. I hope someone has some wise words for you.:grouphug::grouphug:

[melissel]

:grouphug: I'm sorry. It's not exactly the same scenario, but I worked up until three months ago, and it nearly turned me inside out. I know how you feel. On top of that, DH wants desperately to start his own business too, but I won't let him, and I know he resents HSing a little for that--if I wasn't so set on HSing, I could have kept my job and he would have the freedom to start his own business. It's not quite 100% true, but I know he feels that way to a certain degree.

 

I wish I could offer you some kind of help, because I know how insane and angry I felt until three months ago. It's such a crummy place to be :grouphug:

[2cents]

:grouphug: One day at a time. :grouphug:

[susancollins]

I so know what you mean. I feel restless. We are near my husband’s family but live away from my family. I have no support system where we live. Everything gets put on me even thought I have been sick. I will pray for you and your family.

[Mommyfaithe]

I just need to get my thoughts out and bounce them off of someone else. Ever feel just completely dissatisfied with your life? Like you are really blessed, have great kids, good hubby, nice home, but just feel unhappy?

 

I know I shouldn't be unhappy, and should focus on the good, but I'm struggling to do it. I'm tired - a lot from having my thyroid removed - but a lot just worn down. I'm tired of running my husband's business. I don't want to be there, I don't want to work, I hate carrying that load. I just want to be home, raise my kids, homeschool, and have time to relax once in awhile.

 

Gone are my days of just being a mom and I hate it. I hate going to work at our business, I hate that it's always a stress, even when I'm not there. I hate that it makes family time almost impossible. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!!!! Hubby takes it personally, because he "uprooted" us all from a really good job and life, to come start his own business. He loves what he does, but we still are barely making ends meet (after 2 yrs), are extremely in debt, and I live so far away from family. I can't talk to him, or he feels bad. I don't want him to feel bad.... I just. don't. want. to. do. it. anymore!!!!!:banghead:

 

Thanks for listening if you got this far.

 

Shalynn

 

:grouphug: I hate running my dh's business too. I wouldn't mind so much if all the other work wasn't there. I am WORN OUT! It is so hard...but I just keep trying to do the next thing and not worry about too much...

Faithe

[junepep]

First :grouphug:

 

Second,how closely have they been monitoring your post op meds? Ideally they should have done a couple of bloodwork sets to make sure that you're not under or over the amt that you should be (I have a tumor on my thyroid and have been debating about it's removal for the past year :/) Is it possible that some of this might be coming from an incorrect dosage?

 

Third, I understand that it makes your husband feel badly about his choice... but is there any way for him to take on more of the responsibility now? You have NO time to yourself. Does he? I'm not saying that there should be equal amounts of misery, but it sounds like you haven't any time at all for anything other than his business and your children. I'm not a proponent of "me" time, but, you should still have something for yourself, some interest or hobby outside of them, even if it includes them as mine do :) If you haven't got that, really honestly talk to your husband about this regardless of how badly it will make him feel. This isn't about him being a provider or leading your family, this is about you needing something that you're not getting - maybe it's quiet moments to yourself to reflect or maybe it's taking up a previous hobby or reading something other than homeschool books ;)

[elegantlion]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Lara in Colo]

Been here doing that. I hate having to give up my dream for his. (this is 10 yrs now) I hate the guilt of hating the work. I hate the guilt of not doing the work and making him figure it out alone. I hate the "not having any thing else but work" cr*p. I hate having to be the only one to get things done at the house---house work, fix-it jobs, mowing you name it. I hate all the unfinished projects. I hate that all our friends gave up on us years ago (we never have any friend time) I hate feeling guilty that he has to take time off to be with us.Some days I pray that God would just bless us or kill us because the stress of limbo and hand to mouth is killing me. I hate feeling so stressed and alone that I yell too much at the children and sometimes make them feel bad for being sightly selfish. So yeah I'm with you. PM me if you want to gripe. Gosh that felt great!!! I think I'm good for at least another month.

 

 

Lara

[m0mmaBuck]

I just need to get my thoughts out and bounce them off of someone else. Ever feel just completely dissatisfied with your life? Like you are really blessed, have great kids, good hubby, nice home, but just feel unhappy?

 

I know I shouldn't be unhappy, and should focus on the good, but I'm struggling to do it. I'm tired - a lot from having my thyroid removed - but a lot just worn down. I'm tired of running my husband's business. I don't want to be there, I don't want to work, I hate carrying that load. I just want to be home, raise my kids, homeschool, and have time to relax once in awhile.

 

Gone are my days of just being a mom and I hate it. I hate going to work at our business, I hate that it's always a stress, even when I'm not there. I hate that it makes family time almost impossible. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!!!! Hubby takes it personally, because he "uprooted" us all from a really good job and life, to come start his own business. He loves what he does, but we still are barely making ends meet (after 2 yrs), are extremely in debt, and I live so far away from family. I can't talk to him, or he feels bad. I don't want him to feel bad.... I just. don't. want. to. do. it. anymore!!!!!:banghead:

 

Thanks for listening if you got this far.

 

Shalynn

 

I don't have the thyroid issue but I run DH's business and up until a few months ago I was also working part-time as a physical therapist. I decided to HS DS and pull DD out of daycare in January and a few weeks later my DSS's mom committed suicide. Between the stress of the business and the stress caused by by the 3 of us (DS, DD and myself) beng home every day and trying to get into the swing of HS'ing and DSS's psychological issues (both pre-existing and as a result of his mom's death) and all of the stress setting DH down a bad road with his PTSD.... And then me being cut off from most of my 'outside' adult contact because I no longer work out of the home (our business runs out of our house too)...

 

I am so sick of where I am in life. I'm sick of holding everyone and everthing together, usually at the expense of my own happiness. I'm tired of being everything for everyone and not having any sense of self-worth or personal satisfaction derived from my daily activities.

 

So :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to you because I think I know how you are feeling. It sucks.

[Dandelion]

I know I shouldn't be unhappy, and should focus on the good, but I'm struggling to do it. I'm tired - a lot from having my thyroid removed - but a lot just worn down. I'm tired of running my husband's business. I don't want to be there, I don't want to work, I hate carrying that load. I just want to be home, raise my kids, homeschool, and have time to relax once in awhile.

 

Sounds like you've got a LOT on your plate, and like you're making the best of a tough situation. :grouphug:

 

What would make it possible for you to get that time to relax once in a while (even if you can't completely remove yourself from the business right now)?

[kalanamak]

:grouphug::grouphug: Debt is horrible. It casts such a shadow on all the good things in life. I wish you the strong back you need and your family needs you have. :grouphug::grouphug:

[scrapbabe]

Sounds like you've got a LOT on your plate, and like you're making the best of a tough situation. :grouphug:

 

What would make it possible for you to get that time to relax once in a while (even if you can't completely remove yourself from the business right now)?

 

Coming here and chatting helps some. Once I get the kiddos to bed I like to come here - or when I steal a moment during the day. But the nature of our business is that we do the advertising, accounting, etc. during the day and then hold classes (karate) all evening. Fridays and Saturday are usually filled with special classes, events, training, etc. all to help the business grow. So finding time to step back and relax is pretty tricky. It's almost a 24/7 job. Sunday we go to church and hubby's church responsibilities keep him gone most of the day. So there's not real family time going on, even then.

 

I know I sound hopeless... I feel it sometimes... but I know there has to be a better tomorrow somewhere out there. Right now though, while wading through the mire, it's hard to see.

 

I so appreciate all of you for listening.

 

Shalynn

[Annabel Lee]

Sunday we go to church and hubby's church responsibilities keep him gone most of the day. So there's not real family time going on, even then.

 

 

Are your DH's church responsibilities negotiable? If so, that could create a little time for the 2 of you to reconnect and then a little time for you to get away, even if just to the library or whatever.

 

And, :grouphug: to you.

[gaillardia]

Here's a :grouphug: to anybody who needs it.

 

I need one too, thanks.

[*Inna*]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Halcyon]

:grouphug: I hate running my dh's business too. I wouldn't mind so much if all the other work wasn't there. I am WORN OUT! It is so hard...but I just keep trying to do the next thing and not worry about too much...

Faithe

 

I dislike running my DH's business too-wow it seems like there are a lot of us here who do that. I do his books, manage his clients, receipts, paperwork. I don't mind doing the books, but the rest is so boring. I feel like a drone.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

:grouphug:

[Kfamily]

:grouphug:

[Entropymama]

:grouphug:

 

We were in a similar situation a few years ago - DH had his own business and worked part time to make ends meet, I worked full time swing shifts so the sitter wouldn't cost as much, and we ran the youth and children's depts at our church on a volunteer basis. I was completely miserable. Breaking point came the day I was singing Cinderella's 'A Dream is a Wish' song to my 2 year old and stared crying when I got to the part about 'no matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing...'

 

So I sat down and wrote down everything until I was clear headed and not super emotional. DH and I got a sitter and went for coffee. I outlined for him (without tears or whining or b****ing) my problems with our situation and how I wanted things to be. Turned out he had many of the same issues! He just didnt' want to complain.

 

Then we set a time frame. "If things don't change (business picks up, debt is paid off, whatever) by this time next year, we'll make a drastic change."

 

Things didn't get better and we stuck to our plan. By that point DH felt he had given the business the good college try, and the year in between was easier for me because I knew there was an end. At the end of the year we ended up moving out of state for DH to take a job. Now I get to stay home and hs, he has a job he really likes, and while we're still paying off some debt from those years, things are SO much better.

 

I hope that helps somewhat, just know that things can get better!