Sometimes the behaviors which seem odd to the uninitiated are coping techniques which comfort the person with ASD. People on the spectrum are often under an enormous amount of stress dealing with sights, sounds, smells, and the simple presence of lots of new people. It sounds like you've got a big family, and this young man is in a new country, speaking a language which is not his first tongue. These would be somewhat stressful situations for many, perhaps most, 17 year olds, but he's got an unimaginably greater amount of stress to handle. I know you want the best for this young man, and I'm speaking gently.... What you see as getting too comfortable and behaving badly sounds very different to me. In our family, undesirable behaviors appear as a reaction to stress which has become overwhelming. Perhaps for the first few weeks he was able to keep things under control, but now it's all just too much. Generally, as hard as these behaviors are for bystanders, it's harder for the person with ASD. Again in our family, and I can't speak for others, the least helpful action is to draw attention to these behaviors in the moment. He is already too stressed to control them. Embarrassment can be acute and further overwhelm him. His parents can probably provide the best guidance. What did they suggest? I agree to focus on getting your son some space. His frustration may be compounding your guest's difficulties. Could you find things for him to do away from the guest? Some reading material from the library about the challenges faced by people on the spectrum might also be helpful. Probably the behaviors you're seeing are not just based on lack of social understanding, but spring from acute discomfort.

Nm

Nm

I think/thought I encountered it in Green's book, but I'm not sure if it's originally his or someone else's idea. Anyway, the concept has been profoundly useful to me, in behavior around schoolwork as well as more generally.

We went through the process just this past fall, when our dd was nearly 10. I wish it had been earlier, but even though we were seeking help no one thought "autism." At first we were on the waiting list of a major hospital near us, but as the appointment drew near and we got concrete information about the visit, it didn't sound like a good fit. I found out that the whole process would take only one hour, with a yes-or-no diagnosis afterward. An older man was doing the testing, and dd tends to shut down around older men. I wanted the information we got to be as complete and accurate as possible, so I started scrambling, called private neuropsych practices within several hours' drive, and found a better fit for dd. The initial visit lasted two hours, we has a basic "yes" at the end of that time, and then there were several more visits to get a more complete picture. You might want to check out the thread in the Special Needs forum about the value of an aspergers diagnosis. My own experience is that the right diagnosis is enormously valuable, and trying to cope without it is not productive. If the concern is a false positive result, I don't know what the chances of that would be. We did get several diagnoses along the way which were superseded by the ASD diagnosis. They did let us start figuring out medications, and we already had some notion of what was and wasn't helpful when we got the ASD label. So the earlier misdiagnoses, while not allowing us to start therapies like ABA which would have been helpful, were not entirely useless.

Great article. Green's book has been very useful to us over the years, though I've always had a hard time with the part about identifying which skills are lagging. The fundamental idea that "kids do well when they can" (hope I'm correct in connecting this to this author) has been transformative for me.

This is helpful, thanks. I'm thinking this over.

Bump

Thank you! :lol: :001_smile:

Nm

Nm

Nm

Nm

Nm

Nm

Nm

Nm

Nm

Nm

I'll try the ponytail band trick today, thanks! :001_smile:

Nm

Nm

Nm

Nm

Nm