Advice on my health vs. church duties, please

[Jean in Newcastle]

We attend a very small (about 20 adult) church. It is part of our ministry to help struggling churches. For the last year I have had a small children's ministry in the church. I love the kids and the work I do with them. It benefits our children as well. This church is so small that if I don't do the children's ministry then there is no back-up. A couple of families leave if I'm not there (my ministry is the children's church time).

 

Right now I am struggling with my health. I am undergoing a 2 month treatment which is "kind of like" chemotherapy in some ways. I am nauseated much of the time, my immune system is suppressed (though not as drastically as someone with chemo), I can barely get out of bed in the morning (and probably wouldn't if I didn't have kids). The therapy is intensive for 15 days (covers 2 Sundays), less intensive but still ongoing for 30 days (4 Sundays) and then goes back to being intensive for 15 days (2 Sundays again). Then I will be re-evaluated by the Dr. to see if I need to go another round or not.

 

Last Sunday was the first Sun. in the 1st intensive cycle. I did not go to church because our whole family was down with a virus. I just cannot go this Sun. I just can't. (Dh doesn't think I should because I am so wiped out.) I have no idea if I will feel better during the next less intensive cycle. The pastor and his wife know that I'm chronically ill and that I'm undergoing a treatment but do not know that this is how it is affecting me.

 

So - do I make my excuses for this Sun., and plan to try and be there for the 4 Sundays during the less intensive treatment? Do I err on the side of caution and just say I can't be there for the next 7 weeks? What do you think?

[KristenS]

Take the time off, and take care of yourself. If they can't find anyone willing to fill in ... the kids can sit with their parents.

 

Seriously. You need to take care of yourself first, in this case.

[Tap]

I would take the next 7 weeks off. If something changes, you can go back early, but for now you need to take care of you. I would let each family know that you fully intend to return but that due to some health issues you feel it is better to allow you body to heal right now, so you can come back at full strength sooner.

 

I hope this treatment is the answer for you!

 

~Tap

[RoughCollie]

I would take the next 7 weeks off. If something changes, you can go back early, but for now you need to take care of you. I would let each family know that you fully intend to return but that due to some health issues you feel it is better to allow you body to heal right now, so you can come back at full strength sooner.

 

I hope this treatment is the answer for you!

 

~Tap

 

:iagree:

[Dobela]

I would err on the side of caution. If the treatment is successful then you could have years to give to your ministry. But if you don't give your body time to heal and let the treatments work, you may be short changing yourself and others in the future.

[Carol in Cal.]

Pray that this will encourage others to step forward and minister as well. Pray that it will pull together and strengthen the faith of the families with young children who have benefitted from your ministry. Pray for a partner to arise that you can work with when you get back. And pray for health and for your own family.

[tex-mex]

Take the time off, and take care of yourself. If they can't find anyone willing to fill in ... the kids can sit with their parents.

 

Seriously. You need to take care of yourself first, in this case.

:iagree: YOUR needs take priority before other parishioners, girl. :grouphug:

Tell the church someone needs to come up to the plate and serve. :glare:

[Ellie]

Take care of your health. That is all.:)

[Liz CA]

Take care of your health. That is all.:)

 

Absolutely! Have you made it known that you are undergoing some treatment (you don't need to go into details if you don't want to) and asked other ladies or young teenagers to help out?

This is a time for others to hold you up - you just need to be thinking about improving your health! :grouphug:

[alpidarkomama]

You and your ability to care for your family (or be cared for by them!) is the priority right now. You will be of even less service to others if you push yourself too hard and endanger your health. Wishing you a complete recovery.

[Laurie4b]

You tell the pastor what is going on including the schedule, and that you won't be there this Sunday and may not be able to until it's done. If some people leave because of the lack of children's activities then they leave. It is not your responsibility; you are taking necessary care of yourself, not being selfish and refusing to serve. Leave the rest in God's hands.

[Aubrey]

Jean,

 

His burden is easy. His yoke is light. He wants to give you rest, not a bunch of oppressive rules & obligations.

 

If the children's ministry needs to happen, He'll call someone to do it. It really doesn't have to be you.

 

Take care. No guilt. (Remember? Romans, somewhere.)

 

:grouphug:

[momofkhm]

I agree. Let it be known that you won't be there. Do not run yourself ragged so that you can't heal. If there is no one to step up, so be it.

 

If it helps you to hear this, I work in children's ministry as well. When we don't have a teacher show up, I send the kids back into church. I've had to get comfortable doing this. I'll ask someone on the spot if they can do it, but if they can't the kids are back in the sanctuary.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thank you everyone. It seems like everyone is in agreement:) I guess I feel like I'm doing this without giving them any warning. I knew I was going to have the treatment. And I knew it would be hard. But with a chronic illness, I'm used to being able to power through for an hour or two. I honestly thought that was what I would be able to do. What I'm going through right now - I can't power through. So I guess I'm feeling a bit irresponsible. And that's what bothers me - not that I feel like I should conform to expectations or something like that.

[Jean in Wisc]

Jean,

 

His burden is easy. His yoke is light. He wants to give you rest, not a bunch of oppressive rules & obligations.

 

If the children's ministry needs to happen, He'll call someone to do it. It really doesn't have to be you.

 

Take care. No guilt. (Remember? Romans, somewhere.)

 

:grouphug:

 

I so agree with this! :grouphug:

[Laurie4b]

You are overresponsible, not irresponsible. If you could have predicted this, you would have told them ahead of time.

[Harriet Vane]

Err on the side of caution. Take 8 weeks off. Devote everything within you to the healing process--let nothing distract you or suck your energy from healing.

[KristenS]

I know what you mean about trying to power through in spite of a chronic illness. Learning to say 'No' at the appropriate times was a Godsend for me, truly. And I'm not even going through what you are. But when I finally started actually telling people what I was dealing with, and why I was sick and unable to volunteer, they got a lot more helpful.

 

Glad you're heeding everyone ... Please do take the time off!

[Jean in Newcastle]

OK, I did it. I called the pastor tonight and told him that I could not do the childrens ministry for the next 7 weeks. He was very gracious. They're going to see if they can get someone (or a couple of someones) to take the kids for that time. If not, it will still work out. He was so apologetic that even though he knew I had gone out of town to go to a Dr., that he never thought that I had problems that might need a leave of absence! I feel great relief that I don't have to prepare material and then try to feel up to teaching it.

[SapphireStitch]

Jean,

 

His burden is easy. His yoke is light. He wants to give you rest, not a bunch of oppressive rules & obligations.

 

If the children's ministry needs to happen, He'll call someone to do it. It really doesn't have to be you.

 

Take care. No guilt. (Remember? Romans, somewhere.)

 

 

 

Aubrey, thank you for posting this. I know you were responding to Jean, but it is a message I also needed to hear today.

[Chris in VA]

Hey Jean,

I totally agree that you should take off.

No guilt, etc., etc.

 

If you have the energy, maybe you could send a note to the class and tell them you will miss them. Just something simple. Would that make you feel better? There is no need to do this--but maybe you would like to?

 

(Of course, were *I* at your parish, I'd be having the kiddos make YOU a card...)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Hey Jean,

I totally agree that you should take off.

No guilt, etc., etc.

 

If you have the energy, maybe you could send a note to the class and tell them you will miss them. Just something simple. Would that make you feel better? There is no need to do this--but maybe you would like to?

 

(Of course, were *I* at your parish, I'd be having the kiddos make YOU a card...)

 

Awww. You're so sweet. I don't think I'll make it to church tomorrow, but I may actually attend church some during this time just to sit in the pews and listen. I think the kids would love to get a card.

[BeckyFL]

So sorry to hear all this, Jean! I will be praying for you. I think the best thing is to tell the pastor what is going on and take all the time off. If you don't, every Sunday will be a new decision and a new opportunity for the stress that is involved in making those decisions OR in dragging yourself there and putting on a happy face. Especially when your heart wants to do it but your body isn't cooperating. Your body needs all of it's resources right now and stress can zap what you have. The bottom line is you have to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of anyone else. There is a season for everything and this is your season for rest and healing. JMHO.:grouphug:

[Old Dominion Heather]

I agree with all who said you take the time off with a clear conscience. Rest. Take a 7 week break. If it will make you feel bad if you attend the service, visit another church just for the worship.

[Mommyof4ks]

I agree you need some time off. Chemotherapy or something similar is very difficult on the body and you need rest. A suppressed immune system is dangerous also and kids are the greatest carriers of diseases, so being with them for several hours may not be the best idea. We did not get to go to church for the last 2 years of my son's chemotherapy, because he would get so sick he would be hospitalized every time we went (happened 3 times before we finally said enough, we are slow learners). Prayers for your recovery.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I think this is something that you need to bring the pastor onboard with. He ought to know how sick you are at the moment. This is one of the times for the church family to love on you. I would consider having your dh have the discussion with the pastor if you don't feel up to it.

 

I would suggest considering stepping down indefinitely until you can assess where you are medically. Not just for 7 weeks. That gives you the opening to get well and gives the church time to consider what they have as their vision for their kids. It allows the space for someone else to step into the breach with more than just a substitute teacher feeling.

[Cathy in IL]

Self-care comes first. This is God's ministry, and He will sustain it or work in another way when you need to step back.

 

I know it's hard to make these choices (That's an understatement!). I just stepped down as director of a ministry at my church because I need to take time for my health. I'm not sure everyone understood why I did, but ultimately, it doesn't matter if they understand or not. I hope you will have peace in the decision you make.

[susancollins]

:grouphug:

I would take care of yourself and your family first. God will provide for someone in this ministry in your church. Just take care of yourself for now.