I find this story a bit odd....do you?....

[Tammy]

I don't know how you can call it anything else but negligence..... Just because each parent thought the other removed the baby from the car doesn't make it ok. One of them should have been in charge to get the baby.

[SquirrellyMama]

I learned in the past few years that about the time I feel superior to someone else by thinking I would never do that, it could never happen here because of I am not like that, etc. that it seems to happen.:crying:

 

This is so true. I once was giving my oldest a bath. I think she was around 1. The phone rang and for some unknown reason I actually left to answer it. I had never done it before and haven't since but I did that day. I forgot about baby in the tub and about had heart failure when I remembered. She was and is fine. We do stupid things sometimes that we normally woudn't do. Who knows why.

 

I've also found that if you think badly about someone else's child (that boy is too loud, rambunctious, ill mannered) you'll get one of your own :tongue_smilie: Ask me how I know that one.

 

Kelly

[Lovedtodeath]

I agree that it is very disturbing and I am sorry that you are so upset. I really am. Perhaps I should have prefaced the "every parent really needs to read this" by IMO. I do believe that sometimes as a parent you have to consider the terrible things that could happen so that you are aware and can take active steps to prevent them from happening. It is not always pleasant or easy but I do believe that it is important. I would like to share a personal experience that demonstrates this by telling you about a dream my 17 year old had. The material below is disstressing but not graphic however if you think that it maybe upsetting to you please don't read any farther.

 

 

It's not your fault. I think the reminder about how it can happen was good. The article did not need all of the disturbing details. Only a sicko who would consider purposely killing a child in this manner would benefit from all of that. A normal parent can read, "and she found her baby dead" and that would be enough.

[jplain]

I don't know how you can call it anything else but negligence..... Just because each parent thought the other removed the baby from the car doesn't make it ok. One of them should have been in charge to get the baby.

No one has said anything "makes it ok." :glare: Sure does feel good to have a satisfyingly derogatory word like negligent to throw around, doesn't it? It allows you to feel smug and protected, doesn't it?

 

I'm not religious. However, I'll repeat this very appropriate quotation: there but for the grace of God go I. And by I, I mean you too.

 

The article link I posted earlier includes some research findings which are an attempt to understand why these accidents happen.

You might find it eye-opening. And I wonder if it might open your heart a little bit too.

 

Fatal Distraction (warning: article contains disturbing content)

[Lovedtodeath]

Fatal Distraction (warning: article contains disturbing content)

Very disturbing an unnecessary details... but it does explain how it happens to loving, doting, responsible parents.

 

I really don't think this could happen to me. I am at the other extreme. I think about nothing but the baby for about 5 years. I glance in the baby mirror every 2 minutes to make sure the child is still breathing. I have pulled off of the road to check. (really) If my children are not with me I am panicking about how something could happen to them while in the care of someone else.

 

It was stupid of me to read the article, considering all of that.

Edited June 24, 2009 by Lovedtodeath

[swellmomma]

I once forgot my 4th in the van when she was around 2 months old. I was getting ds's meds filled at the drug store for his adhd, so he was a wild man because we had run out. The 3 big kids jumped out of the van and we headed into the store, waited the 15 minutes for the meds, came back out only to then see baby in the van and realize how stupid I had been. Exhaustion, still adjusting to the new routine, my thoughts on things other than how many children I had to get out of the van etc led to it. Now luckily it was a fall day and cool outside but not too hot or cold, so she was fine, but it could have been terrible.

[Tammy]

Feel better now? You used the word 'negligence' first.....and I stand by what I said....

[Tammy]

I was the same with all of mine also.....No way could it ever happen that I would leave my baby in the car....

[jplain]

:grouphug: Lovedtodeath, I know you didn't need to read it. :grouphug:

 

But unfortunately sparing the details hasn't been enough.

 

The technology for providing additional layers of safety to prevent this type of accident (motion sensors, alarms) has been around for a long time, and there are plenty of people working passionately to get them into our cars. But car manufacturers aren't convinced they're wanted or needed, so it hasn't happened yet.

 

Maybe it takes an article like this to wake (some) people up and make them realize, none of us are immune. The details are horrifying, but because of them we can no longer pretend we are immune. That might be exactly what is needed to get these devices into cars.

 

An excerpt from the article

For years, Fennell has been lobbying for a law requiring back-seat sensors in new cars, sensors that would sound an alarm if a child's weight remained in the seat after the ignition is turned off. Last year, she almost succeeded. The 2008 Cameron Gulbransen Kids' Transportation Safety Act -- which requires safety improvements in power windows and in rear visibility, and protections against a child accidentally setting a car in motion -- originally had a rear seat-sensor requirement, too. It never made the final bill; sponsors withdrew it, fearing they couldn't get it past a powerful auto manufacturers' lobby.

 

There are a few aftermarket products that alert a parent if a child remains in a car that has been turned off. These products are not huge sellers. They have likely run up against the same marketing problem that confronted three NASA engineers a few years ago.

 

 

In 2000, Chris Edwards, Terry Mack and Edward Modlin began to work on just such a product after one of their colleagues, Kevin Shelton, accidentally left his 9-month-old son to die in the parking lot of NASA Langley Research Center in Hampton, Va. The inventors patented a device with weight sensors and a keychain alarm. Based on aerospace technology, it was easy to use; it was relatively cheap, and it worked.

 

 

Janette Fennell had high hopes for this product: The dramatic narrative behind it, she felt, and the fact that it came from NASA, created a likelihood of widespread publicity and public acceptance.

 

 

That was five years ago. The device still isn't on the shelves. The inventors could not find a commercial partner willing to manufacture it. One big problem was liability. If you made it, you could face enormous lawsuits if it malfunctioned and a child died. But another big problem was psychological: Marketing studies suggested it wouldn't sell well.

 

 

The problem is this simple: People think this could never happen to them.

[OH_Homeschooler]

I was the same with all of mine also.....No way could it ever happen that I would leave my baby in the car....

 

See, I AM this anal as well, I talk to my kids constantly when they are in the backseat, but I lack the overconfidence that makes me believe it could NEVER happen to me. I am a self-doubter and a checker by nature, so even though I'm practically OCD I still believe it COULD happen if I'm just off a little one day. And I'm glad for that annoying nagging in the back of my head saying "It could happen to you, so don't judge, that's just tempting fate".

[tricia]

I didn't find anything odd either about this. I could see this happening. We all get sideswiped sometimes with our brains and unfortunately this case happened to involve a precious child. Very unfortunate and sad. I know many times in my busy life as a mom to 12 that "things" have gotten passed me unknowingly. Assuming another person has done something is an easy thing to do. Sadly, they learned this the hardest way possible.

[KidsHappen]

I don't know how you can call it anything else but negligence..... Just because each parent thought the other removed the baby from the car doesn't make it ok. One of them should have been in charge to get the baby.

 

OMG! I don't think anyone anywhere thinks anything makes it ok. How incredibly devestating it is for everyone who is even aware of these situations. I guarantee the parents do not think it is ok and I think that it is incredibly callous of you to suggest that anyone does. And to tell you the truth it is the people who know that it could never happen to them that scare me the most. I pray to God that you never live to regret your cockiness in this matter. Parenting requires that you be perfect ALL THE TIME and let's face it, none of us are. We are all human and we all make mistakes. Luckily for most of us, it is rarely fatal. But your attitude is certainly not helpful for the people who are not so lucky.

[bkpan]

OMG! I don't think anyone anywhere thinks anything makes it ok. How incredibly devestating it is for everyone who is even aware of these situations. I guarantee the parents do not think it is ok and I think that it is incredibly callous of you to suggest that anyone does. And to tell you the truth it is the people who know that it could never happen to them that scare me the most. I pray to God that you never live to regret your cockiness in this matter. Parenting requires that you be perfect ALL THE TIME and let's face it, none of us are. We are all human and we all make mistakes. Luckily for most of us, it is rarely fatal. But your attitude is certainly not helpful for the people who are not so lucky.

:iagree: and I find it sad that it is that kind of self-righteous attitude that leads to the occasional prosecutor/jury convicting parents of negligence in these cases. And I am not talking about TRUE negligent/selfish behavior. I am speaking of devoted parents that make a normal mistake at precisely the absolute wrong time. They deserve our pity, not our condemnation.

 

Kim

[TravelingChris]

Some of these cases are negligence but most are accidents. The negligence occurs when someone leaves the child knowingly in the car like to go to work when they don't have a sitter. Otherwise it is an accident. And I am certainly with those who don't want accidents prosecuted. Those parents have enough suffering. I agree with Drama Queen and a few others that if it isn't this thing we do accidently, it will be something else down the line or some other way we fail. We are fallen beings and are not perfect.

[Tammy]

I didn't mean it was OK...certainly you know that. I meant it didn't make it NOT negligent just because both parents thought the other got the child from the car. I am arguing the fact that it IS negligence. What if it was your baby in that car....and a couple was watching it and took the baby to the park. Would you then think it was a tragic accident? And I never said I think it should be prosecuted. But...I really do not see how it can NOT be negligence. It certainly wasn't INTENTIONAL negligence.....

[unsinkable]

Some of these cases are negligence but most are accidents. The negligence occurs when someone leaves the child knowingly in the car like to go to work when they don't have a sitter. Otherwise it is an accident. And I am certainly with those who don't want accidents prosecuted. Those parents have enough suffering. I agree with Drama Queen and a few others that if it isn't this thing we do accidently, it will be something else down the line or some other way we fail. We are fallen beings and are not perfect.

 

There is a gray area. There was a woman who often left her child in the car (an infant) while she ran errands. SHe had a habit of doing this for months. THEN she forgot the baby was supposed to be dropped at daycare and the baby died of hyperthermia.

 

In this case, I think her pattern of leaving the baby in the car contributed to the baby's death.

[mommy2be]

it was negligence. But to me negligence would mean that they just didn't care if the baby got in the house or not. This to me is a tragic miscommunication, not so much negligence.

 

If someone purposely left their baby in a car because they didn't think it was a big deal or just didn't care - that's negligence.

 

I'm very sorry to hear that this happened, especially that it happens so often. Sometimes it is probably negligence, which is terrible, but more often I believe it's a pure out accident/brain fart. I'm not going to say that I could/would never do it, but I pray to God that I don't! I have done some stupid things - like total brain farts - so I wouldn't put it past me. However, (and again, God forbid) if I did have some sort of total brain fart I would not want others saying it was negligence. I do not neglect my child, and would never intentionally or knowingly do anything harmful. Putting that in the same category as someone who does truly neglect their child(ren) is just adding insult to (a very very incredibly awful serious) injury.

[Lovedtodeath]

I once forgot my 4th in the van when she was around 2 months old. I was getting ds's meds filled at the drug store for his adhd, so he was a wild man because we had run out. The 3 big kids jumped out of the van and we headed into the store, waited the 15 minutes for the meds, came back out only to then see baby in the van and realize how stupid I had been. Exhaustion, still adjusting to the new routine, my thoughts on things other than how many children I had to get out of the van etc led to it. Now luckily it was a fall day and cool outside but not too hot or cold, so she was fine, but it could have been terrible.

I could see this happening to me... a baby and a toddler would push me over the edge. I already have ADD. I have been extremely careful not to have mine too close together, and lucky that I didn't.

 

Even so accidents happen to all of us. Jake got into the street one day while I was outside by the front door. I thought he was with me. He has gotten things like toothpaste and windex multiple times. I didn't mean that I don't have accidents. I meant that this particular incident isn't likely in my case, b/c I am a nervous wreck about the car and babies.

Edited June 24, 2009 by Lovedtodeath

[WagsWife]

Every time I hear of a story like this, I say a little prayer of thanks and "there but for the grace of God go I"! I can completely imagine how exhaustion or a change in routine could have led to this, especially when I was still working, and I'm thankful that I stayed diligent enough at the right times to prevent it.

 

I grieve for that family. How hard that must be.

 

ETA: I really should read other posts before commenting! Kim - glad I'm not the only one.

 

:iagree:

This actually did happen to my DH and I...thankfully without the tragic results. When our kids were little, it was our (dh and I) routine for him to get all the kids out of the car, and for me to get purse, diaper bag, and anything else that needed to be brought in.

 

One day, our oldest was not with us. We came home, I got all the bags out of the car, and assumed he had taken both kids out of the car. Kennedy (dd3) was still little enough that she would fall asleep in the car, so it was our habit to leave her in the car seat sleeping while we got the others settled. Sometimes she would sleep up to an hour in her car seat, so that is why neither of us realized that she was not out of the car.

 

About 20 mins after coming home, I went back to the car so I could go pick up our oldest...as I walked up to the car, I could hear her cooing (beautiful day and the windows were down thank the Lord!) I freaked out! I have no idea how long it would have taken us, to realize she was there, if I had not needed to leave again.

 

My Dh is a *very loving, responsible, caring father. He is the type who would follow the girls around (after they learned to walk) to make sure they did not fall, long after I had decided that they were sturdy enough. He is very attuned to what they need...for HIM to be the one to forget her in the car, made me realize that it truly could happen to anyone!

[Tree House Academy]

I also can't imagine how this could happen. When my kids were that small, I was hovering over them like a hawk. I never let them out of my sight and if dh and I are hanging out in the house together for two hours, forgetting the baby would not be an option. I think, when it all comes out, the verdict will be that the infant was SLEEPING (and maybe didn't sleep much), so the parents left it in the car to sleep so as not to wake it and they didn't believe or realize that the car would get hot and the child could die.

 

That said, I almost made a mistake like this. To this day, it haunts me. My son was 2 at the time and I was right beside the car. I shut his door because we were leaving and the woman we were visiting called back to me just as I slammed the door. We were in the driveway and I walked to her garage. She talked to me for about 5 minutes and when I got back to the car, I instantly realized what I had done! My son said, "hot mommy, so hot." I got him out and cooled him down, but OMG! Just to think I could have let something so senseless happen and that it could have caused my child to die had I taken even just 5 more minutes. Ugh. To this day it makes me want to puke when I think of it.

[katilac]

It can be hard to imagine how a person could forget a baby, but the linked article expains it very well. It's not that the person forgot the baby or didn't think about the baby for six hours; it's that, in the person's mind, the baby is where he is supposed to be, perfectly safe.

 

They think the baby is safe because of a misunderstanding, as in this case, or because their brain 'hitched' due to exhaustion, a change in routine, or both.

 

The article has a more complete explanation and is really worth reading.

[unsinkable]

It can be hard to imagine how a person could forget a baby, but the linked article expains it very well. It's not that the person forgot the baby or didn't think about the baby for six hours; it's that, in the person's mind, the baby is where he is supposed to be, perfectly safe.

 

They think the baby is safe because of a misunderstanding, as in this case, or because their brain 'hitched' due to exhaustion, a change in routine, or both.

 

The article has a more complete explanation and is really worth reading.

 

I read it when it first came out. It is harrowing & I know I blocked out some of the details b/c when I just re-read most of it was very familiar. The most painful parts...it was as if I had never read them before.

[Tree House Academy]

Anyone who thinks that this type of accidental death has got to be the result of negligence should read this article: Fatal Distraction.

:sad: It could happen to anyone, and the article explains why.

 

Warning: This article contains graphic and horribly tragic content.

 

Oh how heartbreaking! :crying:

[OH_Homeschooler]

There is a gray area. There was a woman who often left her child in the car (an infant) while she ran errands. SHe had a habit of doing this for months. THEN she forgot the baby was supposed to be dropped at daycare and the baby died of hyperthermia.

 

In this case, I think her pattern of leaving the baby in the car contributed to the baby's death.

 

Was this the story that was on Oprah (and I think will air again this week?) Wait, I think that girl was older. But it was similar, she would leave the baby in the car for quick trips, like to pick up dry cleaning. Her husband usually dropped off the kid, it was her first day back at work (she worked at a school), and so I think it was just a perfect storm of distractions, a changed schedule, and habit of not getting her baby out of the car every time she got out that lead to the tragedy.

 

This is why it became such a habit to get my kids out of the car every single time. It's annoying and yes, it even contributed to my becoming a semi-hermit when I had infants, but I think it's a practice that just makes it that less likely I would have this happen.

[unsinkable]

Was this the story that was on Oprah (and I think will air again this week?) Wait, I think that girl was older. But it was similar, she would leave the baby in the car for quick trips, like to pick up dry cleaning. Her husband usually dropped off the kid, it was her first day back at work (she worked at a school), and so I think it was just a perfect storm of distractions, a changed schedule, and habit of not getting her baby out of the car every time she got out that lead to the tragedy.

 

This is why it became such a habit to get my kids out of the car every single time. It's annoying and yes, it even contributed to my becoming a semi-hermit when I had infants, but I think it's a practice that just makes it that less likely I would have this happen.

 

Yes. It is the woman from Cincinnati.