How do you feel about Youth Group trips...

[Michelle in AL]

My dd's go to separate churches, both have youth groups and both have what some may consider "frivolous" trips for the youth. Both churches go skiing together in the winter. They hire a Coach bus and drive 14 hrs overnight to ski 3 days then drive again overnight to come home (professional greyhound bus type drivers). Both churches go to Youth camp which is pretty typical. My oldest dd's church is going to Rock the Universe this fall. They will leave at 4:30am Friday and return Sunday night. The drive is about 7hrs. Dh is forbidding dd to go on this trip due the frivolity of it. He thinks she'll become disillusioned that this is how life really is~go do something fun whenever the opportunity arises. He has nothing at all against rock concerts (spends several $100/yr on them) or amusement parks.

 

I see our girls as good and hard working. I'm really having trouble agreeing with this decision and my heart breaks for her, she loves music and amusement parks. Does anyone else think these sort of trips should not be indulged in? The girls do pay their own way, so it doesn't impact us that way.

 

I'm not trying to husband bash, I'm trying to see if my thinking is off.

[tex-mex]

You bring up a good point... I am just now considering having my 14 yr old join a local youth group. And this is one topic to consider. What do y'all do about big trips like this?

[6packofun]

Our youth group has fund raisers and opportunities for the teens to *work* to get the money to go on both retreats and fun, Christian outings. Not a lot, but a few a year and I think it's the perfect amount. If it were something every month, we could not and maybe would not participate in all of them.

 

I see both sides to the debate. I think some youth groups go overboard with trips and I like to see a good balance between spiritual retreat type things and just fun stuff. I rate a Christian music festival higher than a trip to an amusement park, for example, and a weekend retreat with devotion time, prayer time and speakers etc. higher than both of those.

 

I dunno. Our family weighs every activity as it comes and sometimes we participate, sometimes not. But if I didn't feel that our kids had too many of the purely fun-social things going on, even if they had the money I might say no. It's tough because church is where our teens make friends, even though it's a small church, and I don't want to deprive them of the social aspects, but church has a very important purpose in our lives and I feel that our teens need to understand that and fellowship as a priority.

[i.love.lucy]

Both my dh and I have some awesome memories of those kinds of trips. Both spiritual and fun. They can make your friendships solidify easier than just about anything. For me it helped create a lot of independence.

 

However, my friends and I were pretty boy crazy during that time (middle school and early high school), so sometimes the trip was all about trying to be around a particular boy.:tongue_smilie:

 

But those "mountain top" experiences are some of my best childhood memories!

[MamaT]

I think as long as my kids are hard-working, obedient kids with a good attitude, they deserve to have fun for the sake of fun sometimes. That's part of being a kid.

 

We have always allowed our kids to go on these kinds of trips. They have also gone on other trips for the purpose of working - missions, working on elderly people's homes, etc.

[Michelle in AL]

Thanks for all your input. My kids are wonderful Christians. This week we went to a women's homeless shelter to feed them. They've been to Peru on medical mission trips with my husband. I really think my husband is introverted and is trying to force that upon them or maybe he sees things differently.

[LizzyBee]

I think youth group trips are great if they are well supervised.

 

As an adult, I go do something fun when I have the opportunity, so I don't see any reason I'd prohibit my kids from doing so. Life without some fun thrown in when possible is drudgery.

[Starr]

My biggest problem with them is often one of supervision.

[MOM24WONDERS]

Ok, this is coming from the standpoint of a family who are conservative Christians. We personally don't even believe in the whole idea of a "youth group". We are part of a family integrated fellowship where everyone learns together - from the parents down to the smallest babe in arms. We do have Sunday morning class that is taught directly to small groups - as in the young ladies go into one Bible Study, the young men in another, the moms in one, etc... This is so that the Bible Study is personal and hits right where that person needs it to. For example, the young ladies (of which I have a 13 yo. daughter participating) are studying what it means to be Godly Christian women and also, wives and mothers. They are learning to be modest, chaste, even-tempered, etc. All according to Titus 2 and other related Scriptures.

 

We have church-wide missions projects of which everyone is involved...and we have "youth" specific mission projects, also. We don't believe in youth camps or retreats for the most part. We do enjoy the young adults attending things like a youth night worship service - if the teaching is Biblically sound. However, parents go along on these trips and there is constant supervision.

 

We also believe in doing most everything as a family - our children are exposed to fun with family vacations, swimming, etc, etc. We just prefer to do it together, rather than seperately. We also encourage friendships among siblings more than outside friendships. They do, of course, have outside friendships, too! Our rule has always been that if you can't be best friends with your siblings, than you can't be best friends with anyone else, either. Family is forever. (Just an aside to how close our family is - I live across the street from my parents - where I grew up. My brother and his family live on one side and my sister and her family live on the other. NONE of us moved away. Our parents and our relationships with one another are precious to us...I can't imagine my children not being able to run to Granny and Papaw's house or not growing up with the cousins to play with everyday!)

 

ANYWAY....

 

Christianity's purpose is to minister to others in love - to show Christ's love through our actions and behaviors - to BE the hands and feet of Christ. It's to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus and occassionally use words. These things aren't really present in "fun trips" or "youth camps"...

 

Now, I do believe that we reward our kids for a job well done - as in several weeks ago our young adults went and raked the yard of an elderly lady in our church. They were rewarded with going out to eat afterwards. After several mission projects, we do try to do something enjoyable with them - such as a cook-out. However, the only ones allowed at the fun thing are the ones that participated in all the missions projects and who regularly attend worship.

 

I just think that churches today put too much emphasis on the FUN and not enough on the MINISTRY. There are those that want to show up only for the fun, but never do the work. Life isn't a pizza party or a water park trip, those are simply rewards for hard work. In other words, if they don't participate in the work, they don't get the reward :)

 

In your case it seems that your daughters HAVE done the work and have been faithful to the ministry. In that case, it might be an acceptable outing (I have no clue what Rock the Universe is, so I'm not promoting it in any way, shape, or form). However, your husband obviously knows more about the situation that I do and I'd trust his instincts :001_smile:

 

I guess I have an "off-topic" question, though...how is it that your children go to different churches? Do you not attend as a family? Sorry if this is too personal, if so I apologize....it just has me slightly bewildered.:001_huh:

[Michelle in AL]

My oldest is 15, there is only one other girl at our church her age and the others just haven't been too open to her. She's very friendly, pretty, participates in everything, is on the leadership team, is a leader, but has never really made friends at our church. She tried too, she invited several out to movies etc. They're just aloof seeming. We've been at this church for 6 yrs now. We're Methodist, and my dd attended the Methodist church that is actually closer to our home. She was welcomed immediately, made many friends that have lasted and accepted. My dh doesn't attend church much as he works many weekends. My other dd and I are very invested in our original church. I teach 3-4th grade on Wed night and direct VBS. She's in the Youth Band and we both felt her spiritual guidance is stronger at our current church. Now that oldest attends the other church I'd have to guess the spiritual guidance is equal. I've had a hard time splitting us up (again, it's just me and the girls), but I have an even harder time leaving my church and I know dd REALLY needs fellowship with those her own age, especially at this time of her life (15).

[MOM24WONDERS]

I totally understand. It sounds like you are doing all that you can for your girls - that's great. Thanks for taking the time to answer me.:)

[Terabith]

I think it's sorta mean not to allow them to go on the trips if they are paying their own way.

 

I understand, but fellowship and friendship are so important, especially at this age, and particularly if it's the main place she's making friends. Friendships are solidified on these types of outings, and she may wind up feeling left out, both from the trip and as kids who go on it become closer to each other.

 

I would be upset if this type of trip/ outing was the sole focus of the youth group. But as long as there is a balance between mission/ service and spiritual/ Biblical teaching as well as some fellowship and fun, I think it's great. These fun types of outings often are what attract some nonchurched kids to attend, which then leads into closer relationships with the church and bringing them to Christ.

[Halftime Hope]

The drive is about 7hrs. Dh is forbidding dd to go on this trip due the frivolity of it. He thinks she'll become disillusioned that this is how life really is~go do something fun whenever the opportunity arises. He has nothing at all against rock concerts (spends several $100/yr on them) or amusement parks.

quote]

 

and you mentioned something about him being introverted later on....

 

In your shoes, I would try to open up a private dialog with him, not including or in front of the girls. I would not even let them know there is ongoing discussion. Your girls are at the ages where this is just the first of many opportunities, so you two might wnt to agree upon and have in place a family policy or set of guidelines about how trip opportunities will be considered in the future.

 

The two of you need to understand how each other thinks about these things, and you really need to understand what his concerns are. He may not have articulated them all, and it might take him some thought to put a finger on them. Could you ask him to think it through and help you undersstand? See, the words you used (mean? and forbid?) indicate that you are not in "good place" because you don't understand, therefore you disagree. And sometimes we may not be in agreement, but if we understand, it allows us to be at peace.

 

For example, all other things (like chaperoning) aside, he may be concerned, at the core, about 1) balance in their lives - church, friends, family, work, creative outlets, etc. We've had to address balance with our kids. Just because something is available doesn't mean they'll go, if they are not balancing the priorities in their lives. 2) He may not understand the appropriate place for leisure in his own life. It is something I struggle with. 3) What are his priorities and goals for them? Instead of what does he not want them to do, what does he want them to do?

 

These are really fundamentals as we are on this parenting journey.

 

All the best as you work through this.

[Michelle in AL]

Thanks Valerie, your words were very helpful. I do think his concern is balance. We've had this discussion many times before, but I don't think we've ever defined what we think a good balance is.

 

He's already told them no, they can't go and why. The girls don't seem devastated, but I do think as parents we need to get on the same page, since this issue keeps coming up. :confused:

[Janet in WA]

He thinks she'll become disillusioned that this is how life really is~go do something fun whenever the opportunity arises.

Well, going to do something fun whenever the opportunity arises is one of the things that make life in our family happy and healthy. I'm not talking about doing things you can't afford -- but it doesn't sound like that's the issue here.

 

Your dh sounds like he could use some frivolous fun in his life.

Edited July 3, 2009 by Janet in WA

[sassenach]

As the wife of a former youth pastor, I can tell you it is all about balance. Youth groups need these fun trips. They become the bonding moments for the leaders and students. Sometimes those trips that seem frivolous end up being very deep. The students open up at the weirdest times. I've held many a crying girl on so called frivolous trips. And I'm not talking about silly drama, I'm talking about deep spiritual burdens.

 

Rock the Universe, for those of you who don't know, is all Christian bands. We've been many times and it's a lot of fun, plus some amazing worship.

 

All that said, maybe the Spirit is stirring something in your dh. When I'm not at peace about an activity, even if I don't have a good reason, I just say no. It's possible that your girls shouldn't go on this trip and that the Spirit is burdening him to say no. The fact that your girls don't seem to mind would support that.

 

You should absolutely talk over the big picture with dh, but I would not push this trip.

[Garga]

His reason sounds a little odd. He doesn't want them to think they can just go and do fun things whenever they want? DO they do fun things whenever they want? What, are they going on trips every weekend or blowing off work/chores to sit around watching movies?

 

A planned trip that is paid for isn't just running off doing fun things whenever they opportunity arises. This is just ONE opportunity. But every other day of their lives they're working and volunteering and learning. I could see if your kids were Paris Hilton or something and just being frivolous all day, every day, but that's hardly your case.

 

I agree with the other posters that no matter what you decide about this trip, you need to get to the bottom of this between you and dh. How often will he randomly tell them "no" so that they get used to having someone rain on their parades? I think life rains on our parades enough naturally w/o someone doing it on purpose and they'll figure it out all on their own w/o dad being the storm cloud. You'll need to be prepared for this in the future by discussing it with him now.

 

Because it sounds to me like there's more to this than the reason he gave. It's such a flimsy reason. I'll bet he has something deeper inside him that he isn't articulating.

[Janet in WA]

 

Thanks for all your input. My kids are wonderful Christians. This week we went to a women's homeless shelter to feed them. They've been to Peru on medical mission trips with my husband. I really think my husband is introverted and is trying to force that upon them or maybe he sees things differently.

My first thought when I read your OP was that your dh sounds like my father. He thought that adults who "played" (had fun hobbies, traveled for fun, etc.) were childish. The truth that he didn't see was that these other adults were much happier than he was. I don't know if your dh is unhappy, but it sounds like you know him well. Fortunately my father didn't prevent us from having frivolous fun when we were growing up -- he just frowned about it a lot.

[SonshineLearner]

You know, with two kids that are "teens" I understand both sides. Part of why our teens don't do a lot of extras is money. Here's the thing, life is not just about water slides and such. When you set up schools that do this (which I know all about) and churches that do fun thing after fun thing, when you get to be an adult, and you don't have the money for all of the fun...what do you do? AND, you also don't have memories of being together as a family.

A couple of years ago when one of our daughters could go on a trip for a couple of thousand dollars, we said no. Our family doesn't have that kind of money, and if we did, we could all go together somewhere. That being said, there are some trips you can't pass up. Like...if you can have your child go overseas somewhere...free to you... (or for very little)

Carrie

[TravelingChris]

:iagree: with the posters who said you need to get to the bottom of this with your husband. I don't see naything wrong with the trip. My daughters also do lots of mission work or other service for the church. But I think they should go on fun trips too. My middle just spent a very grueling week in the inner city with work projects, helping with homeless, dealing with very disruptive children, etc. Now she isn't going right now to any amusement park but if later thi summer they go, I would be sending her. When we lived in FL she went to the Disney Christian Concert night thing with her youth group. I know that as homeschoolers, I look for fun things in good company for my girls to do. Just like life is for me, it is a mixture of service, work and fun. Fun is important too.

[jplain]

If you believe this is partly an issue of an introvert parent not understanding his extroverted children's social needs, maybe you can address that privately with DH.

 

There's a short chapter in Kurcinka's Raising Your Spirited Child that compares/contrasts extroverts and introverts, with concrete examples. If you can't easily get your hands on that book, you may want to Google the term extrovert, and browse through the various definitions until you find something that strikes a chord.

[Angel]

I didn't read any previous replies, but...

 

Dh and I are readying to leave for church camp on Monday, with 11 teenagers, only 1 of which is ours. We will be gone from Monday - Friday.

 

I think that with the proper supervision and an appropriate activity, youth trips are fine. We choose a camp based on our group sticking together. That means dh and I are very involved in what's going on with our group the whole time. They are not split up and put under the supervision of others whom we may not wholly agree with. In fact, this is how we choose most of our activities. We like to think of fun stuff that brings our group closer together and allows visitors a chance to get to know us. With our old church we did make trips to Cedar Point and overnighters to youth rally's, but again, we are right there in the middle of the fun with them. This has been easy for us as we have never had a huge group of kids. I may think totally different if it was a group of 75-100 or more with little supervision. In our smaller group we know most parents well, if not very well, and we all kind of have similar views. That would certainly be harder with a very large group.

 

I would pause at the activities if they were not balanced. By that I mean that if all they were doing were fun activities with no spiritual value, I would be concerned. Church camp and youth rally's (and I mean ones where preaching is the main theme) balanced out with trips to amusement parks or bowling alley's is fine.

 

We've been at this off and on for maybe 10 years, so I feel pretty strongly about lots of big hyped up activities with no spiritual content whatsoever. But we fall into a more fundamental category, so that might make a difference:D

[Mommyof4ks]

Thanks for all your input. My kids are wonderful Christians. This week we went to a women's homeless shelter to feed them. They've been to Peru on medical mission trips with my husband. I really think my husband is introverted and is trying to force that upon them or maybe he sees things differently.

 

Ooo...I want that youth group! I was going to post along the lines of...well it depends on your view of youth groups. The one at our church is too much fun if that makes any sense, for kids to get much out of it (my kids will not attend that when they are of age). It sounds like your church has a wonderful youth group and your girls are wonderful kids, so enjoying a fun time being frivolous may be fun for them. It is part of being young!