How do you handle people asking for money?

[CAMom]

This seems to be happening more frequently as of late to us.

 

Tonight, as we were walking up to the local Chinese restaurant, we were asked by a woman for some money. She explained that she needed someplace to stay. She said she had been staying in a motel but ran out of money.

 

We happened to have a $10 gift card to McDonald's in the car and offered that to her which she gladly received. (Interesting story...we had seen someone asking for money for food a couple of nights ago in front of Walmart. There is a McD's inside this Walmart so we bought a gift card inside. When we went back out to give it to the guy he was gone. So, the gift card was still in the car.) My husband told her we would talk about what we could do for her while we ate.

 

While we were eating, we saw another man stop and give her some cash. He also bought her something to eat from the Chinese place and took it out to her and sat and chatted with her a few minutes.

 

My husband ended up talking with her some more after we ate and gave her $5.

 

How do you normally handle these situations. My husband has been known to actually take someone to a motel and pay for their room for a night. He's also taken someone to a bus depot to buy them a ticket where they were going. We've also taken people into stores with us to buy them things they needed.

 

Since this has been happening more frequently, we'd like to have a bit of a plan. My main thought is to have a stash of gift cards in my car to be able to hand out instead of cash.

 

We just feel such compassion for those who are struggling right now due to the difficult economy. We want to help in productive ways without being taken advantage of.

 

I'd love to hear of ways you help others in similar circumstances.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Honestly, I rarely give money. I've seen the "disabled" man on crutches get up after his "shift" is done, shoulder his crutches and walk without a limp down the road. I've worked with many homeless who are surprisingly honest (if you ask) about using the money for drink or drugs.

 

Gift cards sound good.

 

We've also hired day labor from job services like "Labor Ready" and "Millionaire's Club". I don't know if those are elsewhere but they hire people for manual labor by the day.

 

I've also taken blankets and food down to one of the city's shelters and missions.

[Carol in Cal.]

I go and buy a good fast food meal, or some well-balanced groceries that don't need refrigeration, and go back to the person and give it to them.

 

I also think it's really, really important to support effective ministries that help people more efficiently than I can do with handouts, so I give to those and volunteer there. A great fringe benefit of that is that we have been blessed to have built up a relationship with one of those ministries, and they let my DD do direct volunteer work there, although technically they are not supposed to accept anyone under 14. I'm so glad that she is able to have opportunities to volunteer her own self, while she is so young.

 

I have to say, there are places where beggars beg all the time, basically professionally, and I don't give to them, unless it's someone who is blind or legless or something like that--those I do give money to at times. And it's different, to me, if someone is obviously homeless, or seems to be a singular incident of being down on their luck. I don't give money often, though.

[Laurie4b]

The organizations around here which regularly serve the homeless, needy, etc. tell us not to give cash, etc. Our church was going to make little gift bags with toiletries, bottled water, gift card, etc. and they advised us not to. Many, many of the people have drug/alcohol problems and will trade gift cards and even food for their substance of choice. Others are mentally ill and can be best served by being in direct contact with the organizations that are set up to help.

 

So you might consider a plan in which you check out your local food kitchen, homeless shelter, Salvation army, rescue mission, etc. and give regularly to them. Then you can tell people that that's where you give and where they can get help.

[Daisy]

We live in a warm city (Bakersfield) and there are literally thousands upon thousands of homeless people, meth addicts, hitchhikers, etc. I get hit up for a window washing, tamales, pillows, cash, gas money, etc. just walking from my car to the entrance of the grocery store. I sometimes even get hit up INSIDE the grocery store (I avoid that store now).

 

My husband decides. Plain and simple. I always say, "Sorry, I cannot help you." If hubby is with us, he decides whether or not to give them $, gift card, buy them a meal, give them a water bottle, or do nothing. He prefers I don't do anything just for safety sake (they can be very very pushy if they think you are wavering). I have had men walk right up to my car window and bang on the window when they saw me counting my cash before going inside.

 

We feel terribly sorry for these people regardless of their situation (mental illness, lack of employment, drug addictions, etc.) but we are careful with who we give assistance to.

[Cera]

I don't give directly. I do feel compassion for them but I prefer to limit direct contact for our safety (many in our area are meth addicts). We donate to the local shelter and food pantry instead.

[Rosy]

I agree with the others. There are some wonderful ministries that truly help those who need it. I support them when I can. I never give cash and rarely have extra gift cards on me...and as the SIL of one of "those people" (or someone who spends a lot of time with them), I prefer that they be put in a position where they have to come face to face with their problems and go to an organization that will not continue to destroy their own lives.

 

My old church did something I thought was really neat--they would bag up a nutritious meal and include a bus ticket, directions to church, a tract, and a few other items that would help with hygiene and nutrition I think. Then people could take them and keep them in their cars for the next time they saw someone who was in need. I know there's still the chance that someone could trade it for drugs or drug money...but at some point I think it's worth the risk, if that makes sense. It's a fine line.

[Peela]

For me it honestly depends on the situation and how I feel in the moment. We have often had aborigines begging when I go to town, and if they are respectful about it I usually do give them money- they usually need it for a bus fare.

I don't feel its up to me to judge when the person deserves it or not. I go by whether I feel drawn or not, rather than making an intellectual decision about it.

If you have ever been to India, you get used to the beggars there. And there is no way you could possibly feed all the ones that ask for money any single day. Even the children. So, you learn to get instinctual about it and find a way that works for you, that doesn't send you broke, but that makes a difference.

Here in Australia its not so bad there are many people are begging- just the usual alcoholics, but not so common. I feel for you guys over there.

[AnitaMcC]

After living 6 yrs in Chicago... I don't give money to anyone on the streets. I give to shelters and churches, and other organizations that help those in need. Just so many times I got scammed by giving to the "needy" on the streets. I just tell them "sorry I can't help you" and continue on my way.

[Friederike in Persia]

What you have been doing sounds great!! Esp. the "I care and can spend 5 minutes for you" attitude sounds like it will impact some people. I've learned quite a bit from Mother Theresa on that one (to treat them as people).

I grew up with very generous parents, but they would always give to ministries, not individuals for fear they would buy alcohol,....

A valid view point, but a bit sad and impersonal. I don't know if you're a Christian, but I want to actually DO what the bible says, and that is to give when asked (there must have been alcoholics and the like in NT times!). An aside is the fact that my kids see that being modeled. It's not huge amounts and we do try to help in other ways, but how sad to just walk past without looking at the person.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

We don't give cash. It's just something we don't do.

 

We will do what you do--buy them food, give them a gift card (in the US not here), or pay for a room for a night, take them to social services or somewhere for more help.

 

We don't bring them to our house. We never give cash. We never give them our phone number. We don't give out our last name or any other personal information.

[Mama Anna]

We have a lot of panhandlers at the stoplights. I've considered, some month when our budget can take it, buying a large box of protein bars and offering one when hit up. It's not terribly tasty (I should know - I used them for about a third of my meals in college) but it will keep your body going for a little while longer.

 

I want to help, but at the same time, I've been taken for a ride before, too. It helps that our church (which is in the area where I most often run into people this badly in need) has extra clothing, etc, in a small closet that we can hand out at will. Like Peela, I also go a bit by gut instinct. If I feel I should give, I have something to give, and I can release the result (instead of worrying about whether or not I should have, etc.), I give. That doesn't happen as often with money, but there are many things other than money to give. A conversation can be a life-changing gift - for both people.

 

It is sort of funny about telemarketers asking for money. Our financial situation has us presently almost where their organizations could be helping us . . . "If I offer your organization the suggested pledge, that would be equal to or more than our grocery money for next week . . ." It's an odd place to be.

 

Mama Anna

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

I don't give out the window of my car. If I'm walking and see a panhandler, I will give a couple of bucks if I have it. On the rare occasions I'm in Chicago, I make sure I have some loose singles in my pocket so I can get to them without rumagging through my bag.

 

I feel that it is not my responsiblity to figure out if the person really "needs" it or not.

 

It may sound selfish, but when I give to panhandlers it is not about them, it is about me. It is about me acknowledging that even when money is tight, I have some excess. Even when I can't get what I want, I have what I need, and some left over. It is not for me to determine what has brought the person to the point ot panhandling, but it is for me to decide whether I want to be part of a society that responds to them, or ignores them. I certainaly do not want my children to see me walk past a person in need. My actions will speak to my children far more than any rationalization of inaction. What happens to the two dollars after it leaves my hand is not the point.

[littlebug42]

If I have it, I give it without hesitation. I don't feel it is my place to assess what their needs are. If they are trying to get money for shelter and 5 people buy them food or give them a gift card for food, that is not going to take them very far.

 

I also support financially and with volunteering, St. Vincent DePaul, which runs our local homeless shelter. I also have good memories of being helped by the Salvation Army as a child so they are always on my give list.

[CAMom]

I feel that it is not my responsiblity to figure out if the person really "needs" it or not.

 

It may sound selfish, but when I give to panhandlers it is not about them, it is about me. It is about me acknowledging that even when money is tight, I have some excess. Even when I can't get what I want, I have what I need, and some left over. It is not for me to determine what has brought the person to the point ot panhandling, but it is for me to decide whether I want to be part of a society that responds to them, or ignores them. I certainaly do not want my children to see me walk past a person in need. My actions will speak to my children far more than any rationalization of inaction. What happens to the two dollars after it leaves my hand is not the point.

 

You know, I think this is where I'm coming from. You put it into words for me.

 

Last night as I was observing what was happening with this lady, I was a little saddened by what I saw. Most people saw her from a distance and then just acted like they didn't even see her; just completely acted like she was invisible. Is it because they're cynical? Is it because it's uncomfortable to see someone in need? I don't know but I tried to put myself in the position of someone who lost everything and needed help and I couldn't bear the thought of people just ignoring me.

 

We are a Christian family and as my husband sat and talked with her she said that she had been to a few local churches looking for help but none of them had helped her. Sure, she could have been lying but what if she wasn't?

 

I like what a few of you said about going with your gut in each individual situation. Last night was one of the very, very few times we've ever given anyone actual cash. And my husband always invests time talking to someone if he gives them anything.

 

We've also had occasion when we've offered help and it was declined. We were once walking down the street in downtown Seattle. A man approached us and asked us for a dollar for something to eat. There are a ton of restaurants as you're walking so my dh told him we wouldn't give him the dollar but we would buy him a meal. He just walked away from us.

 

On that same trip another man approached my husband for some money. My dh told him he wouldn't give him money but that he was going into the drugstore on the corner and he would buy him what he needed. The guy was grateful and followed dh in. He bought some food, some lotion and some chapstick (it was cold on the Seattle streets in Jan and the guy obviously needed the lotion and chapstick). The guy started feeling brave and asked my dh if he'd buy him some new headphones too. Dh declined to do so.:) But, as they left, the guy seemed genuinely grateful to have a few needs met.

 

On another occasion, there was a lady begging outside of a restaurant where we stopped after church one Sunday. My dh told her we wouldn't give her money but that if she wanted to come in with us, we'd buy her a meal. She did. We invited her to sit with us and she sat with us for about an hour as we ate and talked to her about what had happened to put her in her situation. I think she was genuinely appreciative to have lunch with a family that cared.

 

I'm just so torn. On the one hand, I know that there are plenty of people out there just scamming others. On the other hand, I know there are plenty of people out there that really just need a little help. How do you balance it.:confused:

 

I appreciate all of the input. Every one of you gave me something to think about.:)

[Renee in NC]

I don't give out the window of my car. If I'm walking and see a panhandler, I will give a couple of bucks if I have it. On the rare occasions I'm in Chicago, I make sure I have some loose singles in my pocket so I can get to them without rumagging through my bag.

 

I feel that it is not my responsiblity to figure out if the person really "needs" it or not.

 

It may sound selfish, but when I give to panhandlers it is not about them, it is about me. It is about me acknowledging that even when money is tight, I have some excess. Even when I can't get what I want, I have what I need, and some left over. It is not for me to determine what has brought the person to the point ot panhandling, but it is for me to decide whether I want to be part of a society that responds to them, or ignores them. I certainaly do not want my children to see me walk past a person in need. My actions will speak to my children far more than any rationalization of inaction. What happens to the two dollars after it leaves my hand is not the point.

 

:iagree:

 

If someone is "scamming" then that sin is between them and God.:glare:

 

If I refuse to help someone who *is* in need, then that sin is between me and God.:001_huh:

 

I'll be honest and say that I am a very cynical person at heart, too. I knew when I was sitting outside the church with my baby in St. Augustine a couple of years ago that the man who asked me for change was probably not going to use it for food (he didn't - he bought cigarettes.) However, who am I to look down my nose? He didn't rob me, he asked. I gave. As far as what he did with it afterwards - I'm not his mother, KWIM?

[Carol in Cal.]

I attending grade school in a poor section of our city when I was young. One day my grandfather picked me up from school, and as we were walking up the street to his car a man came up and asked him for money. He immediately stuck his hand into his pocket and pulled out a fistful of change, and picked out some to give to the man. Now, this was around 1963, so that was more generous than it would be now. After the man thanked him and walked away, my grandfather turned to me and said, "If someone needs money enough to ask a stranger for it, then I need to give him some."

 

Now, I don't think my own parents would have done that, and my first and second grade teacher told us that if someone asked her for money for coffee she would insist on buying him coffee instead and would tell him that it was because she wanted to make sure that he would not spend it on alcohol.

 

But it was my grandfather's words that impressed me, as the young idealist that I was. Why? Because of the Bible I heard in church. "Love one another as I have loved you." "I was hungry and you fed Me, thirsty and you gave Me to drink, naked and you clothed Me, sick and in prison and you visited Me. Inasmuch as ye have done unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

 

I believe that it is far more spiritually dangerous not to help someone than to help someone who actually is ripping you off. The risk of becoming cynical and unloving is great. I would rather give too much, in a partially foolish way, than give too little. I try to give wisely, but to err on the generous side. I believe that that is part of my Christian calling and my vocation as a steward of what God has given me to manage/use.

[lgm]

In this area panhandling is actually not allowed, so the only beggars I ever see are the youth sports groups outside of stores and the volunteer fire dept. at intersections. As homeowners in NY, we pay substantial local taxes towards the FD and support their fundraisers. We also support our community organizations such as the local and regional food banks. We decline to support the sports teams begging, but we do participate in car washes and such. The schools here have social service people in the building, so the families are generally hooked up with services very quickly. The nurses are tasked with contacting everyone potentially eligible and encouraging them to fill out their paperwork before they slide too far.

 

So..to answer your question, I say 'no thanks' to the sports group and ask if they are having a car wash nearby. I say 'no thanks' to the FD and explain that I'm not from their town - this sounds callous but they all seem to coordinate their begging days, so if you commute you are solicited many times in the course of the commute - I'd end up with no lunch or toll money. And I'd really rather my FD dollars go to my community.

Edited December 29, 2009 by lgm

[Jean in Newcastle]

While there is certainly nothing wrong with giving gift cards or taking someone out for a meal or talking to them, please be careful.

 

I've worked with the homeless, low income people and the marginally mentally ill for years. I've had handfuls of my hair torn out on a public street twice while people stood around and watched to see what I would do. There was no warning - one moment the person was talking to me nice and calmly, the next minute they were tearing out my hair. There was no provocation either. In one case, I was walking down the street about a month later and one of my attackers (a woman by the way) called out "Hey, I pulled your hair out didn't I!" Smile and wave.

 

I was almost s*xually assaulted by a man I was helping - again in public but that knife was out in a flash and I was dragged out of sight. Fortunately I was able to wrestle the knife from him and yell for help.

 

I've been in a group of people (men included) who stopped to pick up a homeless guy on a sub zero night. The man almost crashed the car when he lunged at the male driver while we were driving on the icy road.

 

Be careful. Having a man with you can help. But it isn't a guarantee that you are safe. Being in public can help. But agan, it isn't a guarantee that you are safe. Many of these people are friendly, coherant people one minute - and in a rage or calmly violent the next.

 

I still work with this population but at a HUD housing development instead of on the street. Most of the time my kids are with me. But - I am more than cautious and I have developed a sixth sense over the years to help me predict (somewhat) when someone is going to "go off" on me.

 

Be careful.

[AnitaMcC]

While there is certainly nothing wrong with giving gift cards or taking someone out for a meal or talking to them, please be careful.

 

I've worked with the homeless, low income people and the marginally mentally ill for years. I've had handfuls of my hair torn out on a public street twice while people stood around and watched to see what I would do. There was no warning - one moment the person was talking to me nice and calmly, the next minute they were tearing out my hair. There was no provocation either. In one case, I was walking down the street about a month later and one of my attackers (a woman by the way) called out "Hey, I pulled your hair out didn't I!" Smile and wave.

 

I was almost s*xually assaulted by a man I was helping - again in public but that knife was out in a flash and I was dragged out of sight. Fortunately I was able to wrestle the knife from him and yell for help.

 

I've been in a group of people (men included) who stopped to pick up a homeless guy on a sub zero night. The man almost crashed the car when he lunged at the male driver while we were driving on the icy road.

 

Be careful. Having a man with you can help. But it isn't a guarantee that you are safe. Being in public can help. But agan, it isn't a guarantee that you are safe. Many of these people are friendly, coherant people one minute - and in a rage or calmly violent the next.

 

I still work with this population but at a HUD housing development instead of on the street. Most of the time my kids are with me. But - I am more than cautious and I have developed a sixth sense over the years to help me predict (somewhat) when someone is going to "go off" on me.

 

Be careful.

 

This is why I don't stop and talk to them on the streets. More than once I have encountered dangerous situations with panhandlers in Chicago. Once in Chicago I was harrassed and pushed by a young woman who claimed to be pregnant wanting money for food. I gave her a $5 bill and she felt that wasn't enough. So no... I do not stop and talk to them. It hurts my heart to see them and know that I can't take the chance to help them personally. I can not risk my life... my kids need me. So I try to be polite when I decline to help them and then continue on my way. Any hesitation on my part could be dangerous.

[Carol in Cal.]

I guess I should mention that I don't risk my physical wellbeing for these charitable endeavors. I try to have some small bills in my pocket if I think I will want to give some away. I never open my purse or wallet on the street or in my unlocked car under any circumstances whatsoever.

 

I once stopped my car to approach a homeless woman with some food. Before I got out of the car, I dialed 911 on my cell phone and handed it to DD so she could call for help, from the locked car, if necessary.

 

I don't hand anything out of a car window.

 

I grew up in a city that was not safe, and I am quite a city girl--my antennae are always up and quivering, LOL!

 

But I still help, I still give things one on one to people I think are in need, and I still think it's much better to err on the side of over generousity than to undergive.

[Cricket]

I usually don't hand money to people. One Sunday afternoon we stopped at Wendy's and there was a young kid outside. He was so dirty and had obviously been living on the streets for awhile. He didn't ask for anything but looked so pitiful. I went back in and bought him some food and drink and gave it to him. He was grateful and immediately started to eat. We manage an RV park and some of our permanent residents struggle to make ends meet. We try to help those we know before we start handing money to strangers. Like others have said, we don't know their stories.

[Impish]

We've paid for meals.

 

I won't give money, because I simply refuse to help someone kill themselves, which is the only place active drug/alcohol addiction will lead.

[CAMom]

This is why I don't stop and talk to them on the streets. More than once I have encountered dangerous situations with panhandlers in Chicago. Once in Chicago I was harrassed and pushed by a young woman who claimed to be pregnant wanting money for food. I gave her a $5 bill and she felt that wasn't enough. So no... I do not stop and talk to them. It hurts my heart to see them and know that I can't take the chance to help them personally. I can not risk my life... my kids need me. So I try to be polite when I decline to help them and then continue on my way. Any hesitation on my part could be dangerous.

 

Definitely and I thank Jean for bringing it up!

 

We've traveled quite a bit to San Francisco. There are men and women begging virtually every 10 feet. We don't feel nearly as safe and secure in the environment of a big city like that.

 

Most of what we encounter is in our very upper middle class neighborhood. It seems much safer to me than some of the big city situations we've encountered but maybe I'm just foolish.

 

I guess it's all about discernment in each situation? Like Carol, I don't want to feel like I under give. But, I definitely don't want to endanger myself or my family either.

[Jean in Newcastle]

In our area there is a really good program called "Real Change". It is a newspaper that the homeless sell on the streets. I put a link here. I will give money to vendors of this newspaper because they are doing a worthwhile job to help themselves. I don't know if there is something comparable in your area.

 

http://www.realchangenews.org/

[PineFarmMom]

Honestly? Anymore I pray for guidance. Sometimes I just don't have the solid instincts on whether the person is on the up and up. I gave my last $10 to a man one time and saw him leaving a liquor store shortly thereafter...that really annoyed me. I had someone approach me in a parking lot recently, and after praying I felt it was a bad idea to give this person $$. She didn't take my no well and was very, very pushy. I went in the store and a store manager was watching out the window. He asked me what had transpired with the woman. After I told him, he said she had approached several others in the same manner and seemed to be working the parking lot and the police had been called on her. I was glad I had prayed. There have been times I have handed someone some cash, but I just have to pray about it and know it's between God and that person what they do with the $$.

 

A few years ago it seems we were asked for money quite often, when we lived in the DFW area, and the kids and I made up gallon-sized Ziploc bags with snacks in them to give to people who were asking for $$ for food. It simplified things for me. We put a water bottle, a fruit cup, plastic spoon, granola bar, brush-ups, hand wipes & a gospel tract in them. That way I knew I had covered a couple of needs for them without handing over $$. When they ask for gas $ that is a different story.

[AnitaMcC]

In our area there is a really good program called "Real Change". It is a newspaper that the homeless sell on the streets. I put a link here. I will give money to vendors of this newspaper because they are doing a worthwhile job to help themselves. I don't know if there is something comparable in your area.

 

http://www.realchangenews.org/

 

There is something like that in Chicago. When I come across these sellers I buy from them... every time even if I already bought 5 papers-LOL. They have picture ID cards on a lanyard so I look for that ID first. I have chatted with many. Since moving from Chicago to a Chicago suburb, I haven't seen anyone selling these papers and it is a bummer.

[kelouis75]

I think gift cards are a great idea... probably denominations of $5-$50 (or more if you feel inclined). $5-10 for fast food.... $20-50 for groceries. Also prepare a contact sheet with info about churches and agencies who have ministries to help people get back on their feet in your area. You can pass them to people when you give the gift cards.

Edited December 30, 2009 by kelouis75

[kelouis75]

:iagree:

 

If someone is "scamming" then that sin is between them and God.:glare:

 

If I refuse to help someone who *is* in need, then that sin is between me and God.:001_huh:

 

 

 

:iagree:That's basically how I feel about it, too.

[homeschoolin'mygirls]

we carried bags of food to give out .

We used the bags that newspapers come in and stocked it with the individual tuna-to-go packages,crackers, dried fruit packages, energy bars, packages of applesauce, canned fruits, cookies, even chocolate etc. Plus a bottled water or juice. When people came up to the car window to ask, we would explain that we didn't have cash for them but would offer one of the food sacks instead.

 

My kids loved it when people would accept~they got to see first hand the good their efforts made. However, you wouldn't believe how many people asking for money for "food" turned these down and even acted offended by the offer of food instead of money.

 

We support our local shelters and our church helps fund a food bank.

Edited December 30, 2009 by homeschoolin'mygirls
*sigh* spelling