Margo out of lurking Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Is it just me, or is this weird? This was at the end of a bday invitation my ds received. "P.S I'm not allowed to have any more toys or games. Books are good. I like mysteries." Does this mean the bday gifts of a toy and a game ds gave in previous years were not liked? Or what? It's for an 11 yob. I don't get it. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I think it's just a rather rude and clunky way of saying he's got enough stuff but books are welcome.Giving out this kind of info is better done by answering people's inquiries about what kind of gifts would be appreciated... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 According to Miss Manners' gift requests are not allowed in invitations. It equals soliciting for gifts. That said, I do not think that this invitation means that previous gifts of toys and games were not liked and appreciated. I took it to mean (as worded above) that this young man is not allowed to have any more than he already has. And at 11 toys and games may be on their way to being things of childhood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medieval Mom Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 In my old-fashioned opinion, it is inappropriate to mention gifts AT ALL on the invitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Is it just me, or is this weird? This was at the end of a bday invitation my ds received. "P.S I'm not allowed to have any more toys or games. Books are good. I like mysteries." Does this mean the bday gifts of a toy and a game ds gave in previous years were not liked? Or what? It's for an 11 yob. I don't get it. :001_huh: I don't think it's weird. I think it's that particular set of parents going against the flow on modern values. Many people today understand a kid being told they can't have *any more* of something, while not many people today seem to understand that a kid would *really truly* enjoy a book very much more than the latest popular toy or video game. I also don't think it means the kid didn't enjoy any games given in the past, just that right now he wants books. Cool! :thumbup1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I don't think it's weird. I think it's that particular set of parents going against the flow on modern values. Many people today understand a kid being told they can't have *any more* of something, while not many people today seem to understand that a kid would *really truly* enjoy a book very much more than the latest popular toy or video game. I also don't think it means the kid didn't enjoy any games given in the past, just that right now he wants books. Cool! :thumbup1: I agree. We've never had birthday parties here, partly because of the gifts. My dc always had enough and there were certain things we didn't want them to have. Had we felt comfortable just asking for books, we probably would've had parties. And, truly, who goes to a party without bringing a gift? We all know that no one shows up without one...I'd much rather know specifically what to bring. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I think it was sort of a rude way of phrasing it. I've received invitations before that have read, "Educational toys or books are appreciated," and I didn't mind that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wee Pip Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Now I'm re-thinking what we do, and wondering if it was done in good taste:) We've had "no gifts, please" and we've had "gifts optional" on the invitations. Are these statements still in the realm of polite and acceptable? I tend to dread being invited to parties because of the expectation of a gift - I don't want our guests to have that same dread! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 Now I'm re-thinking what we do, and wondering if it was done in good taste:) We've had "no gifts, please" and we've had "gifts optional" on the invitations. Are these statements still in the realm of polite and acceptable?...! No, what you are doing is perfectly acceptable. It's the "I want this, NOT this" that is the problem. I'm cranky. I don't want to get this kid a book. I hate buying books at full price, and now there's no time to buy one online. Part of the fun of a party for my own kid is choosing a gift for someone else. I wish we lived closer to other kids. They've become the kind of friends we only see at parties anyway, and my ds is fine with that. All of the whining comes from me.:rant: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I think it was sort of a rude way of phrasing it. I've received invitations before that have read, "Educational toys or books are appreciated," and I didn't mind that. Yeah that. I did go to a cute dog themed party where they requested dog supplies for the local shelter. THat was cool IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Dominion Heather Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I vote for weird and rude. I think it is fine to say "no gifts, please" or "instead of a gifts we are collecting toys for the children's shelter" but anything else is just tacky. ETA: Just realize that since K and I move in some of the same circles, I may know these people. Still weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 ETA: Just realize that since K and I move in some of the same circles, I may know these people. Still weird. LOL, Heather, do we have common IRL friends? I'm not counting Janie or Cat in Black from these boards, since I met them here first. I'll have to PM you.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s.z.ichigo Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Mixed feelings here. On one hand, it seems rude to mention gifts in an invitation, as it implies that gifts are expected and required. That sense of entitlement doesn't sit well with me. On the other hand, I HATE my daughter getting junk gifts that we have no use for. I don't know if there's any way to express gift preferences without sounding rude, but I sure with I could tell grandma to knock it off with the Disney Princess junk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cougarmom4 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I think that is extremely rude. If it were me, I'd run out and buy the most obnoxious toy I could find. (How's that for mature?) :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted February 2, 2010 Author Share Posted February 2, 2010 I think that is extremely rude. If it were me, I'd run out and buy the most obnoxious toy I could find. (How's that for mature?) :D LOL, I'm really working on squelching that feeling! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 I'd be extremely hesitant to buy a book for another child. Parents have such very different levels of what is acceptable. Just look at some of the threads on this board about literature for children. I've known Christians that won't let their children read Narnia because of the fantasy issue. I'm starting to think gift cards are the only safe thing until someone finds something wrong with those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Really if all of our children really have that much it is time to slow down the giving. Send some money in his name to a relief agency in Haiti or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Maybe it isn't proper etiquette, but I wouldn't mind receiving such an invitation. Honestly, I like knowing what kind of gift kids want, or what their parents want them to have. I don't think it means that past gifts weren't appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 Maybe it isn't proper etiquette, but I wouldn't mind receiving such an invitation. Honestly, I like knowing what kind of gift kids want, or what their parents want them to have. I don't think it means that past gifts weren't appreciated. :iagree:I wouldn't mind if I got an invitation like this at all. As a matter of fact, when people asked what to get my dd 3, I did say books. We have way too many toys. I did not request this in an invitation, but it really would not bother me at all.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 It's tacky, and it's not ok. You may not put things like that in a birthday party invitation. I think you should just get whatever you think he'd like and call it a day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 (edited) While it definitely isn't proper etiquette to state this on an invitation, honestly, isn't the expectation - 99% of the time - when a child is invited to a child's birthday party, the child will be bringing a gift for the birthday child? Up until this year, we have specifically asked that no gifts be brought, but noted that a hand-drawn picture, a small package of stickers or card would be appreciated. Is asking for no gift, or a card, drawing or stickers just as bad as asking for a specific gift? (I'm seriously wondering.) We are throwing PDG a 6th b-day party next week. We didn't state one way or another about gifts this time (we would LOVE to say no gifts again, but she's been to so many parties recently, and she's only inviting a very few guests, so, gifts it is). However, every parent has called and asked what we would like her to receive, or what she is currently interested in. I think parents often want a gift idea... Edited February 2, 2010 by BikeBookBread Took out the "kind of refreshing part" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medieval Mom Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 It is almost always inappropriate to mentions gifts in party invitations. If you seriously want no gifts, consider celebrating the child's birthday with your family only. The point of etiquette is to set everyone at ease. Asking for a specific present or even no present at all does make people uncomfortable (otherwise we wouldn't even be having this discussion!). It also smacks of superiority (i.e. "Our child has SO MANY GIFTS, whatever you give us in unwanted/superfluous." :tongue_smilie:) This is just about as bad a wedding invitation we received which stated "No stuff. Saving bonds only." :ack2: If you'd like to have parties, entertain at times when no gift is expected. Otherwise, allow people to bring what they'd like and what they feel is appropriate. That's common courtesy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 I'd be extremely hesitant to buy a book for another child. Parents have such very different levels of what is acceptable. Just look at some of the threads on this board about literature for children. I've known Christians that won't let their children read Narnia because of the fantasy issue. I'm starting to think gift cards are the only safe thing until someone finds something wrong with those. Even though C.S. Lewis was an amazing Christian who wrote that as a Christian allegory? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 I'm starting to think gift cards are the only safe thing until someone finds something wrong with those. There are lots of people who hate gift cards. Just search the boards for previous discussions. :D There were plenty of threads around Christmas time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlockOfSillies Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 It would have been better for the parents to furnish this information to the invitees upon request. Tackiness aside, perhaps the parents are out of space to keep all of this kid's stuff, or he hasn't been very good at taking care of what he has. My kids destroyed almost every board game they had in one big extravaganza, and you can bet they're not getting any new ones for a very long time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Is it just me, or is this weird? This was at the end of a bday invitation my ds received. "P.S I'm not allowed to have any more toys or games. Books are good. I like mysteries." Does this mean the bday gifts of a toy and a game ds gave in previous years were not liked? Or what? It's for an 11 yob. I don't get it. :001_huh: Gift requests don't belong in invitations. That's what RSVP conversations are for. The guest calls, says she's looking forward to the party, and ASKS for gift ideas. Only then should specific requests be made. Requests for "no gifts please" are okay, in my opinion, as it alleviates stress, rather than creating it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy loves Bud Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 (edited) Well maybe the mom is thinking, "Last year no one RSVPd and we ended up with a bunch 'o' junk. No one rsvp's any more. So let's just get a jump on the breach of etiquette and put it in the invite." It's not proper, but there are so many other fish to fry. I'd pick out a nice mystery, and be done with it. Edited February 3, 2010 by Amy loves Bud breach not breech (I wasn't talking about baby gifts!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Journey Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Oh my gosh. I would LOVE to have my kids get an invitation like this. It makes it so much easier to just go out and get what the child likes. I don't think it means the gifts from last year weren't liked. Who in the world even remembers what gifts were gotten last year. To the OP...I would never have thought what you thought, in fact, I think it's kind of weird to think like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 To the OP...I would never have thought what you thought, in fact, I think it's kind of weird to think like that. LOL, you are probably right. There's a history, other issues, and the invite wording rubbed me the wrong way. An earlier response made me realize the request probably has to do with the boy still working through appropriate sharing of his toys when friends come over. I know the mom has worked on this for a long time, and the parents have likely banned toys for that reason. After posting, I told my ds of the party (without further comment), and he's said he does not want to go. So I don't have to try to "get over it" anymore, I just have to decline the invitation. There will be two or three other children at the party, but it's been clear for a year or more that this in a waning friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 You could always do a WTM thing and take a SOTW book for him :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tidbits of Learning Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 Gift requests don't belong in invitations. That's what RSVP conversations are for. The guest calls, says she's looking forward to the party, and ASKS for gift ideas. Only then should specific requests be made. Requests for "no gifts please" are okay, in my opinion, as it alleviates stress, rather than creating it. Have you really received RSVP's? We never have and we sent out invites to whole classes with my dc before we homeschooled. You never knew how many were coming or if they were coming or what to expect. We no longer have parties for anyone but immediate family. Immediate=our family. Mom, Dad, brothers, and sisters. My dd9 got to invite one friend to go to the movies and out to eat for the day. It was a wonderful way for her to spend her birthday. It may come across as clunky, but it is a child who wrote the invitation I am assuming. We have told family not to bring gifts that we were just getting together and singing Happy Birthday and eating cupcakes to celebrate. We received gifts. It can be well intentioned, but kids really don't appreciate what they receive b/c they get so much and it is expected to buy so much. When I was a kid, you received a doll or a book or a small toy from friends. Maybe your grandparents gave you $5. Now you go to a b-day party and the kids get ipods, video games, and expensive items for each other as well as the kids getting around $200 from friends altogether. There are cards with $20 and $40 in them and these aren't relatives. I can understand wanting to be firm and stating the no toys/money preference, but I don't think it is proper to ask that of people. So we no longer do the big birthdays with a ton of friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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