old

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[lionfamily1999]

First, ds has to write the definition of "contradict." Then, he has to look up whatever it is he disagreed with me on in our encyclopedias. Whomever is wrong (him) must concede, apologize and then keep it mum. :)

[Colleen in NS]

How do you teach a child who doesn't think you have two brain cells that touch!?!

 

I started teaching logic skills last year!! :D This is our second year of doing logic-type activities, and I've been able to "catch" him on some arguments (and he has me at times, too). It turns the arguing and protesting into a giggle fest for him.

[Narrow Gate Academy]

When my oldest decides to argue with me over school work, I usually challenge her to prove me wrong. When she looks it up and realizes that she is wrong, then she has to apologize for her behavior.

 

As far as food in this house, I vary the consequences. If they are complaining about everything, I usually answer that you either eat what is served or you go hungry. If they eat everything except for one particular item (which they don't like), I either make them sit at the table until it's eaten or I put it in the fridge and serve it to them reheated at the next meal.

 

Ideas for other arguing...

 

Loss of privilege

I might have let you stay up until xxx had you asked me politely, but since you chose to speak to me disrespectfully you can go to bed right now.

 

Ignore them until they speak politely

I'm sorry, but I can't help you (or won't answer you) until you speak to me politely (with respect).

 

Natural consequences

Breakfast is at xxx, if you don't show up to eat it then you don't get it.

 

The more consistent I am, the less arguing there is in the house because it does not accomplish anything. It's when I overlook it or try to argue back that the problem gets worse. HTH

[sagira]

Ds (6) argues every day :glare: Sigh.

[PeterPan]

Uh, isn't that way this stage is called the Argumentative (Dialectic) stage? It's just the ugly side. I was pulling my hair out myself, and dh suggested my reply be "Let's not argue about this" and move on. But I declare it's some kinda stage, eh? So no, you're not the only one, and no it doesn't mean you totally screwed up or have lost the cause, tossed the ship, or etc. He's just expressing the fullness of his age.

 

Now someone who has gotten PAST this stage can tell us their best tricks and responses. I've concluded it's partly in being very quiet and chosing not to engage in it.

[PeterPan]

BTW, I would differentiate this arguing, which to me is expressing their growing ability to be emphatic and argue points, with mere disobedience. It's not trying so much to be disobedient as to grow up. They just don't do it perfectly and need smoothing and tolerance. Disobedience and rebellion, especially food opinions, I have no time for. But asking why about everything (why do I have to eat this? why do I study this?) isn't so much about rebellion as a stage, at least how I view it. They just want to know if there is a reason, something little kids don't care about in their blind willingness to please.

 

Ok, I'll throw this out here, since we're talking. I think the why thing and self-assertion gets worse as they disconnect from us. If it is coming on really strong since you started the dvd stuff, maybe you want to pull that in. I told dd if we can't get along together, it's a clear sign we need more time together. :)

[Gretchen in NJ]

I swear, my 11yo will argue with me about whether or not the sun rises in the East! Today he insisted that he did all his Spelling words correctly (he didn't) when I was sitting with the book right in front of me. He also argued with me that the end of the American Revolution was the surrender at Yorktown. "No, Mom it didn't end until the Treaty of Paris!" He argues about what time he is supposed to get up and what time he is expected to go to bed. He argues about whether or not he has to eat what is cooked for him. I could go on and on.

 

I'm so fed up I am ready to scream. How do you teach a child who doesn't think you have two brain cells that touch!?! I feel like every effort I make for this child is wasted. :rant:

I wonder if this is a stage. My dd11 is the same way at times.:glare: Yesterday, if I told her the sky was blue, she would have called me a liar.:001_huh: Today, she is as sweet as pie.:confused:

[Katiebug_1976]

When my oldest decides to argue with me over school work, I usually challenge her to prove me wrong. When she looks it up and realizes that she is wrong, then she has to apologize for her behavior.

 

As far as food in this house, I vary the consequences. If they are complaining about everything, I usually answer that you either eat what is served or you go hungry. If they eat everything except for one particular item (which they don't like), I either make them sit at the table until it's eaten or I put it in the fridge and serve it to them reheated at the next meal.

 

Ideas for other arguing...

 

Loss of privilege

I might have let you stay up until xxx had you asked me politely, but since you chose to speak to me disrespectfully you can go to bed right now.

 

Ignore them until they speak politely

I'm sorry, but I can't help you (or won't answer you) until you speak to me politely (with respect).

 

Natural consequences

Breakfast is at xxx, if you don't show up to eat it then you don't get it.

 

The more consistent I am, the less arguing there is in the house because it does not accomplish anything. It's when I overlook it or try to argue back that the problem gets worse. HTH

 

I like the way you handle the problems. I have thought of doing this before, but my consistency really needs work!

[AmyTompkins]

We have the same problem here. DS11 is usually the most compliant and least willful... but has given us a run for the $$$ over the past year or so. He clearly has taken the opinion that I am clueless. :) I try to separate debate from argumentative behavior. A good debate, I will engage if brought up respectfully. Argumentative behavior has consequences when it is rude or challenges my authority on an established topic.

 

Good times!

[Spy Car]

You didn't happen to name him: William? :D

 

Bill

[MrsMe]

I have to laugh as my 9 yr old dd does this.

 

Have him check his own work. He'll see the errors.

[Rosie_0801]

Is he willing to bet his pocket money? :D That'd teach him to do his research first!

 

Rosie

[Reya]

I swear, my 11yo will argue with me about whether or not the sun rises in the East! Today he insisted that he did all his Spelling words correctly (he didn't) when I was sitting with the book right in front of me. He also argued with me that the end of the American Revolution was the surrender at Yorktown. "No, Mom it didn't end until the Treaty of Paris!" He argues about what time he is supposed to get up and what time he is expected to go to bed. He argues about whether or not he has to eat what is cooked for him. I could go on and on.

 

I'm so fed up I am ready to scream. How do you teach a child who doesn't think you have two brain cells that touch!?! I feel like every effort I make for this child is wasted. :rant:

 

Push ups.

 

Sometimes, arguing is okay. When it's not...push ups. It's hard to argue when you're doing push ups. And ordering them to "drop and give me X" isn't an argument continuer!

[PeterPan]

Ooo, now that I hadn't thought of. Push-ups would be a lead balloon with dd, but they might work great with ds! :)

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

That could be my ds;) I have been having the same problems on a continual basis:).

Edited October 9, 2009 by priscilla

[tarana]

When mine (7 olds) argue for everything, I usually give them a hug & make them laugh. They get distracted, the point of argument is forgotten & I get my way.

 

I think mine does it to get attension or maybe it is the control thing.

 

Yes the arguing certainly increased a lot when they turned 7!

[MerryAtHope]

I swear, my 11yo will argue with me about whether or not the sun rises in the East! Today he insisted that he did all his Spelling words correctly (he didn't) when I was sitting with the book right in front of me. He also argued with me that the end of the American Revolution was the surrender at Yorktown. "No, Mom it didn't end until the Treaty of Paris!" He argues about what time he is supposed to get up and what time he is expected to go to bed. He argues about whether or not he has to eat what is cooked for him. I could go on and on.

 

I'm so fed up I am ready to scream. How do you teach a child who doesn't think you have two brain cells that touch!?! I feel like every effort I make for this child is wasted. :rant:

 

A wise person once told me that arguing is an act of cooperation. So I try very hard not to argue back if the argument is silly or otherwise unnecessary. (I've often told my kids, argue about something worthwhile--in fact I said it the other day when they were arguing with each other about whether they were arguing--one thought it was a discussion!).

 

On the spelling words--ask him to prove it.

Same thing with the American Revolution. Prove it or stop arguing.

 

Sometimes I'll say to my kids simply, "You're arguing. Do you want to learn this, or do you need a break to do some jumping jacks?" Sometimes I go straight for the exercise!

 

Getting up and going to bed--he may be wanting to know if there is a reason as others have said--for this kind of thing though, I expect my kids to argue respectfully in tone and words. Ie, "Mom, I think I could get up 30 minutes later and still get all of my stuff done by X time, is there a reason you want me up earlier?" Give me sound reasoning and not mere whining when you argue!

 

Kids sometimes don't realize they are arguing--they just don't stop to think. That's part of why I tell them they are arguing--I want them to ask themselves:

 

Is this argument worthwhile?

Is this argument a smokescreen for disobedience?

Is my argument founded in calm and reason?

 

etc...

 

But they may need you to model the tone, model how and what they should ask/present if they do have a differing view or a question, etc...

 

For disobedient type of arguing--ie, "Take out the trash," "but I don't want to blah blah blah..." I say simply, "You're arguing. Are you choosing to disobey?"

 

If it's a pattern to respond to commands with arguments, I might go straight for some consequence to break the habit. Ie, "You're arguing, you can also do xyz chore/2 extra math problems/write more..." etc... If they argue again, I might ask if they are asking more MORE practice on how to do their work without complaining and arguing, but I've rarely had to go to that level since I got consistent in my response.

 

Merry :-)

[Stacy in NJ]

I'm not going to talk about that right now.

 

;)

 

I try to differentiate between substanative diagreements and when he's simply arguing to get something he wants or get out of doing a chore or work.

 

Frequently I just don't go there.

 

Persistent argumentativeness is punishworthy

[Michelle O. in MO]

Just this morning, during math, I asked my 10yod why she argues with me as if I don't have a brain in my head? She replies, "Well, in the past you've marked my math problems wrong when they weren't wrong!" :001_huh:

 

Honestly, every day there's something to argue about. Sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised how well she argues her point. Most of the time, I'm terribly annoyed.

[HSMom2One]

We have attitude adjustments a little more frequently these days ourselves. Seems like the 10 yo mark often makes kids sudden experts, right?

 

:lurk5:

 

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[DianeJM]

I was also going to say that this is the major characteristic of the "pert" stage.

But even though I have 3 who are past this stage now, I must say that I really didn't handle it well enough.

Great to read this thread; my 11yo is going to benefit from this stage more than the others. That's my plan anyway.

[Corraleno]

I agree. I almost like the fact my son argues with me about stuff (as crazy as that sounds). It wears on me, but it shows me he thinks about stuff.

 

:iagree:

My son was born arguing, and I actually appreciate the fact that he's always questioning things and wanting to know the reason for everything. He's wanted to be a scientist since he was about 2, and it's a good trait for a scientist to have. It can be tiring (and I definitely make a distinction between arguing and whining, which I don't put up with), but I respect his opinions and his need for logical answers that make sense to him. And that applies across the board ~ he's a critical thinker who questions what he reads, what he sees on TV, and what other people tell him, too. He looks things up and checks things out rather than blindly accepting things. I'm proud of him for that.

 

And more often than not, when we've gotten into an argument over facts, he's been right, not me. So now if we disagree about something, I'm often the one who says "Let's go look it up..." :tongue_smilie:

 

Jackie