What to do if noone is enjoying homeschool?

[lakotajm]

You know, 90% of the time, if you were to ask me if I like homeschooling, I would have to say, "NO!" I am not excited, motivated, thrilled or otherwise happy. My kids are even less enthusiastic. My dd6 often says "I hate school!" DD13 is more understanding about it being a necessary evil. She even understands the tradeoffs and has come to an ok place with it, after being dead-set against it for two years. DD5 was just makng things even harder for me, so I only do a nominal amount with her now.

 

I read another post recently from someone saying they always said they'd take it year by year and keep going as long as everyone was learning and having fun (paraphrasing). So what if you are not? What if it is like pulling teeth everyday? I literally have occasionally ended up whopping my kids on the rear a time or two during the day trying to just get them to shut up and listen. I know it is largely me-I am a curmudgeon and have so little patience. I am not able to even pretend that it's exciting and fun. Are some people just not cut out to homeschool?

I often just get so tired of it I want to quit. What would you do?

 

 

Lakota

[mama2cntrykids]

Oh...we are right there with you. I really don't have answers for you. My oldest son is doing ok, but my youngest "hates school" and to be honest, I don't like teaching him because of his attitude and refusal to do much of anything. I will be watching this thread. Personally, I put one foot in front of the other most days...just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

[PeterPan]

Kids get nutty when they're under-challenged. I would give the 5 and 6 yo's more work. Not necessarily book work (though some more sounds like it might be fine) but also other kids of work like chores, crafts, music time, etc. I'd make a checklist for each of them so your expectations and the plan are very clear. When my dd was little like that, I put the subjects onto index cards and put them on a pocket chart, so it was easy to see, easy to rearrange. If you're feeling slow and grungy (it's the time of year for it), then you have to create a little structure that brings the pizzaz in spite of you, kwim? All it takes is a SL science video, kwim? Did you get the SL science? Are you doing any science? What, no science?? With this age, science is FUN! Get the math and LA stuff done, and then you can have fun!! Alternate fun and drudgery. Make sure you're doing PE every day. Bring in rotating fun subjects and do one each day: music, art, math games, hands-on science. Don't make it hard, just SOMETHING. And maybe in February find that thing at Hallmark (I think that's where it was) that lists a holiday for every day of the year. There's nothing like National Oreo Cookie Day to brighten your day, kwim? We did that one year, celebrating something each day. It was always a surprise for her to wake up to. :)

[Carol in Cal.]

But I think that it should at least be satisfying. You should have the joy of seeing your children progress. They should, at a minimum, have the joy of getting finished for the day, LOL!

 

If you really, really hate it, I would suggest that you go back and think about why you are doing it in the first place. Is it because you don't like the local schools? Is it because you want to cover things your way? Is it because you feel that it expresses your values around family, or citizenship, or God, or academics? Is it because your child or children has a particular trait that needs to be encouraged, or a special need that only you can fill?

 

In those reasons, I'll bet you will find your joy again.

 

And, I would take some time and work on your children's attitude, by starting with your own. Gently, if you are getting too angry too much of the time, it means that you're not able to inject calm into your family, and your children will reflect that. If you can set goals for yourself to remain calm but effective, one day at a time, you may well see a change in attitude on your children's parts. (My guess, though, is that once you make this change they may get worse and THEN get better.) Once you feel that you're on a roll with your own attitude, then set specific expectations for theirs. Ask the 13 yo to help to set the example and lead the way. Give the littles specific doovers--they can't complain about school, if they whine show them how to say things in an acceptable tone and ask them to say them that way.

 

I think that you can turn this around, and restore the satisfaction and maybe even some joy to your homeschool.

[Sue G in PA]

Did I just write this? Seriously, I could have written it. My kids do not like school. Ds8 fights me and has ever since we started formally schooling him. Ds6 takes his cue from ds8 and does not like school either. He will do it more willingly and with a better attitude, but really doesn't like it. Dd4 is the only one who likes school. She ASKS to do school, begs for more when her "work" is over and is a joy to teach. I homeschool the boys b/c the alternative for them is not a good choice. I try to make the work fun, but sometimes it just isn't. I've tried switching curriculum, taking unit study breaks, reading aloud more, changing the location of school (library, outside on nice days, McDonalds, etc.). Fact is...my kids just don't like school! My older kids go to ps and they don't really "like" it either. They just go b/c it is what they have to do. I feel for you and hope you get some good advice from the wisdom on this board. There certainly is a lot of it!

[Ellie]

If all of us felt that way, I'd do some serious re-evaluating of what was going on. Every day doesn't have to be a party, but neither should anyone be that unhappy on a regular basis. And I'd make massive changes, if necessary, before sending the dc to school.

[Caitilin]

Lakota,

 

Are you still doing school in a super-cramped space? With dubious relatives around? Is that affecting YOUR ability to do school? I know it sure would mine! :) I don't think I could handle that very well. If you can, you must be super-mom!:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I don't know if I think that you should all be enjoying school--I don't know that we enjoy it on most days. Mostly, it's just what we do, like vacuuming the floor, or washing the dishes, or folding the laundry--we do it b/c it's gotta get done. However, when I think of the alternative, I mentally scream NNNOOOOOO!!!, so I am pretty sure that for us this is the right thing to be doing. And usually, we don't mind too much. My bright-but-willful 3rd grader can be difficult, but he usually comes around eventually.

 

I don't know. Would you be happier if they were in school? Would they? I think that's the criteria you need to use. I have a friend who's been hsing her kids from the get-go, but I really think she is not cut out for it. Every little thing stresses her to the breaking point. If you're finding that this is where you are, I would say, yes, put them in school and regroup. Home will always be there to come back to, if that's what you decide, and in the meanwhile, maybe you all need a break.:grouphug:

 

I am sorry you're having a tough time--hope it gets better SOON!:grouphug: Take care of you, as the lovely older lady at my church says; it'll help you take care of the kids.

[newbie]

Try another avenue. Coop perhaps to relieve the stress or do virtual for a couple of classes.

 

It took me many schools and many curriculum to find my path and we need to tweak every sem.

 

Learning didnt get fun for older til high school. Same w/second. One likes lots of organization and the other likes to be in virtual class w/other kids.

Totally different styles.

 

Just keep swimming,

Jet

[JennW in SoCal]

If you really, really hate it, I would suggest that you go back and think about why you are doing it in the first place. Is it because you don't like the local schools? Is it because you want to cover things your way? Is it because you feel that it expresses your values around family, or citizenship, or God, or academics? Is it because your child or children has a particular trait that needs to be encouraged, or a special need that only you can fill?

 

:iagree: I agree with Carol that some of your joy may come back once you think this through. But it alone isn't a magic cure.

 

I also think that many homeschoolers ought to think hard about what education means to them, and consider that there is more to homeschooling than doing school at home. Learning doesn't just happen during those hours that we do school. Learning is a life-long endeavor, and there are more things to learn than just what is found in books.

 

So, this isn't a magic cure, either. But with a 5 and 6 year old, I'd spend an hour on the three Rs, then spend the rest of the day doing the usual stuff but not calling it school. Make reading time a special time and don't call it school. Make doing crafts or something sciency a craft time --- but don't call it school. Watch Magic School Bus or Discovery channel shows on nature, but don't call it school. Play games, bake cookies, plant seeds and let your children do what kids do best -- learning by doing.

 

Make your 13yo special by praising her attitude (even if it she is simply resigned) and making her a model of how big kids approach learning. Let your 13yo join some of the fun, too.

 

And like Elizabeth suggested, give your little ones chores -- that is what they do in Montessori schools, and it is part of the curriculum.

 

Put up a reward chart. Stickers for school without whining. Stickers for completed chores and make the reward something satisfying for all like a video night where the kids get to choose.

 

Outside classes once or twice a week might make everyone happier.

 

Give yourself a break, too. Designate a part of the day as quiet time -- everyone in their space with a book or quiet activity and you can close your eyes or read a book yourself.

[Sarah CB]

We are a family that evaluates every year and as long as everyone is having fun and learning we keep going. We go through our challenges as well. I wrote about the challenge we faced this fall for a homeschool newsletter; I've cut and pasted here:

 

Ecclesiastes 8:15 talks about joy accompanying us in our work through all the days of our lives. I love that idea. And I also think it’s central to homeschooling. How can we teach without joy? How can our kids learn without joy? What is the point of carrying on, day after day, if there is no joy in the work that we do?

 

I think that things start to fall apart when joy is left out of the planning process. I’ve experienced that myself. We had a minor homeschool crisis about six weeks ago. I wasn’t having any fun. My thirteen year old daughter was definitely not having any fun – and I was ready to send her off to school. I even checked the bus routes to see what time she’d have to leave the next morning.

 

We ended up in that place because my planning had left joy out. Instead, I had more goals. I knew that Abbie was academically capable of the work. I also knew that it fit into our schedule. And it was good work; worthwhile work. Work that would prepare her for things to come. Unfortunately, my view was too narrow. It was my husband who pointed out the error and steered me towards a solution. Instead of sending her to school we decided that for six weeks we would radically change everything. We shelved everything except for math and then supported and encouraged Abbie as she worked on a project. She spent those weeks writing and researching and now she’s putting everything together in a website. Beyond all of the school related stuff she learned while completing her project, she was able to experience joy in learning again. Her excitement was fun to watch. She has delighted in her project.

 

I allowed the boys (9 and 7) to work on their own project during this time. We did a big unit study on our back yard. We used photos (many of them were actually taken by Jacob) of animals and birds that live in our yard, they painted, wrote poetry, wrote a story, researched habitats and animal behavior, looked at how God designed each animal to survive in this environment, learned about Christian stewardship of the environment and drew out food chains. All of this was scrapbooked and best of all…it was fun! They boys took great joy in their project and you can see the pride and joy on their faces when they show someone their book. This was a great reminder to me about how simple it really is to approach our homeschooling in a way that cultivates joy. Having fun and being joyful in our work doesn’t mean that we don’t work hard , it just means I have to be a little more creative.

 

I don’t want my kids slogging through their school work. I don’t want my teenager up late every night trying to complete her work. I don’t want my kids to miss out on the opportunities that time and flexibility have opened up. And so, as I plan to get back to the rest of our subjects in the new year, I’m making sure that joy is a central component of our studies. I’m a goal oriented person, so this is hard for me. I’ve had to sit back in the past six weeks and look at where we’re at academically and where I’d like us to end up by June – and then I ask myself why. What happens if we don’t finish our math book? Well, the kids are ahead in math so nothing would actually happen if they didn’t finish their math books. Nothing. We could spend the rest of the year playing math games and doing puzzles and they still wouldn’t be behind (“behind†what, anyway? That’s a whole other conversation). Just writing down that we could play games for the rest of the year and not finish our math books actually makes my eye twitch. I’m not sure I could handle that. But, knowing that we could toss it all and still be just fine gives me a sense of freedom and flexibility. It means that if an opportunity to go out and do something cool comes up I can jump on it and go – we can enjoy it, without worrying about whether we finished math or not.

 

We’ve been able to enjoy a number of opportunities that I probably would not have made time for if we were still following the schedule that we followed for the first six weeks of school. Abbie has had a couple of significant opportunities open up to her. She has started volunteering at the museum. This is a weekly commitment and takes two hours out of a school day. That’s a big chunk of time and yet, I think it’s going to be more than worth it. And she loves it. It’s something she gets excited about doing. The second opportunity is with Taekwon-do. Abbie’s a black belt in Taekwon-do and really loves to teach. Having some extra flexibility means that she has the time to help teach twice a week, train for more hours, and take advantage of other teaching opportunities that pop up during the week. Her instructor teaches at schools as well and Abbie was able to go with him to an elementary school where she worked with a little girl with special needs. The look on Abbie’s face as she told me about how she helped the little girl with Taekwon-do was worth every minute we spent away from our school work that morning. It was even worth the drive from West Kelowna to North Glenmore to pick her up afterwards. I reminded myself that I would have said no if she had asked to help teach on a school morning back in September or October. I would have said no. And Abbie would have completed a lot of subjects that day, but she would have missed out on an experience that taught her more than all of those subjects combined and that allowed her to use her gifts to help others. And isn’t that the true end goal? That we learn to use the gifts that God has given us to help others?

 

My planning process looks a lot different these days. Sure, we’re jumping back in to a lot of the same things we were doing in the fall, but it’s with a joyful heart. We’re changing a few things, cutting back on a few others, and planning assignments and projects that will bring some of the joy back into our school days. Most importantly, I’m purposely planning in a “do the next thing†way. That means that I can still plan, but not for specific dates. And, if an opportunity comes up and we miss an entire day of school (or even just one subject) we can just pick up where we left off the next day and continue on our way without it throwing a wrench into a carefully crafted schedule.

 

If you’re having trouble finding the joy in homeschooling, my challenge to you is to pick one thing to change in the new year. Is there a particular subject that just sucks the life out of your homeschool? Change it. Turn it upside-down and approach it from another direction. Do something radical. And have fun! Nurture relationships, help your children discover their God given gifts and give them the opportunity to use them.

 

I wish you great joy in the New Year.

[Tree House Academy]

Have you had any breaks lately? When I start getting so frustrated with the kids that I want to punish them for school behavior (beyond taking money from their school store stash), then I have to stop and take a break. Maybe a few weeks off just to have fun and reconnect will give you that spark again. Remember why you started this journey and take some time to reflect on that and see if your feelings, overall, have changed. If they haven't, it might be time to change things up a bit to try to recapture the "magic." :) If your feelings have changed, however, then it might be time to re-evaluate what you are doing.

 

:grouphug:

[jail warden]

You've gotten some great advice.

 

We just went through this. I went through and evaluated what wasn't working for us and decided to try a few things differently. It's much better now. I'm enjoying myself. The kids will still say they don't like school although when I asked them with each subject none of them are bad, but they do love History, so I'd say that's progress.:D We still have challenges, I'm not pretending it's so easy now, but it makes it easier to deal with it.

 

Find if there's any area you love with school and see what you love and see if you can incorporate that in other areas. HTH!

[G5052]

I will consider individual appeals about specifics in school, but not overall complaints. My oldest came to me and asked for a different math program because he found the explanations to be confusing. He showed me different places and noted that some of the word problems weren't reasonable. When he was younger he asked to not read "girly" books like "Betsy and Tacy" when we used Sonlight. Reasonable complaints that I was able to use to improve things. General complaints such as: I hate school, I wish it was Saturday, I don't feel like school today, etc. are punished. That's sometimes how my downstairs bathroom gets cleaned ;).

 

I started when they were young, and rarely get complaints now. I am not a complainer, and I want to raise children that know how to deal with times when you have to do things you don't like. We try to be a positive family that works hard.

 

Your mileage my vary...:auto:

[EarleneW]

I am sure my answer is not the popular answer, but we put our kids in school- Granted it is a private Christian school, but we love it, they love it and from the moment we walked through the front doors there, we KNEW it was the place for us. Do I miss homeschooling? Sure. Will we ever do it again? Maybe. But I have come to realize there is a season for everything and this is our season right now. Noone was enjoying it and it just wasn't fun anymore. I know it won't always be fun, but the fighting and arguing was more then I could handle anymore.

[ConnieB]

Homeschooling is NOT for everyone. Obviously none of us know enough about your situation to make that decision, but if no one is learning, then either something drastic needs to change at home, or the best interests of your children MIGHT be better served at school.

 

But before you make that decision, think long and hard about why it's not working at home, and whether their being in school will improve that or make it worse!

 

Sometimes when homeschooling isn't working it's a matter of the kids being bored or feeling frustrated, even "stupid" when they don't get it. That doesn't always mean that mom is a horrible teacher or the kids aren't smart. Sometimes it means that the approach at home isn't working for anyone. Some people try to bring school into the home...sit at the desk for x number of hours going through this workbook or that workbook and now you get 10 minutes to run around in the backyard and then back in the chair for more workbooks. And the kids hate it....and mom hates it because the kids rebel. Of course there is also the opposite end....mom's style of teaching is to drag the unwilling kids to every historical monument in the state and proceed to lecture them (or have the monument folks do the lecture) for hours about the history and significance of this monument....then pile back in the car for several hours of driving to the next monument. Two extremes of course, but the point is the same....perhaps it's not "school" that your children hate....perhaps it's how the information is being presented to them that needs to change. Sometimes it can be about learning style...the workbooks would absolutely kill my children, they hate filling in blanks....other children love and need the orderliness of workbooks. My children love to travel to learn about the state we're living in now (we're military so we move a lot!)...but we've tried taking friends with us and it hasn't always worked out.

 

Obviously what you're doing now isn't working very well. Perhaps you are too close, and too frustrated, to see what changes might improve the situation....in which case, try to find a trusted friend who perhaps is doing better in their homeschool adventure, and ask them to come to your home for a day to see what changes might work best. Or do some research into learning styles....I know that subject can be controversial here, but honestly, your average 5 year old should be absolutely chomping at the bit to learn about everything in the world. This board often laments about the public school taking all the joy of learning out of their kids....but a 5 year old should not be there yet!

 

Another thing to look at is whether you are doing too much or not enough for your child's needs. An overwhelmed child will of course "hate" everything......and a bored child will not be happy having to do that same style of workbook page over and over. Personally, I think that's why so many seemingly smart kids have so much behavior problems at school...they're bored, they're ready to move on but the rest of the class is still learning and so they have to plod along with them. I learned early in my homeschool days to forget about the curriculum lesson plans.....they are seldom a good fit for my children. Some books that claim to be a full year of lessons takes us a couple of months.....other books that same year takes us two years because we enjoy it so much. Examples....Apologia science is supposedly a year long per book...we whizzed through them a couple of months EACH, finishing all 3 of the elementary Zoology books plus the Astronomy is a year.....but Story of the World....Volume 1 took us 2 1/2 years our first time through it....we went off on so many bunny trails...any time the kids truly loved a person/place/event we stayed on it until there was nothing more to read in the library! That's not to say that Apologia was a bad curriculum...we learned a great deal from each volume, but my kids simply didn't want to drag each chapter out for two weeks....they wanted to do science all day sometimes, so we'd literally finish a chapter meant to take 2 weeks in a day or two.

 

It takes time, patience and a lot of effort to find the best way for YOUR family to learn. I know of many people who thought we were nuts to "still" be studying the same subject months later....their family would have been bored to tears but we were still excited, so we kept going. When the excitement started waning, I'd start planning for the next subject matter, so when it stopped being interesting we moved on.

 

Do not think yourself a failure if you ultimately decide homeschooling isn't for you....but if on those days when you can put aside the frustrations and feel that homeschooling despite it's imperfections are the best thing for your family....then make the effort to make changes to improve it. But if no amount of change is going to make your children thrive and enjoy at home, then it's time to consider that the change that is right for YOUR family, might be into the school system. You might want to see if your community has charter schools that cater to your children's specific interests....I'm seeing more "speciality" charter schools popping up lately....the charters that focus on science, or engineering, or performing arts, etc. If your child has a deep seated love that needs to be nutured, these types of schools might be a better fit than a typical public schools that simply goes for academics and doesn't mold their lessons to the specific child's needs like the specialities do. Not all children, of course, have figured out their niche in life yet....so a general education is perfect for them.

 

Good luck!:grouphug:

[Renee in NC]

Every single day is a struggle for me. Yes, some days are better than others, but for the most part school is simply something we get through. Sad, isn't it? In my perfect world we would be unschoolers and do whatever turned our fancy, so to speak. However, it doesn't ever seem to work out that way in my home.

 

If all my dc were like my 5yo girl, life would be easier. However, I have 3 boys older than she who have learning issues (one pretty badly.) Teaching them basic skills such as reading, writing, and math takes a HUGE amount of time. By the time that is over, my plans for fun projects, field trips, and other educational experiences just go out the window - I am just too tired!

 

For us, though, school is not the answer. Hopefully some day will be easier and then learning can be fun again.

[Peela]

No, school does not have to be joyful and fun all the time, or even much at all...but I feel that if the general tone of the home is not a positive one, it's not a good thing.

My kids dont like their work much either, but they do accept it to a large extent. And I do try and keep the energy light and moving and some humour in the room. I have whacked my kids- actually, just my son- at times when his resistance gets under my skin nad I react. But when I have found every single day a struggle,(maybe a couple of times a year I feel like that) I have had a deep talk with dh about it. It usually comes down to a discipline issue, and once the boundary lines are redrawn and ds realises he can't get away with it...there is peace again. It seems to be my ds's nature to resist, but we still feel its in his best interest to homeschool him so I have just learned to handle it.

I make a lot of changes as we go, too. I drop curriculum that feels like dry busywork. I put a lot of energy into making it interesting, or if its something like grammar, keeping the lessons short and manageable, as well as doing it with my kids.

Are you happy? I think if you are not happy in yourself, not being true to your own heart, not finding joy in your life...it will filter down to the kids. I can handle the kids' resistance as long as I am ok. My kids also need things to look forward to. For my son, it is some boys in teh street he plays with every day when they get home from school- so there is a motivation to finish his work before they get home. For dd, it is various classes she attends, as well as online socialising.

I think you might be surprised at how many people struggle with their kids daily...but these things can really come in cycles and I think this time of year is often hard for you northern hemisphere people.