If you've taught your child to drive, can you give me your best pointers?

[Natalieclare]

Sooooo, my oldest got her learner's permit a couple of days ago.

 

:driving:

 

and

 

:svengo:

 

Where do I start? She is enrolled in driver's ed but is required to have 5 driving hours under her belt before the first class.

 

What are the first and most essential rules of the road, or heck, even the rules of operating the car that I need to drill into her?

 

Ok, I'm asking this because we went out for a spin yesterday and my deficiencies as a teacher quickly became apparent. I guess I need to be reminded what comes first before expecting her to produce the results. :D

 

Help make our roads safe: give me good advice!

 

:auto::auto::auto::auto:

[Annie G]

5 hours of driving before driver's ed? Glad our state doesn't have that rule! We have to use a state approved course, which includes some behind the wheel time. We let them do the first few hours...saves us some stress!

 

Our 16 year old has had her learner's for a year but hasn't wanted to drive until this week. We're taking her on back roads to let her gain confidence before she has too many turns, cars, and other things to freak her out.

 

After 2 hours driving in the country, she was ready to drive me on a state highway today...complete with semis, passing cars, high speeds, and the like. Tomorrow she'll be ready for in town stuff. Lots of people do it the total reverse but this is our 3rd and all of them have done well learning back roads and highways before in town traffic and lots of tight turns.

 

Really, once she is driving, you'll find all kinds of things to tell her. It'll be more meaningful when it's in context rather than you giving her lots of rules and hints up front.

Relax...she'll get better quickly!

[Sharon in SC]

Frankly, unless you have the patience of a saint, you should consider going to a driving school. I know it is expensive, but they have experience with new drivers, and special cars (they can control the breaks from their side of the car). My parents started off trying to teach me to drive. It was a nightmare. They screamed at me most of the time and had no clue what to do or where to start. I took my test at 17 and flunked (the driving part, not the written part). I was so turned off by my parents teaching me to drive that I didn't even try again until I was 23. When I was 23 I went to a driving school and the whole thing went very smoothly. I passed my test with flying colors.

 

I will agree it takes the patience of a saint. I am considered by most to be a very patient, unflappable individual. Teaching my teen to drive stretches my borders. She's doing great. It's just the mental hurdle of knowing my baby is behind the wheel. :-{

[Sharon in SC]

It'll be more meaningful when it's in context rather than you giving her lots of rules and hints up front.

Relax...she'll get better quickly!

 

:iagree:

[laughing lioness]

Take a valium. Or 2.:001_smile::001_smile:

[Natalieclare]

Frankly, unless you have the patience of a saint, you should consider going to a driving school. I know it is expensive, but they have experience with new drivers, and special cars (they can control the breaks from their side of the car). My parents started off trying to teach me to drive. It was a nightmare. They screamed at me most of the time and had no clue what to do or where to start. I took my test at 17 and flunked (the driving part, not the written part). I was so turned off by my parents teaching me to drive that I didn't even try again until I was 23. When I was 23 I went to a driving school and the whole thing went very smoothly. I passed my test with flying colors.

 

 

Are you saying driving school is different from driver's ed? In her course, she will be doing scheduled drives with an instructor. Is this different from what you are referring to?

[Leanna Tomlinson]

OK - we have done this twice. IMHO - mothers are not equipped to teach daughters to drive. I wish I could have had someone take my blood pressure during some of our hair-raising experiences. I'm sure that's when my grey hair started. Also probably my reflux and insomnia....

 

My first bit of advice is HAVE HER FATHER DO IT! :)

BUT - if you are braver than I, I would suggest a few hours in a parking lot first. Somehow my very smart girls just didn't have a feel for how the car operates. We had to cover some VERY basic stuff. 1) Use your right foot for both the brake and gas. 2) put your foot on the brake before you switch into drive. 3) Slow down during a turn....

 

Other items on the basic parking lot curriculum:

1)Learning not to slam on the brake and give your mother whiplash

2) How to slow down and speed up with grace and ease

3) pulling into a parking space

4) How to turn on the blinker without taking your eyes off the road for too long

5) Learning not to look at your mother while she's talking to you, but keep your eyes on the road.

6) Understanding that your mother is not a rock. She might squeal,screech, gasp, or press her air brake. She is not cut out for this.:)

 

Once my girls had about 10 hours under their belts I was much more comfortable. Then came the shock that they didn't know how to get places that we go every week! They are both big readers and must have always had their noses in a book when we went anywhere. I think we are getting a GPS for my dd's 17th birthday next week.

 

I've heard that boys are easier.... I'm counting on it.

 

Blessings,

Leanna

Edited May 20, 2009 by Leanna

[Karen in CO]

What gets a kid comfortable driving is driving. That is the only thing that keeps them from overreacting. The only way to get enough driving experience is to drive. I taught my niece and my ds to drive. My sister did not have the patience to teach her so I took her to the dmv to get her permit, then took her for a long weekend in the country where she drove almost 500 miles. She was very comfy when we returned. I just bit my lip, and reserved my panic attacks for life threatening mistakes like attempting to merge into a dump truck.

 

Good luck. Just start on an empty road so that she learns to control the car before having to deal with other cars.

[Tammy]

My daughter had no clue how to even start the car, LOL. I started with letting her drive home from a block away from our house....and extended it from there.....

 

I let her know the things that made me nervous...and she corrected them. (She would not start slowing down soon enough for me....when reaching a stop sign, stop light, etc. I just told her it made people in the car nervous, LOL).

 

Just take it slow.....There is so much to learn about driving.....most of it just takes experience behind the wheel.

 

.

[Leah]

I agree, it just takes gobs and gobs of patience, holding your breath every now and then, and making every effort to keep your voice calm and low. If the adult starts to panic, things go downhill even faster.

 

Other than that, I really think that just starting out on quiet, simple roads is the best. If you can drive somewhere where there aren't many cars, that can make a big difference for the first time.

[Kate in Arabia]

Well, I haven't done it myself (yet); my dad taught me to drive. His technique was to bring that day's newspaper, get into the car with me, then tell me to take him to the store while he read the paper, lol. Seriously.

 

Actually, this is also how I learned to drive a stick-shift. My godmother was loaning me her car, we met at a restaurant and she told me to drive her home then take the car.

 

For driving, I was a sink-or-swim kind of student.

[Natalieclare]

OH! No it isn't different. But I'm confused on the 5 hour requirement then.

 

I thought the 5 hour requirement was weird, too! I think it must be to add a few years to the life of the driving instructor. :D

[Brindee]

I recently taught my ds to drive. My dh was much more nervous about it than I was. I had a few white knuckle moments, but I was actually surprised at how calm I was!

 

I started with taking him to the vehicle and letting him sit in the driver's seat. I pointed out where everything was, gave tips on easing your foot on the break to stop, rather than slamming on the brakes every time, when to turn on turn signals, practice looking at the rear-view mirrors, showed him where the handles are for moving the seat forward and backward, practiced reaching thing and turning them on and off---such as wipers, radio, etc.

 

I did all that before he even went on the road. I guess it was kinf of the Suzuki method of learning to drive! :) Then I let him back the car out of the driveway, and helped him know about where to place his arm, how to look back, etc. He pulled backward and forward quite a few times to get the idea. We have a pretty quiet neighborhood, thankfully, so I started him out just driving around the neighborhood, reminding him to use turn signals each time he turned on a street, stopping completely at a stop sign, checking both ways carefully (left, then right, then left again) before pulling out. At a stop sign (siince noone was waiting) I'd ask him to turn on the headlights, the brights, the turn signal, move his chair back wards or forwards, turn the radio/cd player on or off, etc. just to get it in his brain where those things were so that before he went out on a REAL road, those things would be more automatic and not distract him from his driving!

 

By the time we went out on a main road, he knew that stuff and did very well! Then I could concentrate on keeping him in the middle of the lane, making sure to turn on his turn signal, check the mirrors, and glance back before changing lanes on the freeway, stopping and going at lights in town and watching out for pedestrians, etc. It really wasn't too bad!

 

Hope this helps some! Best wishes! :)

[Natalieclare]

Well, I haven't done it myself (yet); my dad taught me to drive. His technique was to bring that day's newspaper, get into the car with me, then tell me to take him to the store while he read the paper, lol. Seriously.

 

quote]

 

 

My girls and I burst out laughing when we read this. I don't know if I can try that technique...but it has it's appeal!

[dirty ethel rackham]

I think a deserted parking lot is the best place to start. First, get familiar with all the necessary instruments and controls. Then practice going straight at about 5 mph. Teach to aim at a point very far down the road - they call that aiming high. This helps to stay in the center of the "lane". Practice breaking and going again. After that, practice hand-over-hand turns.

 

There are several videos on YouTube on this subject. There seem to some comprehensive ones from a driving school in the UK. Here is a

. There are several more subjects in the "related videos" area.

[Remudamom]

We've taught all ours to drive. We go to a big pasture and dodge the hay bales. Got some cones and a big parking lot around?

[Lisa in Jax]

As several others have mentioned, consider starting in a deserted parking lot. (Weekends at an office park are perfect!) Have her start and stop, turn, back up, do a three point turns, parallel park, and pull into and out of various parking situations. Do these things OVER AND OVER again, until you feel she's ready to go on the street.

 

My dad did this when he taught me, and it was SO helpful. I had to learn to park (parallel and diagonal) and got lots of practice doing various maneuvers like three point turns and backing up so I could do them with confidence BEFORE I was allowed to drive on the road. IMHO, this is a good way to approach driver's ed, b/c you get comfortable with how the car reacts in various situations before you have to handle the car on the real road.

 

Lisa

[mom4him]

Sooooo, my oldest got her learner's permit a couple of days ago.

 

:driving:

 

and

 

:svengo:

 

Where do I start? She is enrolled in driver's ed but is required to have 5 driving hours under her belt before the first class.

 

What are the first and most essential rules of the road, or heck, even the rules of operating the car that I need to drill into her?

 

Ok, I'm asking this because we went out for a spin yesterday and my deficiencies as a teacher quickly became apparent. I guess I need to be reminded what comes first before expecting her to produce the results. :D

 

Help make our roads safe: give me good advice!

 

:auto::auto::auto::auto:

I don't know where you are or your living circumstances but if it is available the best thing you can do is take here to an empty pasture, very large parking lot(empty), country road, straight with not very much for ditches, get the picture? Then start working with her as far as how to turn the engine on if she doesn't know, where and what the gears are such as drive, reverse, park and neutral. Be sure she understands that neutral and park are not the same and what the difference is between them.

I always taught my older kids to adjust the mirrors before you even turn the engine on along with buckle up. Once you have those basics down instruct her to put her foot on the brake and put the car in drive. My husband taught my oldest son and he taught him to back up before he taught him to go forward.

It is good if you can get some large boxes and use them for other vehicles parked like when you are teaching parking.

If you are in an area that you don't have to worry if she steps on the gas instead of the brake it take a lot of the stress out of it.

Once you have some of these basics down let her drive in these areas. Get the feel of the vehicle and how stirring works. In 5 hours you probably won't get that far but don't be afraid of it. I loved the time I spent working with my older kids while they were learning to drive. They are all pretty good drivers and they didn't have drivers ed available to them at that time.

[gardening momma]

My first bit of advice is HAVE HER FATHER DO IT!

My dad took me out driving. I don't remember if it was before or after the driving portion of driver's ed (we had 3 weeks of classroom time before the driving part)--probably before, although it was not required that I know of.

 

I think it's hard for a parent or even other experienced driver (who is not a driving instructor) to explain to a novice driver what they should do--especially when we got to the dirt road with a steep hill with a curve right at the bottom--no room for error there!:svengo:

[gardening momma]

The pointer my parents did not teach me (that caused me to flunk) was that I did a rolling stop to take a right turn on a red light. Right turns on red are allowed here (I don't know if that varies by state) as long as there isn't a sign that says otherwise. I just followed what I saw people do. Many people don't come to a complete stop, look, then turn. They kind of inch their way into the turn. That is a no no and can cause one to flunk.

As far as I know, it's allowed in every state, except where signs tell you otherwise. But the right turn is only allowed after you stop.

[Kathy in MD]

.......

My first bit of advice is HAVE HER FATHER DO IT! :)

.......

 

My first bit of advice is DO NOTHAVE HER FATHER DO IT! :lol:

 

Now my perspective is from that of a student and not a teacher. My big finale with my father ended when I pulled over to the side of the road, crying (and I don't cry) refusing to drive anymore with him. The funny thing was he was a great driving teacher BEFORE I sat behind the wheel and he was a great passenger after the state blessed my skills with a license, but, oh, was he a horror when I had a permit!

 

I'm afraid I take after my father. :tongue_smilie: My poor son! :auto:

[Kathy in MD]

A great thing my df did do in teaching me was to start to teach me BEFORE I got behind the wheel. It probably would still help your dc. As he drove, with me in the front passenger seat, he would remind me to keep my eyes roving between the road in front, the road behind me, the istrument clusters, etc. He'd also quiz me if I could make a safe emergency lane change, what should I do if the car in front had a blow out, and how to pass semis. That meant that I could focus more on how to keep the car between the lines when I was behind the wheel at first.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Even though you are doing a class, I HIGHLY suggest Drivers Ed in a Box. The suggestions in that make teaching them to drive easy, but give them skills MOST drivers don't have. It also makes ME more aware as a driver and teacher.

 

My daughter is hoping to get her license next Tuesday (only because the office isn't open on Sunday or Monday).

 

But to get you started. Start in an empty parking lot. They can get ALL the controlling of the car, basic protocols down, etc in a parking lot. My daughter did her first driving on a holiday weekend. For example, your local college on Monday is probably a good place to start. A subdivision, preferably a part of one that is still being built so not as densely populated would be next on the list of places to practice, after parking lot practice is successful.

 

Really, remember that though you're delegating out a VERY SMALL part of her driver's education, that YOU are the most important person as she practices. Just like you wouldn't trust a school to do 100% (OR even 50%) of educating her in any other subject, you need to make sure that YOU take the responsibility for her driver's ed. Plenty of practice is necessary.

 

And don't be in a hurry. Before and even after she has her license, she has plenty of maturing and learning and practicing to do. If she doesn't have full reign behind the wheel of a car until after 18, that is a GOOD thing.

[Nan in Mass]

And my father taught me. It wasn't bad.

Make sure you explain beforehand that you are going to give LOTS of directions, and that most of the time, she will already be doing what you are telling her to do, or will be about to do it, and that you are NOT telling her because you think she won't do it on her own. Tell her that it is going to be very annoying, but that is just what happens when you teach someone to do something that can kill other people - you have to be extra, extra safe and tell her things long after she has learned them. Remind her of this every time you get in the car.

 

Go slow. I didn't want mine to take drivers ed because it is way, way too short. Yes, the student will know how to drive, but it won't make the student a competent driver. Hours and hours of driving time do that, and the only way to get that driving time safely is to do it with two pairs of eyes. So remind your daugher that it is going to take years to be a good, safe driver, and that it will be months until she can drive on her own. Then you need to get her that experience by teaching her to drive and then letting her do all the driving for a long time before she gets her license.

 

I had mine sit in the front seat and talked at them, describing everything I was doing, first. Then I began asking them to tell me what I should do. Then they drove around in the parking lot. Then we went to a deserted back road and they drove. Then we went to a quiet neighborhood and went round and round the block. Then we did more driving around in the country, just so they got lots of practice staying on their side of the road and steering straight. Then they began driving in slightly more populated areas and we went back to the parkng lot and practised lots of parking. Then they began driving me around. After a bit we added night driving. After a few months of that, we began to ease them onto the highway. We picked a quiet time of day when it was more or less deserted, so they could get a feel for driving fast without having to worry about other cars. We got on and off lots. Then we added in long trips, ones where they had to get on with a bit of traffic, and drive with traffic, but could mostly just stay in one lane getting used to having other cars around. Then we added night driving on the highway. Then they just kept driving us around.

 

After a six months or a year, they went and got their licenses. The rules were no phones, no radio, no eating, and no friends in the car - in other words, no distractions. It is hard enough driving without adding distractions.

 

Make sure they know their hand signals, what to do when various lights go on, how to use the emergency brake, how to park on a hill, how to stop at a stop sign on the stop line, look for pedestrians, pull forward until they can see whether the road is clear, and then turn onto or cross the road. Make sure they know the difference between almost stopped and truly stopped (a slight feeling of sitting back in your seat). Make sure they know how to address a police officer and what to do in an accident. Make sure they know how to use their turn signals and put them on well ahead of time in order to give any cars around them time to move out of the way or back up. Make sure they know to watch their mirrors and know who is behind them and how close. Make sure they know how to watch the side of the road for animals and children. Make sure they know how to get gas. Make sure they look at the gas gage before they go anywhere. Make sure they know what to do if they get locked out of the car and work out a good routine for making sure that they have the key in their hand when they lock the doors. Make sure they know where the registration is, not to leave valuables or their license in the car, and how to lock the doors if they are driving in the city or at night. Make sure they slow down slowly, well ahead of time, so when they drive in the snow they won't slide through the stop signs. Make sure they understand how clover leafs work and how those complicated stop lights with arrows work. Make sure they know they can't speed up to make it through a yellow light. Demonstrate blind spots for them and help them to learn to glance over their shoulder before they merge, just to make sure nobody is there. Tell them never, ever to take their eyes off the road, even for a second, if they are driving at highway speeds, because things happen very quickly. They make sure they know stopping distances. Make sure they know how to drive in the rain.

 

Then take a deep breath and start teaching GRIN. It is really rather a nice time, as long as you can keep your pupil from being defensive or impatient. Just don't do anything until you feel like she can do it without you being scared. If you are scared, then probably she isn't ready. Do something easier for awhile longer. The windshield time is a time of closeness with your child before she flies away or gets very busy. We've had lots of lovely conversations, once my children were driving well enough that I could talk to them. Go get an icecream cone to celebrate all the firsts. Have fun!

-Nan

[Kelli in TN]

The most important thing I can tell you is that you should not dig your fingernails into your carseat while screaming "Do you see that stop sign? Do you plan to stop?" at your new driver.

 

It stresses them out.:auto:

[Nan in Mass]

You shouldn't put your feet on the dashboard and wrap your head in your arms, either. I watched my husband's mother do that whenever she got scared when she was teaching him to drive.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Nan, you should have taught me to drive:). My dad would laugh at all my mistakes (I was 5th out of six so he had seen it all - except for someone like me who was initially so inept at steering a car.) My mom was so terrified, she would stomp on that imaginary brake for the entire ride. My driver's ed teacher was a sadistic b******. He got his jollies berating his students, making the shy, timid ones nervous wrecks. While it may have been necessary to take those over confident jocks down a few pegs, a nervous driver is a dangerous driver. Within 2 months of having my license, I had an accident because I panicked in a skid. I totalled 2 cars (mine and the other driver's) and I messed up my teeth, necessitating wearing my braces for another 8 months (but they did save my teeth.)

[Nan in Mass]

Hugs and more hugs. My father was the opposite. I was timid, so my father tried to get me out of driver's ed (thinking it would be scary for me) and then when he found that we needed it for insurance purposes, made sure I could drive really well before I took it. My teacher was weird, too. Maybe it is an occupational hazard. One of my children had driven boats and dirtbikes a lot before I taught him to drive, so he had the steering part down, but the other one didn't have much steering experience. It took a long time before he wasn't tottery. I can't believe they give people their licenses without more on-the-road time. I was lucky to have parents who could teach me, but what about all those people who don't? My husband did most of his learning in my father's car. So did my sister's husband. Their families didn't have a car at home during the day for them to practise with. I suppose it is too expensive, but why can't they do simulators now? My son is learning to be an officer on a ship; the school has a great simulator, and put in hours and hours of practice time. If I were king GRIN...

[ereks mom]

And had him drive all over it. There were no other cars, but there's a driveway/road that encircles the building and lots of parking areas, so ER was able to practice driving, parking, backing up, etc. there before actually getting out on the road.

[TravelingChris]

With the first two, we had a driver's ed course at the local high school that we used when it was not occupied for the first few hours. After that, it was driving on slow residential streets for several more hours. My 15 3/4 daughter is doing almost everything now including rush hour, rush hour and non rush hour freeway driving, heavy street traffic, night, rain, night and rain. She hasn't done parallel parking nor snow driving yet. On our recent vacation, she learned to drive the pick-up in mountainous roads.

 

I had a much harder time teaching the first one and gave up and let dh do most of it. Plus he was already away at college most of the time so he had some friends help him. He got his license at 18 because we were living in Europe when he was younger and couldn't teach him there.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Thanks for the support, Nan.

 

I can't believe they give people their licenses without more on-the-road time.

 

Our state requires an additional 50 hours of road practice before children under 18 can take the road test for their license. I think it is a great law. In fact, more would be better. My 15yos is doing most of the driving for us now so he can get that practice. His first driving teacher was such a jerk that we asked for a change. I think we should have a spin-off thread - psychotic driving instructors:).

 

I suppose it is too expensive, but why can't they do simulators now? My son is learning to be an officer on a ship; the school has a great simulator, and put in hours and hours of practice time. If I were king GRIN...

 

Actually simulators can be cheaper than actual road instruction. Our state has a provision to allow simulators to replace some of the behind-the-wheel experience in driving instruction. This was aimed to help schools in poorer areas of the state. Interestingly enough, our local school district (one of the most affluent in the state) uses simulators. When the state tried to tighten up this provision to insure that kids got more experience, they cried poor :001_huh:.

While I agree that simulators can help plenty in preparing kids for live road driving, it should not be a substitute. On the other hand, in professions where live drills can be expensive or dangerous, simulators are invaluable. I can't imagine training a pilot on engine failure at 20,000 feet:).

[hsmamainva]

Been there - done that! About to do it again with #2!

 

We're in Virginia, so your state's requirements may vary.

 

First, she went to the DMV and we picked up a book to prepare for the written exam. She spent a month or two going over the manual and then passed the written test and received her learner's permit.

 

Then we had to find an approved classroom driver's ed program. We used National Driver's Education Training (I think that's the one). I assigned all the units and she took the exams online. Then we had to mail the "she passed the classroom portion" letter that I received from the driver's ed program to the state and they then sent back a letter, giving my husband permission to teach the road portion.

 

They required 50 hours of driving instruction, 10 of which had to be at night.

 

My husband handled all of the in-car driving! My nerves just couldn't handle it!

 

We live in a rural area and, for a week or so, he just had her driving the back roads in and around our neighborhood. Then, for a week or so, he had her driving around town. Granted, our "town" consists of a post office, a diner, and a Food Lion. Not exactly hectic driving!

 

Within a month, he had her in the "big city" -- which isn't very big! -- and driving around the shopping malls.

 

Over time, he had her go over the big bridge into the next state and took her driving on the interstate.

 

She was allowed to take the road exam after having her learner's permit for 9 months, but she wanted more time and more practice. She ended up having her learner's permit for 13 months before she took the road test at the DMV and got her license.

 

She's been a licensed driver for almost 6 months and hasn't had any problems. No speeding tickets, accidents, etc. (Her car broke down on the side of the road one night, but that wasn't anything she could've prevented! She pulled it off to the side of the road, called us and arranged for a tow truck. We were so proud! LOL).

 

Our oldest son is eligible to receive his learner's permit this November, so... we're about to go through it all again!

[luv2quilt]

The hardest driving skill to teach our kids was parking and backing out of parking spaces. We started out in empty parking lots and slowly progressed to more crowded parking lots (i.e. Walmart).

Also getting the kids to look way ahead of the car instead of just immediately in front of the car when driving so that they can have plenty of time to react to situations (like cars pulling out from a side street).

[Sputterduck]

Don't sit in the back and scream like my mother did.

 

My father never let her come with us for a driving lesson again.

Edited May 21, 2009 by Sputterduck

[Natalieclare]

Don't sit in the back a scream like my mother did.

 

My father never let her come with us for a driving lesson again.

 

 

 

:lol::lol:

 

So far, after reading all these responses, I'm feeling like I'm doing ok!

 

No screaming here, just a pasted on smile and sore jaws!!