Boy Scout Dilema

[Impish]

Diva was in girl scouts for one year.

 

Princess had just been born that Sept.

 

I received more than one call demanding my presence at the meetings. When I informed them I had a nursing baby, I was told, "Can't your husband manage that?" Uh, no.

 

At the end of the year ceremony, there was a 20 minute lecture about how parents need to help out, how much work leaders put in, etc. This was before any badges, etc were handed out.

 

She hasn't been back. :glare:

 

I get that leaders work hard. I do. But, simply put, not all parents are able to help out. They didn't want my dh, he has a penis. Only Moms were welcome. I wasn't welcome to bring the baby either.

[GWOB]

Thanks for all the responses! We have decided to leave. I will be contacting the group in the other town soon. That, or start my own group with the other moms who wouldn't join because of crazy Den leader. Actually, the former Assistant Den Leader quit because of DL's constant (3-5 times/day) phone calls and harassment. How many meetings to plan meetings does one need/week? Anyway, thanks for the kick in the pants! I needed it.

[rfoster]

I get that leaders work hard. I do. But, simply put, not all parents are able to help out. They didn't want my dh, he has a penis. Only Moms were welcome. I wasn't welcome to bring the baby either.

 

This was one thing that has bugged me about girl scouts. Our cub scout pack/den doesn't care if its my hubby, me, if I bring the girls along, WHATEVER, they take whatever help we are able to offer. But when I was sick one week and told the Girl Scout troop leader that my DH was bringing my daughters but he'd be happy to help with my volunteer duties, the troop leader basically acted like he was not welcome at all. 'Oh thats ok he doesn't have to stay, he can just pick them up when the meeting is over'. When I said that he wanted to participate in the activities with his daughters (keep in mind he has the adult leader background checks etc already with the GSA which we PAID FOR) the troop leader said she'd have to check with the other moms first to make sure they were comfortable with that....I think that was the point where we stopped participating in Girl scouts altogether.

[angela in ohio]

I know her! There's one everywhere. :glare: I did quit some things to get away from her. :D

 

I would drive 30 minutes to be away from that. Of course, I weekly drive that far for quality music and art lessons.

 

We have been frustrated by the lack of male leadership in Boy Scouts, too.

[teamturner]

I haven't read the other replies, but here's my suggestion.

 

My twin boys started Webelos this past year as 9 year olds. We live in a neighboring city from many of our activities: church, co-op, and scouts. We drive 20-25 minutes to get to the scout meetings. We chose this troop/pack because it is all homeschoolers and had heard excellent things about it. We could have chosen a closer homeschool group, but decided to stay where we have more connections. I only point this out to say that a 30 minute drive for a better scout situation is entirely possible and in the long run may be a better environment for your son. The pack we are in is heavily dad involved and my dh takes my ds's to their meetings. I like that!

 

I suggest you contact someone in the other troop and see if your ds and dh can attend one of their activities to see if it may be a better fit. I don't see how you can exist in a boy scout den if you don't trust the adults in charge. That's not good! I would choose no scouts over the one you're in. Sorry.

[Retired]

I drive 35 minutes to my sons troop.

You as a parent need to feel completely confident and trusting of your troop leaders. My son is 13 and goes on monthly camping/hiking trips. I wouldn't allow him to participate and enjoy all scouts have to offer if I thought the troop was a disorganized, undisciplined mad house organization.

 

There are closer troops with a reputation

There is one troop that the leaders think is okay to take beer on the camp outs.:001_rolleyes:

 

The other troop leaders brings his daughters on the camp out. She is 16 and from what I gather has always participated. I wouldn't have an issue if she was in elementary school but not co-ed camp outs with other teens. I am just uptight like that

 

Our troop is very discipline and my son has grown in maturity and responsibility and truly loves his scout leaders. There is a scout mom and she is great at keeping things organized. She is loud and will say anything but she seriously cares for the scout organization and the kids. She and her DH live and breath scouts and girl scouts.

 

I encourage you to drive a little further especially if you son may want to go for Eagle Scout. This needs a very organized and well formed troop to helper the boys tr hough all that entails

[Janet in WA]

I would be VERY reluctant to encourage you to do anything to undermine your current pack. But under the circumstances, you may find that there are other boys in your current den who would be interested in traveling to the new den 30 minutes away, and you might be able to work out a car pool arrangement so that drive isn't something you have to make for every meeting.

[teamturner]

In this case, it's not so hard. The two leaders going with me are also the parents of ds' best friends. So, the boys will go together and since they've been the core of my den all along it won't hurt so bad.

 

I would if the parents didn't mysteriously disappear. It's incredible how hard people can be to get ahold of when they don't care to talk. We've made exceptions for a few boys whose parents couldn't speak English and now all the English speakers are taking advantage of it. It's hard to turn away the kids that want to do this because their parents will not help, especially when faced with the kids who don't want to be there, but you can't find their parents to return them :glare:

 

Maybe we could schedule an end of year meeting for all the scouts and explain all this. It would be nice if the parents would chip in (we don't even get dues anymore). The few parents who started to help took to the hills once the amount of help needed became clear. Right now our pack just seems to be over.

 

Wow, Julie! I need to save this thread for my dh to read. We didn't know we had it so good. Our pack may be a little late in communicating things to us, but that doesn't seem like such a big deal when compared to your situation. As far as money/dues goes, we had to pay somewhere around $100 per ds to be in scouts. Through popcorn sales we were able to recover some of that. My ds's have to bring $1 per meeting in dues as well. They are encouraged to get the dues money by doing extra jobs around the house.

 

Our pack and den communicate exclusively through email. There have been two times when our den was asked to bring items for a banquet or such. By the time I saw the email and tried to volunteer to bring one of the items needed, everyone in my den had beat me to it and there was nothing left to bring. And that was withing an hour of the email being sent. We have amazing parents in our den and pack. The den leader delegates a month of meetings to different parents and it's the parents who decide what badge to work on and set a plan for accomplishing the badge requirements during the meetings. I guess we have a very successful pack and troop because it has been established for a long time.

 

I hope you find a scout group that will be a blessing to your family.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

How unfortunate that you weren't welcome with the baby. Seems like a lost opportunity for the troop as well as for the girls. When I've been den leader I've always welcomed siblings, older or younger. In six years, there's really only been one family that brought kids who were such a distraction that it would have been better for them not to attend.

 

Part of the issue at hand is more than just one of wanting more parent involvement. For the cub scouts at the first grade level, Tiger Cubs, they are required to join with an adult partner, who agrees to participate in all meetings and outings with them. It is right on the youth registration form, so it isn't something that parents should think is being sprung on them. I've been in packs where we had many boys join at 2nd grade because their parents couldn't commit to being at meetings with them. (And yes, while one partner registers, parents could alternate attending.)

 

The other issue is one of youth protection. The BSA standard is that there should be more than one adult, both for general safety and so that a scout is not alone with an adult (that isn't their parent). The ideal situation is to have two trained, experienced, excited and dedicated leaders. The reality is that leaders aren't paid. We are volunteers who are parents of scouts too. And we're also juggling the needs of other family members and other schedule demands.

 

Not to make light of the situation that you were in, but I have to wonder what other parents are thinking when they tell me that they are too busy. I have three kids in two levels of scouts, was a board member of our homeschool group and am often without dh support when his ship is underway. It isn't like there is some pool of parents saying, pick me, pick me when it is time to lead groups and take responsibility for the administration and paperwork. I didn't get to be knowledgeble about scouting because I went to college for it. I spent time at pack level training, and read the handbooks (both scout and leader).

[Guest ScoutmasterTroop333]

We have a well run troop with a mix of homeschooled and other schooled boys. Our personal family experience was to go through two other troops (one twice) before forming our own with various friends.

 

The behavior you described is not acceptable in scouting and these people should not be leaders. They are not properly trained to deal with the scouts. Unless a scout is doing something urgently dangerous or is being completely disruptive there is no need to discipline. Troops are supposed to be boy lead.

 

And for those unable or unwilling to invest the time as leaders to help cultivate that, they should not be adult leaders. Emphasis on leader. Advice to troops struggling with this issue - solicit those men in the troop who own or supervise a business. They are busy but usually have good qualifications for running a troop. They can also encourage others to help.

 

Scoutmasters (and I'm one) who act like dictators over others and the scouts achieve little in the way of results. Our philosophy is to have multiple leaders alternate the duties so no one gets burned out and all support each other. Each camping trip we designate a different adult leader to take the reigns to show the boys varying leadership styles and ensure no one person (myself included) feels the need to dominate.

 

PS - Beer or any alcohol on a campout or scout activity, to the person who posted about that, that is a direct violation of BSA principles and can result in automatic expulsion. Please report the troop for local council investigation. ANY drinking and driving or adult supervision under the influence is a danger to the scouts and families. Please take the proper steps. Better for a troop to stop operation than continue in those circumstances.

Hope that helps,

[Impish]

I triple checked the dates on this thread, thinking that maybe I'd lost 4 days.

 

Nope, just a thread almost a year old. :lol:

[mom2scouts]

.

Edited May 15, 2011 by mom2scouts

[Sebastian (a lady)]

C take over as den leader, get someone else to be your assistant and let her know she can just drop off her son.

 

But this won't work if she is also a bunch of other positions like committee chair or cub master.

 

In that case I would either do Lone Scout for a bit until Boy Scout age or go to the other pack.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I triple checked the dates on this thread, thinking that maybe I'd lost 4 days.

 

Nope, just a thread almost a year old. :lol:

 

:iagree:

[Running the race]

b.

 

Run the other way! Your son is young and this issue is not going to get any better. Save yourself the stress later by leaving now.

[GWOB]

I was shocked to see this thread again! Just to let you all know, we did leave the troop. The leader just got nuttier. We never did join the other troop in the next town. I think we may just join 4-H instead.

[enlarsh]

Leave. Scouts is supposed to be fun for everyone involved.

 

Edited: Never mind. That's what I get for only checking "New Posts."

Edited May 15, 2011 by enlarsh

[QueenCat]

It's against BSA rules for Tigers to attend without their own adult. :001_huh:

 

:iagree:And the den leader is NOT allowed to change this rule.

[UmMusa]

Please excuse me, I haven't read all the replies, but I experienced almost the same thing this year with my DD6 in Daisies. I am not signing up for next year. I wish I could be a leader, but I'm not ready to add that to my responsibilities.

[justasque]

Do consider trying the other troop next year. While there are a lot of horror stories on this thread, there are good stories out there too. We shopped around for a troop, after experiencing some of what others have described. We drive 20 minutes to meetings instead of 2 minutes. We found a great troop with tons of involved dads, and we have tried to do our part as well. Ds has had tons of great experiences, some of which have been life-changing (in a very good way). His troop goes away about once a month, and has offered a huge variety of experiences. Dh has been welcome to go along to whatever he can, which has also been good. Father-son outings that we don't have to plan - woo hoo! Ds just made Eagle, a great accomplishment. When I toured several colleges' Accepted Student Open House days a few years back, every single one of them mentioned how many Eagles were in their cohort of accepted students; it's a very well-regarded accomplishment.