Fits before starting homeschooling

[JWSJ]

Every morning before starting school my son has a little fit. He gets angry and says things to the effect of not wanting to do school and how he prefers to do what he wants. He'll get red in the face and pound on his desk. Sometimes he will try to barter his way out of school.

 

Five minutes later, he has calmed down and starts school with little issue.

 

When asked why he does this EVERY morning - he says he doesn't know. In his words, he has to get it out of his system. He says it's like a dread to get started, but once he starts he enjoys school.

 

Anyone else have a child like this?

[Chris in VA]

No, I don't--are you looking for suggestions to help him stop?

You might try videotaping him so he can see his behaviour.

I know, "how radical."

You might try asking him to come up with ways to solve the problem (it seems to be your problem since it doesn't seem to bother him). I'd ask him later in the day.

[ProudGrandma]

I would probably tell him that if he "has to get it out of his system" to do that in his room away from the rest of the family and then when he is ready to start school, to come and join us. I have started teaching our kids one at a time (we have 3) while the other 2 play and do things together (this is for math, spelling, handwriting, language and phonics...the other subjests we do toghether later in the morning or afternoon)...and this has helped my guy get down to business and do his work when it is his turn.

[SeekingSimplicity]

Have you tried changing your routine and see if that helps?

What if you started your school day off with something really fun that he likes-- board games, or rocking out to his fav music. Maybe have a circle time to sing songs and talk. Make it special. Give him some choices, ask him what he would like to do first, what he would like to study today.

I guess what I'm saying is, give him a different outlet to express himself. Make it positive.

Edited January 15, 2010 by SeekingSimplicity

[PeterPan]

Too bad you don't have a cow or horse to tend. A little hard work might wear him out too much to complain and make school seem like a relief. Or just send him around the house first thing in the morning for laps. We did that at one point. :)

[jujsky]

Sounds a lot like my son! He does this too most mornings.

[Impish]

I like the suggestion of physical exercise. Try having him run, do push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, etc. Redirecting him to his room sounds good too.

[Daisy]

My son tried this. I basically told him if he was such a pill in the mornings, he must need more sleep. So every morning that he pitches a fit, he has lights out 30 minutes earlier that evening. Pretty much nipped it around here.

 

Exercise backfires on me. Once he starts running around, he wants to do that for hours. It is better for us to get school done and then let him run around the rest of the day. Just how it works for us though.

[Pippen]

:glare: It helps some kids if you turn it around so they can see how it looks.

 

Videotape him without him knowing and play the fit back for him to see.

 

Don't say a word. Set the timer when the fit begins, stop it when it ends, and go record the time on the calendar.

 

Hand him a journal and tell him he's welcome to throw whatever fit he wants...in writing OR instead he can start the first assignment on his list. Then walk out of the room.

 

The moment he starts, sit down at the table with him and record every complaint he lists (number them). Be very, very attentive ;) and make comments to show him that he has your full attention and are truly concerned about his complaints. When he winds down, ask him if he's got anything more to list while you're paying attention. Repeat the following days. (I did this with a kid who was complaining like crazy and it lasted about 4 days.)

[6packofun]

I agree with physical activity. I like silly dancing, myself. lol We get the wiggles and pent up energy and emotions out and then we settle and I set The TIMER. I can't tell you how many ways a timer is helpful in our homeschool. LOL

 

So, physical activity for just 3-5 minutes--oh, it's intense, baby--and then I get us settled into school gently but firmly. When I say it's time to begin, we start the timer counting UP and for every minute that we have to wait for fussing, over-the-top fidgeting, etc. it's time off of their video game/screen time later. Or whatever else I can take away that's effective. I put the choice in THEIR hands and the timer gets to be the bad guy. :D

[lovemyboys]

I would probably tell him that if he "has to get it out of his system" to do that in his room away from the rest of the family and then when he is ready to start school, to come and join us.

 

This and Chris's idea to videotape sound good.

 

I've heard of folks pretending to do "real" school for a week. Dc have to get up at 6:30 am, dressed, breakfast, teeth, coats, backpack and at the local bus stop, regardless of weather by 7:30 am (or whatever's your local time) each day.

 

Then they come back home and get ready for your school day. It might give him a new perspective on what he's got.

 

Some folks go so far as to really model a day or two like this, very rigid schedule, request for bathroom breaks, homework, etc.

 

I remind dc here at times of things they wouldn't get away with in public school, like snacks at 10 am, etc. Ds was on the phone last night with a friend and surprised that he was doing homework at 7pm (grade school).

 

Good luck.

[Oakblossoms]

My son is like this and he has Aspergers. I've been very diligent to get it to change. It sounds like you have allowed it to become routine morning behavior. He may need more sleep.

 

I second the making him go to bed earlier that night until he stops doing it.

I love the making a list of all his complaints.

If he has a sense of humour, you could beat him to the punch. Get all dramatic as soon as you seen him start. "I don't want to be a mom today. I want to paratrooper. Oh why oh why...I think I'm going to run away and jump out of plains."

 

I tell him it's a do over. Go back to your room and do over. He is the kid that really needs more time to get up and going in the morning. I don't allow TV or anytype of electric stimulation in the morning. I make sure he gets something to eat and drink. I often get him into the shower (he prefers to shower in the evenings).

[myfunnybunch]

My nearly-7 ds is like this. Every morning he fusses. Once he gets started he's fine and even enjoys his work. He often says he doesn't want to attend his karate class or go for a nature hike, too, then enjoys the activity once getting started. Transitions in general are difficult for this particular child.

 

Three things that have helped:

We start with a fun (and short) transition activity. A favorite school subject, a short story time, a puzzle...It helps get him to the table looking forward to school.

 

I give him a list of tasks to accomplish. Seeing the list helps him to feel a sense of progress and that the tasks will not be endless. Often I let him choose which subjects to work on next, which helps him feel more in control of his own learning.

 

The biggest difference was working some "together time" into our schooling. He really enjoys subjects where we're sitting and reading or working together. I told him that his language time is Mom and Tolly time. No one is allowed to interrupt, it's just the two of us, and I make it as fun as possible. We snuggle, we giggle and we go over the material together. He really looks forward to it.

 

We still get whining in the morning, but it's changed significantly for the better. :)

 

Cat

[elfgivas]

what is he doing right before school starts? in this house, if the dc are playiing, they complain. so our morning routine (which NEVER varies, or i'd have to start all over again) is breakfast with a read-aloud, 15 minutes picking up our bedrooms, followed by a 15 minute no-media break OR they can start school right then, their call. i used to let them use the computer or watch a video, and that resulted in the behavior you are describing. (but not the desk pounding. that's not acceptable behavior in this house, and leads one to clean out the chicken coop. only 1 of our 4 dc has ever had to do it more than once.)

 

if folks ever complain, i explain that school is not optional; there is a law, and we are law-abiding folks. but the choice of public school or homeschool is a choice, and i offer them a regular school day (getting up at 5:30, showering, making their lunches, packing their school books, waiting for the "bus", riding the "bus" for an hour, coming back inside and sitting still for three hours without speaking, snacks, bathroom breaks, unless they raise their hands....). that usually does it (none of them have ever made it through a morning without choosing to be homeschooled - pleasantly.) he's a bit young for that approach, though.

 

i'd be tempted to deal with the words and the physical action separately.

 

good luck!

ann

[kpupg]

Anyone else have a child like this?

 

Maybe ... sounds kinds like my ds14, who has trouble making transitions. It was a whole lot worse when he was 8 or 9. He needs a fairly structured schedule, though it can be in the form of a checklist of things to be done rather than a clock schedule. He needs to know when the transitions will be coming up -- e.g. give him 15 minutes warning before he needs to log off the computer or whatever. Without these things, he tends to short-circuit.

 

I agree with the other posters about getting the basics in place -- sufficient sleep, exercise, etc.

 

I would also talk with him about what school requires of him, and ask him what kind of routine he would prefer, given those requirements. I don't mean to alter the requirements, but just lay it out for him and let him have a little input in the execution. For instance, it might help to start the day with his favorite subject, or his least favorite subject (to get the dread over with).

 

I would also start talking with him about expressing his feelings/desire with words rather than tantrums, and how to calm oneself before exploding -- this did not come naturally for my ds. I still have to talk about that at times with him, though that's more unusual nowadays. BTW, I mean talking about what behavior is required and what behavior is forbidden -- e.g. shouting is forbidden. When I say "talk about expressing feelings," I do not mean something warm and fuzzy here -- I'm talking about skills development and boundaries. Some kids really do need this laid out for them.

 

Now ... if you really think it's not any developmental/skills issue like the things I've been talking about ... if you think it's just plan cussedness, well, then maybe I would videotape him. But if he really needs help learning skills and interior awareness/control, the video might backfire into humiliation. I would be cautious there.

 

My sympathies,

Karen

[Mom0012]

I haven't read all the posts, but my son will often complain about school in the morning. I've had him go to his room until he can come back with a good attitude and that seems to work because he doesn't want to extend his school day too long. I've recently started our day with breakfast and our SL readings (which he loves) rather than making him jump right into math and that seems to help as well.

 

Lisa

[JWSJ]

Everyone, thanks for the replies and suggestions!

 

Ds8 doesn't handle some transitions well.

 

I was just interested in knowing if his morning routine was unique.

 

I see we have company... :)