LONG random CC thoughts on beauty, femininity, practicality, thrift, et al

[Melissa in St Louis]

This has been on my mind for months (ok, truth be told, years), but here it is creeping up and bugging me again. :lol:

 

Long story short, I'm feeling convicted about beauty and femininity.

I'm feeling it from everywhere, and I feel like I really need to do something about it. Here are some random and disjointed thoughts in no particular order:

 

 

I see families at the zoo where the girls/women are in skirts/dresses and I feel like that is what I should be doing. I can't explain it, other than that very strong "should" feeling.

 

I enjoy a few blogs that discuss motherhood, womanhood, simple living, etc ...and all of the ladies that write these are OBVIOUSLY very feminine in dress and hairstyle. One of these ladies made a comment the other day about how no one needs to look shabby in thrift store clothes when there are so many great clearance sales on quality, name brand clothing right now. This is a woman who comes across as very Victorian-esque, and she is speaking of places I've NEVER shopped because they are so expensive (yup, I've been a tightwad from the womb!) I went clearance rack shopping last night, tried on at least 25 tops, and hated all of them. ALL.of.them. I was just a bit miffed that ok, it's not enough to look nice, now it has be be name brand??? I'm not putting this woman up on a pedestal, I'm just perplexed.

 

Then I read somewhere else that it is interesting that even though we as a society dress sloppily/shabbily, women of influence have always dressed well (she is talking about Michelle Obama and Princess Diana specifically)...that to be taken seriously you MUST be well-dressed at all times. I kind of agree, first impressions count, etc, etc, but here we are again...the term "women of influence" jumped out at me -- who am I trying to influence? My family? Our employees? Neighbors? While I'm kind of a nonconformist that doesn't really care what others think, it would be great to be a positive influence, I'm gonna let my little light shine, kind of a gal.

 

Which brings me to the fact that I was recently told I'm not living up to my potential. After and exasperated huff, it was determined that YES everyone knows I bust my bottom 24 hours a day, YES I'm doing my best to keep all balls in the air, YES I'm trying to be superwoman....except for how I present myself. THAT is the "not living up to potential" that this indvidual was talking about, and has been talking about for years...and it just finally clicked that that is what the person meant. Feelings would have been hurt if I wouldn't have all these other neon lights flashing at me telling me the same message.

 

Here's another kicker. At church a few weeks ago we had some beautiful stained glass windows installed...there is a brochure that explains the designs (much of it is not in English, symbolism, etc), and in it we have this: "and so many people may conclude that art is not only highly subjective but something quite optional -- nice, but not necessary -- something for people with too much time and too mch money. But this misses the essence and significance of art. The Christian faith has always understood that art is not a diversion of the elite, merely optional, or a matter of whim or personal taste. St Paul made it explicit in his letter to the believers in Philipi" *insert Philipians 4:8 here* "Truth and beauty belong together. They must not be pulled apart. What is true is beautiful. What is beautiful is true." ACK! This hit me like a bolt of lightning. Especially the bolded part.

 

I have a daughter. A beautiful, ringlet-haired, feminine wonder...I want to be a good example for her and I don't want either of my children remembering me looking like a wreck because I was too busy taking care of all kinds of other stuff.

 

It takes time and money to look good. I'm short on both. Yes, you can thrift shop and clearance rack and get some great deals but it takes time. You can go get a haircut and color your hair yourself and that is time AND money. You can wear a bit of makeup each day, but then you are using it up and will ulimately run out when you really need it and can't afford to replace it.

 

DH stated that he feels like a better provider when I am wearing something other than one of his T-shirts and jeans. I thought I was being awesome by not spending money on clothes!! Who knew! :lol: So I have his go-ahead to spend a bit of money; however, I just can't seem to do it. (Thinking of curriculum needs, upcoming costs, debt, etc, etc, etc)

 

I was reading Anne of Green Gables a while back to my kiddos, and I was really struck with all kinds of messages about beauty. I can't even name specifics, but there were tons of instances in there that really got my goat.

 

I know Jesus loves me regardless of if I'm wearing a hot pink mohawk or a denim jumper (I have neither, for the record :D), but for some reason I feel like He's calling me to do something about this...Why is that? And what am I supposed to do? I'm by no means legalistic about this, I just feel like He's hitting ME over the head with it.

 

Off to get the kiddos showered and jammied. I'm terrified of the comments I'm going to get about this...:auto:

Edited January 24, 2010 by Melissa in St Louis

[Pam L in Mid Tenn]

Don't fall into the legalism of long hair and long dresses. Yes, on some people the Victorian style looks beautiful. On some, the Little House on the Prairie Look can be pretty.

 

Find your own beauty.

 

It doesn't have to be a dress to look pretty. What styles do you like? What styles does your dh like?

 

I'm sort of a tomboy and feel best in jeans. When I'm going out I try to put on stylish shoes and do my hair and make up a bit. My husband always complements me when I wear a black t shirt.

 

You'll look the prettiest when you are COMFORTABLE with what you are wearing.

 

I don't know where you live but here we have great sales at Dillards and Kohls. I saw some really cute tops and blouses at Wal Mart today. Target has stylish clothing for reasonable prices.

 

You like jeans and Tshirts... just like me..... Two pairs of jeans and 4 Tshirts in fashionable colors will take you a long way.

 

Be very careful if you are feeling "convicted" to start dressing in a certain way. I personally think Christian women should be modest, but that doesn't mean Victorian or dresses only. :)

[Denise in Florida]

This is a very thought provoking post, in a positive sense. I hope you get some well thought out replies.

 

I intensely dislike 'dress clothes', I am most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. I have come to realize, however, that occasionally my requests seem to be ignored (not at home) because of my middle-aged frumpyish appearance.

 

I have also realized that one of the reasons I hate 'dress clothes' is because my 'good' clothes growing up were always uncomfortable, maybe I need to try better quality better fitting stuff. :001_smile: I'm not sure where to start.

 

I will keep my eyes on this thread.

[cathmom]

 

 

One of these ladies made a comment the other day about how no one needs to look shabby in thrift store clothes when there are so many great clearance sales on quality, name brand clothing right now. This is a woman who comes across as very Victorian-esque, and she is speaking of places I've NEVER shopped because they are so expensive (yup, I've been a tightwad from the womb!)

 

 

 

 

It's apparent this woman doesn't shop at thrift stores. The majority of the clothes I buy for myself at the thrift store are from Talbot's. They are good quality clothes that still look good and will last me a long time.

[farmmom4him]

For me dresses would be dangerous. my hubby farms, and I am right in the middle of it at the drop of a hat. Dresses, lacy, flowing things are EXTREMELY dangerous around PTO shafts, belts and such.

 

I wear jeans and a t-shirt, and my hubby loves me in a nice fitting pair of jeans, just like love to see him in a pair of wranglers. :D :lol: 20x even better!!!

[Melissa in St Louis]

On some, the Little House on the Prairie Look can be pretty.

 

 

 

 

Gasp! Faint! :w00t: Kiddos and I were watching the Disney Little House on the Prairie movie a few weekends ago and all I could think - through the entire 4 hours! - was WHERE CAN I GET A SKIRT LIKE MA'S!!!!!!! :lol:

 

 

 

(so.....anyone know? I have a sewing machine but don't know even how to turn it on. seriously.)

[Sputterduck]

Find a really gorgeous woman and you'll notice that she looks great in a t-shirt and jeans. She looks great with her hair mussed up in the morning. (that's just kind of a side point) Anywho...

 

To me make-up is a mask. Brand name clothes are a mask. It all masks who we really are.

 

And, yes, I do think that focusing on what we wear and how we look is shallow. It's the very definition of it. Take care of yourself and be healthy.

[Aubrey]

Find a really gorgeous woman and you'll notice that she looks great in a t-shirt and jeans. She looks great with her hair mussed up in the morning. (that's just kind of a side point) Anywho...

 

To me make-up is a mask. Brand name clothes are a mask. It all masks who we really are.

 

And, yes, I do think that focusing on what we wear and how we look is shallow. It's the very definition of it. Take care of yourself and be healthy.

 

I don't know...taking the idea of make-up & brand name clothing being a mask to an extreme can end up being like a mask, too. Looked at objectively, as something to cover the body, name brand & WM clothing are the same. I've known women who came from poverty who were afraid to try anything new, & so they continued wearing what they were used to--thrift store, WM clothes, because the risk of something new would be "putting themselves out there" so to speak.

 

FOCUSING on what we wear & how we look? Well...I guess it depends on what you mean. If not focusing on these issues means never talking about them, then I'd disagree. But we all know people who obsess over these things, who are shallow about them. Fwiw, I don't think OP's musings fall into that category.

 

You also mentioned that great-looking women look great no matter what. For people who don't feel so great-looking, that can come across pretty daunting. I look like a druggie-felon first thing in the morning, lol, but I can get reasonably presentable if I put some effort in. I guess I think that idea is a myth perpetuated by Hollywood. After all, if we see a woman in a movie get woken up in the middle of the night & still look great, it's easy to assume that it's just a nature thing & not an effort thing.

[EthiopianFood]

1 Peter 3:3,4

 

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

[MamaSheep]

I hear ya. I have a hard time spending money on me too. Sometimes it helps to think of the money I spend on clothes for me as being partly spent on my husband and children, since they will no longer be forced to walk around with a frump. I have noticed a difference in dh's demeanor if I'm dressed nicely. I don't think it's conscious, I think he just gets more pride from being with me if I dress like I have some self-esteem. I don't think ds cares, but dd is beginning to comment on my clothes occasionally (as in, "I like your top, Mom", or "Mom, did you notice that shirt has a stain?") and I think she may become a little more clothing conscious as she gets older. I don't want to give her the idea that she has to wear designer label, or even brand-name clothes to be socially acceptable, but I do want her to learn to dress in modest, neat, clean clothes that are in good repair and flattering to her. It dawned on me a while ago that she wasn't going to get that lesson if I walk around in ill-fitting jeans and stained baggy t-shirts all the time. And I've noticed too that people out in the community take me more seriously if I dress like I take myself seriously.

 

I don't have anything against dresses. I used to enjoy wearing long skirts all the time (just because they were comfortable and looked nice on me, not because of any religious reasons) before I had kids, but then my life took another turn. Dresses don't work well with my lifestyle, in general. Although the kids are getting bigger, I still get down on the floor and crawl around with them, I garden, I do other things that are just very awkward (for me) to do in a dress. Not to mention that I'm short, and I drive vehicles that it's hard to get in and out of modestly if my dress is not clear down to my ankles (literally) and quite full, and I live in an area that is extremely windy (which is why they just installed a bunch of wind turbines down the road a little). I still have a nice dress and a couple of skirts that I can wear on dressier occasions (I always wear a dress to church, as I feel it shows respect to God, and I think I should give Him at least the same respect (more, actually) that I would give a potential employer, for example), but mostly I wear pants--mostly jeans, but I have a couple pair of flowy knit pants that are very comfy and feminine. One thing I've learned is that there are t-shirts, and then there are t-shirts. Being the cheapo that I am, I do still buy them off the clearance rack at Wal-Mart, K-Mart, and Target fairly often, but I'm working on that (I've even been known to pay full price at those stores on occasion...lol). But you can get t-shirts in a cute feminine cut with a little lace or embroidery, and you can look cute and feminine and non-frumpy without being in a dress. I like tunic-style tops too--comfortable, feminine, and still practical. There is rather a lot of middle ground between jeans and baggy t's, and victorian dresses (or denim jumpers for that matter). One way to try out a more feminine look might be to try buying a couple of new tops that are cute and feminine but still in the t-shirt "family" and just see how you feel when you wear them. You could probably even find a couple in a thrift store, outlet store, sale rack, or discount store that you could buy without feeling TOO guilty over the money. Also, you don't have to run out and replace your whole wardrobe all at once, you can just pick up a new piece here and there for the next couple of years. When you get rid of a ratty old stained baggy t-shirt, replace it with something pretty and feminine instead of just acquiring another hand-me-down baggy T. When your jeans need to be replaced, replace them with something that fits well and has a feminine style.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I can relate to a lot of what you said. Also PLEASE don't feel that I'm judging you or trying to tell you what to do, that is not my intent at all! I do hope your ponderings lead you to a conclusion that brings you peace, whatever that conclusion may be. :grouphug:

[Julie in CA]

I was following your train of thought just fine until you got to the part about the clothing needing to be bought new. :confused: I don't really understand what you're saying about that. How would anyone really know if you bought your things at the thrift store or from the clearance rack? Sometimes, I've been asked where I get my clothes, and seriously, they're often from the thrift store. I'm unapologetic and unashamed of that.

 

The makeup, well, I disagree about the expense being much of a hardship. I buy the $3-4 foundation/powder, a $3 lipstick and mascara, and a $2 eyeliner. Altogether, that's about $12. It lasts a long. time. And, it doesn't wear out all at once and need replacing all at once. If you can squeeze $2 out of your budget each month, you can afford makeup. If you want it. I'm in no way saying you have to wear it, just that the affordability isn't really much of a factor.

 

As for hair, I have been coloring my own and trimming my hair myself. It's not perfect, but it's ok, and I try to take care of it inasmuch as I can. Just taking a moment to style your hair in the morning isn't expensive, and doesn't have to take a lot of time. If you need a hairdryer or a curling iron, they're fairly inexpensive, or you can place a want ad on a freecycle near you. I see hairstyling items given away there all the time.

 

My point is *NOT* that I think you need to do all of those things to be beautiful, but you might want to work through all the ways it *could* be done if you really want to incorporate a bit more of a focus on your appearance. In my experience, and from what I hear from friends, husbands really think we're fine "au naturale", but are often blown away when we start making more of an effort in that area. ;)

[Julie in CA]

1 Peter 3:3,4

 

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

I have never taken this verse to mean that we are to exclude our outward appearance from our care. It also falls in line with our bodies being a temple and created in God's image, and bringing to him our firstfruits, and wisely using the resources the Lord has blessed us with, and on and on. I don't think this is a prohibition, just a warning that our true beauty springs from inward factors. The outward appearance is just part of the good fruit that can be borne from a healthy inward spirit (just my opinion, of course!).

[LG Gone Wild]

This has been on my mind for months (ok, truth be told, years), but here it is creeping up and bugging me again. :lol:

 

Long story short, I'm feeling convicted about beauty and femininity.

I'm feeling it from everywhere, and I feel like I really need to do something about it. Here are some random and disjointed thoughts in no particular order:

 

 

I see families at the zoo where the girls/women are in skirts/dresses and I feel like that is what I should be doing. I can't explain it, other than that very strong "should" feeling.

 

I enjoy a few blogs that discuss motherhood, womanhood, simple living, etc ...and all of the ladies that write these are OBVIOUSLY very feminine in dress and hairstyle. One of these ladies made a comment the other day about how no one needs to look shabby in thrift store clothes when there are so many great clearance sales on quality, name brand clothing right now. This is a woman who comes across as very Victorian-esque, and she is speaking of places I've NEVER shopped because they are so expensive (yup, I've been a tightwad from the womb!) I went clearance rack shopping last night, tried on at least 25 tops, and hated all of them. ALL.of.them. I was just a bit miffed that ok, it's not enough to look nice, now it has be be name brand??? I'm not putting this woman up on a pedestal, I'm just perplexed.

 

Then I read somewhere else that it is interesting that even though we as a society dress sloppily/shabbily, women of influence have always dressed well (she is talking about Michelle Obama and Princess Diana specifically)...that to be taken seriously you MUST be well-dressed at all times. I kind of agree, first impressions count, etc, etc, but here we are again...the term "women of influence" jumped out at me -- who am I trying to influence? My family? Our employees? Neighbors? While I'm kind of a nonconformist that doesn't really care what others think, it would be great to be a positive influence, I'm gonna let my little light shine, kind of a gal.

 

Which brings me to the fact that I was recently told I'm not living up to my potential. After and exasperated huff, it was determined that YES everyone knows I bust my bottom 24 hours a day, YES I'm doing my best to keep all balls in the air, YES I'm trying to be superwoman....except for how I present myself. THAT is the "not living up to potential" that this indvidual was talking about, and has been talking about for years...and it just finally clicked that that is what the person meant. Feelings would have been hurt if I wouldn't have all these other neon lights flashing at me telling me the same message.

 

Here's another kicker. At church a few weeks ago we had some beautiful stained glass windows installed...there is a brochure that explains the designs (much of it is not in English, symbolism, etc), and in it we have this: "and so many people may conclude that art is not only highly subjective but something quite optional -- nice, but not necessary -- something for people with too much time and too mch money. But this misses the essence and significance of art. The Christian faith has always understood that art is not a diversion of the elite, merely optional, or a matter of whim or personal taste. St Paul made it explicit in his letter to the believers in Philipi" *insert Philipians 4:8 here* "Truth and beauty belong together. They must not be pulled apart. What is true is beautiful. What is beautiful is true." ACK! This hit me like a bolt of lightning. Especially the bolded part.

 

I have a daughter. A beautiful, ringlet-haired, feminine wonder...I want to be a good example for her and I don't want either of my children remembering me looking like a wreck because I was too busy taking care of all kinds of other stuff.

 

It takes time and money to look good. I'm short on both. Yes, you can thrift shop and clearance rack and get some great deals but it takes time. You can go get a haircut and color your hair yourself and that is time AND money. You can wear a bit of makeup each day, but then you are using it up and will ulimately run out when you really need it and can't afford to replace it.

 

DH stated that he feels like a better provider when I am wearing something other than one of his T-shirts and jeans. I thought I was being awesome by not spending money on clothes!! Who knew! :lol: So I have his go-ahead to spend a bit of money; however, I just can't seem to do it. (Thinking of curriculum needs, upcoming costs, debt, etc, etc, etc)

 

I was reading Anne of Green Gables a while back to my kiddos, and I was really struck with all kinds of messages about beauty. I can't even name specifics, but there were tons of instances in there that really got my goat.

 

I know Jesus loves me regardless of if I'm wearing a hot pink mohawk or a denim jumper (I have neither, for the record :D), but for some reason I feel like He's calling me to do something about this...Why is that? And what am I supposed to do? I'm by no means legalistic about this, I just feel like He's hitting ME over the head with it.

 

Off to get the kiddos showered and jammied. I'm terrified of the comments I'm going to get about this...:auto:

 

Why don't you just aim for looking groomed and put together? Match your socks, get rid of worn out drawers, don't wear stained clothing. None of that costs money or very little money (replacing holey underwear and all that). Then see where you are. That might just be enough for you and your dh.

:tongue_smilie:

[flyingmommy]

The thing that struck me about your post is that your husband would like for you to buy and use the make up. I can tell you from experience that if he said it was ok with him, what he probably meant was that he really, really wants you to buy and use the make up. I think you will find that make up doesn't get used up all that quickly.

 

I know what it is like to worry about every dime spent, and to always pass up things for myself in order to save money. I can tell you that I have found that my children notice when I actually do spend money on myself. Their reaction tells me that I should be doing it more often because I am worth it. And they believe I am worth it, too. Oddly, I think they respect me more when I act like I am just as valuable and important as everyone else in the family.

 

It sounds as though you have a hard time with changes. I know how that feels. Start slow. Don't try to change everything at once. You could start wearing make up every day for a while, so you can get used to it. Not just getting used to wearing make up every day but also getting used to taking the time out every day to do it. Eventually, what you fear will be time consuming and costly will not be so bad.

 

After you get used to make up, maybe you could try a new hair style or some new clothing styles.

 

Good luck!

 

J

[Jean in Newcastle]

What I have done:

 

1. go to the thrift stores to concentrate on one kind of clothing item. ie. dresses. I go and pull all the ones in my size that look even remotely interesting. I will have a huge cart full. Then I camp out in the dressing room. What I'm looking for is the style(s) that look good on me. I've taken a patient friend or family member to help me before.

 

2. find colors that suit me. Do you member the "color me beautiful" trend in the 80's? I remember from then that I look best in jewel tones. What do you look good in?

 

If you find a flattering style and colors, then it doesn't matter where you buy it. Some people will be flattered in a long Edwardian or Victorian or Prairie style. I look pregnant and dumpy in those styles. I look best in a shorter mid knee dress that is slightly tailored.

 

You can look beautiful and more feminine in well fitting jeans but with a soft flattering sweater or nicer looking top.

[Kathleen in VA]

Modest means not drawing attention to yourself. It has a lot more to do with attitude than clothing, but revealing types of clothing do draw attention so you have to watch that. The idea is that you are not trying to attract the attention of men besides your husband, so like I said, it has a lot to do with your actions.

 

I do not think dressing modestly necessarily means wearing dresses. Dresses are great, if you feel comfortable in them. I do. I do not like pants because they accentuate my larger form - dresses drape over it and, imo, hide it. I like that.:) But only certain styles do that so I have to be careful. I like long dresses because they hide my unattractive legs. But that's just me.

 

As far as spending money goes, I rarely find things on sale at department stores. By the time things have gotten marked down to suit my budget there isn't anything left I'd be caught dead in, lol. I have much better success at thrift stores. I have found many name-brand (meaning quality that will last - not a means to impress others) items with lots of wear left in them for around $5-$10 at my local Goodwill. Once I found a great dress at a hospital auxiliary thrift store. I searched on ebay and found the exact same dress, same size in two different colors so I snagged them for about $10-$20 each. The nice thing was I knew they would fit and that I'd like them since I already owned one. It wasn't a gamble like so many other purchases I've made.

 

Whatever you wear, you should wear with confidence. Also, having your hair and face looking tidy helps. If you take the time to brush and style your hair - nothing fancy, just like you did something, even if only pulled up in a pony tail - and you have a little bit of mascara and blush on, you just look more like you care. Some earrings and a simple necklace can help add some sparkle. I don't think it needs to cost much. A little makeup purchase at Walmart once in a while won't break the bank. That's where I buy mine. I also buy my jewelry there - I own a few basic pieces that I wear daily and one set of earrings, necklace and bracelet that I wear on special occasions.

 

Perhaps it would help to keep in mind that other people have to look at you. I mean once we step away from the mirror we do not see ourselves all day the way others do. It is a kindness to try to present ourselves well for the sake of those who must look at us all day. It is an act of love, really. That doesn't mean we have to spend a lot of money or be trendy - just clean and neat.

 

One last thing. I think showing a sincere interest in others and having a cheerful countenance gives one a glowing appearance. All the rest is irrelevant if you don't put a smile on your face and take an interest in other people's lives. True femininity (and masculinity for that matter) is rooted in love for others.

Edited January 24, 2010 by Kathleen in VA
typo

[Aubrey]

Kathleen--the OP's thoughts made me think of the story you posted a while back about the woman & the apple tree. If you think it's relevant, could you repost it?

[EthiopianFood]

I have never taken this verse to mean that we are to exclude our outward appearance from our care. It also falls in line with our bodies being a temple and created in God's image, and bringing to him our firstfruits, and wisely using the resources the Lord has blessed us with, and on and on. I don't think this is a prohibition, just a warning that our true beauty springs from inward factors. The outward appearance is just part of the good fruit that can be borne from a healthy inward spirit (just my opinion, of course!).

 

I don't think it is saying that we shouldn't take care of ourselves. I think it is saying that God considers the heart, that that is the source of beauty. Taking care of your health is a lot different than feeling convicted that you must look a certain way. God is not going to convict you about not looking pretty enough. That was my point. I don't know how the OP dresses, and what is causes others to say these things. There is a big difference between wearing baggy, holey clothing and wearing a t-shirt and jeans that fit you properly. No one should have to feel convicted about the latter. If she is doing the former, then I think the issue is why she doesn't feel she deserves nice things, not that she is "supposed to" wear makeup or dresses. Any time a Christian feels convicted about something, they need to see what the Bible says about it, not what other church members think.

[Kathleen in VA]

Kathleen--the OP's thoughts made me think of the story you posted a while back about the woman & the apple tree. If you think it's relevant, could you repost it?

 

Yes, of course. You know, this is what I was trying to get at with my post but had forgotten about this story. Thanks for the reminder, Aubrey.:) Here ya go:

 

http://lilleysofthefield.blogspot.com/2007/04/when-queens-ride-by.html

[Aubrey]

Yes, of course. You know, this is what I was trying to get at with my post but had forgotten about this story. Thanks for the reminder, Aubrey.:) Here ya go:

 

http://lilleysofthefield.blogspot.com/2007/04/when-queens-ride-by.html

 

Thanks! OP, this story is one of the most inspiring things I've read on the subject.

[LibraryLover]

I saw a darling hsing/religious family at the city library today. The girls were in long dresses and kerchiefs, and were about 11, 9, 7 or so. They were sweet! The little boy (4?) was wearing jeans and tall boots (lots of wet snow). The mother was in a kerchief , long skirt. etc.

 

The children could not have been cuter. We chatted briefly about hsing. I asked at checkout (so the mother was right there, I didn't want to scare them) if they were homeschooling (the mother used a coveted teacher card!! which my town will not allow and I told her I would love to have one). I was in the big city--the little girls eyes perked up when I asked about hsing. I said my children were also hsers-- the children all said YES happily to my question. The mother was kind, but totally not into me and moved quickly. I was bummed, they seemed nice. The oldest girl reminded me of my youngest, although she was clearly older. All of my clothing is from thrift shops, I was wearing atiny bot of concealer on my blood vessles but noting else. Srti;; the keans gave me away, I suppose.

 

Me in my amostly thrirft dark jeans, black heeled boots, and LL Bean fleece vest with scoop neck T (I like to pretend it's not totally freezing out lol) was not exactly in the skirt mode. (Although i do have lots of long skirts when it is warm!!) She was scared, it seemed. She smiled politely, but had a confused look on her face when I said I was also homeschooling. She was gone in a flash. Made me feel really weird. :Must not talk to crazy devil woman in jeans and black heeled boots:.

 

It added interest, and at first, happiness, to my day, but also made me feel like I was some sort of a satanic pariah. Also made me feel that religious folk have put the rest of us on the NO RAPTURE LIST. RUN AWAY.

Edited January 24, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Melissa in St Louis]

Kathleen--the OP's thoughts made me think of the story you posted a while back about the woman & the apple tree. If you think it's relevant, could you repost it?

 

YES! I was thinking of that too..."When Queens Ride By"....wait a minute, I'm the OP! :lol:

[sunshine]

Gasp! Faint! :w00t: Kiddos and I were watching the Disney Little House on the Prairie movie a few weekends ago and all I could think - through the entire 4 hours! - was WHERE CAN I GET A SKIRT LIKE MA'S!!!!!!! :lol:

 

 

 

(so.....anyone know? I have a sewing machine but don't know even how to turn it on. seriously.)

 

 

Love long dresses. Wear them 90 percent of the time. I get mine at CATO's. Really it is not dresses but skirts. I would love to get a long dress but alas they don't seem to make them annnnnndddd I have a sewing machine and don't know how to use it either!!:D

 

I am more of a medieval liking kinda dress gal~ you know the ones who walk through the woods in Lord Of The Rings or the ones who wear the REALLY cool fighting garb!

[Leanna Tomlinson]

Melissa,

I really like your post and think there is a lot of value to what you are saying. Looking nice makes us feel better and changes our attitudes for the better.

 

About 4 years ago, I came to the realization that I needed to do something about my wardrobe. I had been pregnant every other year for 14 years,my last two babies had been big "spitters", my pregnant and nursing days were over and everything I had was stretched and stained. For over a decade, my only accessory had been my current baby. I checked a book out of the library about wardrobe and followed its suggestions...(sorry I don't remember the name of the book).

 

- I got rid of anything that was damaged (I kept 2 pairs of pants for gardening and/or painting, and 1 shirt for painting)

-I got rid of anything that was uncomfortable

-I got rid of anything that didn't fit - even if I hoped to get back into it.

 

I literally cleaned out about 70% of my closet and realized that what was left was what I was actually wearing. I quickly realized that getting rid of the clothes I wasn't wearing allowed me to buy things that I actually would wear. For instance, while shopping I would talk myself out of a white turtleneck because "I had one at home", but in reality the sleeves were too short and the shoulder seams were irritating so I never wore it.! Having it gone allowed me to buy one I would actually wear.

 

For me, the hardest thing was finding a "Mom at home" style. Most books about clothing emphasize professional work wardrobes. I don't think you have to wear skirts all the time to be feminine. Sometimes all it takes is a cute pink T-shirt and a necklace. Determine an "at home style" you can live with and work in, and also,find out what your husband likes. I felt better just trading in my old, stained, baggy, crew neck T-shirts for bright-colored, slightly-fitted, V-necks. I have a quick "at home" make-up routine that just brightens me up a bit, but is not as involved as if I'm going out...tinted moisturizer, bronzer, tinted lipgloss, and (sometimes) light eyeliner.

 

I have learned to buy a few clothes I love and a few more accessories to add variety. I can wear the same shirt every week to co-op and change the look with a necklace, then a scarf, then a jacket. It doesn't have to cost much. I get most of my accessories at Target or Kohl's on sale.

 

My husband really likes the change and I can tell my kids like it when I look nicer at home. Have fun!:)

 

Leanna

[Melissa in St Louis]

I'll respond more in a bit, but I think I need to clarify that I'm not necessarily leaning towards all-long-dresses-all-the-time. That'd be a huge shock. Especially in the frost of winter. *shiver*

 

For the past few weeks I have been wearing the few non-hubby-tshirt-shirts that I have and I've been wearing a touch of makeup. There has been a difference -- the way DH has been towards me and the way I've felt.

 

I hate shopping because the choices are either A) so low cut that I'm not modest, 2) more than the rediulous price cap per item I have in my head, 3) I love the feminine polos (they cover the Big Girls) but Dh does not. And since I'm mostly doing this for him, I may as well get something he will like.

 

Shoes are killing me. I've been wearing heavy boots that are a size too big all day every day since November because my dog ate my last tennis shoes (see avatar)....I'm trying to get something cute and comfy, but won't until I find a good price. I had some awesome ones in my cart at Lands End and then it turned out they were sold out. Went to a bunch of shops yesterday trying to find shoes and nothing fits the criteria...I was so glad to see that shoe thread pop up yesterday! I'm going to check out some of those places.

 

Thanks for listening. :001_smile:

Edited January 24, 2010 by Melissa in St Louis

[elw_miller]

It takes time and money to look good. I'm short on both. Yes, you can thrift shop and clearance rack and get some great deals but it takes time. You can go get a haircut and color your hair yourself and that is time AND money. You can wear a bit of makeup each day, but then you are using it up and will ulimately run out when you really need it and can't afford to replace it.

 

The woman who denigrated thrift store clothing spoke without thinking. Where does she send her clothes she's tired of wearing? :confused:

 

Perhaps aiming to "look good" won't take quite as much time and money as you think. It sounds like you feel daunted by all the input.

 

My grandma never dyed her hair. She felt that since she was going to grow old with her husband that she might as well go grey along with him. She is one of the most beautiful women I know.

 

Who says you need to wear make-up to "look good"? :)

 

What is your vision of "a woman of influence"? How does she carry herself?

[Catherine]

LOLOL!

[Parrothead]

It takes time and money to look good. I'm short on both. Yes, you can thrift shop and clearance rack and get some great deals but it takes time.

Once you get into a routine of doing the hair and make up it doesn't really take that much time. I spend less than 5 minutes a day putting on foundation, powder, blush, eye shadow and mascara. I need to blow dry my hair so I have a style that looks good on me and can be styled with the blow dryer.

 

Great deals at the thrift stores are something that millions of other people can do, but not me. I don't have the time or patience to shop all those racks of clothes. I buy what I wear new from quality stores off the clearance racks. I also stopped wasting money buying clothes from Target and Walmart. I don't think there has ever been anything I've bought from either store that has fit properly after I've washed it.

 

I'd rather buy a $5.00 T from a clearance rack at Christopher and Banks in the mall that I can wear for 2 if not 3 seasons than buy a $3.00 T from Target or Walmart that I can wear only once because it shrinks after washing.

 

All that said, find what works for you. If you are a T and jeans type gal see about adding a nice sweater or button up over the T to dress the outfit up a little. If you want to wear a dressier pant, find a style that fits, feels and looks good then stick with it. Buy the same style in several different colors.

 

If you feel you are being called to do this then do it. The reasoning for it may be beyond you, but not beyond Who is doing the calling.

 

And remember legalistic goes both ways.

[Melissa in St Louis]

Be very careful if you are feeling "convicted" to start dressing in a certain way. I personally think Christian women should be modest, but that doesn't mean Victorian or dresses only. :)

 

Completely agree...I feel convicted to do something -- what that is, I'm not sure of! :001_smile:

 

This is a very thought provoking post, in a positive sense. I hope you get some well thought out replies.

 

 

Thanks for the kind words. I didn't know what reactions I may get to this. :001_smile:

 

 

It's apparent this woman doesn't shop at thrift stores.

 

I just wondered if I was missing something with what she was saying. Perhaps she spoke without experience or I misunderstood what she was getting at.

[Melissa in St Louis]

I wear jeans and a t-shirt, and my hubby loves me in a nice fitting pair of jeans, just like love to see him in a pair of wranglers. :D :lol: 20x even better!!!

:lol:

 

And, yes, I do think that focusing on what we wear and how we look is shallow. It's the very definition of it. Take care of yourself and be healthy.

 

I thought that also. I looked at it in a sense of there were better ways of spending my time/brain cells/money until it was called to my attention that others would be blessed by a bit of effort on my part. I had the Amish on a pedestal because they could dress very plainly, forget about it, and move on with their day...

 

IYou also mentioned that great-looking women look great no matter what. For people who don't feel so great-looking, that can come across pretty daunting.

:iagree:10 years ago, I was that woman. Now, notsomuch. :tongue_smilie:

1 Peter 3:3,4

 

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

 

Another piece of the puzzle! :001_smile:

[Melissa in St Louis]

I hear ya. I have a hard time spending money on me too. Sometimes it helps to think of the money I spend on clothes for me as being partly spent on my husband and children, since they will no longer be forced to walk around with a frump. I have noticed a difference in dh's demeanor if I'm dressed nicely. I don't think it's conscious, I think he just gets more pride from being with me if I dress like I have some self-esteem. I don't think ds cares, but dd is beginning to comment on my clothes occasionally (as in, "I like your top, Mom", or "Mom, did you notice that shirt has a stain?") and I think she may become a little more clothing conscious as she gets older. I don't want to give her the idea that she has to wear designer label, or even brand-name clothes to be socially acceptable, but I do want her to learn to dress in modest, neat, clean clothes that are in good repair and flattering to her. It dawned on me a while ago that she wasn't going to get that lesson if I walk around in ill-fitting jeans and stained baggy t-shirts all the time. And I've noticed too that people out in the community take me more seriously if I dress like I take myself seriously.

 

I don't have anything against dresses. I used to enjoy wearing long skirts all the time (just because they were comfortable and looked nice on me, not because of any religious reasons) before I had kids, but then my life took another turn. Dresses don't work well with my lifestyle, in general. Although the kids are getting bigger, I still get down on the floor and crawl around with them, I garden, I do other things that are just very awkward (for me) to do in a dress. Not to mention that I'm short, and I drive vehicles that it's hard to get in and out of modestly if my dress is not clear down to my ankles (literally) and quite full, and I live in an area that is extremely windy (which is why they just installed a bunch of wind turbines down the road a little). I still have a nice dress and a couple of skirts that I can wear on dressier occasions (I always wear a dress to church, as I feel it shows respect to God, and I think I should give Him at least the same respect (more, actually) that I would give a potential employer, for example), but mostly I wear pants--mostly jeans, but I have a couple pair of flowy knit pants that are very comfy and feminine. One thing I've learned is that there are t-shirts, and then there are t-shirts. Being the cheapo that I am, I do still buy them off the clearance rack at Wal-Mart, K-Mart, and Target fairly often, but I'm working on that (I've even been known to pay full price at those stores on occasion...lol). But you can get t-shirts in a cute feminine cut with a little lace or embroidery, and you can look cute and feminine and non-frumpy without being in a dress. I like tunic-style tops too--comfortable, feminine, and still practical. There is rather a lot of middle ground between jeans and baggy t's, and victorian dresses (or denim jumpers for that matter). One way to try out a more feminine look might be to try buying a couple of new tops that are cute and feminine but still in the t-shirt "family" and just see how you feel when you wear them. You could probably even find a couple in a thrift store, outlet store, sale rack, or discount store that you could buy without feeling TOO guilty over the money. Also, you don't have to run out and replace your whole wardrobe all at once, you can just pick up a new piece here and there for the next couple of years. When you get rid of a ratty old stained baggy t-shirt, replace it with something pretty and feminine instead of just acquiring another hand-me-down baggy T. When your jeans need to be replaced, replace them with something that fits well and has a feminine style.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I can relate to a lot of what you said. Also PLEASE don't feel that I'm judging you or trying to tell you what to do, that is not my intent at all! I do hope your ponderings lead you to a conclusion that brings you peace, whatever that conclusion may be. :grouphug:

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:Thank you! Such good points all the way through.

[Melissa in St Louis]

. In my experience, and from what I hear from friends, husbands really think we're fine "au naturale", but are often blown away when we start making more of an effort in that area. ;)

 

Thanks. You're right. :)

 

I have never taken this verse to mean that we are to exclude our outward appearance from our care. It also falls in line with our bodies being a temple and created in God's image, and bringing to him our firstfruits, and wisely using the resources the Lord has blessed us with, and on and on. I don't think this is a prohibition, just a warning that our true beauty springs from inward factors. The outward appearance is just part of the good fruit that can be borne from a healthy inward spirit (just my opinion, of course!).

 

I've wondered about that verse, also. What you said makes sense. I need to PM you a cake question, also. :001_smile:

[cathmom]

I find shopping at the thrift store to be pretty quick compared to regular shopping. I go in, look at the plus size rack, look at the regular size rack, take my pile into the dressing room, and try it on. Sometimes nothing fits. Sometimes I find something great. I know that I can afford everything so that helps. You know that it's been washed before so it won't look horrible or shrink after one washing. You can easily try different styles/colors. If you buy something and get it home and decide you don't like it, you only wasted a couple of bucks.

 

When I started teaching a few years ago, I needed some nice clothes. I went to the thrift store and I also went to Kohl's. I got a pair of knit pants at Kohl's that were on clearance, yes, but were still about $15. The stuff from the thrift store is $3 max. The brown pants started to pill and shrank after one washing. After two or three washings they were only fit to be pj pants.

[Melissa in St Louis]

The thing that struck me about your post is that your husband would like for you to buy and use the make up. I can tell you from experience that if he said it was ok with him, what he probably meant was that he really, really wants you to buy and use the make up. I think you will find that make up doesn't get used up all that quickly.

 

I know what it is like to worry about every dime spent, and to always pass up things for myself in order to save money. I can tell you that I have found that my children notice when I actually do spend money on myself. Their reaction tells me that I should be doing it more often because I am worth it. And they believe I am worth it, too. Oddly, I think they respect me more when I act like I am just as valuable and important as everyone else in the family.

 

 

 

Yep, I asked for and recieved a bare minerals gift card for Christmas and I got what I needed. I just don't wanna run out. ;)

 

Your second paragraph here made me tear up. So true. Thanks!

 

If you find a flattering style and colors, then it doesn't matter where you buy it. Some people will be flattered in a long Edwardian or Victorian or Prairie style. I look pregnant and dumpy in those styles. I look best in a shorter mid knee dress that is slightly tailored.

 

You can look beautiful and more feminine in well fitting jeans but with a soft flattering sweater or nicer looking top.

 

I agree. I think I was missing something or misunderstood what that woman was saying.

 

Perhaps it would help to keep in mind that other people have to look at you. I mean once we step away from the mirror we do not see ourselves all day the way others do. It is a kindness to try to present ourselves well for the sake of those who must look at us all day. It is an act of love, really. That doesn't mean we have to spend a lot of money or be trendy - just clean and neat.

 

One last thing. I think showing a sincere interest in others and having a cheerful countenance gives one a glowing appearance. All the rest is irrelevant if you don't put a smile on your face and take an interest in other people's lives. True femininity (and masculinity for that matter) is rooted in love for others.

 

Well said. Thanks so much!:001_smile:

[Melissa in St Louis]

God is not going to convict you about not looking pretty enough. That was my point. I don't know how the OP dresses, and what is causes others to say these things. There is a big difference between wearing baggy, holey clothing and wearing a t-shirt and jeans that fit you properly. .

 

Yup, I was in the baggy jeans/holey shirt camp for the past few years. That is what is causing them to say it. I used to be a complete 180 from that, and then life got in the way and I forgot to care. I think. :lol:

[Melissa in St Louis]

She was gone in a flash. Made me feel really weird. :Must not talk to crazy devil woman in jeans and black heeled boots:.

 

It added interest, and at first, happiness, to my day, but also made me feel like I was some sort of a satanic pariah. Also made me feel that religious folk have put the rest of us on the NO RAPTURE LIST. RUN AWAY.

 

Sorry you had a bad experience. :grouphug: Perhaps she was shy and just out of her comfort zone.

[Melissa in St Louis]

Love long dresses. Wear them 90 percent of the time. I get mine at CATO's. Really it is not dresses but skirts. I would love to get a long dress but alas they don't seem to make them annnnnndddd I have a sewing machine and don't know how to use it either!!:D

 

I am more of a medieval liking kinda dress gal~ you know the ones who walk through the woods in Lord Of The Rings or the ones who wear the REALLY cool fighting garb!

 

Now I have to check out CATO's *and* watch Lord of the Rings. :lol:

[LibraryLover]

Judgements about grooming seem so limiting and ridiculous. Why does anyone not want to bathe, smell clean, or wear clothes that fit *if they can? (Lent notwithstanding).

 

My SIL, who is the most religious and genrous person I know, wears a bit of makeup and likes to blow dy her hair. (OMG!) Not over-the-top in any way.

 

Beyond Mother Theresa, I have never seen how not caring about how one looks/feels/presents to the world makes one a better person.

Edited January 24, 2010 by LibraryLover

[hillfarm]

Sorry, but that "When Queens Ride By" story really stomps all my irritation buttons. Around here, if a woman refused to help with the farm work in an attempt to create the illusion of being more prosperous, she would soon find her family dealing with the reality of being tossed out onto the street! IMO, there are many other, better ways of building your dh up rather than resulting to subterfuge and dumping all the "unseemly" work on his poor shoulders. My banker neighbor also wouldn't appreciate all the empty promises either. I believe he usually categorizes such coverups as lies, particularly when they are intended to mislead from the truth.

 

Regarding the OP, I have always said that God didn't call everyone to be a Nazarite. He called Sampson and others to a specific and elevated set of rules and conduct. It would have been inappropriate for them to find fault with the conduct of those who were not called to that observance, nor would God, Himself, expect it since He didn't call them. For me, I am called to forego makeup, but have not been convicted either way regarding the pants/skirts issue or the headcovering/bareheaded issue.

 

I do feel called to dress practically, modestly, and appropriately for life here on our small farm when I am here. And to change into my town clothes when I am going out. My town look is still practical (since I may well be stopping by the feed store and have to load multiple 50lb. bags of grain) and modest, but is newer, nicer fabrics, neater, and more business-like. I find that my favorite clothing companies tend to be LL Bean, Eddie Bauer, and Land's End. I often wear a piece of jewelry to town, but always remove it here at home. Too dangerous at the barn--easily caught on something or swallowed by some critter. I like to wear dresses and do so often during the warmer months, but don't when it's really cold.

 

IMO, my feminity is never compromised by what I am wearing. Whether I am in jeans or sweats, it is obvious that I am female. (Wait, I take that back, my ensemble for working outside in extreme cold does make me look more like the Michelin Man than a human of either gender:D.) Seriously though, feminine is as feminine does, not merely as it looks. In my world, we equate feminine with kind, caring, dignified, calm, nurturing, mothering, etc. Perhaps it would help to ponder exactly how we define that term. For me it is much more about essence than appearance.

 

My clothing should enhance and facilitate my feminine character as I define it. It matters little whether it came from a clearance rack in an upscale store, from the thrift store, or from my own sewing machine. Since I generally try to not wear my clothing inside out, no one sees the labels or seams and therefore, has no idea of the source.

Edited January 24, 2010 by hillfarm

[Melissa in St Louis]

I literally cleaned out about 70% of my closet and realized that what was left was what I was actually wearing. I quickly realized that getting rid of the clothes I wasn't wearing allowed me to buy things that I actually would wear. For instance, while shopping I would talk myself out of a white turtleneck because "I had one at home", but in reality the sleeves were too short and the shoulder seams were irritating so I never wore it.! Having it gone allowed me to buy one I would actually wear.

 

For me, the hardest thing was finding a "Mom at home" style. Most books about clothing emphasize professional work wardrobes. I don't think you have to wear skirts all the time to be feminine. Sometimes all it takes is a cute pink T-shirt and a necklace. Determine an "at home style" you can live with and work in, and also,find out what your husband likes. I felt better just trading in my old, stained, baggy, crew neck T-shirts for bright-colored, slightly-fitted, V-necks. I have a quick "at home" make-up routine that just brightens me up a bit, but is not as involved as if I'm going out...tinted moisturizer, bronzer, tinted lipgloss, and (sometimes) light eyeliner.

 

I have learned to buy a few clothes I love and a few more accessories to add variety. I can wear the same shirt every week to co-op and change the look with a necklace, then a scarf, then a jacket. It doesn't have to cost much. I get most of my accessories at Target or Kohl's on sale.

 

My husband really likes the change and I can tell my kids like it when I look nicer at home. Have fun!:)

 

Leanna

 

Excellent, practical advice. Thank you! :001_smile:

[LibraryLover]

Sorry you had a bad experience. :grouphug: Perhaps she was shy and just out of her comfort zone.

 

I didn't say I had a bad experience! LOL!

 

BUT She was definitely out of her comfort zone. She didn't seem shy, but she absolutely did not want to 'mingle'. She looked me up and down very slowly. When I said I was a hser her face said it first, and it said. "Really?" and her voice gave her away: "You are???!?"

Edited January 24, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Melissa in St Louis]

My grandma never dyed her hair. She felt that since she was going to grow old with her husband that she might as well go grey along with him. She is one of the most beautiful women I know.

 

 

 

I'm 4 years younger than my DH, but he has a babyface. :001_wub: I've had grey hairs (many!) since high school. Walgreens had my kind on sale last week and I bought 2 boxes. Yay. :D

[ThatCyndiGirl]

It strikes me that 'women of influence' frequently have the luxury of dressing nicely because they are often not hindered by kids throwing up on them, mopping a floor, cleaning a bathroom, needing to take a nap with a newborn who kept them up all night, etc.

 

There is a HUGE continuum betwixt old, ratty holey sweatpants and expensive silk designer clothes.

 

I am no less feminine when I wear jeans and t-shirts.

 

Re: the mom in the library who was wearing a long skirt and kerchief and her daughters were all clad the same way? Ohdear, resentment would have built up in me for so long if I had been forced to do that that I would have bolted at age 18 (if not before!) and run far, far away from that life. My parents would have lost my heart in exchange for their "convictions".

 

What works for one doesn't work for others.

[Melissa in St Louis]

I'd rather buy a $5.00 T from a clearance rack at Christopher and Banks in the mall that I can wear for 2 if not 3 seasons than buy a $3.00 T from Target or Walmart that I can wear only once because it shrinks after washing.

 

And remember legalistic goes both ways.

 

Good point about the well made shirts. Thanks. :001_smile:

 

What do you mean about the legalism going both ways? I just meant that I'm not trying to change what anyone else is doing. :001_smile:

[Melissa in St Louis]

It strikes me that 'women of influence' frequently have the luxury of dressing nicely because they are often not hindered by kids throwing up on them, mopping a floor, cleaning a bathroom, needing to take a nap with a newborn who kept them up all night, etc.

 

There is a HUGE continuum betwixt old, ratty holey sweatpants and expensive silk designer clothes.

 

I am no less feminine when I wear jeans and t-shirts.

 

Re: the mom in the library who was wearing a long skirt and kerchief and her daughters were all clad the same way? Ohdear, resentment would have built up in me for so long if I had been forced to do that that I would have bolted at age 18 (if not before!) and run far, far away from that life. My parents would have lost my heart in exchange for their "convictions".

 

What works for one doesn't work for others.

 

:iagree:I completely agree with everything you just said.

[Laurie4b]

I buy nearly all my clothes at thrift and consignment stores and get lots of compliments on them, so clothes don't need to be expensive. It also doesn't take a lot of time--it takes a little time but maybe more trips because sometimes there is not much in stock and sometimes they've just put out a bunch of stuff from a woman your size with your taste! :)

 

I think that dressing is a form of art--and your dress art should be about expressing who you are because God made you uniquely. If you like dresses--buy a couple and experiment with them. Wear colors that compliment your coloring. The right colors make a huge difference in how you look. You need a lot less make-up when you're wearing colors that are good for you.

 

Make up doesn't have to be expensive. I find that cheapo brands at Walmart work just as well as the expensive stuff. Lipstick lasts a long time. The tricky part is finding a good shade. I wish there were tiny samples! Once I've found a shade I like though, I keep buying that one so I don't make mistakes.

 

I chose not to color my hair as I turned gray. For a few years, I did not like the way it looked, but now I actually get a lot of compliments on my hair. There are plenty of places that cut hair cheaply and you may find that you have a friend or acquaintance who does as well. ( I cut dh's hair and our sons' hair. It's not hard. I wish I could cut my own!)

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I wanted to add that I have four groups of clothes that I wear:

 

Really dressy clothes for weddings and such.

 

Dress casual that I wear to work and out and about.

 

Casual which include workout clothes.

 

Really ratty clothes that I save for painting, yardwork and putting henna on my hair. (incidentally, dh harps on this one shirt that I have had so long that, when I bought it it was bright flourescent PINK (it was the early 90's) and is now super soft and a very light orange. I said to him,"if I got rid of THIS shirt then that means I would have to ruin a BETTER shirt!" He saw the wisdom. lol ) OMG!!I just realized that I've had that shirt for TWENTY YEARS!! :001_huh:

 

So, yes, I do try to dress nicely, but...........when I am picking up dd's bed from a guy on Craigslist or ripping up the carpet in ds's room......it's the uglier stuff. I don't want to get the nicer stuff dirty.

[EthiopianFood]

Yup, I was in the baggy jeans/holey shirt camp for the past few years. That is what is causing them to say it. I used to be a complete 180 from that, and then life got in the way and I forgot to care. I think. :lol:

 

Why didn't you say so? Yes, by all means, go shopping! :D Love yourself like you want your dd to love herself, you know? Honestly, if you're especially concerned about spending money short-term, then you can get decent stuff at Walmart. No, it isn't going to last, but sometimes it can be the first step in trying value yourself. I'm really cheap too, so I get where you're coming from. I also don't have the patience for thrift stores, nor the eye to find that diamond in the rough. :glare:

[LibraryLover]

It strikes me that 'women of influence' frequently have the luxury of dressing nicely because they are often not hindered by kids throwing up on them, mopping a floor, cleaning a bathroom, needing to take a nap with a newborn who kept them up all night, etc.

 

There is a HUGE continuum betwixt old, ratty holey sweatpants and expensive silk designer clothes.

 

I am no less feminine when I wear jeans and t-shirts.

 

Re: the mom in the library who was wearing a long skirt and kerchief and her daughters were all clad the same way? Ohdear, resentment would have built up in me for so long if I had been forced to do that that I would have bolted at age 18 (if not before!) and run far, far away from that life. My parents would have lost my heart in exchange for their "convictions".

 

What works for one doesn't work for others.

 

Her kids seemed sweet and were very much interested in talking with me. They edged in closer , and seemed surprised to hear me say the words "My children homeschool as well". They were were rather bug-eyed saying 'They are?!"

 

I agree about clothing LOL. Most folks (even the wealthy, omg!) mostly wear jeans and knit shirts when they are hanging with their kids. These things are 100% washable. (And if they weren;t they are cheap to replace). I don't know rich folks who don't wear washable jeans or knit Ts. It's not Mommy Dearest/1940's puffy sleeves anymore. lol

 

You might not want the kid to puke on the dress you're wearing to a party, but anyone can spray Shout on puke clothing.

[elw_miller]

I'm 4 years younger than my DH, but he has a babyface. :001_wub: I've had grey hairs (many!) since high school. Walgreens had my kind on sale last week and I bought 2 boxes. Yay. :D

 

You mentioned in your post that dyeing hair took time and money. I just wanted to emphasize that letting one's hair go grey is okay, a woman can still "look good".

 

But, if you feel better dyeing your hair, then go for it! :) My MIL and one of my favorite teachers have both said they will be redheads until their dying day so long as Revlon makes red hair dye. :D