Impish Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I'm too tired to wade through 11 pages, so I'll just say my bit and head to bed. I don't get along with 'masses' of women. I just don't have the patience required to figure out the rules of the clique to be accepted. That being said, I absolutely adore SpecialMama, and give thanks every day for the blessing she brings to my life. And we DO talk about kids, husbands, relationships, emotions, homeschooling, philosophy...there's nothing, and I mean NOTHING off bounds when we get together :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I am INTP I have issues hanging out with women sometimes because I don't really like gossip. I even have a guy friend who gossips so badly I often interrupt him to ask him to talk about something else. I will not try and say I am not emotional, I am emotional..I just watched a movie last night and wept and wept, I just don't like it. :lol: If I had known it was going to be THAT sad I would not have watched it. I didn't realize it was so different from the story..I might have approached it with greater caution if I had. I was kind of PMS-ing too. Frailty thy name is woman. Sheesh. I have a big problem with gossip, too. I live in a very small community. The gossip train is fast and brutal. There are some people (not just women) who live for coffee time (3 times a day!) just to sit around and gossip about others. Interestingly enough, they'll go away from coffee, turn around and smile and be phoney-sweet to the very same people they were gossiping about earlier. I can't tolerate being around that. I really hate it when someone new moves in to the area, and I get cornered by a gossip who just has to dish some dirty gossip & rumour about the new person before I've even had a chance to meet them. I would rather form my own opinion of someone. I would rather not be subjected to gossip about someone like that. And, I do tell the gossip-mongers that when they do that to me. I generally go with "Gee, I'm so glad no one gossiped about you before I met you. You never would have stood a chance." I suppose that's very anti-social of me, but I can't stand such two-faced-ness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 (edited) Meh, one person's rude a$$hole is another person's delightfully honest best friend in the whole world. One person's "treat everyone with respect and decency" is another person's catty, fake, passive-aggressive bit%h. I think it's all in your perspective. :lol: Sooo true! Growing up in a house with 3 sisters... I had no clue about men! Now older and wiser with having experienced college dorms, roommates, gal pals, church and homeschool ladies, etc... gotta say, love menfolk OVER womenfolk! Guys just say what is on their mind. No stewing over it for months or years to come. End of situation -- let us move on. Guys do not hold grudges and are more trusting. I tend to be blunt and to the point like a guy. I don't get softpedaling the truth or being nice to your face and then saying horrible gossip behind your back. So, yes... my foot is in my mouth quite often with womenfolk. *grin* The flip side of this is they come to me if they want an honest opinion and no "bs". As Mrs. Mungo stated... I'd be considered a warm and friendly person by one and the other would state I was a opinionated b@tch. LOL Each to his own opinion! INFJ personality -- I can read people pretty good and first impressions with me are fairly accurate. So, I can see the snarky motive a mile away when I first meet her. See the life pattern of her path of hurt feelings and emotional pain she inflicts on other ladies. I stay far away from gals like that. But, women really do not communicate with each other due to our own insecurities. Grudges are forever. Jealousy can ruin a friendship. If your kids don't get along or caused an offense... the adult friendship is also over. Mrs. Mungo is spot on with her statement. From one perspective the lady is a tramp -- from the other she is an angel and how dare you call her anything but that. For example, my pastor's wife is one who creates drama and gossip. Her hubby hasn't a clue to the damage she has caused. She is his perfect sweetheart. Others will swear otherwise and leave the church for greener pastures wounded and hurt. Me? I steer clear of her and try not to get in the intrigue. Take another example: I don't watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 anymore -- but Kate strikes me as a gal who has a tough time making friends. She is blunt and critical. People hate her or love her. I have no clue if she has close friends? As an middle aged woman, I learned the hard way that not everyone wants to hear what I thought. LOL Nowadays, I keep my mouth shut. (Except on this board... haaaaaa) Friendships with women can be such a complex thing. ------- BTW, I do enjoy making friendships with women who are content with themselves. Not the materialistic, vain, narcissistic, or plastic surgery type. The gal who loves to garden, homeschool, bake, play with their kids, down to earth, sure c'mon over anytime (even if the house is a mess), and deep thinker of spiritual matters. I've reached an age to where I choose whom I want to befriend. I don't allow toxic relationships. Nor relationships that are one-way and you end up being the constant giver and are drained emotionally. Life is too short to play games with men or women like that. LOL Edited September 2, 2009 by tex-mex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 (edited) I get along best with women who mostly get along best with men! What does that say about me?:lol: INTP, here--super-heavy NT, mid-J, and light-I. I can't be friends with Fs. They think I'm mean, and I think they're inane. I've found there's a close correlation between Myers-Briggs personality types and intelligence--strongest with the T/F and pretty powerful with the N/S. The problem with femininity as defined in the US is that stupidity is something most semi-educated men are embarrassed by but women of a certain type embrace. Edited September 2, 2009 by Reya Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I get long fine with women :D Bill (ENTJ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I'm an INTP, not many woman are INTPs. Most of my good friends are NF's, it's hard to find other female NTs.Me too. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 :iagree: I'm an INTP, not many woman are INTPs. Most of my good friends are NF's, it's hard to find other female NTs. Here's my thoughts on personality and learning, with a link to humanmetrics where you can take the MBTI test for free. http://www.thephonicspage.org/Other/personalitytypea.html I tihnk it's more that women aren't ashamed to be non-thinkers, while educated men at least know they SHOULD be. Plenty of men talk about nothing but nonsense, but far more men know they should reach for more than women do. It's middle school popularity lessons, internalized. A woman on the edge of T/F will probably be pushed by society into the depths of F-fuzziness rather than go over to the Vulcan T-side. :-) Nerd girls are much more common among younger women, though. Thank goodness! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I should read this book. I am great at the former but not skilled at the latter. You'd never believe it, but I am good at both IRL. :-) It's a different environment. If you can size someone up, you know what they value, right? So you talk about what they care about, and if your brains are going to dribble out of your ears from boredom, you figure out something that you know a little about but they like a lot and get them to explain it to you. That can almost always interest me for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Every woman I've met who says this ends up being my good friend. :-P Guess I like people who are rude to me! *eye roll* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 meh, one person's rude a$$hole is another person's delightfully honest best friend in the whole world. One person's "treat everyone with respect and decency" is another person's catty, fake, passive-aggressive bit%h. I think it's all in your perspective. :lol: no kidding!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I guess I am just asking if anyone is like this, and whether you decided to start giving people what they want or whether you just let them deal with how you are. I keep getting "backlash" from not giving people what they want, and I can't figure out whether to stand strong or to take this as a sign that I should change. Depends on where I am. Here? No sugar-coating unless someone needs a boost. :-) IRL, it depends on the situation. Mostly, I give 'em what they want and keep the insincere and/or shallow sort faaaar away from me, emotionally. I have pleasant, nodding relationships with lots of women. And that's fine. Never, ever try to have a shallow-but-close relationship. It's like those women never figure out where all the DRAMA comes from!!! Um, maybe it's manufactured by your own fakeness? I have never had a "crazy woman crisis" with any of my friends, and I have no patience for the type of people who create them constantly. It's not feminine, it's childish. People who are stuck in middle school AREN'T going to be able to react like mature adults to anything, so you really don't want them too close. I have an aunt like that. I know her "rules," and it doesn't drive me nuts to nod and smile, and I can even tease her, but she can make a tempest out of anything. I love her, but I can't be friends with her. These women need something meaningful to do with their energy, instead of wasting it on fake relationships and fake histrionics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzyfizzle Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 This is a very interesting thread! Of course I just had to go take the test and I am an INTJ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolally Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 and as I've gotten older I've found that being myself right off the bat when I meet new people works best. I used to try to be perky and chatty with new people because it seemed appropriate, and then I found myself getting sucked in to that type of friendship which totally exhausts me. It seems that if I joke about it, letting people know right off the bat not to invite me to tupperware parties, etc. it really takes the pressure off. No, you're not alone in this--I think more people are like that than would like to admit and they just 'play the game' to be sociable. I personally want to save my energy for my husband and kids and it has been liberating to allow myself to just be my own no-nonsense self! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzyfizzle Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 In the same way, when we talk with other women, we tend to want to give practical advice if asked but are a lot less comfortable and adept at muttering benign pleasantries. Constant gushing about isn't it cute, isn't it adorable type of group doesn't interest me. QUOTE] Thank heavens I am not alone :hurray: I can even find sitting at ballgames with other moms stressful. I really like almost all of them, but after a few sentences I run out of that chit chatty, meaningless (but nice) type conversation, and am left sitting there with nothing to chime in with. Sometimes they will ask me sweetly 'are ya awake over there??' or 'are you still with us?' and I have to respond with something like 'oh yes, I was just in la-la land' or such. :D Maybe I should hang with some of you gals! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elw_miller Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 The problem with femininity as defined in the US is that stupidity is something most semi-educated men are embarrassed by but women of a certain type embrace. "Men of sense, whatever you may say, do NOT want silly wives!" ;) Gotta love Mr. Knightley. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Please tell me I am not alone!! I am a matter-of-fact, action-taking kind of person. I don't want to sit around with other ladies and gush about how wonderful they are so that they know I like them. I will do anything to help anyone, though. You are not alone. I was almost always around fellows (brothers, friends) and had male roommates. Once I started working in a hospital I discovered my favourite woman: NURSES. I love nurses. I love the compassion combined with a thick-skin-for-horror-stories, the roll-up-your-pants and wade on in mentality, the ability to scream with laughter in the breakroom over the aortic dissection patient with such a big one they had to tape a Chux over it or it hung out over the side of the bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 with such a big one they had to tape a Chux over it or it hung out over the side of the bed. Oh dear. Oh me, oh my. That is all. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntPol Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I have never had many female friends. Those that I end of making friends with are other women who don't get along well with women. It's not that I don't like other women so much as they don't like me. I don't mind listening to chatter about child raising, recipes, what's on sale (not shopping -I like to coupon and thrift store "thrill of the hunt" but walking around a mall is like pulling teeth), house cleaning, husbands for a bit. I'd rather talk about football, military (former Marine), politics, educational techniques and policies (but not look at my twaddle projects), some science documentary, books, etc. It's a given that if any dads are at any event that I am, they will end up talking to me. Men gravitate toward me and women gravitate away from me. And I agree about committees with women. No thank you. In our Co-op, we have to at least two things -one a committee. I chose the committee whose event is first and requires the least amount of meetings. Honestly, that committee doesn't need to be a committee as one person could do it as it only requires picking a day and putting in on calendar for everyone to show up (trunk or treat). My other activity is coaching Odyssey of the Mind which I am the only coach so I don't have to interact with anybody else. My Co-Op class, I am paired with a similar style woman who I adore. We teach classes that are very masculine and geared toward the boys. I hate meetings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiobrain Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I have not read through this thread, but I want to say that I have always been a girl/woman/person who has always gotten along better with men, and my female friends have also been the same way... women who prefer men's company. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyWifeandMommy Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I have a hard time getting along with other women. Hubby says I just like being the Alpha female. :) I don't have female friends but talk to many women. I am hoping my girls don't follow my lead. Because of them I have started to change my ways but it isn't easy. I am hoping for a new start when we move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elw_miller Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I took the Myers-Briggs test--INTJ here, too, though many were moderate (aside from the introverted criteria, decisive on that one!). Anyway, I read the description of this particular personality type and to hammer home why there seem to be so many INTJs here: "This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake." Part of the definition of being a homeschooler, eh? Unusual independence of mind, not tied to conventions, chooses to be outside the constraints of, at least, school authority. http://typelogic.com/intj.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsrevmeg Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I don't fit in with most women around here, either. I do not like to shop (I refuse to buy clothes that show cleavage, hiney crack or undergarments) I do not like to complain about how bad my children drive me crazy (Could you imagine if I piped up and said I actually like my kids?) I do not complain that my husband is a complete @%^&*$ (I have been made fun of for actually saying nice things about him) Apparently dressing modestly (and not paying a fortune for stuff) enjoying staying home with the kids and enjoying my husband is not the cool thing. That's okay, I'm a noncorformist. :001_tt2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 I do not complain that my husband is a complete @%^&*$ (I have been made fun of for actually saying nice things about him) This is something I don't understand. I didn't date jerky guys and I didn't marry one. I'm not going to pretend I did just to get along with some women. My husband and I have had our issues, absolutely, but I totally adore him and I wouldn't be married *at all* if I didn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 I can't get along with myself. That should tell you something. I mean ya'll are my only friends!!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 I do not like to complain about how bad my children drive me crazy (Could you imagine if I piped up and said I actually like my kids?) I never really know what to say to people who regaled me with long and woefully stories about their infertility issues and then as soon as they got a kid, promptly had some more that they referred to as "unplanned," and then refer to their kids as monsters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpupg Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Dawn & Michella, Ditto. On bad days, I want to wear a big button that says "Don't be stupid and I won't have to be mean." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Dawn & Michella, Ditto. On bad days, I want to wear a big button that says "Don't be stupid and I won't have to be mean." I want one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.