Pressure and homeschool

[Lux Et Veritas Academy]

Do any of you feel pressure from the outside world, whether it be family, friends or just onlookers. I just sort of feel like the whole world is watching and waiting to see how my children will turn out. Perhaps I am imagining this, but for some reason, because home school is not so mainstream where I live, and I am one of the first in my family and extended family to do it, people are attentive and interested to see if I can do a better job than the public schools could have with my child. We have a great public system here, with a brand new school. Overall, I know my kids are confident and happy. They are excelling in their lives and spiritually strong.

 

So how do you get rid of the outside pressure? Am I just making this up or have you experienced it too?

[Carrie12345]

I felt the pressure when I first decided to homeschool. Nobody in my family has ever done it, and most of my extended family members are public school teachers. Everyone was rattling off reasons why homeschooling wouldn't work.

I've gotten over it, for the most part.

 

Sometimes I put pressure on myself to dabble in basic US History with my dds (1st Ancients cycle) because my uncle and cousin are US History teachers. Deep down I know that what they see as a lack of basics has really just been temporarily traded for much more than basic info on another time period.

Plus, my 11yo has memorized all of the US History info he's been able to get his hands on in the past couple of years, and now he knows more than most of my uncle's high school students. So I'm totally fretting over nothing! ;)

[Carol in Cal.]

Here in CA it is the norm to take Algebra 1 in 8th grade. Anything later than that is considered remedial. DD is going to attend a brick and mortar high school, and we really need to get through this more or less on schedule to get her into a decent one. It concerns me a great deal, so much so that she may spend two years in 8th grade (on paper) to accomplish this. That would not be a disaster as she has kind of straddled two grade levels in some ways for a long time, but her language arts capability is so good that I hate to put her into a lower level for that when she goes to school.

[Chris in VA]

I felt pressure the other day from the other preschool teachers I work with. I'm quitting to (hopefully) homeschool dd again, and they were singing the old song about how kids need to learn from other adults, and how THEY could never homeschool their kids because they don't listen, etc., etc. I feel pressure to justify my choice--I shouldn't even let it bug me, but it does. I am stepping out of the mainstream and it's not comfortable, especially for someone who seeks approval of others. As I learn to stand up for my own choices, I'll hopefully teach my kids the same thing!

 

Let's not let the pressure get to us. We know we are making a leap of faith, but we wouldn't be making that leap unless we thought it was best for our children and our families. Can't go wrong, making a choice based on that kind of love.

[Alenee]

I felt it moreso in the beginning. I'm on year 6 now and most everyone that's close to me has either figured out that it's a good thing or they are homeschoolers as well. I still get the question every now and then, "Soooo, are you going to homeschool through high school?" I just politely tell them yes we will and move on.

 

I look at my girls and see how happy they are. They love the Lord. They know w/o a doubt that they are loved. They love eachother. They are the friendliest kids and have never bullied, nor have they ever been bullied. When I add all this up I know that we are doing the right thing.

[Ibbygirl]

I just ignore it. :D hehe Personally, I don't care what other people think. They're my kids not theirs. Not to be a smart aleck, but that's what I really think. God gave these kids to ME, He gave ME the conviction of my heart to homeschool. If He had wanted my kids to be raised differently He would have given these kids to another mom. ;) The way I see it, He's the one I need to answer to, not any person. ;) :D

[Paintedlady]

I don't feel any pressure at all. I'm fortunate in that my sister is a hser and had already paved the path for me with my family. My parents love it and my other sister is coming around.

 

I guess I just don't give a whit what anyone else thinks. I'm 100% convinced that I'm doing the right thing for my kids and neither heaven nor earth could move me from that position. If anything, the people in my life should be worried about me trying to pressure them! ;)

[Ibbygirl]

 

I guess I just don't give a whit what anyone else thinks. I'm 100% convinced that I'm doing the right thing for my kids and neither heaven nor earth could move me from that position. If anything, the people in my life should be worried about me trying to pressure them! ;)

:iagree::iagree: You expressed how I feel so much better than I did! ;) :D

[Sebastian (a lady)]

they were singing the old song about how kids need to learn from other adults, and how THEY could never homeschool their kids because they don't listen, etc., etc.

 

Why would I want to pay money for my kids to be in a class with someone who hasn't developed a raport with their own children? Does this strike anyone else as more than a little funny?

 

Yes, I want my kids to learn to follow directions and take turns in a group and not expect special treatment from a teacher. But I just got back from a cub scout meeting with 10-12 4th graders. Two are homeschooled. The rest attend the base school. Let's just say that I'm not watching the public schooled kids and thinking that my kids are lacking in social graces.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I used to feel a LOT of pressure, esp with a child that was considerably "behind" (though the other was considerably "ahead").

 

In time, I decided that the worry just wasn't worth it.

 

And in time, people quit having so much of an opinion, at least to me. I heard my mom bragging to her brother (whose children are similar ages to mine). My mom seemed happy with my dd's progress. She even expressed that she thought it was best for my ds at home for high school.

 

The other day, she confirmed my 16yo's college term grades. She admitted then that she was a little worried how homeschooling would effect "the real world." I laughed and told her that her granddaughter started college at FIFTEEN; that homeschooling seems to have translated "just fine." Kimberly hopes to have her bachelor's degree before the time she would have gotten her high school diploma had she been in public school.

 

But even for my ds who will not take this path....homeschooling has SO many benefits. It may not translate to being able to handle college (though he's surprised us so far!), but the other benefits are wonderful. This would definitely be an "at risk" child in a public school. Instead, he's thriving from home.

 

I see the benefits spiritually, socially, mentally, emotionally, academically, physically, and family wise. It pretty much doesn't matter anymore whether other people recognize those things or not.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

I think the pressure is there just because you are different.

 

In my experience, people seem to assume that the choice you make for your family is always an indictment of their choice. I find this seems to increase the pressure on me to prove that I made a reasonable choice.

 

I also find there is pressure when other people are curious about homeschooling and I am the only person they know.

 

I don't know how to eliminate this sort of pressure...I try to ignore it and present a fair picture of homeschooling.

 

(While secretly hoping that isn't the day my kids embarrass me)

[Kelli in TN]

I felt pressure in the beginning. And then again when my first born lost his college scholarship (like it was my fault that he made straight A's in social life to the detriment of his actual classes). I more or less avoid being around people who make me feel that stress. I see them at holidays and I try to sit on the opposite side of the room from the more vocal ones.

[Chris in VA]

Why would I want to pay money for my kids to be in a class with someone who hasn't developed a raport with their own children? Does this strike anyone else as more than a little funny?

 

 

It is ironic, isn't it? As a teacher, I see it all the time, tho, and I'm not sure what it is--kids who run over their own parents, but listen well to a teacher. It's not that they don't have a rapport, it's just often that they aren't doing at home what they do in the classroom--clear rules that are consistent and enforced, and high but not unrealistic expectations. (I'm talking preschool here--I know elementary school is not always that way.) They are good people, good teachers, and probably good parents. I can't help but think some of their thinking that they couldn't homeschool is either because they find education so complicated or because they are thinking of it as providing a school experience at home. What's most "strange" to me is that they seem to value their kids' academic education more than the education they already give at home--how to be a good person, moral values, etc. It's just sort of weird to me. So many parents are intimidated by what they think happens at school. So many others just are intimidated by their kids. Maybe it comes from thinking that education is a specialized career instead of a way of life that can be learned by almost anyone.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I feel pressure, but not from the outside (or at least from people telling me what I should do.) It is internal. As my children get older, the pressure to help create a rigorous high school program that doesn't leaving any gaps, yet does not overwhelm them is a daunting task. I had big plans for ds15 who is quite academically talented, but is easily overwhelmed by the work we had set up this year. I am seeing lots of gaps in my 12yos (due to his language processing issues) and I am worried that I will not be up to the job.

 

School just isn't fun anymore. I feel like a taskmaster rather than a mentor and encourager.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[FloridaLisa]

School just isn't fun anymore. I feel like a taskmaster rather than a mentor and encourager.

 

Ellen, this line really struck me. I felt this acutely at times when my oldest ds was 14/15. Well, school was fun for the rest of us. But I was under much self-imposed pressure *for* him. He is plenty smart, it wa just a matter of lassoing all of that potential. :001_smile: I wanted to be the cheerleader as he entered high school, but I was usually the heavy. It's so much better this year. He has matured and I've worked really, really hard to not own his life. :001_smile:

 

Lisa

 

[dirty ethel rackham]

Ellen, this line really struck me. I felt this acutely at times when my oldest ds was 14/15. Well, school was fun for the rest of us. But I was under much self-imposed pressure *for* him. He is plenty smart, it wa just a matter of lassoing all of that potential. :001_smile: I wanted to be the cheerleader as he entered high school, but I was usually the heavy. It's so much better this year. He has matured and I've worked really, really hard to not own his life. :001_smile:

 

Lisa

 

 

So, Lisa, there is light at the end of the tunnel? He will step up to the plate and start taking charge? Oh, please let that be true. I am so burned out on this unfamiliar role of the "heavy." I didn't used to be this way!

[swellmomma]

I felt the pressure my first year hsing and now again heading into next year I am. The pressure this time is combined from internal pressures to "do it right" and from the outside family etc thinking I am going to mess the kids up too severely. Last year was a bust imo so I am feeling it even more because I know what I want for the kids and last year did not make those goals, and so now I am having ds redo grade 5. My family si no anti-hsing that not only are they now pushing ps but they are trying to tell me I should give the kids to them to raise during the week to make sure they go to real school and get a better education. So now I feel the pressure to succeed because not only do they think I am failing the kids but they think it is so bad they are trying to take the big ones away from me.

 

Funny thing is, last month I had my year end assessment and my facilitator was very impressed with what we had accomplished. So much so that after doing assessments for another month she phoned me last night to again tell me how impressed she was. Most of our board is unschoolers so she is always amazed at what we do in a year. So even though I felt last year was a bust, and I am taking on extra presure this coming year, the person who actually checks to make sure the kids are being educated and that I am suitable to continue hsing, have given a glowing review, and thinks I do an amazing job each year. (she has been my assessor for a couple years now). So I guess that should mean I can let some of the pressure go, but until we get through a really good year again I likely won't release myself from all that internal pressure. The external pressure I am working on just ignoring.