Close Mindedness?

[Impish]

I run into this now and again, and it always leaves me shaking my head.

 

Parent complains about how bad things are going in ps. And I mean, these are valid complaints, and things are baaaaaaaad.

 

So, I suggest that others in the same boat have found homeschooling to be a viable option.

 

Instantly, I get a very cold, "Homeschooling is NOT an option for us."

 

I simply say that, "Homeschooling isn't for everyone." wish them well in dealing with the issues, and drop it.

 

I have to wonder sometimes...if things are as bad as they say they are, why the immediate rejection of homeschooling? Fear? Stereotyping? Its not even open for discussion, just a clanging slam of a metal door. Insta-freeze.

 

I admit, I feel badly for the child caught in the midst of the school issues...We pulled Diva for similar reasons.

[Denisemomof4]

Because homeschoolers have a reputation of being unsocialized, WEIRD, etc.

 

Because mothers don't WANT their kids at home with them all day. I mean really, stay out of the stores from mid July through August because that's when moms are doing their school shopping with their kids and saying, "I can't WAIT for you to be back in school!" Also, I have had friends who worked and said they could NEVER stay home with their kids all day. :001_huh:

 

Because mothers feel inadequate to educate their children.

 

Because mothers don't want all the work it entails.

[Perry]

 

Instantly, I get a very cold, "Homeschooling is NOT an option for us."

 

Well, it isn't an option for everyone. I would give them the benefit of doubt- they know their child and their situation, and know that it wouldn't work.

 

I've homeschooled my kids, and now they are back in school. I am convinced that for one of them, homeschooling was not in his/her best interest. Homeschooling that child again is not an option. If I had been objective and not so stubborn and bull headed, I would have recognized much earlier that ps, while far from perfect, was the better choice.

 

 

So when people say it's not an option, I admire that they know their limitations. I didn't and wish I would have.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

To put the shoe on the other foot: If I were simply venting about homeschooling I wouldn't appreciate it if someone said,"Well, you could always send them to school!"

 

It goes both ways.

[Chris in VA]

I agree with the other posters, but I think homeschooling just isn't mainstream enough yet to be on people's radar--I know I had to educate myself about homeschooling before I saw it as a viable option. The idea of schooling one's own is just too radical for some to even think about!

[Impish]

Situation I'm thinking of isn't simple venting. There are major issues at school that aren't being handled well at all, and is seriously negatively affecting the child.

 

I just wondered about the insta-freeze reaction.

[bkpan]

I run into this now and again, and it always leaves me shaking my head.

 

Parent complains about how bad things are going in ps. And I mean, these are valid complaints, and things are baaaaaaaad.

 

So, I suggest that others in the same boat have found homeschooling to be a viable option.

 

Instantly, I get a very cold, "Homeschooling is NOT an option for us."

 

I simply say that, "Homeschooling isn't for everyone." wish them well in dealing with the issues, and drop it.

 

I have to wonder sometimes...if things are as bad as they say they are, why the immediate rejection of homeschooling? Fear? Stereotyping? Its not even open for discussion, just a clanging slam of a metal door. Insta-freeze.

 

I admit, I feel badly for the child caught in the midst of the school issues...We pulled Diva for similar reasons.

 

Close-mindedness is not reserved for ps parents. It is a human condition most of us struggle with to some degree. If we are honest, there are also many hs parents whose dc would be better served in a ps, for various reasons. How many hs parents have you encountered that assume that ALL public schools are simply evil and out-of-the-question. That is just as close-minded, and I have met many hsers that refuse to consider other school options as well.

 

Also, I do think that most hsers when venting about their day, would not necessarily find a suggestion to send their dc to a ps as helpful to them.

 

Kim

[jvenice]

I think the instant reaction is just fear. They know they need to do something, but they can't even imagine such a tremendous change. I was a teacher and then a principal, and I used to say I would NEVER homeschool. Never say never, right :) It was the best choice we ever made. We finally have a life. We love it, but it took a serious journey for me to realize that my family needed for me to be at home with them more than they needed me to be their head master at school. Fear of the unknown causes the knee-jerk reaction...

[Denisemomof4]

Situation I'm thinking of isn't simple venting. There are major issues at school that aren't being handled well at all, and is seriously negatively affecting the child.

 

I just wondered about the insta-freeze reaction.

 

There are serious issues in my son's school. I've written about SOME of them here but seriously, it's RIDICULOUS. I *WANT* to bring younger ds home but he doesn't want to be home with Mom and two younger sisters. I can't say I blame him. Now that he's almost 15, almost a sophomore, and has a ton of friends at school, I do want him to have input o the situation. But also, he has adhd and he needs to be busy all the time. I think the structure of school, and getting out of the house until late afternoon, is exactly what he needs. Last weekend he woke up and said, "I need some work to do today." :001_smile: He's finishing the basement and making a large room down there to hang out in. He's going to make me a chicken coop. If he were home ALL the time, we'd run out of projects for him to do.

 

But the cold shoulder treatment - I think it's because of the other reasons I mentioned.

[Gooblink]

It truly is an individual family choice. When my husband first broached the subject with me I told him it wasn't an option for our family! :)

 

I have friends who had started hsing and switched later to public or private and their kids are thriving. It just depends.

 

My own boys, when they were younger, responded better to other adults teaching than to mine. We hung in there, but there were many times I threatened to send them to school.

 

One of my neighbors asked me about hsing her boy because she didn't like him being in school, yet she did not feel "qualified" to teach him because she doesn't have a college degree. In TX you can hs others' children, but...I just wasn't comfortable taking on that responsibility. He's still in ps because, in the mother's mind (I'm guessing), hsing is "not an option."

 

Then there are others who know they can school their own kids, but really are just plain selfish and don't want to give up their jobs or their free time.

 

*sigh* Who's to judge, yaknow?

[Mejane]

Because a lot of people like to complain about things, but few want to actually take action to change them. Homeschooling is just one example.

[bookfiend]

What about a more general reply of "Have you considered other schooling options?" Part of their anger and frustration could be that they feel trapped into PS as their only choice.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Sometimes it is a knee - jerk reaction that can change once they start to think about it. My friend's child would throw up every single day at just the thought of going to ps that day (it was so bad for her there). Counseling did not help. The mom would vent to me but then get mad if I even hinted that perhaps homeschooling the child would be better for them.

 

I finally got fed up with it and asked her why she was telling me about this stuff if she knew that I would think that homeschooling would be a better choice? I told her that I did not think that homeschooling was the only way to go but that frankly in this case, it was abusive to keep putting the girl back in a situation that she had no capacity for. She was pretty mad at me at the time but two weeks later she pulled her out and started to homeschool her. I'm not that blunt with casual acquaintances - this was a very long term friend - but sometimes I think you need to call a spade a spade. Also - I'm not a person to force a subject - she was the one who kept asking me "what should I do?" She listened once I got past my polite barriers to telling her what I really thought in detail. (I did wonder for two weeks if she was an "ex- long term friend", though.)

[Sophia]

I've come to realize some people just like to complain.

I have several fellow homeschoolers who complain about various activities, but when I suggest alternatives...they clam up.

 

Which I guess is a good thing...I hate hearing people complain when they don't really want to do anything about it.

[Orthodox6]

Ignorance of and fear of the unknown.

 

Fear of criticism from peers and/or relatives.

 

Reluctance to commit to what is, in indisputable fact, a full-time job that pays no salary, with non-reimbursable expenses for curricula and supplies.

 

Really just wanted sympathy and hand-holding, rather than truly wanted an alternative.

[Pink Fairy]

Ignorance of and fear of the unknown.

 

Fear of criticism from peers and/or relatives.

 

Reluctance to commit to what is, in indisputable fact, a full-time job that pays no salary, with non-reimbursable expenses for curricula and supplies.

 

Really just wanted sympathy and hand-holding, rather than truly wanted an alternative.

 

:iagree: Yep.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Ignorance of and fear of the unknown.

 

Fear of criticism from peers and/or relatives.

 

Reluctance to commit to what is, in indisputable fact, a full-time job that pays no salary, with non-reimbursable expenses for curricula and supplies.

 

Really just wanted sympathy and hand-holding, rather than truly wanted an alternative.

 

I will ask people, "Are you asking for advice or are you just venting?" 9 times out of 10 they will tell me that they are just venting. Then I can relax and just give them sympathetic looks and noises.

[LibraryLover]

Well, it isn't an option for everyone. I would give them the benefit of doubt- they know their child and their situation, and know that it wouldn't work.

 

I've homeschooled my kids, and now they are back in school. I am convinced that for one of them, homeschooling was not in his/her best interest. Homeschooling that child again is not an option. If I had been objective and not so stubborn and bull headed, I would have recognized much earlier that ps, while far from perfect, was the better choice.

 

 

So when people say it's not an option, I admire that they know their limitations. I didn't and wish I would have.

 

:iagree: I also trust people who say "I would never have the patience". I trust they know themselves. If we reject these reasons, it's as if we are rejecting their individuality. Not every family, not every child or parent is meant to be a homeschooler. Leave people to their realities, I say.

 

Ju7st think about alll the posts here complaining about bad days/weeks/months in their hsing. Most hsers are going to clang the gate shut if someone suggests sending the child to school. Sometimes all people want is a little sympathy, a little support. Same goes for folks who are using schools.

[missmoe]

Culture. It's most likely a cultural thing. As bad as the schooling situation is for them, sending your kids to public school is just what you do in our culture. I have lived in places where not sending kids to public school was the norm. Only the very poor and uneducated families sent their children to public schools. I had a friend whose son was attending a religous school. This was the school all the neighborhood kids (with the exception of mine and one other family) attended. She had attended it. Her husband had attended it. It was working for all of her children except the youngest one. They tried it for several years with him. It just didn't work. So they moved him to another school(same model---different neighborhood). It still didn't work. This poor kid was just being worn down and dimished by this choice to continue in that school environment. They just couldn't see outside of what their culture dictated. Homeschooling wasn't a choice nor was a different type of school--be it a different type of private school or a public school.

 

I think for most Americans, public school is a huge part of our culture. I read about it in magazines, see it on tv, discuss it with my neighbors, ect.

To leave behind that normalness for most people is just too much of a leap. In a way, as homeschoolers we've created a different culture. And of course within that culture are many different norms or subcultures.

 

That's my take on why so many people slam the door of homeschooling shut so quickly.

[CLHCO]

Because homeschoolers have a reputation of being unsocialized, WEIRD, etc.

 

Because mothers don't WANT their kids at home with them all day. I mean really, stay out of the stores from mid July through August because that's when moms are doing their school shopping with their kids and saying, "I can't WAIT for you to be back in school!" Also, I have had friends who worked and said they could NEVER stay home with their kids all day. :001_huh:

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

I know the reaction of which the OP is speaking. She's not talking about the thoughtful parental educator who either must, for financial reason, deal with a specific school, or who honestly believes the benefits to their child outweigh the problems. There are those who most certainly deserve the benefit of the doubt. Those who say, "I don't believe it would work for our family", or something similar, or at least give a kind response.

 

I've heard both, but most are the shut-down comments with an edge that suggests they'd never want to be a freak like me. I mean, really. I highly doubt they're snapping it off in frustration because they simply get asked all the time by the zillions of homeschoolers around them. Possible, but unlikely.

 

There are those (most?) who really just shut off their thinking when it comes to school. It's what you *do* with kids of a certain age in this culture. Children should not be a default function of life, and I admit this bugs me.

 

I respect those who have a different belief about the system from well thought out consideration of their options, even where I disagree. However, I've said before that aliens could be invading and most parents would still be dropping their kids off at the local school. ;)

[fairfarmhand]

 

Children should not be a default function of life

 

 

 

I love this quote!