How do you explain your schooling choices?

[abreakfromlife]

How do you explain your goals, methods, etc, to well-meaning people? I have finally gotten dh to the point where he pretty much understands what I'm trying to achieve and why I've chosen a neo-classical method, and he's pretty much on board. But that's taken a couple of years, and has included him listening to a cd by SWB and me reading him lots of exerpts from books.

 

I know that a lot of people might ask questions but they don't actually care, so people can come up with a couple sentence answer and call it good....but what about people that do care and are trying to help? Like my MIL :tongue_smilie: I'm already aggravated and we're only 2 years into this :001_huh: I think that she thinks that we just 'do school' at home. She'll take the kids to a small art museum near her house and show them the art that's there, and then sit and try and analyze it with them. The kids were telling her about Henry 8 the other day and all his wives and she starts asking them 'why do you think he got divorced?' :confused: They're 6 and 8! LOL. And then today, dd came home from spending the night there and they had gone to a store and in the bag that dd brought home, are 2 blank Homeschool Report Cards that she bought that have subjects inside and a grading scale for you to fill out, and a little 'this student has been promoted to this grade' thing on the back to fill out.

 

and lots of other little things like that.............it drives me up a wall. I don't know how to say and explain that in some things we are going for mastery, so we stay at it until it's learned, and some stuff, like history and science, are just introducing topics and developing a love for learning - not expecting them to memorize textbook and test answers.......we don't 'do' grades; at least not until high school, I'd imagine. I haven't thought that far ahead. We do narration for them to tell me what they've learned; it isn't something to be graded. I want them to just absorb art and look at it and enjoy it, and not have it explained and analyzed away. They're in the grammar stage; they don't need to be analyzing Henry's marital problems, you know? LOL.

 

I don't know how to concisely sum up WTM for her and I highly doubt she'd read it :tongue_smilie: She's going to ask about these report cards and she's going to feel bad when I tell her I probably won't use them, and then she's going to think I'm wierd for not grading them. I think she goes back and forth on whether or not she thinks homeschooling them is a good idea. I just feel like, if you want to help me, help me, don't just do random stuff that is opposite of what my goals/methods are.

 

So far it's been minor and few enough things that I just let it go, but like I said, we're only 2 years into it. I anticipate much much more of this in the future and I'm not sure how to go about trying to explain what we're doing.

[Catwoman]

Not for anything, Sally, but I think you did a great job of explaining your schooling choices in your post. I can't imagine that you'd need anything better than you've already written.

 

And if anyone needs more detail than that, they're just plain nosy and are probably looking for a reason to put you down. I wouldn't stress too much about your MIL -- you don't need to justify your decisions to her any more than you already have, and if she gives you a hard time about anything, let your dh deal with her. It sounds like she's "quizzing" your kids to see if they're learning enough (by her standards,) and it's not really her place to do that.

 

Cat

[H.S. Burrow]

How do you explain your goals, methods, etc, to well-meaning people? I have finally gotten dh to the point where he pretty much understands what I'm trying to achieve and why I've chosen a neo-classical method, and he's pretty much on board. But that's taken a couple of years, and has included him listening to a cd by SWB and me reading him lots of exerpts from books.

 

I know that a lot of people might ask questions but they don't actually care, so people can come up with a couple sentence answer and call it good....but what about people that do care and are trying to help? Like my MIL :tongue_smilie: I'm already aggravated and we're only 2 years into this :001_huh: I think that she thinks that we just 'do school' at home. She'll take the kids to a small art museum near her house and show them the art that's there, and then sit and try and analyze it with them. The kids were telling her about Henry 8 the other day and all his wives and she starts asking them 'why do you think he got divorced?' :confused: They're 6 and 8! LOL. And then today, dd came home from spending the night there and they had gone to a store and in the bag that dd brought home, are 2 blank Homeschool Report Cards that she bought that have subjects inside and a grading scale for you to fill out, and a little 'this student has been promoted to this grade' thing on the back to fill out.

 

and lots of other little things like that.............it drives me up a wall. I don't know how to say and explain that in some things we are going for mastery, so we stay at it until it's learned, and some stuff, like history and science, are just introducing topics and developing a love for learning - not expecting them to memorize textbook and test answers.......we don't 'do' grades; at least not until high school, I'd imagine. I haven't thought that far ahead. We do narration for them to tell me what they've learned; it isn't something to be graded. I want them to just absorb art and look at it and enjoy it, and not have it explained and analyzed away. They're in the grammar stage; they don't need to be analyzing Henry's marital problems, you know? LOL.

 

I don't know how to concisely sum up WTM for her and I highly doubt she'd read it :tongue_smilie: She's going to ask about these report cards and she's going to feel bad when I tell her I probably won't use them, and then she's going to think I'm wierd for not grading them. I think she goes back and forth on whether or not she thinks homeschooling them is a good idea. I just feel like, if you want to help me, help me, don't just do random stuff that is opposite of what my goals/methods are.

 

So far it's been minor and few enough things that I just let it go, but like I said, we're only 2 years into it. I anticipate much much more of this in the future and I'm not sure how to go about trying to explain what we're doing.

 

 

You may be surprised and your MIL might read the WTM. Or at least the first few chapters. :)

 

I think your post sums it up quite nicely. Reading this has made me realize how blessed I am in that my MIL is a retired teacher and my sister is a teacher. When I explain our methods they *get* it.

[4kiddies]

Do you think maybe your being too hard on your MIL? Maybe she is trying to show that she does support the decision while she doesn't necessarily "get" it. Maybe she thought the report cards looked fun...

[ladydusk]

Could you invite her to spend a "school day" with you and let her see what you do on a day to day basis? How you plan? How different topics are approached? Maybe if she had a feel for the every day, she'd be more able to understand the big picture?

[johnandtinagilbert]

I'd like to encourage you that you Do Not have to explain your decision to anyone. I often felt the same way when my dc were young, but I have figured out, the only people who need to know what we're up to in depth, live in our home. Your MIL, even if she means well, shouldn't direct or change the direction you're headed, nor do you owe her an explanation of your decisions in educating your children. As for the children, at some point, you will be able to "warn" them, but at this point, just let them be themselves.

If she brings up the report cards, kindly, simply, tell her you don't think grading is appropriate for children as young as yours and that you plan on grading when they're a bit older. You stated it well yourself :)

 

As for the depth she's looking for from you wee ones, I'm thinking she would ask those kinds of questions regardless. I wonder if she's simply trying to help in the only way she knows how. This is when you smile, thank her, and let it roll off your shoulder. You know what you're up to. You know your goals, and you seem to understand how to reach those goals.

One of the most difficult things many hsers face is "unschooling" themselves and their families. This will change with time. I believe there is little else for you to do or say at this point, just wait for her to see the fruits home schooling will bring to your life. In time, our entire family and all our friends, have come to realize that we made the best decision for our family and we are doing well. They are all happy for us too.

 

To answer your question, my answer is one educators would understand: I am an ecclectic, classical/charlotte mason educator. That means we follow a literature heavy, chronilogical study of humanities, with a hands on, naturalist approach to science and rote subjects.

 

I'd also mention that if she would like to get a peek at your ideas for schooling, she could borrow your copy of TWTM.

Best to you,

Tina

ps I know this can be annoying...hang in there :) it will pass!

[abreakfromlife]

 

Do you think maybe your being too hard on your MIL?

it's possible. LOL. I was talking to dh and he thought giving her the WTM speech by SWB to listen to would help. And then ignore the rest of it if she continues, LOL.

[Erin's Mom]

I don't mean to make the future look bleak but MIL's still don't get it. My daughter is finishing up 10th and 11th grade work and beginning to work on clep and distance learning classes and they still do not understand how she can get a good education at home. She has won awards in different state competitions with 4-H and such but they still don't see that homeschooling has given her a better or equal education that her cousins have received. Now that she is beginning these college classes at home they want to know if she will be allowed to go off to college. I tell them when she gets the core classes for her major done yes she will attend and will have her Masters degree before her cousins receive their Bachelors which they just don't understand. Sometimes you just have to move on and quit trying to explain things to everyone and do what you feel you have been lead to do.

I guess the sad thing about all of this is they have voiced their opinion so much in front of her that she doesn't really enjoy spending much time with them anymore because they are always questioning her.

We will be praying for you.:grouphug:

[MamaT]

My mil didn't get it at first. It has taken years for her to see the fruit of what we have been doing. She knows she doesn't know anything about education, and that helps! I rarely get any comments about schooling from her at all. In my family, which is full of school teachers, they get it. My sister, a ps teacher, was fully on board with me when I started homeschooling way back in 1995.

 

I don't really feel like I owe anyone an explanation at all. If I were in your shoes I would just let my mil's comments go in one ear and out the other. I have to do this with my mil about things other than schooling.

 

If she would be willing to actually read the WTM and support what you are doing, I think that would be awesome.

[JenniferB]

I think she might just be wanting to jump on board, but not really know how. She's just doing what she knows or remembers from school - pop quizzes, report cards, analyzing, etc. etc. My husband did this for a while, giving our oldest daughter pop quizzes on various subjects, and asking her to analyze something that was over her head. I just explained briefly about the "grammar" brain vs. the "logic" brain. I said that the grammar brain is like a sponge soaking up knowledge. When it has had enough knowledge soaked up it's ready to compare and contrast information (analyze). I told him this happens somewhere around the end of 4th grade to somewhere into the 5th grade, depending on the child. He *got it*, and stopped prompting our daughter to analyze beyond what her brain has had a chance to soak up. He still pop quizzes her on Sci. Fi. though - LOL! He's hopeless, I guess. :lol:

[Impish]

"How do you explain your schooling choices?"

 

I don't. Seriously. There is nobody on this planet I owe an explaination to. Ok, my husband kinda does, because I'm the one that comes up with the plans and outlines and goes, "tada! Here's whats going on!" so I suppose he gets an explaination of sorts. But really, I don't explain any of our parenting decisions to anyone outside of my husband and myself. I didn't explain dying Diva's hair purple. I didn't explain Tazzie's faux hawk.

[Mama Anna]

Well, in some ways, anyway. My mother is fully on board with us hsing the girls. She tries her best to help out - she buys packets of certificates to give out for finishing subjects (possibly helpful, but not something I want to use), books and activities that are at least 3 years too advanced for any of them (I know, I can store them for later, but with under 800 sq. ft. to our rent bill? Really!) and, as a random example, a really cool erector set for age 7+ that my frilly little "pink-plastic" girls just aren't interested in. No matter how much of a tomboy both their mother and grandmother have been! She spends so much on this stuff - and I end up passing it on after 6 months or so, trying not to remember all the "I really don't know if we'll be able to meet land tax this month" conversations. Grrr! On the other hand, when B-days and Christmas come around, she lets me ask what I want for the girls and we get some really applicable hs stuff then! Two sides to it, I suppose.

 

On the other hand, when someone is really interested in my educational philosophy, I love trying to explain it. (I'm talking about people who are interested in how it all works, not whether or not it works.) I'm still pretty much straight WTM at this point, so I explain that the 12 years are divided into three rotations, the first of which focuses strongly on the three R's. We're planning to do history chronologically through each of the three rotations, going deeper each year, so that by high school they'll be able to go from primary sources. Science will be similar. I hang out with a lot of academic types and academic-type wives, so this makes sense to them. I'd never use this explanation to family-in-law members who really wouldn't understand. They would fall into the "pass the bean dip" category, if I understand the meaning of that phrase correctly. :001_smile: To them, I'll just answer whatever questions they have, smile bravely, and maybe be real glad that we only tend to see them about every (maybe every other, at this point) Christmas.

 

Hey, on the good side, at least your MIL isn't actively trying to keep you from hsing!

 

Mama Anna

[Ria]

I think you have a lot to be thankful for, really. Your MIL is trying. She interacts with your children. She takes them places that have educational value, and discusses things with them. So she misses the mark sometimes. At least she cares.

 

As for the report card, it's not a big deal. You can give the kids straight A's at the end of the year and call it good. The kids will be thrilled, and MIL will be happy. I'm not sure you have anything to lose, lol.

 

I think you've got a lot to work with. I only wish my MIL had showed one tenth the interest yours has.

 

Ria

Edited May 14, 2009 by Ria

[budeb]

Homeschooling was foreign to me to until I stumbled upon it on the internet.

 

Since I have done tons of research and reading I am confident in my decision. I don't expect others to understand or get it. I think what you have done or said in the past is good. It's enough.

 

Just live your life and let the results of your children speak for themselves.

 

Deb

[LibraryLover]

In all my ears of hsing, not one person in 'real life' has asked me to explain anything. Of course, I feel zilch need to explain anything.

 

I have had wonderful, and sometimes intense, converstaions in my 'real life' but only in good faith and with people who are interested and respectful. I've never had to debate about my hsing philospophy other than online.

 

My answer is "I do not explain". lol Although, in all these years I have never been challenged. Nobody cares. :sniff: lol

 

Yk what? God is watching out for my heathen buttocks. lol My (Baptist, evolution-believing) mother is my greatest fan. We both know we don't see all issues in all the same ways, but she thinks my kids rock and is fantastically supportive. I don't think everyone needs to be on the exact same page. We're all individuals and see the world through our own particular experiences.

Edited May 14, 2009 by LibraryLover

[AuntieM]

Do you think maybe your being too hard on your MIL? Maybe she is trying to show that she does support the decision while she doesn't necessarily "get" it. Maybe she thought the report cards looked fun...

 

I had the same thought. Honestly, it sounds like she is trying to be supportive and even helpful, in her own way.

 

Don't begrudge her the Donut Cards. That's what my kids call 'em anyway, because if you brought in your A's you used to get a free donut at Krispy Kreme. In the early years I used to send out a Report Card Letter complete with grades. The grandparents loved it because it was excellent fodder for sharing with (braggin to?) their friends. I loved it because it was my opportunity to give an explanation for some of the things we did, why we did them the way we did.

 

I bet if you are patient with her, she'll become your biggest advocate.

[HSMom2One]

I don't have to worry about MIL issues with hs'ing, bless her dearly departed soul, but I do have a challenge occasionally with my best friend of 34 years. She has a master's degree in education and has been a ps teacher for a couple of decades. Obviously she has a bias, although at the same time she can be quite supportive too. She sometimes talks down to me about certain things, sends me books that she thinks I need, etc. She frequently tries to point me toward our state's benchmarks in education, saying that I have to aim toward their timeline and subjects. She also thinks I have to account for every single minute we spend and subject we cover, point by point. I just smile, listen and say, "Uh huh". I do keep records, but not the way she tells me I am supposed to.

 

I knew that my friend and I and would lock heads about hs'ing if I got defensive and outspoken when we first started and she felt the need to argue about my choice to add Latin in dd's studies. My friend has been doing what she does for so long that I just didn't want to argue her down about it. She isn't going to change her mind about something she's devoted her life's career to.

 

I love bff dearly, but have learned to do what I have to do with no apologies. I continue to stand my ground with confidence -- and I don't feel that I have to explain every detail about my methods, curricullum or whatever. I share some things, but not all and try to stay focused on the rest of our relationship more than the things we don't agree on.

 

Sorry if I'm rambling a bit. I think that the main point is to let go of the need to get everyone to really understand and approve of what your doing -- no matter how close and important they are to you and your family. At the end of the day you are accountable to God for these choices and no one else.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Ginevra]

I think it's fine to give the gist of what you are doing and why and then let it go. I had to do this with my MIL, too, and it didn't evaporate after one explaination. She volunteers at the elementary school and for a while, she kept sereptitiously bringing home math papers and what-not, to see if my kids would be able to do what the same-grade kids were doing. I use Math-U-See, which does not "dabble" in different concepts of math over the course of a year; it comprehensively exhausts one concept before moving on to another. Which is fine, but also meant that dd had no idea about fractions in the early grades. Surprisingly, though, when I explained the concept behind my children's math program, she actually seemed to think that sounded better than teaching them various subjects like that.

 

I'm not a "report card" person, either, but it's possible I would fill it out to satisfy my MIL's desire to belong. I mean, the grade doesn't have to be based on anything concrete, right? It's just something to fiddle around with. Give them A's in everything, except their most challenging subject and give them a B for that. :D

Edited May 14, 2009 by Ginevra
subject-verb agreement

[abreakfromlife]

What nice answers.....a little prickly to my conscience, but probably a needed prickle :tongue_smilie:I have lots of issues with my MIL - some minor and some major that even dh will agree with me on, LOL. So I probably do over-analyze everything with her to death. And even with all the issues, she's still heads and tails better than my mom. Some of the posts have given me hope that she could be a good encourager in our journey. And some of them have kept me realistic :D Well at least I can analyze it here and not to her face, LOL.

[Ellie]

I don't. :D

[Frontier Mom]

Not to make your minimize your concerns, but sometimes you just have to focus on your immediate goals and let time be the teacher. My MIL used to do this but now she basically never asks about school. She isn't negative or positive, just like the elephant in the room. She will go on and on about the cousins and their teacher, grades, etc. going on in school but it is like my dc's don't learn anything.

 

This used to bother me but I figure some battles are best fought by results. My dc's are great kids, smart and very socially balanced. They do like the fact that we can come up more on weeknights or go out to eat later with them when they come up for a ballgame. All thanks to home education!!

 

I do think it is hard in the younger years for some to realize the difference between home and school educated children. If you feel home education is for you, stay true to that call and don't stress whether she ever understands what your goals are really. Eventually she will get used to it and treat them the same.