Have you ever befriended an old boyfriend on FB?

[Dooley]

I really loved this guy, back in the mid 80's. He left me, it was a very hard break up. He went to LA and I went to NYC. I called him and we were phone friends until I just HAD to bring up our break up...he ended the friendship.

 

Couple years later, ran into him when we both lived in San Diego. I dreamed of him for years - the kind of dream where we are sitting at dinner, I turn around to get something, turn back and he is gone - I run into the rain looking for him and never finding him. He meant a lot to me.

 

I got married to a wonderful man, kids, life....I got on FB in May I think, and you know how when you first start on FB, its kind of a giddy experience, finding all these people from the past and chatting. I looked for him, he was there and asked to be a friend. I had this crazy idea that we could actually be REAL friends.... He responded with a huge letter about all the things he had done, with many exclamation marks! Look at my life! Wow!! He is divorced, with yet another girlfriend - he seems to always need a woman in his life. I was probably just a woman, not someone he loved, in retrospect.

 

So we chatted back and forth, mostly he talked about him, did not ask any questions about me - I tried to be thoughtful and gracious. We last talked a few months ago. Silence.

 

I want to delete him. I realize it was a mistake, heck, I am not even sure he knows who I am! I am not mad, I just realize it was not that good of an idea and the hope that one can be friends after pain and breakups and all....well...probably just doesnt happen. I dont want to offend or make him think "what a weirdo", if I deleted him. Should I send a polite note about "this was not well thought out, I wish you well, but it is probably best if we DELETE...." I dont think he will miss me.

 

Delete outright?

 

Or, small note, then delete?

[adams101]

Just delete him. I had a girl from school who wanted to be my friend. She dated my ex after he broke up with me. I was nice and added her. She is still the immature, annoying girl she was 15 years ago. I deleted her. It gave me a message that she would NOT be notified that I had done so. I don't even think she has noticed! I would just delete him, and let that be it.

 

HTH

 

Marie

[Ibbygirl]

I would delete outright. I think he will understand without your needing to say anything. You are married, he's a single old flame. He should see that much at least if not all the pain he caused you too. :grouphug:

[springmama]

If he is that self centered, then go ahead and delete. I delete people all the time, but never anybody who really cares for me. FB doesn't send them a notice or anything, so the only way he'd know he was deleted would be if he looked on his friends list for you.

 

or, you could stop initiating any kind of online conversation and see if he reaches out to you for friendship. If he doesn't notice that you have stopped sending messages and/or comments then he probably won't notice that you unfriend him.

[Rhonda in TX]

Just delete him. If he's curious as to why, he can always send you a message asking. I don't think you owe him any explanations.

 

And no, I've never been friends with an ex on facebook. I don't think I would, either. Too much angst.

[SnowWhite]

He might just assume you have closed your account, unless he goes searching for you. I would just delete and be done, or else just "hide" him.

[elegantlion]

Just delete him, no note is necessary.

[Carrie12345]

Just delete!

 

I have a couple of "old boyfriends" on my FB, but they've always been real friends, before and after "dating". In fact, they're all friends with each other!

 

Serious boyfriends like my first love, who I dated for more than 3 years, are NOT on my FB.

 

To me, it's one thing to reminisce with someone I used to dance with, hike with, and kiss when I was very young. It's a whole other thing to try to "friend" someone when there's a serious history and/or deep feelings, whether they're good or bad.

[katemary63]

Just delete him, no note is necessary.

 

 

:iagree:

[DawnM]

Yup, pretty much all of them! :001_smile: But I don't have any deep/dark secrets with them.....just boyfriends I didn't do more than kiss with and have still befriended.

 

I do have one that is quite self centered that I was in love with as well. He is now living overseas with his boyfriend......sigh.

 

If you really want to delete him, I would. If you can keep him but just be fine without communicating much, then just keep him.

 

Dawn

Edited August 26, 2009 by DawnM

[BamaTanya]

:grouphug:

11 years ago an old flame got in touch with me (through a mutual friend -- not FB, of course). I have no idea why. The conversation was stiff, but civil. There was no reminiscing, nothing personal even.

 

However, for me it brought up old heartache, dreams, etc that had been put to rest. We were unable to be friends. The circumstances of our breakup were just too painful.

 

I saw his name on a social site, but I will not contact him again.

[CalicoKat]

delete AND block him. That way you won't have any future awkward conversations.

 

I had a similiar love. FB reunited. Ephiphany that he wasn't who I'd built him up to be in my mind. Good closure. Funny how that happens.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I would just delete him IMHO. If he had been a great guy the relationship would have worked out and he would have treated you like gold;). It took me a long time to realize that I did not want to be with someone who did not want me wholeheartedly:).

[Dooley]

Yes...the answer is obvious. I am deleting now. :iagree:

[JoJo]

Yes...the answer is obvious. I am deleting now. :iagree:

 

Good for you! I agree, that was the right thing to do :001_smile:

[Lolly]

I vote delete too. Wait, you already did.

 

Yes, I have old boyfriends as friends on FB. Dh knows. He's fine with it. I find it nice to keep up. One in particular I have always kept up with, or he has kept up with me. Not sure which. He is happily married too.