Those with dh's who work out of the house,

[rafiki]

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[Starr]

Good luck.:D I find the dh wants to wander through the house and kitchen talking and doing projects or whatever but doesn't want the kids to bother him. Okay it was several years ago that we did this but it's my recollection.

[KinderSafari]

It has been 2 years since my dh works at home - worlds colliding has been extremely difficult. His expectation was that we should create an environment similar to that of a work office environment. Not going to happen. Not for 40 hours between 8 and 5 with five kids under 14.

 

The first year he started off giving his input on every single school lesson and giving "helpful" household organizational tips. He also expected to live life normally as he did when he was normally at home on a weekend or evening - and sat down in the living room any time of day listening to sports radio or doing something else in the "common areas" that would totally distract from the pre-set school setting of the last 8 years.

 

We set up a "black and white" schedule - which he hated, because his job now had flexible hours, but his flexibility would mean the other 6 of us would have to work around his whims. Not a happy family situation. We have re-discussed the schedule several, several times. And when we go by it - truly life works so much better. We have a spreadsheet of where each person is expected to be at which time of day. Not SUPER structured - but things like: dh work 8 - noon, lunch noon to 12:30, group lessons 12:30 til 2:00. This way we ALL know who should not be disturbed or interrupted when.

 

Several times my dh will interrupt the kids to go finish cleaning their room, or bring the garbage out, or help him with a task. An OCCASIONAL exception would be okay, but it gets to be A LOT - so I have started to ask him: If the kids were in (public) school would you be going into the school and taking them out for this task? If they did not complete the tasks expected of them before school starts, they will get a consequence, but they can not be interrupted 20x a day to go do little household tasks. At least I haven't done it that way. :) So then it's a matter of: who's way are we going to do this? Because of it's his way - he's going to have to do all of it because we're on such different pages sometimes.

 

COMMUNICATION is really, really important!

 

Also, there are about 3 meetings online a week where we need NO INTERRUPTIONS for an hour at a time. He had a very hard time letting us know and would be surprised and upset if one of the kids came walking along or were getting in an argument around his work area at that time. But they had NO IDEA he was on a call. So it's been training him to learn to communicate meeting times to us ahead of time.

 

You both need to talk about what you expect! Because chances are it's going to be different on both sides!

 

On the positive side, my husband, who is passionate about history, has taught 3 years of history to the kids in a year and a half and made it EXTREMELY interesting to them. He is also better at math and can help explain things quickly to the kids when they need help instead of me (who has to look things up again just to be sure). He is also so much more aware of their skill and abilities levels - so he has become closer to them and more understanding of that.

 

Not easy, but it HAS been a good change for us. Good luck!

[LarlaB]

Since DD was born, DH has always worked from home at least 2-3 days a week, so I can't give you much insight on how to make the transition. I think results vary based on what your DH's job is... :)

 

My DH works from home 3 days a week is very 9-6 about his work because much of what he does involves other people (he is VP/National Sales Manager). He does have flexibility, but his cell is ringing all day long w/ IM's, emails & faxes as well- high communication. :) He doesn't generally have the option to re-structure his day, because he's mentally wrapped up in his work. So your DH's job/responsibilities will affect how he acts working at home.

 

Generally speaking, he goes to work in his office and stays there all day. ;) We will see him for lunch, but he is not involved in housework/schoolwork/parenting during the day. Yes, we will ask each other questions or he will take a quick walk to de-stress w/ one of the kids...but he's found it helps to get focused & stay focused. :) He will come down for a snack or drink and maybe to chat, but 90% of the time, we don't see him.

 

The office is on the 2nd floor (one of the bedrooms) so that helps w/ sound as we are on the main floor all day. :) The rule is that children don't go in unless the door is open. It may take some time for your children to learn this, but they will- DS2 tries to push his limits but he's learning. When DD has friends over to play (her room is right next to DH's office) they have to stay quiet...generally, no screaming/horseplay on the 2nd floor. I do have to say that DH is very gracious with us...there have been times when I've been so wrapped up in what I'm doing w/ DD, that DH has to call or IM me to let me know that DS is upstairs banging on the door.

 

There ARE perks. :) 2 days a week, while DS is napping & DD is having quiet time, I can go running outside or run a quick errand. Also, on co-op days, DH will pick up DS from mothers-day-out and bring him home and put him down for nap- that is his contribution to homeschooling, so DD & I can be at co-op- he does that on his 'lunch break'. He doesn't have commute time, so he's done at about 5:30 or 6pm and we eat dinner right away....so we've found that he needs to 'transition' before coming down for dinner.

 

Just some things that come to mind. Certainly, its a collision of worlds- we have to work to give each other space.

Laura

[4kiddies]

any advice as we make this transition?

 

We're used to dh working 60+ hours a week away from the house, so this flexibility is completey new territory for us.

 

He does have an office space with a door.

 

How do you keep your school routine and the kid's focused with dh home?

 

Any other wisdom?

 

I just want to say congrats! I know your husband has been looking for awhile and must have missed the job update.

[Tap]

Dh works from home some. We don't have too many problems with it. He will go upstairs or outside if he needs to make a quiet phone call. The downstairs is our school, if he doesn't want to work in our school...he can go upstairs. Most of his work involves cell phone, a laptop and a single note pad, so he doesn't really need a desk. I set up an area in our bedroom with a small coffee table and rocking chair. He will go up there for quiet if we are being noisy.

 

The only problem, is that my husband likes to pace when he talks on the phone. He will come downstairs and start pacing around the house. It drives me nuts...it is like a buzzard circling around. :lol: I banish him when he gets loose down here now. He is in sales and his employees days start at 3am. The managers/owners that are his clientele are there until 6 or 7pm. If his employees need clarification on their next day or are calling in sick, it is usually in the evening until 3am.. He gets phone calls around the clock, almost every day. If I am asleep, the phone ringing doesn't bother me, but him getting up and pacing the house drives me extra nutty.

 

Oh, one other thing. If I make the kids lunch he will come poking around looking for food. I don't expect to feed him, so I don't buy in quantities for him to eat lunch.

[myfunnybunch]

My dh works from home.

 

If the office door is closed, he is not available.

 

If the office door is open, the kids may pop in to read him a story or show him something they've made, or to ask for a short math lesson. (If I am trying to teach one and another gets stuck, I'll send them to work with Dad.)

 

My dh has always worked from home, so we're used to the routine. The kids just know not to bother him during the day. Our biggest problem, honestly, was the reverse...he'd walk in and start chatting with me in the middle of a lesson. :glare: I finally compared it to me walking in and talking to him while he's in a phone meeting with his boss. He stopped, lol.

 

Some benefits: If he hasn't got meetings scheduled, I can leave the boys with him while I run an errand. We see him at lunch time. He can run errands or go on a field trip in the middle of the day and make up the time in the evening. (He compares it to a parent working in an office taking time off to take a child to the doctor or to go to a school program.) He has no commute, so he makes dinner three nights a week. He can come unclog the toilet or fix things if they break during the day. ;)

 

Enjoy! It may take some adjustment, but once you've figured out what works for you it will be great! :)

 

Cat

[Mom0012]

My dh works from home and it definitely has its pros and cons. It is great when I can run out to the grocery store or a quick errand and leave the kids at home because dad is there. I can go to a doctor appointment and not worry about what I'm going to have to do with the kids. Also, he can occasionally fill in for me making drop offs at playdates or scheduled activities. It's also saved us a ton of money on gas.

 

On the con side, he is on the phone all day long and he talks very loudly. This took me a long time to get used to. Usually he stays in his office (which he keeps in a state that resembles the local landfill) but doesn't like to keep the door shut. I hate looking at the mess every time I walk by and I hate listening to him talk on the phone. Last week, he set up his computer at our kitchen table for one day and it took every ounce of self control for me to avoid asking him why the heck he was working there (while very loudly talking on the phone of course). He also has a tendency to decide to make himself breakfast/lunch/a snack every time I enter the kitchen to prepare a meal for the kids or myself. He has taken to throwing his dishes in the sink throughout the day for me to wash, but he does empty the dishwasher on a semi-sporadic basis:).

 

Before he worked at home, the kids and I would occasionally take a day and slack off, but now I'm more self-conscious about that as well because he is here working. The other thing is when he went to the office, he was usually home by 6:30 and done for the day. Now, he basically gets out of bed and goes straight to work and doesn't stop until he's ready to chill out in front of the tv at night. This means he gets very little done besides work.

 

My main advice is to set up a defined work area that will not disrupt your homeschooling. We are in the process of refinishing our basement and I am going to encourage my husband to move his office down there. I think that would really be better for him (no loud kids when their friends are over) and us (no distractions with the phone). Plus, it's hard for me not to go in and talk to him when he's just sitting there and I probably interrupt him more than I should sometimes.

 

Lisa

[Peela]

Not easy here either.

I found I had to fight for boundaries. I found he wanted to come and chat, he wanted to take me out for lunch, he wanted to have coffee with me. And I couldnt do it- I had to focus on the kids and I had to take it seriously, or it was chaos and I would resent his interruptions.

So, it was hard on him, really, as we are both blunt people..it hurt his feelings but I would tell him "not now" or "please, we are working here"...and then over time I learned to do it more gently...I would tell him I could take a break at a certain time and I would bring him a cup of tea, or lunch.

Lots of conversations about boundaries, about respecting what I am doing as MY job- that sort of thing. He rarely wanted to "help"- it was more, he wanted attention!

 

Nowadays the kids are teens and I do often take time to go out to lunch with him if they have enough work to get on with. Or, we all go out together. But it has been many years of adjustments.

 

Yes, I have lost my cool with him. I could have been kinder at times. But I did feel it was a priority that he realise he needed to respect our space, our bubble of homeschooling concentration. So, I was pretty strong about it. But, he did get the message and it isn't an issue any more- or rarely.

 

By the way...the advantagges are great too. It has been great to be able to call him in for discipline at times. It has been great that he is just "around" for the kids, rather than our all the time. Lots of blessings. But, tough too.

[LNC]

My husband has always worked out of the home and we love it. Even during the baby years with 4 children! He wanders around getting snacks, coffee and runs late morning. We chat then but respect his time at work. No commute or face time with colleagues has caused his productivity to be 100x more than his co-workers. We have special needs in our family and many hospitalizations over the years, and we could have never made it without him working out of our home. We love being together all of the time!

Edited May 10, 2010 by LNC

[woolybear]

I do not have a dh that works out of the house, but last winter he was home a lot (not enough work). It was very difficult. We didn't have the problem of his wanting quiet or needing to work. But his presence was disruptive. It was hard to even start school with him around. One day I was reading a history book aloud and he kept wandering in and out of the room. I finally told him he needed to either stay out or sit and listen! Lol. He looked a bit sheepish and said it sounded very interesting. I think that was why he kept finding excuses to come back in. Anyway, he sat and listened.:D Mostly though, it was a real pain having him around. Sorry I don't have any wisdom. Good luck to you.

[The Girls' Mom]

Be flexible and be patient. That goes for both of you ;)

 

My dh has worked from home for 5-6 years. It helps us that he does have a set schedule for work. He still has to clock in and out, so we know that from 7:30AM until 4:30PM dad is at work.

 

A separate office area with a door is a must. Especially if he handles business phone calls. Be firm with the kids that they cannot interrupt a phone call unless it's an emergency.

 

Instant messaging is your friend.

 

Try not to get too upset when he wanders through to talk to you or the kids. To me, it's one of the perks of everyone being home...we still get to speak to each other throughout the day. However, it helps to have the discussion with dh before hand that it IS disrupting and it takes you even longer to do school if you have to get them back on task repeatedly each day.

 

And my own personal issue: don't assume that because he's home that he can do non-work things. I have trouble with that some days..:tongue_smilie:

[Rosie_0801]

Dh either works in the back shed, he's got an armchair out there, or he works at the library. That's only about 10 mins walk away. If he's in the house, the tots think he's *really* home. It's a bit hard to explain to pre-verbal people that he only looks like he's home, so we're all better off if he's at the library.

 

Rosie

[rafiki]

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[Guest Cindie2dds]

He does have an office space with a door.

 

How do you keep your school routine and the kid's focused with dh home?

Dh husband has been working at home (at a desk in our bedroom) for a little over two years now. He doesn't take phone calls often because most of his business communication is electronic.

 

Our rule, if the door is closed, you can't go in. He comes out for lunch and a couple of coffee breaks where he asks about school and checks Rella's math. He does play outside or a game or just talk to them for about 20 minutes during his breaks. It took us about two months to get the kinks worked out. If they want to see him, we email chat to ask for a Daddy break.

 

It has been absolutely amazing. My house isn't as clean as it once was, but I will trade that any day for him being home!

 

Hope this helps.

Edited May 10, 2010 by Cindie2dds

[JenC3]

Dh has worked at home for almost 2.5 yrs. The transition was tough, but until this past year we were in a 3 bed with 3 kids so it was hard for the kids to understand, etc. Our new house has a cottage on our property that is now dh's office. He goes out there between 9:30-10 and come in around 12:30-1 for lunch back out and is done around 4:30-5:30. He usually works a bit on Sat too from the couch:)

 

Communication, respectful boundaries, organization. Be prepared to have lots of kinks in the beginning, but we LOVE it and wouldn't have it any other way.