Laura Cook Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 My kids are really frustrating me! I know that the problem is of our own making but I can't really see how to fix it through the frustration. They are not following directions, talking back, pitching temper tantrums, fighting with each other and just being difficult in general. Normal kid stuff I know but I cannot figure out how to start checking this behavior! My oldest son is the main problem, the other two are mostly following his example. He is ignoring everything I ask him to do, talking back, pitching screaming fits when he doesn't get what he wants. He pesters the living daylights out of me asking for something over and over again after I have already said no repeatedly. I get so frustrated with him that I end up yelling a lot. I don't want to be yelling all the time! That is not the kind of atmosphere I want in our home. Yelling, spanking, time outs and taking away toys doesn't work to change his behavior. I know this is probably normal kid behavior but I will not let that be an excuse. Most of the other parents I know IRL just excuse it.I cannot deal with this all day everyday anymore so we have got to figure out how to help him behave. All I ever wanted was to be a mama and I thought I would be good at it, but days like this make me wonder what the heck I was thinking! Sorry so long! This is probably not real coherent either since I am really frustrated. I need parenting advice from other mamas who have had to crack down on their preschool kids behavior, what did you do and how did you do it? Kids are napping so I'm going to go have a little cry under my pillow and hope for better attitudes from all of us when we get up. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 :grouphug: Four years old is a tough age. And to have kids younger too is tough in its own way. I would choose one method of discipline that you and your dh are comfortable with. Many moms choose a time-out method. One minute for each birth year seems to be a good standard. So your 4 year old would get a 4 minute time-out. He would need you and/or your dh to sit him down and explain the new rules. If he has a fit, it is a 4 minute time-out from the time he stops screaming. If he is quiet for 3 minutes and then starts to scream again or gets out of his time-out chair, the time starts again. He will push you a lot at first to see if you are serious. You need to be serious and you need to be consistent. For talking back, I would model the correct way you want him to talk you and ask him to say it again nicely. If he refuses, then it moves into a time-out offense. For following directions, you might try first to make things fun. "I'll time you to see how fast you can put the blocks in the box!" is a fun way to do it. Break things down into small chunks. "Pick up your room" may be too big a job for a 4 year old unless you break it down into pieces. For fighting, I try to nip things in the bud. At the first start of a fight, I will separate them, often by asking them to do different chores for me. Or I will ask one to come on one side of me, and one on the other. The more you can head things off before it escalates, the better. You need to give specific instructions of what you want them to do as well as what you want them to not do. Ie. "X, I need to you stay away from Z right now. He's feeling cranky and I want you both to be able to obey me." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 I am still figuring out my 7 year old son. It is not easy. It started with him when he was about 2! All the discipline in the world made it worse! My new modo is stay calm and be helpful. Most behavior is a repeated pattern and as the mom you can learn to "prevent" a lot of bad situations. Also learn to divert attention. Also lower your expectations. They are so young and even if you think they know how to behave - they don't and will continue to screw things up. Love them and help them. There is so much pressure on the oldest, they don't know how to handle it. They act out. Correct them with kindness and teach them from example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Cook Posted December 18, 2009 Author Share Posted December 18, 2009 Thank you for the ideas! We do need to agree on a discipline method and stick with it. Consistency and not letting my frustration show is going to be the tricky part! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Agreeing with Jean, but try and cut a bit of slack at this time of year. Kids often go nuts just before Christmas and birthdays. I'm not suggesting that the behaviour is ok! Just that the pre-Christmas excitement could be overstimulating him and he can't deal with it. It's not called the "Silly Season" for nothing, huh? Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 (edited) I remember being exhausted daily when my oldest 3 were babies. When the third was born the oldest was under 5 and the middle child was only 15 mos. It's not easy no matter how you think about it. I fantasized about running away to a local hotel and telling nobody just to get one's night sleep. So I don't think you sound crazy. My feeling is that keeping them as busy as you can, child -proofing as much as you can, staying as calm (ha!) as you can is very helpful in getting through the day. I also highly recommend, if you can, finding a responsible pre or young teen to come to your house frequently at your most difficult time of day. For me that was about 4-6. (My dh worked out of town) My Le Leche leader had a lovely young daughter who would push kids on the swing, play at the table with play-dough, etc. It was a huge help. More than you can imagine, really. Things that my little one loved and kept them out of trouble and couldn't really ruin anything if I blinked. -Taking baths (I mean until they shriveled up) with funnels, strainers, cups etc etc etc I got a lot of reading done while I sat in the hallway at the door. When my nephew needs a soothing time in the bath, I bring in my laptop. -Large container of dry beans in the kitchen with cups, funnels, strainers. You'd be surprised how much they love this kind of thing. -Play-dough with plastic knives. I found cookies cutters are more frustrating for some kids because they can't roll out the dough well enough. Garlic press. One for each child. -Glue Sticks (less mess than liquid glue, no harm done. There is a glue stick that starts purple and dries clear than my kids like). -Paper to tear (don't even worry about cutting, tearing is a precursor to cutting, without the worry or frustration of using scissors). -Reading/puzzle area. Maybe a blanket over the table. Maybe a bean bag chair in a corner, Change the books lots, to keep interest. - Semi-permanent little area with blocks, animals, cars etc. Sometimes I would set up little animals myself at night and when they woke in the morning the little arrangement looked enticing. -A midmorning high protein snack and high protein snack around 3. Cheese, nut butters, hardboiled eggs etc all saved my santity and prevented many meltdowns. My point is that the busier they are, the easier it will be. I say this gently, but I would cease and desist on the spanking. It's not working and you may have gotten into a bad place with your child. He thinks he's bad, so he responds in kind. Your household becomes more tense and upsetting. It affects even the children who are not being spanked. He may be very challenging, but most kids still want to feel ok inside and do the right thing. Keeping an eye on him as best you can and guiding him gently and kindly to activities before he gets into trouble might get you more than threatening to punish if he doesn't do something you want him to do. Most kids need/want a bit of help cleaning up, washing and brushing etc. Most annoying childhood behaviors are outgrown with maturity. You won't still be helping to brush teeth when they are 12, fi. I promise. It's not easy. Edited December 18, 2009 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in AUS Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 I feel your pain, anguish, anger and frustration, i am right there with you, with kids of similar ages. What i have found helpful is setting out and drilling the expectations. When we leave the house we say 'We are taking out listening ears, our thinking brains and our best behaviour' we say it again when we get out of the car at the destination. The kids are switched on for the outing, it has helped their behaviour. We have natural consequences for some behaviour and they have to own it. My oldest DD got into some things she knows she isn't to touch of my sisters. She wrote and posted an apology and we have to replace the item she damaged (it wasn't an accident). I am more careful about what i choose to be doing and when, this limits the frustration on my part. Say i am going to be sewing this arvo, then i might have the kids play outside for most of the morning while i do housey still and then have them sit for a DVD (quiet time) this arvo while i am sewing. This limits their interruption of me and therefore my frustration is lower. Older DD & Ds have 'jobs' they are responsible for which helps to keep them busy. They set the table for every meal, they let the chooks out in the morning, collect the eggs, pick up the lounge, kitchen & learning centre. They also get dressed, pick up their room put out their washing etc. Keeping them stimulated and limiting the brain power they can devote to 'naughty' behaviour has been a key in our house too. That doesn't mean i structure their entire day, but what i ask of them during structured time is mentally challenging. Oh, and as Rosie said don't discount the season. We are having some season issues here ATM :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 I don't have much advice, but here's the single best piece of easily transmitted advice that I received from my dh's uncle who has 3 boys. :) When kids start mouthing off, talking back, arguing with me about XYZ, etc., rather than arguing with them about the issue of the moment, I stop and ask them, "who's the boss/in charge?" DC then has to stop complaining, etc in order to answer "Mom and Dad." I find that this works because it short-circuits the argument of the moment, and is an opportunity to reinforce the "chain of command" in our house without anyone's having to get upset about it. So, dc: "Moooooom, why can't I......why won't you.....I want to XYZ......etc." Me: "DC, who is the boss in the family?" DC (sulkily, but answering): "Mom and Dad." Me: "well then, remember that when I say no....etc." All the best to you in this oh-so-lovely time in your kiddos' lives. It will get better. :) I have to remember what my mom told me: "this is the grub stage. They WILL emerge later. " :) :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 You've gotten a lot of good advice! Remember...be consistent! Don't let bad behavior slip by without a consequence. It took a while for them to learn the bad behavior so it's going to take awhile for it to correct itself and the best way to do that is to be consistent. They always know what to expect. No guessing. Also, I agree with structuring their days a little more. My kids always did better when there was structure when they were young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Cook Posted December 19, 2009 Author Share Posted December 19, 2009 Thank you for all your replies! You have given me a number of things to think about. My husband and I talked and we are going to try sticking with the time outs and not resorting to yelling. We abandoned spanking long ago because it only seemed to make things worse. Dh watched the kids this evening and I went grocery shopping alone. It gave me a chance to clear my head a bit. I realized that the last month has been bad because we all have been sick at some point and the adults haven't exactly been on top of their game. This last week has been really bad because dh has been gone more than usual, he had a chance to work a bunch of overtime and took it. I am going to try and add a lot more structure to our days, we have been pretty willy-nilly for the last year or so. I also think that I need to make a concentrated effort to get some one on one time with my oldest, that has been lacking the last year also. This last year has been a weird one for me, nothing major happened but I have had a hard time keeping everything together. Dh says I have had a scatterbrained year. Thanks again for the great ideas to mull over! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mktkcb Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 you know...the latest Supernanny was a really good one. SN goes through the timeout steps really clearly, among other things. It was just thought it was a particularly good one. You might find it helpful. http://abc.go.com/watch/supernanny/153459/243986/beck-family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in AUS Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Hehehe, scatterbrain year, well that summed up nicely my first year after having my 3rd, i am still in recovery although hoping to finally be back to my A-game for 2010 :D Who can blame us? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 My best advice (and biggest struggle) is to cut back on warnings/reminders. I want so much for my kids to do the right thing (and I don't enjoy having to impose the consequences) that I warn and remind and warn and remind and warn . . . until I'm frustrated out of my mind. When I get it together and follow through after just one warning, they shape up pretty quickly and it's amazing how much better things are. Then it creeps in again . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemongoose Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 I had been having some of this at home too. I checked out love and logic from the library...I found it very very helpful. It has lots of tips for problems like these. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaMa2005 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 When DS goes through these phases and our usual discipline doesn't work (time out and 1-2-3), we move on to taking away items. The only way this will work is if you know the kids 'currency'. In our case, it is the computer, cookies from Publix, no nightime story. I made a sheet with blank squares. Each square is a day. I just start putting x's in the squares for each day DS loses things. (He managed to get up to 10 days in a row at losing the computer one time due to continuing to backchat even as I was writing the x's - STUBBORN!) Then, each morning as we start schooltime, he can put a sticker on the x to delete a day and we reinforce why he earned the x in the first place. Hope this makes sense. It has worked wonders in our house and we rarely have to use it, but it sure is nice to know it is there as a backup. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 LaurieNE had terrific advice and the mom who mentioned "structure" was spot on. My kids are now 14.5, 13 and 11(soon). I was "there" at one time, OP! I understand. What I'd add to the already great help is more specifics on structure; develop a routine. Do the same things, each day, in the same order. It does not have to be tied to a schedule (times) but if you can keep their days predictable, it helps build competency, reduces fights, mess, attitude. It's the reason many kids seem to thrive in preschool/good daycares. Build predictable routine around hygiene, chores, eating, prayer (if that's part of your life), TV, games, play with siblings, play with parents and outings. This will keep them focused, and will help to change the tone of your home. It would be most helpful if these routines include LaurieNE's ideas, gross motor play, outdoor play, and are interspersed with sensory play, quiet play (reading), movement play (dancing, jumping jacks, walks), etc. I would also stop repeating yourself, and stop asking more than once. I'd give your command *once* and then act. You can google Get Off Your Butt parenting if you want "more" advice on this. 2 more things. Make it a point to connect with your kids to change the negative tone/climate. When the yelling has gotten too much in my home, I ALWAYS have to take responsibility of touch, playfulnes, eye contact, fun and affection prior to expecting behavior/attitude change on their part. Finally, make sure to use the plane flight metaphor, you get your oxygen first. Make sure you have regular, scheduled, non negotiable times that fill and nurture YOU. That may be with other women (book club, bible study, etc) or it may be alone (that was and still is my preference). But it is essential. Oh, I guess I do have another thing. For your oldest, I'd say "asked and answered" to him (called the broken record technique) if he persists in requests. I'd offer a bare minimum of reasons as they tend to give negotiators "outs". For example, "Rodney, don't jump on the couch". Rodney: "But, mom, it's fun" Mom: "You'll get hurt". Rodney (still jumping) "No, I won't. See?" Mom: "It will hurt the couch" Rodney (still jumping) "It's fine!"..... Instead, "Rodney, off." Mom picks up Rodney and moves him. "You may jump on the mini trampoline or off the bottom stairs outside." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kmacnchs Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 My best advice (and biggest struggle) is to cut back on warnings/reminders. I want so much for my kids to do the right thing (and I don't enjoy having to impose the consequences) that I warn and remind and warn and remind and warn . . . until I'm frustrated out of my mind. When I get it together and follow through after just one warning, they shape up pretty quickly and it's amazing how much better things are. Then it creeps in again . . . :iagree::iagree:You were saying that nothing is working but as others have said, if you stick to one thing, it will. Be consistent. Spanking some, time outs some, warning some, yelling mostly, none of that will work. We spank how old they are (as someone suggested for timeouts however old they are). My 2yo is the willful child and tests all day and night. I have to be very aware of her especially when I tell her to do something. I tell her and walk away or slightly turn my back (giving her time to obey on her own, not just b/c I am staring at her). If she does obey the first time with a happy heart, I try to praise her for that. This happened an hour ago so it is fresh in my mind - here's what happened: If she does not obey the first time or obeys but cries about it, she is sent to my room - we go over what happened (did mommy tell you to get off the rocking horse? "yes" and did you obey right away? "no" you did not obey so you are getting spanked. she lays on my lap, I spank 2x, she sits in my lap, we hug for a bit and then she looks in my eyes and I remind her that I love her and she needs to obey the first time mommy tells her what to do. She apologizes for not obeying me right away. Then she goes and plays! I personally like this better than time outs b/c I feel like if I separate her from me, I am telling her that I want to be away from her/she has sinned against me/I don't like her, etc. Whereas when she is spanked, (my children know that God's Word commands it) she is close to me at all times (bad and good) and she knows I love her....that's just me though. The main thing is to be CONSISTENT. As young as yours and mine are, they will need to be contently reminded what to do and how to do it but once they are, if they do not obey, consequences MUST be put in place! You have seen (as we all have at one time or another) what happens if you don't! Good luck! Stay prayerful and try to be diligent with it :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kmacnchs Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Oh, I guess I do have another thing. For your oldest, I'd say "asked and answered" to him (called the broken record technique) if he persists in requests. I'd offer a bare minimum of reasons as they tend to give negotiators "outs". For example, "Rodney, don't jump on the couch". Rodney: "But, mom, it's fun" Mom: "You'll get hurt". Rodney (still jumping) "No, I won't. See?" Mom: "It will hurt the couch" Rodney (still jumping) "It's fine!"..... Instead, "Rodney, off." Mom picks up Rodney and moves him. "You may jump on the mini trampoline or off the bottom stairs outside." I would like to very respectfully disagree with this. When you tell your child to get off the couch, they should say "yes ma'am momma" and obey. If they do not understand why, then they obey first, and then they can ask in a respectful manner. When I tell mine to do something and I can see that they hesitate to obey, I just remind them with a "yes ma'am momma" and normally, they will repeat "yes ma'am momma" and obey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 I think you've received some great advice, but I thought I'd put in my two cents too because I can totally relate! Something I've realized, after trying to implement all the advice above, is that it's mostly just me. I have a short temper, I get frustrated easily, and when I get like that I have a hard time not yelling or being angry with the kids. What has helped me the MOST in parenting is getting up before the kids in the morning and saying a truly sincere prayer, asking God to help me control my temper, help me to love my kids, help me to know how to discipline appropriately, and to bless our home that it will have His spirit here. Then I study my scriptures for about 30 mins. Then before I go to bed, pray again asking for forgiveness for when I did lose it, asking for help the next day, and thank Him for my blessings. When I do this, my days are remarkably better. More so than when I scour the child-raising books and try hard to implement the advice on my own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 :grouphug: I feel your pain. Many people really like Raising Godly Tomatoes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Sometimes the best form of disapline is distraction and positive reinforcement. Plan their day to death and stick to that plan. Don't give him the opportunity to plan yours iykwim. Decide on a time to wake up everyday, and I mean everyday. You do need to wake up before them in order to have you time so that you can deal with the frustrations that come your way and so that you can prepare for the day. Eat breakfast at the same time everyday. Have play time at the same time everyday. Have an outdoor activity at the same time everyday. Have story time at the same time everyday. Have lunch at the same time everyday. Establish a bedtime routine and establish a bedtime. You get the picture? To do positive reinforcement, you make a chart of all his daily activities and find a way to give him small rewards for doing those activities. For example: Set up a glass jar and for every task he does well, give him a marble to put in his jar and everytime he misbehaves you take a marble away. After about 1 week, you count the marbles in his jar and a certain number of marbles leads to a certain treat. I would ask him what it was that he wanted to do and establish those as his treats explainin g to him that if he behaves in such and such way then he will get to do such and such thing. Establishing this will do many things. If your the one planing his day then he knows your the one in charge and not him. Children need to know that mommies and daddies are the ones that run the roost and not the kids. Plus some kids just respond very well to having routines. I have had friends tell me that it is just too much trouble top do all that. For me, it is way more exhausting to have to deal with the bad behaviour. If you do the behavoir chart then you are giving attention to positive behaoir by rewarding him for it instead of rewarding him for negative behavior by paying attention to him when he misbehaves kwim? Just my idea. HTH!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Haven't read the rest, so will just post what I do. In no particular order. Well, actually there is an order. First (FIRST FIRST FIRST), give lots and lots and lots and lots of hugs. And it's important to give these hugs when you first see each other after any type of separation. A separation includes: upon wakening, after watching a tv show, after playing a game. Any time that your child's attention isn't on you is counted as a separation. As soon as you want your child's attention, start with a hug. Make sure you take a minute to give a hug after each separation and before giving an order. Example: Son is playing. It's time to pick up. Take a minute to draw ds to you and give a big happy hug. Then, say, "It's time to clean up." This will help a lot, if this becomes a part of your style. Next: when ds is acting up, keep him near you. I call it "being glued." When my 7 or 4 yo is being a little stinker, I take them by the hand and say, "You're glued." They have to hold my hand and do whatever I'm doing with me. OH! And hand holding. I do NOT hold their hands. They hold mine. That way they're not yanking away from me. We work on it over and over until THEY are holding mine. We just stand there for however long it takes until they settle down and hold my hand. If the child stomps or screams, make them re-do their actions correctly. We did this just this morning with ds4. He was angry and dh called ds over to talk, and ds stomped. So dh said, "Go back across the room and come to me w/o stomping." Ds went back, but then stomped across the room again. It took about 4 times before ds walked across the room w/o stomping. If you've ever watched Supernanny, you'll see that for these sorts of changes, you have to have a LOT of time for you and the kids to work on the behavior, like in my above stomping example. You have to be willing to keep having them stomp across the room over and over and over until they do it nicely. After awhile, when you've shown them the behavior you expect and they stomp across the room, it will only take a couple of times before they stop the stomping. But, above everything else, the hugs after separations and before giving "commands" (like "clean your room") go a loooong way to helping things. And also, keeping them close to you when they're being stinkers. Keeping them close lets them be with you (which most kids do like,) but at the same time it can be boring, so after awhile they're ready to leave you, but can only leave and play when they're settled and not causing trouble. Also, (I've got a lot to say today!!) when they're glued to me, I have them help me with everything. If I'm folding laundry, they help. if I'm making the bed, they help (they can toss the pillows off the bed, and then back on.) Speaking of chores, the more chores we do together, the happier they are. The first few times they may balk, but if you teach them how to do the chores and do them together (together is the key!) the kids end up being happier, if they are with you. For example, we clean the toys together. One boy cleans the star wars, the other boy cleans the supermen and I pick up the legos. They like to be with me together. Ok--my boys are hungry...gotta go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Cook Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 I have gotten a lot of great ideas! It also is really nice to know that other mamas have BTDT with their children, it lets me know that my frustration is normal. We have been doing the time outs for a couple days now, sometimes they are effective and sometimes they sit in time out for a very long time but we are determined! We have had a couple of better days so that is encouraging. Thanks again! Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 :grouphug: Glad things are going better these days! 4 is a very hard age, and I remember telling dh when our dd was 4 going on 5 that the reason schools start kids at 5 is so we don't kill them lol. We stayed consistent with time out and reiterating who is in control and after a year or so she snapped out of it and became our little girl again. My middle son is very strong willed, and even at 6 we are having to check his behavior often. The little one is 4, and he is just getting into this 'fun' phase, but he has health issues that require us to parent him differently when he is on certain medications (he can't control his moods and such). Keep up the consistency and be sure to take some time for yourself even if it is just a bath for 15 mins or a walk after dh gets home. That will do wonders for you ability to cope on the hard days. Things will get better! My youngest is now 4, and things are so much easier in every way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 the book "peaceful parents, peaceful kids" transformed our lives. naomi drew has lots of practical, step by step advice. routine/ritual is very good (an example is that if they brush their teeth after they put on their jammies and before they are tucked in, then you might have an awful fight the first night, a medium the next two nights, and then they'll realize you really mean it, and the fighting pretty much stops about teeth brushing. next, hair brushing.... good luck!) try to catch them being good. (when we're having snakey days, i try so hard to find them doing one thing that is good and to praise them for it.) spend 15 minutes one on one with one child one night, while dh is with the others. then the next day, spend 15 minutes with another one. when they're getting focused parent time, it cuts down on the misbehaving, and builds relationship that helps get through Those Times. we let them choose what to do. they are so lucky that you are willing to do this work for them! (its easier than fighting every day, but still hard) ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I would like to very respectfully disagree with this. When you tell your child to get off the couch, they should say "yes ma'am momma" and obey. If they do not understand why, then they obey first, and then they can ask in a respectful manner. When I tell mine to do something and I can see that they hesitate to obey, I just remind them with a "yes ma'am momma" and normally, they will repeat "yes ma'am momma" and obey. ? I do not believe in first time obedience as a parenting goal. I do, however, believe in parental authority. I think you might have read my post wrong. The first section was on what happens when a parent is passive/permissive and conversations, lack of compliance and "negotiations" ensue. The second part was what I suggest instead. Say "it" once, and act. The younger the child, the more hands on the discipline, the less words and the less mature ability to overide impulse control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kmacnchs Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 ? I do not believe in first time obedience as a parenting goal. I do, however, believe in parental authority. I think you might have read my post wrong. The first section was on what happens when a parent is passive/permissive and conversations, lack of compliance and "negotiations" ensue. The second part was what I suggest instead. Say "it" once, and act. The younger the child, the more hands on the discipline, the less words and the less mature ability to overide impulse control. probably did read it wrong - sorry :tongue_smilie: that's what I get for trying to read and type while the kids are not napping - too crazy :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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