My 10 and 12 yo dds have just read the series on their own, not as a read-aloud. Dd10 loved it, zoomed through them all and has started over at the beginning. Dd12, lover of Anne of Green Gables and despiser of Percy Jackson, quit midway through Harry Potter no. 5, saying it just wasn't her cup of tea. I think they're broadly in the right age range, but sensitivity levels vary. I was not surprised that my dd12 chose not to continue. If you're not familiar with the books and have kids who tend to be anxious or sensitive, you might want to preread the last few books. That said, I do think my older dd (who is unlikely to choose to watch the movies any time soon) is glad to finally understand her friends' references.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I am so sorry.

Would meringues work? Egg whites, sugar, flavoring of your choice, bake in a slow oven.

One of my girls loves stuffed animals, too, and I wouldn't get rid of those. It's always amazed me that she can ignore a particular one for months, lose track of where it is, then discover an urgent need for that particular animal and not rest until it's located. If you haven't actually gotten rid of things, maybe you can relent on the ones that are making you feel bad. It's hard knowing where to draw the line sometimes. Maybe just sit on the decision for a while and see how you feel?

Mine loved the inflatable balls you bounce on at that age. Actually the one we got was shaped like a horse and called Rody, I think. Huge hit.

If counseling didn't help the anxiety, then it sounds like you really need to know where that anxiety is coming from and how to address it first. Otherwise, yes, it could throw everything else off. So instead of thinking about treating the anxiety first, think about diagnosing its cause first. ??? I'm new to solutions here, though not to the problems, but that's the direction in which I'd be thinking.

We're currently in the midst of evals for my dd, who also freezes up, shuts down, and I think has some anxiety though it presents as anger. I completely agree with you about the psychiatrist tending to default to medication before thorough testing. That was our experience. The neuropsych office we're dealing with has people with a number if specialties: emotional difficulties, learning issues, autism spectrum, etc. We knew emotional issues were big, and they said they'd do specific testing to see what's going on in that realm first. We also got a fairly quick answer that yes, she is on the spectrum. So, given that and the emotional testing, we're going to take it one step at a time. All the emotional/psychological stuff first, then see how she's doing. She's responding very well to these people, so maybe they'll be able to go straight on to learning disability stuff, or maybe we'll take a break, start ABA therapy, and then go back for more testing. So maybe you could find someone to do some targeted testing to figure out the best way to tackle anxiety first, then move on to academics?

I understand the hesitation to send boxes through this particular organization, though I also think they do a great deal of good. I noticed their prominent involvement with Ebola treatment, for example. Certainly they are a missionary group, and acting on that is perfectly consistent with their goals. But I completely get the hesitation and ick factor. Does anyone know of another group doing the same sort of thing? I know Heifer International, and there are all sorts of other good charities. But is there anything comparable to OCC, with the personal element of packing a box for an individual child? Last year my kids loved packing a box, and they've looked forward to packing another this year. For the moment I've decided the good outweighs my mixed feelings. I'm not even sure which side of a debate about the organization I'd land on, and I absolutely do not want to start that debate. But I'm curious about alternatives.

Responding to the point about liking animals and training her dog: my area has two pet therapy groups, an adult one that visits the local library to let the young kids read to therapy dogs and a 4-h group for kids who train their dogs. The 4-h group is expressly and successfully inclusive of kids with disabilities, but based on the contact I've had with the adult group I think they'd also be receptive to a kid who needed to expand his social world. And, somehow, being around animals takes the focus off the difficulties of any individual human. Might something like that work for the op's son? ETA: 4-H in general in our area is very focused in being inclusive, so there might be another type of club available if animals aren't an interest.

This is something I've been pondering too. We're midway through evaluations, but have already been told dd is on the spectrum after they did the ADOS-2. There's probably more to come. The difference is she's almost 10 and knows what they've been doing was testing. She also is extremely focused on privacy and extremely unwilling to discuss anything related to her difficulties. I'm hoping the neuropsychs can give me some suggestions of what, if anything, to say, but I'm listening in with interest here.

I can't help with the training, but she looks just like my old greyhound/german shepherd cross. She was a great dog, and boy could she run and jump.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I have been where you are, and know how hard this is. Evaluate. Don't wait. But, do prepare carefully. Realize that most pediatricians are not equipped to handle neurological/developmental things that present in subtle ways. Neither are most therapists, even those who deal routinely with children. We have wasted years going through this routine with our dd, who has behaviors similar to your son's. We have dealt with therapists and psychiatrists. The therapists did not have the knowledge base they needed and the psychiatrists were content to keep on trying one medication after another, for months and years on end, without ever seeming to grasp that in the meantime a child was growing up without the coping skills she needed and a family was shattering under the strain. When your son deliberately does his work poorly, then explodes, he is giving you a signal that he cannot cope with what he is facing. It doesn't mean he isn't smart enough, but for some reason he lacks the skills he needs to face that moment. Without suggesting that he is on the spectrum, read about the autism rage cycle and see if any of that sounds familiar. The poor work, in our house, is the rumbling stage, and a warning to change course or the rage will follow. Read about the cycle: the knowledge is useful. A good book is Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments, though it's geared more for classroom environments. You can google it too for a quick look. What you want to find, probably after consultation with your pediatrician or a psychiatrist/psychologist, is a good neuropsychologist who can focus in on your son with laser-like intensity and figure out what the issues are. In all likelihood those issues have nothing to do with your parenting. I've probably been a bit too hard on the various psych professionals we've seen in what I wrote above. We did need to see them to establish the paper trail that there really was something going on. But they've been like the proverbial blind men examining an elephant, each one "seeing" only what they're professionally equipped to see, and no one really able to get the whole picture. I wish I'd pressed harder and sooner for evaluations. There is hope and help available, but you need to know just what you're dealing with.

Agreeing with The Dark is Rising, and adding Lloyd Alexander's Prydain books, as classic choices.

:grouphug:

Thanks for all the help, everyone. Not one specialist told us about neuropsych evals. If we're finally getting answers, it's because of the folks on this board.

bumping after adding update

Oh, we give candy to all who come, ordinance or not. ;-) We always have a few teens, and they've always been pleasant. My only question has been whether I should let my own soon-to-be teen go around with her little sister next year. Given the rules, we'll probably come down on the side of being law-abiding.

Does it change your feelings on this issue if there's a local ordinance limiting Trick or Treating to 12 and under? Our area does this, and dd is sad to be getting to the end. She's planning great things in the way of decorating and hand ing out candy, though. I don't know how widespread rules like that are.

Agreeing with the idea of Magic Treehouse, Animal Ark, etc type series. My younger dd stuck with these much longer than my elder dd, and I was really getting worried. She's almost ten now and still reads a few of the Animal Arks. But just in the past four months or so she's also been reading and rereading Misty of Chincoteague, Sea Star, Stormy, and the Black Stallion books. :001_smile: Then after we finished the Chronicles of Narnia as read-alouds, she started reading them. I'd find easy books that she likes for free reading. Actually, if she likes the picture books, there's some great literature in that category. Virginia Lee Burton and Beatrix Potter come to mind. The reading is more advanced than Magic Tree House, and the stories are classics.

We studied grammar in elementary school in a sense: we learned how to use apostrophes, form plurals, use contractions. The mechanics part is obviously necessary. Much of what we did was effortless to me because I read obsessively and had never heard anything but grammatically standard English, except perhaps in a tv sitcom. Writing correctly came easily to me. But then came 7th grade Spanish, and for the first time I encountered the idea that...am, are, is, was, were and will... were in some way related. Grammar as an analytical framework for language, the idea that words had these relationships and structures underlying them, hit me like a load of bricks. No one had ever used the word "conjugate" in a class before then. Thank goodness it wasn't Latin yet, and I didn't have to deal with parts of the sentence and declining nouns as well. I think it's easier to start dealing with that underlying framework before hitting foreign languages, and in your own language. Do we all need to know nine kinds of adjectives? probably not. But the basis framework, yes.

Okay, thanks! Dd is tickled. "You mean people already answered?" I knew we could find the answer here! :-)

Dd is doing STRWTL Latin Prep, and the example given for an intransitive verb is "walk." According to the book (British), "one cannot walk someone or something." Dd says "But we walk the dog!" Is "walking the dog" not standard British English? Am I missing something grammatically?

Just wanted to add Cornell Lab of Ornithology's Project FeederWatch as an idea. My kids loved this.

No, it's more complicated than that. The pediatrician referred us to the psychiatrist, who is an hour away in the capital city, in a treatment center associated with the big regional hospital and medical school. Probably naively, I thought that association meant these were the best people anywhere near us. And, we'd tried local people, without much luck. These were at least pediatric specialists. Then we waited about six months for them to call us, and finally saw the psychiatrist, and started the process of testing meds. We've been seeing them for a year and a half now, with the first psychiatrist leaving and being replaced by another about a year ago. Last spring I got fed up with lack of progress and said look, we've tried meds xy and z, we're still seeing problems, and look at this and this and this. Dh thought we might be seeing hfa. Psych said yes, I bet that's right, and referred us to the asd evaluation center associated with the same medical school and the local (well-regarded) children's hospital. So we started another long wait, still assuming this was the best place to be. I asked then about full evals, and said I'd rather be on both waiting lists at the same time and get things done sooner. I really wanted to have all our answers before September. But the psych said there would be duplication of tests if we did it that way, and it would make sense to do the asd first and then see what was left. She seemed to believe the process would be like others have described, with multiple specialists and tests. That's why I was so taken aback to hear about a one hour appointment and diagnosis. I think OhElizabeth is exactly right that I've gotten caught up in the hospital system, only it looked like the best place to be. Now I'm beginning to wonder. I will check out other options while I'm waiting. I've sent an email to the doctor doing the evaluation. Hopefully he'll answer, and maybe shed some light. Thank you to all who have answered. It's late, and I'm tired and frustrated, but I really appreciate the help.

I'm going to email the doctor and see what he says.