When do you stop hosting birthday parties

[AuntPol]

At what age do you stop having birthday parties for your child? I know some families don't have them yearly due to budget reasons but if you are a family that has had one every year, when do you stop?

 

My daughter is turning 11 next month. I am not sure what to do for her birthday. Her birthday is always more anxiety producing than DS's because she is very popular and in a lot of activities and has a lot of friends (it doesn't help that there are a ton of girls her age in our co-op). She gets invited to a lot of parties so it's hard to narrow down a guest list. My house just can't accomodate all these friends. We had sleepover last year and by just going with one group of friends, it was 14.

 

On the otherhand, it's hard trying to come up with enough kids to invite to my son's party. He's happy taking one friend to arcade for the day (and that ends up costing as much as dd's party by time we pay for ds, dd, and friend).

 

Parties at a place cost at least $200 just to there! Some upwards to $400. When we do it at a park or at home, it still ends up being over $100 by time we buy pizza, drinks, and party favors. I make the cake and we usually give one item favors instead of boxes of junk (I usually do something like water guns or hula hoops or last year, we did $2 t-shirts and decorated them).

 

We have told DD that probably no party this year for her 11th but it seems many of her friends are still having them. I don't know when it ends. I only had 3 parties (one at 2 w/ neighbors, one at 10 and one at 15). Other than that, birthday meant a cookout with extended family and my aunt made a cake.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Around here, people go overboard on birthday parties. The cost is ridiculous. Everyone invites dozens of kids, and I don't know how they can afford these parties. We have been having parties at home with just a few special friends, and my kids are happy with it. Hopefully, by 10 or 12 they will outgrow wanting a party. I think I'd rather just do what my sister does. Her kids get to go pick out a present, then choose where the family goes for dinner, then choose a special activity.

[Starr]

Every once in a while I manage to take the kids away for a birthday but the next year they want a party. :) This year at 14 and 16 they combined their friends for a party. We had about 20 teens :D and some parents stayed to help.

 

Would it work for your daughter to plan several activities and have a party that lasted 2 hours. It would be easier than a slumber party. I'm not a big fan of slumber parties. I don't find that they bring out the best in girls. Or take a special friend to a play or something.

 

I know people who end the party thing but it hasn't worked here.

[Jean in Newcastle]

In your situation you've built up precedence so it might be harder, but we alternate between "family parties" and "friend parties". Perhaps if you tell your dd that this year is a family party? They can range from having a special dinner that the birthday child chooses, complete with cake at home to having a special dinner out (perhaps "tea" for the birthday girl who is growing up? Many tea shops offer lemonade or hot chocolate if the child does not like actual tea).

[StephanieZ]

I'll do parties for as long as my kids will let me. . . but they are evolving as dc are growing up. By age 12 or so, it's more like me providing a place for the kids to do their kid stuff. . . as opposed to me organizing formal activities. . . Just some food/sugar and time/place to run around and be silly. . . that's all they really need to be happy!

 

For my dd's 13th this year, we had a bonfire & fondue party for "all" her friends (girls and boys) and then the girls spent the night. It cost us maybe $40 in food. No other costs. The kids had a great time. It was during a snowstorm in December, and we live on a 4WD-needed-in-snow road, so a few kids couldn't make it (and we shuttled others from the nearest plowed road in our own 4WD van), but we had maybe 12 kids about 6 of whom spent the night. The girls spent the night in the basement, which is not huge but, really, they don't care how crowded it is. . . 20 could have squeezed in there.

 

Last year, for ds's 11th, we had a sleepover in TENTS (it's in June), so that's an idea if there are too many kids to sleep in your basement or family room. . . . Just beg/borrow tents for the kids, have them bring sleeping bags. . . and have the same-gender parent sleep out there to keep an eye on them. (Yay, that was DH's job for ds!!) We cooked out burgers, made s'mores, and probably spent under $30 for food. No other expenses.

 

I stop party favors around age 10. It just seems silly past that age or so.

 

I think parties are even more important as the kids get older. . . to help them strengthen those friendships that are becoming so vital to them. . . (and lack thereof seems to drive many towards ps for high school in our town.)

 

HTH

[hornblower]

I think dd's last one was at 14 (movie & pizza) & honestly, I think we could/should have stopped it a few years earlier.

 

Ds just turned 12 & he is not having one w/ friends, just with family. We gave ds the option of having approximately the $ we would spend on a party. He chose the $ & spent it all at lego.com :D It wasn't so much the $ as some other issues with friends etc that just made a party this year almost impossible.

 

So that's my exp.: somewhere between 11 & 13. I think if older kids want to do pizza and a movie with a small group (1-3) friends that's ok too but for dd, I think the exp was not that great the last few years.

 

In our family no adults do birthday parties with friends. We just have a small dinner with immediate family & then a few times a year we have 'group birthday dinners' with extended family where we celebrate all the b'days in that quarter. So as kids grow up, we just fold them into the 'adult' way of celebrating.

[KidsHappen]

We did one for our dd's 13th but it was a combination costume/birthday party because her birthday is very close to Halloween. I am hoping that was the last one though. When the children get older we ususally do a family dinner at a nice place and a little spending money. I am hoping she will go for that this year. I detest birthday parties. :glare:

[Smithie]

My kids are turning 6, 4 and 1 this month, and I am soooooo over kid birthday parties. Spending money to get a pile of cheap plastic crap? No thanks.

 

We are inviting our homeschool and AP playgroups for a combined playdate at our house, and I am serving cupcakes and juice. No favors, no presents. It's going to be great.

[knit247]

My brother and I had parties until we were 10. After that, even birthdays we could have a party, and odd birthdays we were allowed to invite one friend out to dinner and to spend the night. I loved both!

[Matryoshka]

We have small family parties, and then one big friend party near the twins' brithday and the younger's half-birthday, which falls smack in the middle of the summer. My older two will be turning 12, my younger 9 1/2.

 

So, we have it outdoors in the yard. We've never paid to go anywhere, nor have I ever hired entertainment. When they were younger I put out a wading pool, the last couple of years a volleyball net. The kids run around and play and do whatever; the adults sit and chat. I serve sandwiches and cupcakes.

 

I asked my girls if they wanted a smaller sleepover type party this year with just a few friends, as they're getting older, but they want their big outdoor party, even though it includes their sister and her friends. Any "theme" is entirely up to them - when they were younger there wasn't one, now they do all the planning.

 

I try to limit gifts to a bare minimum. One year I told people to donate to Heifer Project - may do that again. The kids really get more than enough from family members.

[Matryoshka]

We are inviting our homeschool and AP playgroups for a combined playdate at our house, and I am serving cupcakes and juice. No favors, no presents. It's going to be great.

 

LOL - just read this - this is how our yard parties came about - our AP playgroup (which later became our homeschool group) used to just have cupcakes at playgroup for whoever's birthday was that month. This also limitied how many birthday parties we'd all have to attend. Love this idea.

[momofkhm]

but dd turned 15 this year and still had a party, thanks to dh. I completely understand his reasoning though. My kids have friends we like but who are far flung. If we want to encourage good relationships, we need to provide opportunities for get togethers. So a party it is.

 

This year however, due to budgeting, we decided you either get a nice dinner out with the family or a party but not both. I'm sure ds will chose the party. If we let oldest dd bring one friend to dinner, who knows which she will choose.

[Jean in Newcastle]

A party at our community center was a blast! We rented the gym for $50 for the hour. We told people to assemble 20 min. before the gym was actually ours so that people were on time. We had a blast playing kickball for an hour.

 

We then caravaned over to our house for cake and ice cream (or we could have done it outside at the community center in their free picnic area if weather had cooperated).

[MomOfOneFunOne]

Previously we alternated and had a birthday party for my girl every other year. She could invite pretty much anyone she wanted. She was little and her interests were less specialized (so to speak). This year, she will be allowed to invite a few close friends instead of everyone she knows.

 

For this year, we're borrowing my mom's SUV (why mom widowed mother who lives alone and has a single grandchild owns an SUV is another post). The moms will drop off the girls at our house. They will decorate the Birthday Mobile and fill it with balloons. We'll take that to dinner and movie and then take each girl home. We're trying to decide on fun music to listen to on the ride. And right now the plan is dinner and movie, it may become dinner and something else.

 

We told her from the begining that she could have a big party every other year but when she started just wanting a friend or two, she could have one every year if she wanted. This is the year she wants to transition to that.

[NanceXToo]

Instead of having a big party where you invite a bunch of people, why not just let her pick one or two of her best friends and take them to dinner and a movie or to play laser tag or to play miniature golf and get ice cream, or to have a sleepover with makeovers or karaoke or something along those lines, instead of paying for lots of kids to go to some costly place or cramming them all in your house.

[Tutor]

We stop holding blow-out parties when the kids hit double digits. At that point, we have a nice dinner or go out with the family, and the the birthday kid can bring a friend with them. Once a child hits 15 (we think; none of ours have gotten there yet), we are planning on having a same-sex "ceremony" welcoming the child into manhood/ womanhood. It will be a very nice outing/ dinner/ weekend and we will invite some influential same-sex adults from their lives to celebrate with us and to provide a letter, photos, etc to put into a special scrapbook for the birthday child.

[orangearrow]

My oldest just had her last "big" birthday party for her 12th. I figure that's as good a cut-off as any. As she gets older, though, we're going to start doing other themed parties (non-birthday)... like Halloween, or murder-mysteries or costume parties... instead of birthday parties.

 

I love having the parties, but I dislike the fact that our friends "have to" bring a gift. I grew up not celebrating birthdays, so it's just a sort of foreign concept (on the other hand, though, we LOVE picking out gifts for friends for their birthdays!! - it's just the "Getting" that feels awkward). So, I look forward to having fun "just because" parties. :D

[Negin]

We started with big birthday parties at 5 and we stopped at 10.

[ConnieB]

By this age I find that it's more about getting together with friends than it is about the birthday party games or silly party favors.

 

So, how about just a cookout? Buy hot dogs in bulk, a few bags of chips (or make several batches of popcorn, maybe putting some flavoring on different batches for variety), some soda/juice and leave them to their devices for entertainment (most kids that age love to just talk and listen to music, maybe a movie if things seem to drag). Decorate yourself cupcakes is popular at our house....I bake the cupcakes and make a white frosting and color small batches several colors. Then put out sprinkles, small candies, marshmallows, etc and let them decorate and eat. Around here the decorating parties tend to mean they want more than one cupcake....so I always make quite a few. Cake mixes go on sale around here for 50 cents and I stock up on several flavors and the day before I bake enough for 3 or 4 for each kid. Cheap but the kids love all those sweets, lol.

 

 

Our biggest problem at that age was presents.....the gifts were typically things that they didn't really want, or junk, or inappropriate to OUR lifestyle choices (movies/books that were not ok for us were very common). So these ended up trashed or given to charity, and there was always guilt when a friend came over and wanted to watch said movie, lol.

 

So, now our kids ask that their friends forego presents and instead bring along some canned foods, which my kids then take to the church food pantry. It makes them feel good to give on their birthday, and it eliminates the problem with getting gifts that they don't want anyway. We've done this for about 4 years now, and I've only heard positives from the friends and especially from their parents. Before we take the cans to the church we weigh them and then use that information in our thank you notes....thanks for celebrating my day with me, we donated 100 pounds of food...etc.

 

I doubt we'll ever stop celebrating their birthdays with their friends, but the parties can evolve to less show and more substance. I also don't get the people who spends hundreds (or more) on birthday parties....but it does seem like some kind of competition among certain families each year to outdo the others.

 

Of course, take all this with a grain of salt, because I'm also the type that next week for Mother's Day really and truly only wants handmade cards, extra hugs, and maybe somebody to cook instead of me! Same with my own birthday....handmade cards, hugs, and dinner out! I avoid dinner out on Mother's Day because I don't like crowded restaurants, lol.

[Renee in NC]

When they don't want them anymore OR the 16th birthday. My oldest had a HUGE blowout party that was tons of work (financed by various family members) at a rented hall with a DJ (who donated his time - a friend.) This was common where we used to live and this is what he wanted. It was the first birthday party he had hosted since he was 9.

 

I told him he gets graduation parties and a wedding reception from here on out - no more birthdays!:D

 

Most of the time we just do a family party.

[iquilt]

We do "kid" parties every other year because I can't take the stress every year and need the year off. This is our off year, which means each kid will have 2 family parties per birthday anyway to accomodate the needy in-laws to have their "own" party. I personally think a family party with a homemade cake and the present the child really wants is the best and I have always encouraged those types of parties. Next year each kid will have 3 parties, 1 for kids, but only if they really want the kid party and now they have to help with the planning and execution.

 

The best birthday party that we have done was a cook out for our oldest where we invited the families from her teeball team to the park, cooked hot dogs and beans for everyone, ate cupcakes, and played outside for hours before the thunderstorm got us. Inviting the families made it easier and more fun, IMHO.

Edited May 2, 2010 by iquilt
added something

[Kari C in SC]

I'll do parties for as long as my kids will let me. . . but they are evolving as dc are growing up. By age 12 or so, it's more like me providing a place for the kids to do their kid stuff. . . as opposed to me organizing formal activities. . . Just some food/sugar and time/place to run around and be silly. . . that's all they really need to be happy!

 

For my dd's 13th this year, we had a bonfire & fondue party for "all" her friends (girls and boys) and then the girls spent the night. It cost us maybe $40 in food. No other costs. The kids had a great time. It was during a snowstorm in December, and we live on a 4WD-needed-in-snow road, so a few kids couldn't make it (and we shuttled others from the nearest plowed road in our own 4WD van), but we had maybe 12 kids about 6 of whom spent the night. The girls spent the night in the basement, which is not huge but, really, they don't care how crowded it is. . . 20 could have squeezed in there.

 

Last year, for ds's 11th, we had a sleepover in TENTS (it's in June), so that's an idea if there are too many kids to sleep in your basement or family room. . . . Just beg/borrow tents for the kids, have them bring sleeping bags. . . and have the same-gender parent sleep out there to keep an eye on them. (Yay, that was DH's job for ds!!) We cooked out burgers, made s'mores, and probably spent under $30 for food. No other expenses.

 

I stop party favors around age 10. It just seems silly past that age or so.

 

I think parties are even more important as the kids get older. . . to help them strengthen those friendships that are becoming so vital to them. . . (and lack thereof seems to drive many towards ps for high school in our town.)

 

HTH

 

:iagree: This about describes me. My kids are spaced far apart. I had an only for 10 years, so I always did a party for him. It was once a year with no other kids. By the time my dd came along, my oldest was just having friends over and hanging out. Still a party, but not a lot of planning or money.

 

My kids have always had the same party plan. Theme, cake, ice cream pinatas and home made party games. My dd also always had a craft. I shop all year for these things and have always had it under $50 a party.

 

This year she will be 12. I am betting she will want a sleep over. We will probably get out the chocolate fountain and have a spa party or something like that. Not a lot of money and easy to do. I will let her do these types of parties as long as she wants. Some of my best memories were my birthday slumber parties.

 

My youngest had his first "official" friend party last year. I will keep these up until he moves on to wanting a few friends to spend the night instead.

 

I know all to much how quickly they grow up, join the army and move 3500 miles away. I wish I could go back to those birthday parties I had for my oldest if just for a moment.

[EKS]

Age 9 is the last year here. Then we do family celebrations only.