No, those personality traits have been there since he was a child and continues today. I love him because I'm his mom and I'm in awe of his long-time gf for putting up with him for so long. 🙂 He can be wonderful and thoughtful at times, though, and those times are very sweet. That's a good point. ❤️ Also a good point that I hadn't thought of but is so true.

This is what concerns me and is something I'll have to gently explore with her. She's an introvert and I don't want her to be completely isolated from others.

Thank you. He's just difficult in the sense that he can be very self-centered and arrogant. But he would never do anything intentionally to hurt her and would go out of his way to avoid conflict. He usually does well if someone communicates an issue with him - he may not agree but it doesn't become a big deal. In fact, I was surprised and impressed with how willing he was to make an effort. He may have been at fault before he knew her wishes/hurt feelings as far as not responding when she reached out to him but he seems to sincerely want to make changes in his behavior to make her happy. That may change if she continues being so stubborn and rigid.

Interesting that you said that because she did say he's always treated her that way. Certainly when she was little there were many times when she was annoying, irritating,whatever to him. But overall he's been very good to her and went out of his way to be supportive. We have no extended family and her brothers have been really good to her to fill that gap. Thank you. These are good points about the differences between them and how I can remind each of them of those differences. His lack of communication is definitely not directed at her. I even get frustrated and even upset with ds1 about it at times but rarely express it. I agree about the way she's acting and I did point out that it was a big trip for ds1 to make to see her. She's being ridiculously stubborn. I'm used to it with me at times but not with a sibling.

I agree about the big difference in age and maturity and place in life. I think she just wants him to show an interest in her life but he's not good with that with anyone. He's just not that kind of person. I do wonder if the behavior she's showing now is why she and her ex broke up a few months ago. As in maybe she was being unreasonable in her expectations. He's such a good guy and is/was so devoted to her but I don't know what caused the break up - only that she initiated it.

It's been a long time since my kids had acne but I remember Neutrogena's On the Spot treatment helped a lot. You just have to be careful because it will leave bleach spots on towels, pillowcases, and anything else it touches.

@Baseballandhockeyoh, absolutely not whiny. You've experienced a tremendous loss - I don't have the right words for it. And it's definitely not a silly anniversary at all. Not a bit and it's totally understandable that it would be extremely emotional for you. I'm so sorry for all you've been through but glad you can turn here for support. I wish I could do something to ease your pain and loss.

They don't need to be close but I don't want animosity between them. 😞 She's away most of the year at college and her brothers made a special effort to visit this summer while she's home.

Your ds sounds exactly like my ds1 as far as communicating from a distance. Dd communicates with her other two older brothers pretty much daily in some way. I know she doesn't expect that from ds1 but I think she wants more than he's used to doing. When he's home, he definitely includes her in everything he does - working out, playing games, etc. He probably talks more to one brother than everyone else because they have more in common and that brother is definitely the closest to all the siblings. He's not singling her out in any way. She is definitely making the situation worse with her behavior and he's only going to be less likely to want to communicate with her in the future. I feel so bad about it all. Maybe one of the other two brothers will get involved to smooth things over somehow. The problem is that she thinks he owes her an apology. I never saw it that way - only that he would need to make an effort to increase communication in the future with her if he wanted to make her happy - but now it's at the point where she owes him an apology and that isn't going to happen.

What I'm afraid of is that he will leave tomorrow and then we won't see him again until Thanksgiving or Christmas. Since he's not good at communicating at a distance, I feel like this is just going to fester. Before she was lashing out at him, he said he would make a special effort to keep in touch with her even if it just meant sending snapchats or a quick text or something like that but now I don't think he's going to feel like doing that since his efforts have basically snubbed.

Update - all was well when dd's brothers left. It was like nothing happened. I hope dd learned something from this and am very relieved that the visit ended so well. As always, a huge thank you to all who posted to offer advice, support, opinions, experiences, etc. I appreciate you all so much. ❤️ Short version - how do you help facilitate conflict resolution without betraying trust/confidence given to you from each child? Longer (I'll try to keep it brief): My four kids are all home together this weekend and it's very rare that they are all here at the same time. There has never been conflict between them before (except for when they were very little) and I'm an only child. I have no idea how to handle this and I hate what is happening and it's so unexpected - my kids usually get along so well and are thrilled to spend time together. Ds1 (31) isn't a good communicator when he's at a distance. When he's face to face, he's super friendly and chatty but he's still not the best relationship person for the most part. Dd (almost 20) has been hurt that he doesn't keep in touch with her, respond to her, etc. Apparently, she sent him a long text a week before he came home expressing her feelings of feeling excluded and ignored. He responded and didn't hear back from her. There was a problem with this yesterday with her feeling excluded and she went to her room the rest of the day. Ds talked to me about it and told me about the text and said he'd make an effort to communicate and include her more at home. He did that but a couple of things came up where he said things the wrong way and dd got offended and was kind of nasty to him and then went to her room. I spoke with her and she said she removes herself to avoid saying anything else nasty because she can't help herself. She told me some other things about the situation as well as far as how she feels and examples of what is hurting her. Ds1 continued to try today and dd would be fine but then something he would say would trigger her and she would once again say something nasty and leave. At this point, he's understandably frustrated and doesn't want to try anymore because she's making the situation worse with her behavior. I don't feel comfortable talking to him about her behind her back and I don't feel comfortable talking to her about him either as far as negative things. Like ds1 can be difficult as far as being kind of selfish/self-centered/arrogant but I don't want to say that to dd - I just said something like "each of our family members have very distinct personalities" and talked about acceptance in relationships. I reminded her that he loves her and made this trip especially to see her (this is true - they planned this trip while she's home for the summer just to see her). But she's being immature and moody and is stuck in her belief that he doesn't like her, rejects her, ignores her, etc. Not sure if all of this makes sense. I just want this to all be resolved before everyone leaves tomorrow and I don't see how it will be. I've never experienced anything like this before and don't know how to handle it. Each comes to me complaining about the other and I want to help and express my support in their valid feelings and give advice on how to resolve it without saying anything negative about the other sibling or share what they have shared with me.

I agree. I would have been really taken aback by this. I'm sure you are overly sensitive now due to all the stress but her behavior was out of line IMO and I would have been upset.

My OB told me that the salt/fat combo helps with nausea so I find it interesting that the foods you wanted matched that combo. OP, I'm sorry about the nausea. That's so hard to deal with day after day after day...hope it eases up soon. ❤️

I do think it could be a factor - self-medicating by craving those foods to boost serotonin. I know there is a serotonin diet for that.

I'm the same way but it's been 7 months for me. Got into terrible eating habits after a big surgery after being very strict for years. I've gained so much weight but can't stop. It's so discouraging. Many years ago I was anorexic and had terrible sugar cravings and was put on Prozac - I had immediate relief from the serotonin boost so I do wonder if that's what is going on with me and maybe others who are craving sugar/carbs.

I bought this due to all the recommendations on this board. We've only used ours a few times but have been really happy with it. I need to take advantage of it more often. We baked a ham in it last week and it was great because we didn't have to heat up the kitchen and it came out better than the regular oven as well.

Ds is coming home for the weekend and always brings his pressure cooker and I have beans and brown rice for him and he throws in some frozen broccoli. He forgot the pressure cooker. Is there an easy way to cook the beans/rice over the stove together or in the slow cooker? Otherwise I have canned beans and instant rice (boil in bag) but I'd rather use up the other stuff.

We had this with my oldest. It was an absolute nightmare. Ds1 was impossible. Ds2 was super easy because he wanted to do it. Ds3 had developmental delays so we waited until he was a bit older and he was easy. Dd (my youngest) was also super easy. I was SO relieved when we were done with potty training!

This is exactly what I keep thinking about. ❤️ @DawnMyou have been wonderful to your dad and I'm sorry about everything. He is lucky to have you.

Glad he's okay and the rest of you are too. It always baffles me how some people don't get it even being in close quarters like that and others get infected with very little exposure.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the beautiful photo.

Thanks for the update @Ann.without.an.e I've been thinking about your ds and you too. Glad he's home and on your insurance at least. Hope he gets some relief from the spasms. Must be so awful for him to experience that kind of pain and for you to witness it. 😞

I've done this before and it was fine. I think I made the meat in the slow cooker with some kind of liquid and I was surprised that you'd never know it was so old! I actually have this issue again now. DH bought a bunch of roasts a long long time ago but never wanted them. I'm a vegetarian so I don't eat them but would cook them if he wanted them.

I know a few women who still do it and love it (not WTM forum members though). One teaches in person and online classes and says the same as you - it just makes her feel so good.

@stephanier.1765 that would be very hard! I haven't even thought about the grandparenting stage yet and how tough that could be.