Impish Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I just can't believe this. I'm telling myself to chill, everyone is healthy, safe, that's all that matters. Not needing to come up with $200 out of thin air, not emails from MIL about visits I knew nothing about. Kid you not. Got an email. She tells me about her plane ticket she just bought. One way. For August. Last I'd heard, she was telling us that we were going to visit her. Well, apparently she's finally understood that's a no go. I know nothing about this. Heard nothing about this. No idea where she's planning to stay. Absolutely no freaking clue about this visit at all, and normally I hear about her impending visits for MONTHS prior. MONTHS. This time, nothing, just an email announcing that she's coming...and no indication of when she's leaving. Or who she's staying with. I have no idea wth is going on here. I'm telling myself over and over again not to freak, wait til Wolf gets home. She *must* have mentioned something about this to him before, who she was staying with. Must have. She *can't* be planning to stay here. Can't be. She can't manage a weekend with us, she's admitted that. She must have told him about this, and he forgot to tell me. She must have. That's *got* to be it. I want to throw the heck up, because I know that this is what she does to people she stays with. She calls and announces when she's arriving, and then eventually tells them when she plans to leave. Please God, let this not be the case here. Please, let her have talked to Wolf about this and given him details about this already. The fact that she sent Diva a letter that arrived today mentioning buying her plane ticket, and nothing else doesn't mean anything right? RIGHT?! I'm going to go throw up now. Repeatedly. With tremendous force. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Yikes! You can bet I'd be on the phone to hubby right now! Do you think she may be experiencing some dementia? So sorry you have to deal with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Can you be out of town that weekend? If only they sold boxes of chocolate with manners flavoured centres or something. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Weekend? She invites herself for a month to 6 wks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Impish, why don't you take her to work with you? Drop her off, let her visit..... :lol: sorry, that was in horrible taste (it was funny), bad taste.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Weekend? She invites herself for a month to 6 wks. Can you just say no to the visit? If it's making you sick to contemplate it, then I'd say you must, for your own sake. I can put up with nearly anyone for a week, but for a month to six weeks ... that's another story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Yikes! It sounds like some boundaries need to be set by Wolf. He needs to let her know when her time is up at your house (if that's where she is staying) if she doesn't know. I'd be hyperventilating, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 I don't even know if she's planning on staying here yet. She used to stay with her brothers, they'd pass her btwn them. Then they all moved out of province. Last summer, she stayed with a cousin of Wolf's, who was totally unprepared to have her for a month. MIL literally called and told her when she'd be there, and for how long. This has been a lifetime occurrence, and always been accepted by her siblings. Why would one need such things as courtesy, respect, manners, when one's always been catered to and never needed to use them before? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Um, wow... Another vote for call your husband! A letter to your daughter does not constitute proper notice! It is perfectly reasonable for you to expect to know when she plans to arrive, as well as an exit date. Perfectly unreasonable for her to provide anything less. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Can you be out of town that weekend? If only they sold boxes of chocolate with manners flavoured centres or something. Rosie This is OT (I already conveyed my empathy to Impish in a PM), but Rosie, can I pleeeeeease use that as a sig quote???? I think that is so hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4kiddies Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Weekend? She invites herself for a month to 6 wks. Why are you allowing her to dictate how long she is staying at YOUR house? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennC Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 love love love this. I am going to start a recipe now. Maybe I can sell them at Farmer's Market. But first I will make my boys be taste testers. :) Can you be out of town that weekend? If only they sold boxes of chocolate with manners flavoured centres or something. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Calling Wolf isn't possible. He works outside, and no cell. Plus, I screwed up last night. :blushing: Forgot to make egg salad for his lunch, so the poor guy had to make do with lettuce, cheese and tomato sandwiches today. He's not going to be in a happy mood when he gets home. Once he's well fed, *then* we'll talk about Mommy Dearest. No, its not an archaic, "here's your slippers, pipe and drink, Dear" thing. The man gets low blood sugar and isn't worth spit until he's got food in his belly :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Why are you allowing her to dictate how long she is staying at YOUR house? She's never stayed at MY house. As I mentioned in another reply, she used to stay with her sibs, til they moved out of province, then last year stayed w/Wolf's cousin. At this point, I have no idea where she's intending to stay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Oh my! Breathe, Breathe, Breathe! Don't panic until you talk to Wolf and find out the details. IF she intends on staying with you....then run screaming! Panic! Call the authorities! No....just set down ground rules and tell her that you'd really enjoy her visit for a week. A week. No more. Easier said than done but much cheaper than booking your entire family voyage on the next cruise out of the country! Hang in there. It'll be okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Uh, I'm so witty at 4am! Go ahead ladies :) Impish: If she thinks she's staying at your place, make sure her bed is uncomfortable, the sheets itch, the wrong brand of orange juice etc and maybe she'll go away again! Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 The problems of her staying with us are just...vast. Lets put the massive personality conflicts aside for a moment. You know, the ones that have my stress level rocketing through the roof, which in turn cause my pain levels to scream up along side them? Yeah. Just put them aside for the moment, and look at the tangible issues. We have a tiny townhouse. Our only bathroom is up a flight of stairs. MIL is 83, and does not do well with stairs. At all. Our stairs do not have a railing. She needs someone to help her up and down the stairs. Every time. I cannot do this. Diva cannot do this. Only Wolf can do this, which means that when he's at work, MIL will either be trapped upstairs, meaning we run all meals up to her, or downstairs, and hold it til he gets home...or piddle herself. And since he leaves for work at 4-5am, chances are, she'll be stuck upstairs...or, more likely, risk breaking her neck coming down them, at which point I'll be of course, forced to help her, proving that I can indeed help, causing me to be in screaming shrieking pain all freaking day, and listen to her flip when I refuse to do so again...wash, rinse, repeat. We have small children. She hates noise and chaos, complains they're undisciplined, etc. 'nuff said. She's vegan. We're not. She has religious issues particularily surrounding pork, seafood. We don't. In fact, her son loves bacon and ham. Hysteria ensues if I dare to feed my family pork in her presence, and glowering happens with meat. I always make sure she has plenty of choice, etc. I am darkly amused to watch her 'vegan' go out the window when it comes to dessert however, and she hoovers whipped cream like a champ. We have a 3 bedroom. Already, we're cramped, with the 2 girls sharing. When she was here for the wknd, Tazzie slept in our room, she took his. Tolerable for a wknd, but not for longer. With 1 arm, I cannot keep my home clean enough for her. She told me it was a disgrace, disgusting, etc. And that's just the practical, non emotional reasons why having her here wouldn't work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConnieB Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 She's never stayed at MY house. As I mentioned in another reply, she used to stay with her sibs, til they moved out of province, then last year stayed w/Wolf's cousin. At this point, I have no idea where she's intending to stay. First I'd talk with DH and hope that he sees that this is NOT a good idea for your sanity (or his, since you'll have to vent somewhere). If that doesn't work, then I'd email MIL with a link to discounts for local nearby hotels and oh so politely tell her that since you recall her disconcertion at the idea of spending a weekend with you and so you worked hard to help her save some money on a hotel that would be quiet and more to her standards. Sweely. of course. Frankly, I'll pray for you that your DH sees the light like mine did.....MIL tried several times to invite herself over for many weeks long visits (after all she'd be flying a long distance, she would remind me, so staying short times was too expensive). After the first time being a near death experience....lol.....DH has flat out told her no. She's welcome to come and stay at a hotel for up to 7 days period. After 7 days, we will resume our life as normal which of course means she won't be able to keep up and thus won't want to be here. Like someone else said, you can tolerate anything for a week (with enough wine and chocolate at least). Longer than that is beyond heroic. Praying you have a wise and wonderful husband. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonesloonybin Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I am so sorry you are going through this. Maybe it is all a huge nightmare. Go ahead, pinch yourself. ........ Ok. I guess the nightmare idea did not work. sigh. It never works for me either, but I had hoped you had better luck than I do. Perhaps you should start coughing...and perhaps the kids could sniffle a bit. Maybe you should mention that you are thinking of getting tested for the H1N1. :lol: Just kidding. I would wait until Wolf eats and then ask him about his day and listen patiently and then when he is done....fall on him in hysterics and hope he will take care of all your problems. That's not too much to ask for is it?? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekanamom Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 The problems of her staying with us are just...vast. :grouphug: I totally understand. If she is planning to descend upon you as she has done with other family members... I feel your pain. So- the only thing I can think of, after discussing with Wolf, is: Balance the pros and cons of having her stay with you VS the pros and cons of telling her NO (or possibly giving her alternatives). And then go with the least disruptive overall plan for everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DebonLI Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 people you can't exclude from your life even though they just don't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Send this: "ya, know MIL we love you dearly. But because we know our life style and yours don't mesh easily so I want to remind you of a few challenges you will find if you tried to stay here. Tazzie is 4 and due to our schedules, his temperament, and strict family rules, he has to sleep in his own room --so unfortunately there isn't a room for you this time, it is also the play room for the kids so it isn't a place to rest during the day either. The couch is uncomfortable and is in the center of the house, so there is commotion from 4am when Wolf gets up until I go to bed at midnight or later, and the baby still cries at night some. There isn't room in the girls room, with them both sharing one room and the kids beds aren't comfortable for and adult anyways. We also have such wide dietary issues, and my medical issues so I can't cook two meals every day right now, you would have to make all your own meals and I know how hard that is in another person's kitchen....especially hard when they are trying to cook another meal. We don't have a lot of storage to store a variety of foods. All this combined with the kids energy levels, all. day. long, are a lot for a person who isn't around it all the time. Due to where we live, we are inside a lot so they do their outdoor play inside. That can get kind of loud and crazy sometimes, but you know boys need to get their energy out somehow! I also feel like I should mention that our bathroom is up steep townhouse stairs (you know they are a little smaller than regular stairs and don't have a rail--we can't add one per the lease), and I am under strict orders to no lift or support weight, so while Wolf is at work, you wouldn't be able to use the restroom or bath. The kids are too small to help. While we would love to see you, I know it will be clear that you will not be comfortable staying here. We will be happy to some see you wherever you decide to stay and once the kids are several years older we can consider it again." Oh, we also have rats, lice, cockroaches, bats, ants (fire ants to be exact), a rooster next door, bedbugs, barking dogs, early landscapers and construction next door, a no-water black out so you can't use water during the hours of 6am-10pm, the air conditioner is broken, the neighbor is in a rock band that practices from 12am-3 (we love it so we open the windows to listen), the carpet is ripped out so we have a bare wood floor, the fridge had something die behind it and we can't move it out to get to it-it just will have to rot away, the raccoons are back at night in the metal garbage cans, the car is broken so we can't go anywhere, Tazzie has a bazaar rash that may be flesh eating staph, but at least the scabs have stopped falling off all over the house....for now. Love you bunches, Impish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 As horrid as it may make my husband sound, (and I swear, he is a good man, a loving husband and father!) he doesn't have any more patience with his mother than I do. He's admitted that he married me because I'm the extreme opposite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 Send this: "ya, know MIL we love you dearly. But because we know our life style and yours don't mesh easily so I want to remind you of a few challenges you will find if you tried to stay here. Tazzie is 4 and due to our schedules, his temperament, and strict family rules, he has to sleep in his own room --so unfortunately there isn't a room for you this time, it is also the play room for the kids so it isn't a place to rest during the day either. The couch is uncomfortable and is in the center of the house, so there is commotion from 4am when Wolf gets up until I go to bed at midnight or later, and the baby still cries at night some. There isn't room in the girls room, with them both sharing one room and the kids beds aren't comfortable for and adult anyways. We also have such wide dietary issues, and my medical issues so I can't cook two meals every day right now, you would have to make all your own meals and I know how hard that is in another person's kitchen....especially hard when they are trying to cook another meal. We don't have a lot of storage to store a variety of foods. All this combined with the kids energy levels, all. day. long, are a lot for a person who isn't around it all the time. Due to where we live, we are inside a lot so they do their outdoor play inside. That can get kind of loud and crazy sometimes, but you know boys need to get their energy out somehow! I also feel like I should mention that our bathroom is up steep townhouse stairs (you know they are a little smaller than regular stairs and don't have a rail--we can't add one per the lease), and I am under strict orders to no lift or support weight, so while Wolf is at work, you wouldn't be able to use the restroom or bath. The kids are too small to help. While we would love to see you, I know it will be clear that you will not be comfortable staying here. We will be happy to some see you wherever you decide to stay and once the kids are several years older we can consider it again." Oh, we also have rats, lice, cockroaches, bats, ants (fire ants to be exact), a rooster next door, bedbugs, barking dogs, early landscapers and construction next door, a no-water black out so you can't use water during the hours of 6am-10pm, the air conditioner is broken, the neighbor is in a rock band that practices from 12am-3 (we love it so we open the windows to listen), the carpet is ripped out so we have a bare wood floor, the fridge had something die behind it and we can't move it out to get to it-it just will have to rot away, the raccoons are back at night in the metal garbage cans, the car is broken so we can't go anywhere, Tazzie has a bazaar rash that may be flesh eating staph, but at least the scabs have stopped falling off all over the house....for now. Love you bunches, Impish :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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