Yes, I can speak to the parents. They are good people, and I know this is new to them. But I'm not sure it would even be right for me to discourage their dd in any way. She is a good kid. She sent dd a text about "I still want to be your friend and I want to help you," and dd just rolled her eyes. The volunteering was just too much. I guess I'll have to speak to them, if only to explain why dd isn't answering her friend.

Dd11 is really, really loves an activity designed for special needs kids (she has autism). She is really good at it, has developed a lot of confidence, and thrives in that setting. She has been so proud of herself. She's been working at this activity for several years. The activity requires a lot of volunteers, who usually can start at age 14. Some participants have gone on to volunteer, dd knows this, and she is on track to probably be able to do so when she is 14. Dd has always been really reluctant to talk to anyone about having autism. This includes doctors and therapists, but most especially it includes friends. She's been afraid of being teased, of being different, of losing control of that information. So we were thrilled when she trusted a friend with that information and invited her to see a special event at dd's activity. It was major progress, a sign that she was seeing the autism as part of the spectrum of normal and not something she had to hide. I was so proud of her. And then the friend took part in a summer camp this activity holds for neurotypical kids alongside kids with special needs. And then the friend decided she wanted to volunteer at the activity. By ordinary guidelines, which dd has known, Friend is three years too young, but apparently on a case-by-case basis some kids judged mature enough are allowed to do so. So, if all has gone well with a test Friend was taking today, she'll be a new volunteer in dd's favorite activity. Dd is furious and heartbroken and angry at herself that she, dd, can't volunteer at age 11, after devoting years to this activity, but Friend can go for a week-long day camp, take a test and have what dd sees as a higher status in this activity. She trusted this friend with something huge, let her into her world, and Friend hopped ahead to something which is a distant goal for dd. I am heartsick for her. Friend is sending dd chirpy enthusiastic texts about how excited she is to be volunteering. Dd doesn't want anything to do with Friend. Ick, yuck, I hate the whole situation. Of course the friend is a nice kid, a kind kid, and any parent would be delighted she wants to volunteer with this group. Of course she doesn't understand. Apparently she didn't really get it when dd told her about the autism. And why would she? She's 11, and this hasn't been her life. But maybe it should have occurred to her parents that it wouldn't be all right with dd for Friend to do this? Or maybe they don't have the experience to understand, either. A place which was special to dd, really deeply important, where she was the skilled and successful one, has just become a reminder that her friend can effortlessly surpass her. I could just cry. I don't see any way it could be reasonable to ask the group to have Friend not participate, or fail the test, or anything. It wouldn't be reasonable to ask her parents to hold her back. Would it? I just don't see any way I can fix this. Any ideas?

I am in a swing state. In most years, I would vote based on philosophical principles, with an eye to Supreme Court composition. In this year, I will vote for the candidate I think will do the least harm to the nation.

Any and all Beverly Cleary books

Twig Big Susan

What riches! Thank you all so much. :-) I can't wait to start sorting through these.

I'm so sorry he didn't make it! I've been hoping that he would. But you gave him all the comfort and love you could. Well done.

This looks very helpful. Thank you!

Autism can certainly be expressed differently in different kids. This sort of situation (sudden, unexpected change; the loss of something which is highly valued; a perception of injustice because the child had been following established rules) would be a guaranteed trigger for my kid with autism. However, I suspect it would be a trigger for many neurotypical kids too. If you suspect this son is on the spectrum, evaluations are really the way to go. Otherwise you're just guessing. Something as small as tone of voice is just one individual element, when it's the total picture that counts. But giving advance notice of big changes is good parenting that works well for everyone. ;-)

Thank you! That's a fantastic list.

I'd like to find some more books like The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate, covering any branch of science, to use alongside nonfiction for my rising sixth-grader. Any ideas?

Thanks everyone! :-)

"Dr." isn't correct, "Ms." seems inadequate, and "Nurse" seems stilted. How would you address her in writing? Thanks!

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

A good percentage of calls relating to mental health issues.... YES. This. In the broadest sense, my guess is the large majority of police calls are related to mental health issues. Anger management, poor frustration tolerance, substance abuse that starts as self-medication for a wide range of issues, learning issues which have not been properly addressed and lead to unemployment and poverty... This is all axiomatic, right? If we could ensure that all children had all these issues identified and addressed, isn't it pretty clear that the police work load would plummet? So I would think that police would need to assume that they are dealing with mental health issues constantly. Understanding how to do so should be an absolutely fundamental part of the job, not an extravagant extra. 'Course, proper funding and infrastructure to treat those issues before they reach the stage of needing police help would be nice, too.

(((Diana and Son))) I find my daughter and I may be in the same position. She is a delightful, sweet, loving girl, who is comfortable in her community, but she does have autism. She has occasionally gotten upset when she was outside our home. Silly me, my biggest worry has always been that a passing stranger would misunderstand the situation and call CPS when, as a younger child, she was melting down and I was trying to restrain her from running into a parking lot. Because we're white, I may not need to worry about the police. (Maybe.) Heaven help the families for whom that is a legitimate worry. But I guess I still need to worry about the neighbors.

Around here one of the grocery stores has hired several baggers who have mild IDs. One woman in particular is always smiling and working hard, and I think management realizes she's a fantastic employee. She's been there for years and seems very happy. I've also known of horticultural positions which might be a good fit. A lot of greenhouse work is very repetitive but essentially simple: things like transplanting the many thousands of tiny seedlings which are raised each spring, watering plants in commercial establishments, raking leaves in the fall. Some of it, like the leaves, can be physically taxing, but a lot is really just tedious. It can be a pleasant working environment, though, depending on the situation. Whether a high school diploma was needed might depend on the company and whether they needed someone able to handle pesticides; most of the work would not inherently require a high school education.

No experience, but lots of sympathy. Your poor son! I hope treatment turns out to be straightforward and as easy as possible.

Mostly bumping your question to the top, but... "He shows little interest in the world around him" and "we have to remind him to greet people" sound a bit like my dd with autism. She does, however, have a very strong interest in certain parts of the world around her; they just might not be the ones that interest everyone else. As a tween, she has learned to greet others, but that was an issue when she was younger. ETA I hope someone can provide more insight.

Now *that* is good news! Poor bay, it's been in awfully bad shape. Signed, Lover of crab cakes ...and deviled crab ...and crab imperial

Your dog must be so sweet for the cat to love her like that. :-) Thanks for the information. We just got an appointment for Tuesday, so this is coming pretty fast. I really appreciate hearing from you and hornblower about dogs who have done well with this procedure.

Thank you, hornblower! I'll watch that and then show it to dd, if it seems like a good video for her. We've been accumulating puzzle toys and such to try to keep him busy, but haven't been sure of how much activity is too much. Like, is practicing shaking hands okay? Or rolling over? Or not? He's a smart dog, and dd loves working with him, but I don't want to do any harm. So the video may be just the information we need.

Did you have to keep him crated for the duration? I'm not sure how much activity is a problem. What about a kid picking him up for a hug?

Our much-loved little dog, adopted about a year ago, will be getting treated for heartworms in about a week. Doggy tested negative when adopted, but was apparently already infected with worms which couldn't be detected until they were six months old. The vet says the test was a weak positive. We've been administering the preventative like clockwork and monitoring, hoping the worms would die on their own, but now have a second positive test and started on antibiotics close to a month ago in preparation for treatment. The dog is two or three years old, normally active, and seems generally healthy other than the heartworms. He does seem to have slowed down since starting the antibiotics, and I'm not sure if that is to be expected or is more due to summer heat or something else. Any btdt advice? I'm really worried about the little guy, but I don't want to scare the kids. I know heartworm treatment can be dangerous. The vet said not to be surprised if we see him coughing up blood. I know he'll need to be very quiet for the duration of the treatment (probably two months). He is used to sleeping in his crate, and the vet said she'd prescribe sedatives. This dog means the world to dd11, who has autism and is not good at controlling her emotions. I need to keep the dog safe and calm, and dd calm too. She is worried already. Any advice on looking after the pooch through this process would be very much appreciated.