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I would not worry about the cereal per se, but would think about whether the real issue is flexibility. For example, is he thinking "I must fill the bowl because I always fill the bowl", or is he just hungry, as others have suggested? If you see that kind of inflexibility in multiple settings, I'd be more concerned with getting an evaluation and diagnosis because that would give you access to help. In the meantime you can also just practice flexibility in various situations. Try doing things in different ways and see how he responds: different routes to the store, different dishes for foods, different order for school subjects. If he's perfectly willing to vary his cereal routine, I'd be less concerned than if he's really stuck on the bowl issue.

And, hornblower, thanks for the links. Dd is going to enjoy those! I love the story of a girl who succeeded so well in training her dog.

So we visited the shelter. The bulldog has already been adopted, thank goodness, and somehow I just don't think I'm going to be able to find another. 😉 We spent time with a very sweet boxer mix who has a good history with small kids, cats and other dogs, and we've come home to do a lot of reading and thinking. The last time I adopted a dog it was a process of months, and I probably exhausted the patience of a few shelter volunteers along the way. Dd understands the time frame here and the need for careful decisions. So, we're not going to have any instant resolution. But I wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate getting ideas from so many experienced dog owners.

Thank you, everyone! Responding to a few points... AnIsland Girl, one dog at the local shelter is a lab/newfoundland mix. Yes, he's at the high end of our size range, but he had caught my eye, and maybe we should visit him too. Thanks! Bill, yes, I have been thinking about going to a reputable breeder. We have actually looked into golden retrievers and the various golden retriever or lab mixes. I am willing to do that, and I completely take your point in suggesting it. Our last shelter dog was just so fantastic, though, that I hate to not even look there.

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Bill and Hornblower (or others), can you recommend any good books on raw diets for beginners? I'm curious. Or is the internet the best place to learn?

April is good! Check out the Valentine Museum walking tours. You might find some others too. Have fun!

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Receiving a diagnosis, or wondering about one, is hard in all kinds of ways. I hope today goes well for you.

Completely agreeing that it's hard: for me it's hard even first to think each time that I need to put it in words. And hard varying the routines-- it's only recently, for example, after wondering why on earth my kids couldn't leave the bathroom tidy after a shower, that I figured out I needed to write out a list and post it, with each step explicitly labeled. And then, like magic, they improved. At ages 10 and 12, after getting told this stuff for years. (Of course, getting to the point of having them take a shower was its own journey.) So now, when we finally have a working system, I'm not sure I want to throw a wrench in the works, but I need to figure out how to change things around. And most things are like that for us. If we have a plan we follow unfailingly day after day, trouble is minimized. But it sounds like we need to practice changing routines. edited for clarity.

What sort of things interest you? There's lots in the history, museums and gardens realms. When we've been there we've almost always had the kids, so that has influenced my current knowledge of the place. Off the top of my head, I'd recommend the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts, Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden, Maymont (Victorian mansion in extensive gardens), the Science Museum, maybe the Museum of the Confederacy-- haven't been to the last in years, though. Depending on your interests and the time of year you visit you might want to check out an architectural walking tour; I know there used to be some. Hollywood Cemetary is worth a visit. Let me know if you have specific areas of interest.

Yes, it's the parenting choices and realistic expectations that I'm thinking about. Like your son, my dd can be more flexible than many others. I remember reading something Temple Grandin wrote, I think, about how it was good to intentionally parent in ways that stressed flexibility, doing things in different ways at different times. That's something I can practice. I think I need to make a list of things like that to do. Things like remembering to talk about social skills, about responding to people with more than one word or a short phrases, adding a new idea to the conversation. There must be more.

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Thanks, this is all helpful. I know we can't really decide about the school situation until they finish the evaluation and we see what they'll do. Unfortunately the only private school here is for kids with quite profound issues, so that's out. It's really more the life skills and job skills, I guess, that I'm thinking about. As in, will vocational training be better through the school, or is it something I can manage better on my own? And I know that this is going to vary so widely, so I guess I'm just thinking out loud and wondering if others are thinking about it also. I know vo-tech is a low priority here. They'd like to pretend everyone is stellar academically. Lecka, thank you for the information about your cousin. This is the sort of thing I need to think about-- practicing flexibility in a very purposeful way, and practicing how to manage a budget. I'm wondering if those skills can be taught if we know we need to do it. And like Momto2ns said, maybe we can do that more effectively if she's home with us. I'm going to mull this all over and hope some others jump in.

We've got some big decisions coming soon, including whether to continue homeschooling dd10 or ease her back into public school and whether to pursue ABA when we've just exhausted our options for getting help paying for it. When I look at where we were a year ago, when we were just at our wits' end, barely coping with significant behavioral challenges and no real diagnosis, we've made enormous progress. But the progress itself brings new questions. Untrained observers would not guess that dd has autism. (Well, they never did; that was part of our problem, lol.) She seems shy and quiet. She can answer questions (usually briefly), go through the checkout line and make purchases, get to know a new adult (who understands her challenges and is trying to put her at ease) and convince that new adult that she has no significant challenges and Mom is really exaggerating this stuff. She has a fantastic sense of humor, understands lots of word play and actually has pretty good theory of mind. Watch her with other kids and the differences are more apparent. At the Girl Scout cookie stand she's the one standing back, not calling out to potential purchasers or engaging the other kids. If she has to make change she gets flustered. If her best friend comes up she's extremely excited, hugs her, lifts her off the floor even though the friend doesn't want to be hugged or lifted. She divides her acquaintances into Friends (two, carefully cultivated by me) and Not Friends, and the two categories are absolute. Changes in medication and how we respond to her behavior have almost completely eliminated her worst behavioral challenges over the past year. The relationship issues between dd10 and dd12 stemming from years of problems before this persist. Both girls are in counselling separately. Sometimes they get along well, sometimes they fight, like any sisters, but there's a huge backlog of resentment and anger on dd12's part and a deep sensitivity to any criticism from or in front of the other which they share. They cannot do schoolwork in the same room or within hearing range of each other for this reason, which has complicated homeschooling enormously. We've been going through neuropsych testing and will get results on Monday. Also, we've asked her old school to do an evaluation so we can see what they'll offer us as accommodations if we decide to send her back. From previous testing we've been told she has low average intelligence. I know she has a very hard time with math, but she's always done very well with vocabulary and reading comprehension. She hates, hates, hates to be singled out to get extra help. Several years ago she'd come home from school and unload the day's frustrations on us in a massive meltdown, and I suppose we'd just have to wait and see if that happened again. So, now the questions: Have you found being in public school, or homeschooling, the right choice as your child gets older? The school is telling us going back will only get harder if we wait. She'd be entering 5th grade in the fall, and already she'll have to move between classes and teachers. In another year she'll be in middle school. Obviously this will be individual, but is there anything in particular which has been the right choice for you or something you wish you'd done differently? What about other stuff, aside from school? What should I be thinking about and planning for? We don't know yet if dd will be able to live and work independently. What can I do now to help ensure that she has the best shot at it? I'm thinking she needs practice handling responsibility. She has a cat for whom she has actually been very responsible, and we're thinking of getting her a dog, because it can be a bridge out into the community. There's a 4-H therapy dog group she could join, so the dogs lead to people. I'm also thinking of obedience work, maybe agility-- anything to get her out into the world. What else could do this? Life skills: cooking, laundry, money. Are these things you've needed to work on, or have they come more or less normally? I know this is long and rambling, and I'm not even sure of the full dimensions of my own question. But I thought planning for the long term might be something others are thinking about or have experienced, and if you feel like discussing this, I'd be very interested.

Thank you, that's useful information! Hmm... I had been thinking of online classes precisely in order to make dd be accountable to someone other than me. Maybe I need to go for the WTM and skip Athena's.

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I did go back and read your other post, but I'm on my phone and can't see signatures, so forgive me if I'm missing something you've posted. My d has some of the same issues (band d reversals, messy writing, poor grip, etc) and we've been told to get an OT evaluation for dysgraphia. For the capitalization type errors, we worked through an Evan Moor Daily Language Review book (ours was grade 3, you could see if another grade would suit). The advantage it gave was that she was correcting someone else's work most of the time, so it didn't feel as bad as correcting her own. Also the daily work was very short. She generally didn't copy the whole sentence, just crossed out mistakes and made corrections. It was just a quick, low-stress, daily way to get some mechanics practice. There might be similar things others would know. As for your main questions of WWS or WWE, I think I have two answers. First, if he can do the work if he types, I'd let him type and work at the appropriate level based on his skill then. Second, have you done evaluations? If not, I think I would as soon as possible. You need to have the information they'll give you.

Not near northern Va, but thank you! :-)

I just wanted to post an update. We had the meeting Friday and it went better than I could have imagined. They'd read the info I'd provided, and they seemed to understand dd's anxiety and need for security. They said there was no need to do an RTI process before evaluating since we'd already tried all the interventions they would have suggested. I was really pleased with the genuine interest everyone had in helping. Two teachers who will be doing testing even offered to come to our house ahead of time to meet dd and let her talk with them about her special interest, so they won't be strangers on the day of testing. They've also suggested that a partial day might be a good option for her. The only real problem seems to be that we may have a hard time demonstrating that her issues affect her academic performance, since we've been providing fairly effective scaffolding. I still need to think about that one, and of course about whether I want her back in school, full or part time. The whole experience has so far been interesting and salutary in an unexpected way. As a homeschooler it's easy to start thinking unfavorably about the public schools, but I couldn't help but be very impressed with these people. What the system will actually let them do for dd is still unknown, but it was a very good start.