Advise needed for this sticky situation.

[fairfarmhand]

I can sort of handle the "side hug". Where someone basically puts their hand on your shoulders and squeezes. That is one way I fend off the huggers.

[stripe]

Or, since you've defined this as a sticky situation, put something sticky on an alternate top that is clearly still wet (like a bunch of paint or pancake syrup or something) so that you really make an impression!

 

I am having so much fun coming up with goofy ideas!

[Impish]

Ask her if she's making a pass at you, tell her you're straight, and married anyhow.

 

Scream "No Touchy, No Touchy" at the top of your voice.

 

Wear heels. Stomp her.

 

Let her hug you then yell "Pervert!" and slap her hard.

 

Or like RC said. Put your hand up in her face and firmly command "Stop, sit, stay". Then praise her and hand her a doggy treat.

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:I love it!!

First let me say that I think people should respect boundaries. While shaking hands is a common greeting, if I felt that someone objected I certainly wouldn't insist. I would think it was odd, but I wouldn't insist.

 

I'm not one to go around initiating hugs, either. But if someone wanted to give me one, I wouldn't object. Can I ask what you object to? I guess if someone wanted to hug me hello and good-bye, I'd just realize that she was different from me and meant well. I can't imagine confronting someone and risk making them feel badly when they were, in their mind, trying to show kindness. Isn't this an area where we can get outside our comfort zone and accept this gesture?

Why should someone allow physical interaction that they are uncomfortable with? Seriously?

 

I don't want to be touched by people that I'm not married to, or haven't birthed. That's my basic rule, and there are a few exceptions (people who are a part of my heart family). I could blame it on RSD, since being bumped/touched can have me in hours of pain, but I've always been that way.

 

Forcing physical contact on an unwilling person is against the law. I see no reason why someone should allow themselves to be assaulted just to accommodate another person's 'meaning well'. Meaning well, and trying to show kindness should be about the OTHER person, and what is kind to them, not about what makes the hugger feel good. If you're trying to show kindness and caring, then its about the other person, not yourself.

[Desert Rat]

:lol:

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

 

I *double dare* you to do this!!!!! :D:D

 

Now I'm almost hoping she DOES come next class so I can try out all of your great ideas.

 

Really ladies, thanks so much for making me feel better. I just can't tell you how relieved I am that I'm not the only one who feels uncomfortable in this situation and that I shouldn't have to tolerate it.

 

You guys rock!:001_smile:

[Shelly in IL]

Couldn't you just put up your arms and say, "Sorry, I'm not."? Hold your ground, this is a total invasion and unnecessary.

[Cammie]

I agree it is difficult to know what to do! Here we have lots of expats from the UK and France. Apparently, whenever these people meet, it is an air kiss to one cheek and then an air kiss to the other cheek. I am totally at a loss!! I feel like a uncultured American but I don't know which side to do first, and the whole thing feels fake and foolish (of course all the French ladies make it look classy and effortless!) Oh well, I just try and be me - no air kisses from me! I like to keep my distance!

[OhM]

I agree w/RC's advice (and like some of Remudamom's.)

 

Or you can do what I did once. I really have personal space issues. (Really - back up just a bit more, please:D) - Just ask my dh. But an acquaintance who I don't know very well surprised me with a bear hug, and I involuntarily jerked away from him, elbowing him in the ribs at the same time.:001_huh::glare: Mortifying for both of us - but after beating myself up about embarrassing him, I finally came to the conclusion that it was his faux pas, not mine. :lol:

[Dobela]

I hate being hugged by someone I am not close to. It is one thing to be shoulder to shoulder and giving a squeeze, quite another to embrace everyone in a giant bear hug. I don't even allow many people into the shoulder squeeze. If this was done in a school or a work place, it would/could be considered sexual harassment if it continued after you requested for it to stop.

 

My first thought for response was, "Oh, I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood. Physical touch is not my love language. I prefer to receive affection thru gifts and acts of service." But I really like the elbow in the ribs, or stepping on the foot. Just say you are practicing the latest self defense moves you have learned.

[PiCO]

I learned these at a self-defense class.

 

1. As the hugger is walking towards you with his/her arms out to hug, step to your left and shake hands with your right hand. (Or give a high-five.)

 

2. As the hugger approaches, put your hands on his/her forearms, and bring their arms together in front of you (will look like you're holding hands between you.)

[Ibbygirl]

I learned these at a self-defense class.

 

1. As the hugger is walking towards you with his/her arms out to hug, step to your left and shake hands with your right hand. (Or give a high-five.)

 

2. As the hugger approaches, put your hands on his/her forearms, and bring their arms together in front of you (will look like you're holding hands between you.)

 

They actually have classes where you can defend yourself against huggers?? Wow! There you go Kalah! Go to class with Pico. ;) :lol:

[PiCO]

They actually have classes where you can defend yourself against huggers?? Wow! There you go Kalah! Go to class with Pico. ;) :lol:

 

I was so excited that this was included in the class! The class was to avoid physical &/or sexual assault. Evidently perpetrators will see if you just accept being put into an uncomfortable situation, or if you are assertive enough to avoid the situation. Assertive people don't make good victims. ;)

[Slartibartfast]

I am not a hugger for people I don't know well. I tell them so. EMPHATICALLY!!!!

 

DO NOT HUG ME!! NO TOUCHY!!

 

 

 

:lol:

[KidsHappen]

Also not a hugger here and I really don't mind being though of as wierd so I say, "No Touchy" or "You are crowding my space" or "You are in my bubble" or "Back up a bit, the appropriate social distance in our society is an arms length away, please maintain that space."

 

If I gave birth to you, you can hug me but I have come to realize that the converse is not true. My children all go through a period where they are no touchy. I respect that and request hugs on special occasions such a my birthday and Christmas. I also allow hugging from most family but that is about me limit.

[unsinkable]

I have very long hair and for some people that just seems to be an invitation to run their fingers though it. However I have major, huge issues with people touching my hair, major issues. To the point of minor violence if nessesary.

 

I have found that the best thing is always to be relatively direct with a bit of added humor. I remove myself from the person's grasp and then just tell them I have "hair touching issues" or "I have a complex about people touching my hair, sorry!". Maybe you could come up with something similar.

 

I did once have to completely cut off a relationship because this woman just wouldn't leave my hair alone, dispute even more direct instructions to the contrary. I was reduced to hiding from her until we moved away.:glare: You would think "please don't ever touch my hair again" would work, but alas, some people have no boundaries.

 

Let me start by saying I'd never touch your hair!

 

My dd has super long hair and she lets me play with it. I do this thing where I wrap it around my wrist, twist my wrist around and weave her ponytail off and on my wrist. It feels so nice and dd doesn't care a bit.

 

Imagine our shock when a woman grabbed my wrist when I was doing it and said, "You've got to stop that." We moved seats superfast. :tongue_smilie:

[SapphireStitch]

Let me start by saying I'd never touch your hair!

 

My dd has super long hair and she lets me play with it. I do this thing where I wrap it around my wrist, twist my wrist around and weave her ponytail off and on my wrist. It feels so nice and dd doesn't care a bit.

 

Imagine our shock when a woman grabbed my wrist when I was doing it and said, "You've got to stop that." We moved seats superfast. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

Oh wow! Well, I would NEVER grab your wrist and say that. But, if you were sitting in front of me, and I needed to be able to concentrate, I would have to get up and move.

 

I have a friend who plays with her hair, her husband's hair, or even her good friend's hair if they are sitting together. She does this all through the church service and if I sit behind her I cannot concentrate at all because the repetitive motion in my line of sight just becomes too "loud".

 

I know she does it for the same reason I take notes...it gives her hands something to do so her mind and ears can focus. I HAVE to write or do something with my hands if I'm listening for a long time, or I will just fall asleep. (Personally I wish it were appropriate to knit during sermons.)

 

So...guess I'm just trying to give you some insight into the motivation behind that woman's inappropriate response to your hair twirling! Isn't it interesting the craziness we all have somewhere in our heads? :tongue_smilie:

[Laurie4b]

My first thought for response was, "Oh, I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood. Physical touch is not my love language. I prefer to receive affection thru gifts and acts of service."

:lol::lol:

[Laurie4b]

I was so excited that this was included in the class! The class was to avoid physical &/or sexual assault. Evidently perpetrators will see if you just accept being put into an uncomfortable situation, or if you are assertive enough to avoid the situation. Assertive people don't make good victims. ;)

 

Whoa. If someone I didn't know approached me to hug, I'd be a lot more reactive than high-fiving them!

[PiCO]

Whoa. If someone I didn't know approached me to hug, I'd be a lot more reactive than high-fiving them!

 

The example to use the high-five technique was at an office party, where a drunk co-worker goes in for a hug. I agree- complete stranger going in for a hug needs a stronger reaction.

[Liz CA]

Sneeze on her? :D

 

:D

I once heard someone give the advice to stretch out your hand and not waver. Would you be okay if she shook your hand? If she is a fiercely determined hugger, she may grab you by the hand and reel you in. :lol:

[mrsrevmeg]

 

 

I don't want to be touched by people that I'm not married to, or haven't birthed.

 

I am the same way. My husband always laughs and says I am rude because he says I have perfected the art of backing out of hugs. :D If someone says "I'm a hugger, " I just say "Too bad I'm not, " and back up or walk off. I also say "Don't touch me again," if they try anyway. You might just be a little nicer than me, though.

[ConnieB]

She insists on hugging when she meets someone and says so.

 

If she "says so" than it would seem that it's perfectly ok for you to SAY NO.

 

People like this will never take hints, you must come right out and say "I don't like to be hugged, thank you". No need to offer a hand to shake unless you are ok with that.

 

I would say it with a rather nuetral tone, same as you'd say "no I don't want a piece of cake".

 

If that fails to slow her down, then a little more 'tude in your tone may be necessary, but in no way would I continue to allow her to make you feel uncomfortable for her own pleasure.

 

I would guess that you would not allow your child to be made uncomfortable by someone's unwanted "affections".....you are just as important as your child, so don't allow someone to do that to you!

[Leighton Academy]

When someone starts "lunging" towards me for an unwanted hug, I throw up both hands in front of me and say, "Sorry! No photos! No autographs!" Of course this is done while walking away with a nice smile. This catches the "offender" off guard and usually deters any future contact. :001_smile:

 

 

 

 

While I don't mind touching hubby's or my boys' hair, just the thought of touching someone else's hair gives me the heebie-jeebies.