rfhsmom Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 We have two moms of children under 8 who do not watch their children in our neighborhood. Mom A has a 5yo and 2.5yo. Mom B has a 4yo and 8yo. We have had ongoing issues with all four children playing in the street, leaving trash in our yard(and other yards), and the list goes on! Neither mom comes out to check on the kiddos when someone cries or yells and no one is teaching them how to deal with their problems with one another. I had a talk with both moms when we came home from vacation to some damage/garbage in our front yard. One(A) was understanding, the other(B) was MAD! How dare I talk to her about her children(or maybe her lack of parenting?) So, yesterday I saw mom A get in her car with her children and leave. I went out back to talk to my dh and while I was in the back yard the children of mom B come over to mom A's backyard(we have chain link fencing) and started playing on the trampoline. They were completely unattended for at least 1/2 hour before I left and my boys said that they never saw a parent come over. The children were pushing one another and the 8yo fell down and was holding his leg and crying. I finally asked if he needed his mom and he said "no, i am okay." Should I just mind my own business or speak up. It is such a liability to Mom A and such a lack of parenting by Mom B(who by the way is not speaking to me since I talked to her about the vacation damage) Am I being to protective to think that these children need some supervision? I am so afraid that one of these children will be hurt because their mommy's are on the phone, texting or watching Desperate Housewives! Please tell me if I should just butt out.:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Unless they are in your yard uninvited, yes, you should butt out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Unless they are in your yard uninvited, yes, you should butt out. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Been there, done that - and I too think you need to keep quiet. It's so hard to watch, but if it doesn't directly affect you or your children, it's not your place to comment. You probably wouldn't get a good response if you said something anyway. Frustrating? Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 What I would do... If I considered my relationship with mom A friendly enough, I would tell her that the children of mom B were on her trampoline while she was gone, and that one got hurt. I would want to know if she 'allowed' that, so that I would know if the future to warn her if mom B's children were playing on her property while she was gone. If mom A either outright tells you or implies that she doesn't care if the children of mom B were on the trampoline while she wasn't home, then I wouldn't say anything to mom A about mom B's kids anymore. If, however, mom A does seem bothered/concerned, then offer to help keep an extra eye out. That will protect both mom A and the kids of mom B. I wouldn't say ANYTHING to mom B, unless her kids were on my property uninvited. We have a neighbor boy who JUST turned 7. He plays outside with no supervision. My boys, 3 and 6, ALWAYS have supervision when outside. I figure it's a difference of parenting between me and his parents. However, when neighbor boy fell off his bike in my driveway a few weeks ago and started crying, mom came out of the hose from across the street to collect him. He was ok, but you know how little boys can howl over a scraped knee. Mom wasn't mad, but was clearly a bit annoyed at having to come outside and get her son. I don't know what she was doing inside, so I tried really hard not to judge. I still felt bad, even though I was (and frequently am) put in the position of watching her son by default, since he comes over to play with my boys who I am already watching. It's a weird situation. Nice boy (he clearly falls somewhere on the Autusm spectrum, which is also new territory for me), nice enough parents. We just parent VERY differently. I don't allow my boys to walk across the street and play at the neighbor's house without me. They do. Whatcha gonna do? I just send neighbor boy home when we're done outside. It's not his 'fault' that his parents and I see things differently, and neither should my boys not get to play with a friend over it. However, if neighbor boy didn't listen to me (which he does), then that might be a whole different can o worms, ya know? When I say ''Neighbor boy', please don't try to put the hula hoop around 'my son' while he's riding his bike; he could fall off and get hurt', neighbor boy is polite enough and complies. Here's hoping that will last... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 When it comes to other kids, I always ask myself, "Would I want to know?" Would I want to know if kids were playing in my yard on my trampoline when I wasn't there? Absolutely! It sounds like you and Mom A don't have a horrible relationship (she was understanding, you said, about the vacation damage). I would approach her. Maybe she's given them permission. Who knows? It's quite a liability to her, and if she hasn't given permission, it's doubtful she knows this is going on when she's not home. I would mention it, and leave it in her court whether or not she wants to take it up with Mom B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I am usually the only parent outside...although one other has started coming out more this year than the past 2..... We have about 10 kids in our front or back yard without parents. daily. I finally accepted the fact that these parents do not think their kids need supervision. SO I am firm with these kids that mine can't go all over the neighborhood with them. If they want to play they will do so in my sight. They want to, so they stay. I found they started listening to me and some even convinced their parents to buy helmets for them! I hope to be the firm voice of reason in the little time they are around us. I can't change parents opinions on supervision, but I can show my own kids that it's important to our family. And so far the kids around us respect us. But I had to let go of the idea that they were wrong...it's how they choose to parent. I parent my way. And if the kids are in my yard, they will respect our way. And then I was able to relax a little about the kids pulling each other off bikes when riding and blood being everywhere. ;-) At least I told them not to do it. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfhsmom Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 I appreciate the input! Mom A and I actually are friendly(her children come with us to Sunday school each week) Mostly this is just heart-wrenching for me to watch these poor kids get hurt because no one bothers to pay attention to where they are. I will mention it to mom A and drop it! It helps to have some outside insight. THANKS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Been there, done that - and I too think you need to keep quiet. It's so hard to watch, but if it doesn't directly affect you or your children, it's not your place to comment. You probably wouldn't get a good response if you said something anyway. Frustrating? Yes. I'm not sure it's not her "place" to comment, because in the end, all adults are responsible for seeing that children are well cared for, don't you think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Unless they are in your yard uninvited, yes, you should butt out. :iagree: Yes, it could a liability for mom A, but she apparently does not care since she has done nothing about it. Just protect yourself from such a situation and leave the rest alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I'm not sure it's not her "place" to comment, because in the end, all adults are responsible for seeing that children are well cared for, don't you think? I do, but I don't think that she is the one to be held 'responsible' for her neighbors kids. If what the kids were doing was harmful, hurtful, or illegal YES she should step in. Even though I wouldn't like to watch this dilemma next door to me, I would just keep my comments to myself - unless things fell into one of those catergories. Just my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I do, but I don't think that she is the one to be held 'responsible' for her neighbors kids. If what the kids were doing was harmful, hurtful, or illegal YES she should step in. Even though I wouldn't like to watch this dilemma next door to me, I would just keep my comments to myself - unless things fell into one of those catergories. Just my opinion. :iagree: We have rampant supervision problems in my urban neighborhood. Yes, it breaks my heart and bothers me to death, BUT unless there is criminal neglect or abuse or clear danger there's not a thing I can do about it. I focus on my own relationship with the kids of the neighborhood directly and try hard not to let the overwhelming dysfunction surrounding me to hurt too badly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 :iagree: We have rampant supervision problems in my urban neighborhood. Yes, it breaks my heart and bothers me to death, BUT unless there is criminal neglect or abuse or clear danger there's not a thing I can do about it. I focus on my own relationship with the kids of the neighborhood directly and try hard not to let the overwhelming dysfunction surrounding me to hurt too badly. :iagree:(I put the above in bold) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 (edited) I'd tell mom A what you saw. I'd remind her that if one of the kids get hurt and the mom tells the medical people that her child got hurt on the neighbor's trampoline, their insurance will require the medical payments to go through her homeowner's insurance. I know this because I worked for a medical insurance company and have had to tell that exact same thing to people. If someone gets hurt on your property, your homeowner's insurance is primary. She may wish to keep the trampoline locked when she's not home. We have a neighbor with one in his front yard and it has a small padlock on the zipper so that no one can use it without his permission. Edited August 13, 2009 by joannqn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I do, but I don't think that she is the one to be held 'responsible' for her neighbors kids. If what the kids were doing was harmful, hurtful, or illegal YES she should step in. Even though I wouldn't like to watch this dilemma next door to me, I would just keep my comments to myself - unless things fell into one of those catergories. Just my opinion. I don't think she should be held responsible; I just don't think "not her place" is the best way to phrase it, KWIM? See, we agree that she should step in if the kids are doing something harmful, hurtful, or illegal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Am I being to protective to think that these children need some supervision? I am so afraid that one of these children will be hurt because their mommy's are on the phone, texting or watching Desperate Housewives! Please tell me if I should just butt out.:confused: Maybe they're on the phone talking about how great it is to have "free range kids" and how sorry they feel for your children who are confined to the coop when their old mother hen can't be outside with them. :tongue_smilie: Put me in the old mother hen camp, too. I wouldn't care if I ruffled some feathers...young children need supervision even when a trampoline isn't involved! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in FL Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 What I would do... If I considered my relationship with mom A friendly enough, I would tell her that the children of mom B were on her trampoline while she was gone, and that one got hurt. I would want to know if she 'allowed' that, so that I would know if the future to warn her if mom B's children were playing on her property while she was gone. If mom A either outright tells you or implies that she doesn't care if the children of mom B were on the trampoline while she wasn't home, then I wouldn't say anything to mom A about mom B's kids anymore. If, however, mom A does seem bothered/concerned, then offer to help keep an extra eye out. That will protect both mom A and the kids of mom B. .I wouldn't say ANYTHING to mom B, unless her kids were on my property uninvited. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnandtinagilbert Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 What I would do... If I considered my relationship with mom A friendly enough, I would tell her that the children of mom B were on her trampoline while she was gone, and that one got hurt. I would want to know if she 'allowed' that, so that I would know if the future to warn her if mom B's children were playing on her property while she was gone. If mom A either outright tells you or implies that she doesn't care if the children of mom B were on the trampoline while she wasn't home, then I wouldn't say anything to mom A about mom B's kids anymore. If, however, mom A does seem bothered/concerned, then offer to help keep an extra eye out. That will protect both mom A and the kids of mom B. I wouldn't say ANYTHING to mom B, unless her kids were on my property uninvited. I'm the neighborhood eyes also, and I'd completely agree with the above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kissy Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I'd tell mom A what you say. I'd remind her that if one of the kids get hurt and the mom tells the medical people that her child got hurt on the neighbor's trampoline, their insurance will require the medical payments to go through her homeowner's insurance. I know this because I worked for a medical insurance company and have had to tell that exact same thing to people. If someone gets hurt on your property, your homeowner's insurance is primary. She may wish to keep the trampoline locked when she's not home. We have a neighbor with one in his front yard and it has a small padlock on the zipper so that no one can use it without his permission. Would it still be that way if the owner was not home and the children had to go through a fence to get to the trampoline? In our state you are only required to fence around your trampoline or pool and no one is supposed to go in your fence unless you invite them or say it is ok so I was just wondering if insurance sees that different. I don't have a trampoline but I might one day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 In a day and age that someone can sue for injury after they break into your home, I wouldn't think that Mom A being home or not will matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Where are the fathers for these respective two families? Perhaps your husband could speak with them about his wife's (i.e. your) concerns in the realm of safety. I don't know whether or not this is appropriate. I am but thinking out loud. . . As Joannqn writes, liability insurance of the property owner for the location where an injury occurs will be required to pay in the event of a claim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 (edited) In a day and age that someone can sue for injury after they break into your home, I wouldn't think that Mom A being home or not will matter. Yes, I think many jurisdictions have some statue about an irresistible hazard (or some such wording; I'm not a lawyer) that basically says you have to go to great lengths to lock trespassers out of your property if you have something that would be appealing to them, particularly children. (We were appalled to discover that, in our county, there is not even a requirement to fence pools! ) On the one hand, I wouldn't necessarily be pursuing the lack of supervision, unless they were "free ranging" in your yard. On the other, I would totally mention the clandestine use of the trampoline (or pool or anything else hazardous) to the owner, since it appears she does not have knowledge of this and could be liable. And, as everyone else said, if she says they have permission to use it any time, then you really don't need to go further; she has accepted whatever legal responsibility that might come her way. ETA: My kids play outside "unsupervised". They are locked inside a 6 ft privacy fence and I can hear them, though. There's a big area between direct visual contact and having no idea where your kids are or what they're doing. Edited August 13, 2009 by MyCrazyHouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Would it still be that way if the owner was not home and the children had to go through a fence to get to the trampoline? Yes. From what I understand, it's considered an "attractive nuisance." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Yes. From what I understand, it's considered an "attractive nuisance." That's it! I knew it was an oxymoron! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 We do "neighborhood parenting" here. I yell at other people's kids if they're getting in trouble and fully expect that they will yell at mine. 4-y-o's-plus play with light supervision at the end of the cul-de-sac--that means, in front and back yards of just a few houses. We watch out for each other. It works really, really well, and it makes life easier on everyone. I'd work on creating an atmosphere of collaboration between the mothers and understand each other's ground rules--IF your kids play with them. If not--butt out. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyWifeandMommy Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 Pray for the children and their families. I have had similar situations like that. I even had a child climb over our fence to play in our backyard while we left to go for a walk in the nieghborhood. I always just said a little prayer for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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