monalisa Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 This is our first year of HS. We are 10 weeks in, and I most of the time have a hard time getting my 6 yo dd to respect me as her teacher. Not that I want a "yes maam" response or anything. I just want her to listen to me and follow directions and not screw around ALL THE TIME. She is capable of this. She went to private K last year and had not trouble with responding to her teacher and doing her work. I don't know what the magic is to get her to do that at home. What we are doing is definitely not too easy or too hard for her. And I don't think its an issue with type of curriculum either. I feel like I am continually lecturing and correcting her and I hate it. What do I do to get her attention? I hate to admit that I have on several occassions thrown up my hands and gone upstairs in a huff (I know that's not the right response!) I"m starting to wonder if I am even a very good parent! I'm about 1 day away from sending her back to private school and getting myself a job to pay for it. Yesterday we went to an open house for a school I really like (classical christian) and it is SOOOO tempting (not to mention that what I am doing at home does not compare academically :( ) I am really wondering WHY I thought HS was such a bright idea. I need your best tips for encouraging good at-home student behavior!!! Is this a common struggle for all new HS'ers? Or is it just us? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Try not to take it personally. Try modeling what you want her to say. Remember she's 6, and she will probably find it odd that you are asking for different behavior than you usually do, just because it's school. Um...are you asking for different behavior, or do you allow that at other times? Anyway, don't give up yet. It can be stressful, schooling our kids--that's just the way it is sometimes! There are also bright moments--remember them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyAberlin Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 You just need to give her some time. Maybe add some kind of incentive chart and maybe allow frequent breaks. I have the same issues with my ds5.5. I wouldn't send her to school over it. I think it is pretty typical behavior at this age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildiris Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Well your are lucky your child is 6 and not 16. My guess is that your DD is testing her boundaries with you. You could try to back off on school and work on becoming partners. I don't think you should abandon school, but just don't put too much emphasis on school. Work with her on her assignments; read to her. In fact, try to find some read aloud stories that model the kind of behavior you'd like to see in your DD. Discuss the stories, the characters, and the choices the characters make. My hunch is that this would be an issue whether you child is in school or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blossom'sGirl Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Just to let you know your not alone. My 6yo ds is going to drive me insane. Today I was ready to put him on the first yellow bus that went by. I know in my heart it is not the solution but I hate how his constant resistance sucks the joy out of school for him and me. Hoping and praying for a better tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisabees Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 HUGS Lisa! :grouphug: I, too, am new to hs. The only one I am teaching at home is 13 and he fought me until two weeks ago. It was a combination of acceptance and dh demanding respect and his best work. Dh just freaked out one night on him and told him there would be no more baseball if he doesn't try. Now, my 6 year old, goes to ps. I would love to hs her, but it's not in the cards this year. If it were me, I would do some unit studies - lots of hands on stuff. Maybe FIAR? Oak Meadow? Lots of nature walks. I wish I had the time to do that with dd. I also suggest trying to let go of your anger and negativity. Try being excited and positive. Give yourself (and your dd) a second chance. Find what would inspire her and go with it. That's another thing that worked for me. Best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunkirst Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 My sister and I were just discussing the 6 year old girl syndrome. My sis sends hers to PS, I homeschool. My sis declared she would likely throttle hers if she tried to teach at home, and I admit to feeling that way some of the time.:D Of course our kids are going to treat us differently than they would treat a teacher. At home there is no motivation to impress the teacher or get a smiley face or win the reading contest. There is no threat of detention or a visit to the principal or public humiliation either. I made the choice to eschew all this simply because I wanted my kids to warm to the idea of working to please themselves, or at least working to build good habits, if the subject wasn't inherently interesting. We talk about these ideas frequently. I find that I'm more mom than teacher even when I am teaching. I ask questions and try to listen to ideas. My 6 yo needs lots of time off, but she is processing ideas during that time. It's fine for her to only do lessons 2-3 times a week. My 11 yo has a totally different learning style than mine, and it was very hard to teach him until I realized this (Cynthia Tobias helped me understand how to communicate with him). Also, sometimes more is less (I took 2 weeks off the 3Rs last year to read aloud a bunch of historical fiction about Egypt. It killed me at the time, but the kids were so excited about anything to do with Egypt after that that it was worth it). Good Luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara in WA Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I've had many of the same situations with each child at various times. I think it boils down to a heart issue for the child and the parent. We often talk about the kids being "teachable" and doing their very best (we often review Col. 3:23). My dh also reminds the kids to show and how to show respect to me. I also see the need to repent of my attitude. Being a harried, frantic homeschooling mom is not a blessing to my children (and that is often how I behave). So when we get to these crisis moments and I think I can't go on, it's time to change things. I put the books aside for a day or two or a week and take my kids on a trip to the zoo or on a train, bake something special, or visit the park. While we do those things, I tell them how thankful I am that we homeschool right now so we can be together and do these fun things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in AUS Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 A couple of suggestions about how to keep her on track. Try keep lessons short. Give her some ownership, what would she like to do first today, give her two options both of which you would be happy to go with. Set a timer, we are going to give our best effort until the timer goes off. Maybe a sticker or stamp or other token reward if she works hard over that time. Maybe have some kind of focus time at the beginning of lessons, we read and discuss a Virtue from the Childrens Book of Virtues. Recognise when things are going badly and take a break, both you and her, give yourselves a time out, go outside, run around, have a cuppa, whatever your brain needs. Know that it will get better, you need to persevere as does your DD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara R Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Totally normal. Kids don't treat their parents like they would treat the teacher. When I was a kid, I knew two moms who taught piano lessons, but not to their own kids, for this reason. They traded. I'm dealing with it now while before-schooling my 7 year old, and I've dealt with it with all of my children. You just have to work through it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anabelneri Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 My 6yo dd does the same thing... several times this year she's tried to boycott our lessons by saying that her Papa really should be the one teaching her because he has a PhD and I don't. Clearly, he's more educated so he should be the one teaching her. It has always made me laugh. She looks so serious! But I'm definitely up to teaching 1st grade material. I usually point that out to her, and tell her that we can discuss the issue again more seriously when she gets into high-school level material. I've been spending a lot of time "reworking" our schedule to fit her needs better, so that we butt heads less often. Also, we've spent time talking about the fact that it's her education, not mine, and if she pushes me too hard on any given day then it'll be up to her to finish a lesson without me. She doesn't like that idea much. We've also talked about the impact of her words on me -- when she is really negative towards me it does affect me and how I respond to her. It's an interesting journey, but I figure I'm only 10 weeks in and have a long time to go. So it's worth it to me to spend the time to sit down and talk with her about how things are going, to see if we can make it work better. It *is* getting better. Good luck! Anabel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caribbean Queen Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Not that I want a "yes maam" response or anything. I just want her to listen to me and follow directions and not screw around ALL THE TIME. How about a "Yes, Mom." response? Homeschooled children need to obey their mothers just like schooled children need to obey their teachers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Don't give up! I think the first few weeks of homeschooling is probably the hardest and I have a 6 year-old BOY (boy, does that come with some baggage). :D He had a meltdown yesterday because I asked him how many quarters equaled 50 cents. He punched me in the stomach, ran out of the room and was hysterical for half an hour. His Grandpa went in there to talk to him (shaking his head, of course). I think it's just the age - and some kids are more headstrong than others. Plus, 6 yro's have that "You're making fun of me complex" and "That's for babies complex" and a slew of other psychological issues. :tongue_smilie: he he... I know for us...my son would still be unable to read if he was in school. He was already being placed in "remedial kindergarten" because of his strong-willed personality. He scores really high on our standardized testing and he's very intelligent, but he likes to take the reigns! He just wants to be a helicopter pilot anyway, reading shmeading... :D Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasha Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I think it's normal. With my 6 year old I keep lessons short and we have a lot of breaks. He has sensory issues so I just stay mindful of what is fair to expect of him, not what I'd like for us to get done. May I also, very gently, suggest that your signature lists quite a bit for that age, IMO. In my state my son, who turned six in October, would be entering K. Now, he's doing more than a K curriculum but he's not ready, maturity wise, for a full-on first grade schedule either. I'm not necessarily saying that your expecttions are too high but perhaps the curricula you have chosen is a bit...dry and she is unable to focus on it at this point? Again, ymmv and I mean no judgement. When I started the school year I had a full first grade plan laid out for him (actually very similar to yours) and I quickly had to adjust because we could either butt heads as I tried to force him to do what I wanted or I could loosen up a bit and make adjustments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raganfamily Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Everyone has given wonderful advice. Thought I would add, I took 4 of the kids from private school to HS last year and it took a couple of months before they realized that this was real. They were used to very strict school and I tried a more relaxed at home feel. It was a hard adjustment for them. I do have similar issues with my 6yr old this year as you have said. But, I think it is an issue overall and not just because he is HS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisabees Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Don't give up! I think the first few weeks of homeschooling is probably the hardest and I have a 6 year-old BOY (boy, does that come with some baggage). :D He had a meltdown yesterday because I asked him how many quarters equaled 50 cents. He punched me in the stomach, ran out of the room and was hysterical for half an hour. His Grandpa went in there to talk to him (shaking his head, of course). I think it's just the age - and some kids are more headstrong than others. Plus, 6 yro's have that "You're making fun of me complex" and "That's for babies complex" and a slew of other psychological issues. :tongue_smilie: he he... I know for us...my son would still be unable to read if he was in school. He was already being placed in "remedial kindergarten" because of his strong-willed personality. He scores really high on our standardized testing and he's very intelligent, but he likes to take the reigns! He just wants to be a helicopter pilot anyway, reading shmeading... :D Good luck! Your post cracks me up! :lol: I have a 6 year old daughter, after having three even-keeled boys. Imagine the shock! She now has decided that she wants to be a boy. She wears boxers and pees standing up. Help me now!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Well, for some reason my never-schooled dd just calls me "Teacher" when we are in our schoolroom*. This doesn't mean we don't have similar issues! ;) Probably once a week I send her to her room in the middle of her goofing off during school time. I send her before I blow a gasket. Simply, "OK, you need a break. Go to your room for 5 min or so, then come back when you are ready to finish this up. Because we will finish this today." Now, when something is clearly not working for her on a day, I will totally drop it and let it rest. But when she simply wants to be silly, I let her go be silly for a few minutes, then she comes back and we continue. *Schoolroom is where she does writing, math and languages. Reading is on the couch, and art is usually at the dining room table. I doubt she realizes that art and reading are part of school! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 My sister and I were just discussing the 6 year old girl syndrome. My sis sends hers to PS, I homeschool. My sis declared she would likely throttle hers if she tried to teach at home, and I admit to feeling that way some of the time.:D Of course our kids are going to treat us differently than they would treat a teacher. At home there is no motivation to impress the teacher or get a smiley face or win the reading contest. There is no threat of detention or a visit to the principal or public humiliation either. I made the choice to eschew all this simply because I wanted my kids to warm to the idea of working to please themselves, or at least working to build good habits, if the subject wasn't inherently interesting. We talk about these ideas frequently. I find that I'm more mom than teacher even when I am teaching. I ask questions and try to listen to ideas. My 6 yo needs lots of time off, but she is processing ideas during that time. It's fine for her to only do lessons 2-3 times a week. My 11 yo has a totally different learning style than mine, and it was very hard to teach him until I realized this (Cynthia Tobias helped me understand how to communicate with him). Also, sometimes more is less (I took 2 weeks off the 3Rs last year to read aloud a bunch of historical fiction about Egypt. It killed me at the time, but the kids were so excited about anything to do with Egypt after that that it was worth it). Good Luck! :iagree::iagree: That's why most parents proclaim, "I could NEVER homeschool my dc!" It takes MUCH patience that most people DON'T have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 (edited) I've been spending a lot of time "reworking" our schedule to fit her needs better, so that we butt heads less often. Also, we've spent time talking about the fact that it's her education, not mine, and if she pushes me too hard on any given day then it'll be up to her to finish a lesson without me. She doesn't like that idea much. We've also talked about the impact of her words on me -- when she is really negative towards me it does affect me and how I respond to her. :iagree: I let DD try to do it on her own. "Oh, you don't need me to teach you? okay. You have 15 minutes." Walk away. Grade the paper in 15 minutes. She is devastated to get a low grade and will cooperate for a while after that. I am not sure what teaching dynamic you have, but my DD learns a lot and does really well if I am there with her (even on my lap) pointing at each problem and helping her. Not everything is a test. I have also found that keeping a report card of my own making and incorporating a reward system implemented by Dad helps. Edited November 12, 2009 by Lovedtodeath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I've got a 6yo too:grouphug: #1 work on being respectful at all times, not just school (easier said than done;)) #2 give VERY clear boundaries and instructions during school. Reward with free playtime and things she likes to do with you. Use a timer - 15min of math lesson, and then she can play a game with mom (secretly a "math" game;):lol:). Hold yourself to respecting that timer...just the same as you expect her to respect your instructions. Getting through an entire lesson is much less important than gaining a healthy working relationship...plus 15min is the peak amount of time for most kids anyway. We are most productive in 15min spurts, daily, consistantly. Let her know the routine (but don't let her choose the routine)- "today we are going to do reading and math before snack, and spelling and science after." She can choose her snack, a game to play, a craft to make....but gently let her know that school is Mommy's decision. I always save the favorite subject for last as a natural incentive. I also always try to alternate brain-workouts with rest. Put read-alouds between skill subjects. If ds6 sees me pulling out art supplies, something that looks like it might be a science experiment, etc......it's amazing how well he gets through his spelling on that day.:tongue_smilie: Now my 4yo...I think I will live in denial that she will ever be 6yo...:001_huh::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayne J Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 You have gotten a lot of good advice here, and the knowledge that it is not just you and your 6yo, which always comforts me. When I started with my 6yo, I had the same issue, although he had never attended public school. He would refuse, argue, scream, and spit (!) at me and at the books. He would tear pages and scribble on the worksheets. In our case, it was part general discipline, and part control issues. Six is just hard. They are testing the boundaries and begining to see what they can get away with. (Just Google "six year old behavior" and you will feel much better-- I did!) We have dealt with lying, hitting and the above listed offenses both in school and out. It is getting better (ds is 6.6 now and things are improving) So, general firm discipline of whatever flavor you use in your house will likely help. As far as school specifically, it helped immensely when I let ds know, firmly and calmly, that no matter what behaviors he displayed, I was not going to let him out of doing the work. I then let him choose what order he could do the lessons in, but reinforced the fact that he WOULD be doing it. I stayed very calm. He liked getting me rattled, and when I stayed calm, it wasn't as much fun. I just became "the wall" and he decided not to bang his head against it anymore :banghead: :D Take heart. You can do this. It is hard, but you can do it. And your dc will thank you for it later on.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 (edited) I had the same problem with my 7 yo when I pulled her out of ps. I agree with pp, that it may be best just to back off formal schoolwork. I was experiencing morning sickness when we first started hs'ing, so I naturally took a lot more time off than I wanted to. Well, she seems to have grown out of constantly challenging me. I have also set up a system, where all her work for the day is in a box/basket, in the order that we will do it. So now, it is her basket that "tells" her what to do next, rather than me. It seems to take some of the power struggles out of our day. ETA: I just looked at what you're using. I used very similar curriculum when we first started. Dd hated WWE and FLL. I finally dropped them after a couple months. I didn't like SOTW, although she really did, so I pushed through it and finished SOTW over the summer. Now that I've moved on to books that appeal to both of us more, it's been a pleasure to have school. Of course she still digs in her heels for math. . . . But I don't think I can do anything about that, other than trying to have a pleasant attitude (and not lose it when she starts giving me an attitude). Anyway, I'd suggest pulling in lots of books to read together during your school time, to break the monotony of workbooks. Edited November 12, 2009 by bonniebeth4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I think 1st grade has always been the hardest year with each of my kids. Kindergarten is not mandatory here and so I think they resent when I do require some things in 1st and they need time to get used to it. The good news, is 2nd grade is always better for me and my kids do their school work with no problem most of the time now. I have another 1st grader coming up next year though... Also, my 1st graders spend an hour tops and lessons are short- 5 min for FLL, 10 min for WWE, 20 min for RightStart B, 15 min for AAS or whatever spelling program we use. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monalisa Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 I really appreciate it. It is comforting to know that others with dc this age have similar struggles. We've been doing tons of reading aloud already, but maybe I need to look at whether our other curriculum is a poor fit for her (she definitely dislikes WWE 1 for the copywork). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 My entirely unprofessional hunch is that in school a child is following the lead of the crowd rather than the direct order of the teacher. Expectations. Routine. Predictability. Rather than sitting with one tutor and concentrating, there was a fair amount of daydreaming and humming under one's breath. I know I did it in 1st grade. I hated the one on one with the teacher because of all the "frowny faces" she drew on my work, as I had messy handwriting. I reminded my son that the sooner we got through this, the sooner the after school romp would begin. Sometimes I was very strict, and if he sassed me I got right on eye level with one finger up and angrily told him he would NOT do this. I would immediately sit down (because I really wasn't angry....frustrated yes, but anger was a "show") and restart the problem, and when he gathered up his thoughts and moved on, I would give him a warmer "Yes, that's RIGHT" on the first problem. But your child will have her own style. You will learn it. If I was "this close" to sending my son to school, I'd do hands on science and lots of read alouds first, then start introducing 10 mins. of reading and math and 5 of handwriting, and slowly build from there. Concentrating with a serious tutor is not the same as kindergarten, and you are both learning a new skill! HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 I really appreciate it. It is comforting to know that others with dc this age have similar struggles. We've been doing tons of reading aloud already, but maybe I need to look at whether our other curriculum is a poor fit for her (she definitely dislikes WWE 1 for the copywork). WE are loving Zaner-Bloser! In our book (I am not sure if it is the 2nd or 3rd grade one) There are letters, words, sentences and a section to write your own sentence. Also, when I use WWE for copywork, I write the sentence in a notebook and she copies my handwriting. I don't know why, but that is much better than using the workbook or making a page with WriteStart. I also think part of it is the age. DD really struggled with handwriting before turning 7. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 :lurk5: I'm going to come back and read through all of this thoroughly, but I do have similar issues with Becca. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monalisa Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 I don't know how to copy pieces of posts like everyone else does so neatly, but I just wanted to say to Kalanamak that "Concentrating with a serious tutor is not the same as kindergarten, and you are both learning a new skill!" is a really good point that I had not thought of before. I think you are right about the positive peer pressure; when I observed the classical school earlier this week, I would say there was a ton of that at work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3Rivers Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 I remember what that was like! And the good news is that it's a phase, both for you as new "mom-teacher" and for kiddo as new "kid-student". I think it takes a while to set up your system and to find structure that works for you. Try to be patient with yourself. It will happen if you stick with it. Be very clear about your expectations within yourself first, and then communicate those clearly to your child. You'll learn to think one step ahead and anticipate how tough or easy you need to be as you get better acquainted with your child's learning style. I remember my first year I was so encouraged by one friend who, after I had lamented about my perceived failures, said: "Oh, the first year is a complete toss-out. Then you figure out how to do it." I was relieved to know that someone else had been there. Then, once you find your homeschooling legs under you it is so rewarding to watch your child progress! THEN it's all worth it! So hang in there, keep reading, keep talking, keep asking.....you'll find your confidence and then one day you'll be writing a response to a thread like this. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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