I see posts on people with food allergies/intolerances that are frustrated at meals at other houses. What obligation does the host or others bringing food have for the guests that may have a food allergy/intolerance? For the purposes of this poll, let's assume no one has a life-threatening allergy that even being in the presence of this food would be dangerous. For example, some can not be in the same house with a peanut butter sandwich on someone else's plate. This is not what we're talking about here. Let's also assume it is an intolerance/allergy to a common ingredient such as gluten or dairy or corn. Yes, I understand there is a difference between an allergy and intolerance. However, since many do not understand the difference, let's keep both options in the poll since these words are incorrectly used interchangeably by those who aren't informed. So, you are having a party. A Guest is coming that has one allergy/intolerance. Do you work around it? Do you insist that everyone contributing food work around it? If you are another guest bringing one dish, do you work around it? What if this Guest has two or even more than two food allergies/intolerance? Do you still work around it? Is this too much to ask if there is more than one food to work around? Would you know how to prepare food for a group working around two common food ingredients?

So he knows what type of a career he wants, which is fantastic. Since this job is the same as your dh's, I would ask dh to find a colleague and have him talk to ds. (I realize dh could do this, but someone outside the family would be more effective at this point.) Colleague could tell ds about the job, allow him to shadow and stress that this job comes with a four year degree. In a hard job market, better grades get a better job, Etc. Really, it's nothing you haven't already told him, but seeing and hearing about the career and getting advice from a professional he doesn't personally know can have great impact. I'd also enroll him in a couple community college courses next semester and phase out teaching at home. Visit community college counselor and hear that these grades count on his permanent college record. He's motivated enough to want a challenging job. The switch hasn't yet flipped in his mind that work is required for that job. I think others might be better able to help him now. He seems like he needs a change. Hang in there!

Yes! I had a much-needed ablation which fixed iron-deficiency issues. My ten year bout with insomnia became mostly resolved at this time, too. With normal iron levels and the ability to sleep throughout the night, I had the energy for higher-intensity exercise. I started Couch-to-5K and have been jogging three times a week for the past nine years. I feel more energetic and have more endurance as I am nearing 50 than I had throughout my 30s. Now that I have the ability to jog regularly, I've felt great throughout my 40s. I had so much fatigue in my 30s that I was able to do only light to moderate exercise-- elliptical, walking, some biking. The jogging has been a crucial piece for having energy. Also, something about this type of regular exercise motivates me to watch my eating more, too.

We only taken the family skiing once, and we were looking for a ski resort for a week's stay in December. Kids are aged 15 and up. I grew up cross country skiing, so I wouldn't mind having that as an option, as well as the downhill and snowboarding. Any recommendations?

Because of my experiences in the subculture of honeschooling, when I see big families, I wonder if they are homeschoolers. If they are homeschoolers (I actually don't personally know of any large family that doesn't homeschool) I assume they are most likely quiver full or simply like have babies. I also wonder (to myself) how they manage to nurture each child while having so many. I don't know the number of children that makes it too difficult to care for all of them and do know that this would vary person to person. I do think its not possible to nurture 19. Yes, that's judgemental. No, I wouldn't say that if I met Michele Duggar. From families who I know personally, I've seen strain when they've added more children to an already large family. I've seen them change convictions from a quiverful mindset after already having a large family. While they love the children they have, they feel their family would've been better off if they'd had fewer children. (It is possible to have these feelings while fully loving each child and realizing one can think this without having to "choose which child to give back".) I've seen people loving the large family when the children are young and then feeling strained when the older ones reach teen years, need more attention, and not having the time as there are many younger ones needing immediate attention. One of my best friends growing up was from a family of seven. The parents didn't mean to have a large family but fumbled with birth control for st least six of their children. While they did nothing considered criminal to their children, if I were to tell you stories of their upbringing, you might cry. Because of watching that dynamic as I was growing up, I don't automatically assume moms of many have their act together. Some do, some don't, just like smaller families. I think, ultimately, to be a good parent one must be unselfish. Are people having lots of children for selfish reasons or unselfish reasons? I ponder this sort of thing. I never make negative or even neutral comments to families of many. I have always made it a point to heartily congratulate a new pregnancy or birth because I realize they don't always hear this. My opinions are of no concern to them and it would be rude to share them to that family. However, since the OP directly asked the questions, I'm sharing now. 😄

I think people are also "endlessly fascinated" with such a different culture within our country. I am fascinated with it but would never want to live within it. I cannot relate to those that would want to join after living a fairly conventional western life. I think some see the Amish or Mennonite life as a way to live in a community with peace, simplicity and feel comfort with firm boundaries. I think that everywhere there are people, there is some amount of drama, difficulty, and discomfort. It seems as if it would be more difficult to avoid if one was living inside a community that they couldn't leave. I can understand those that grow up in that environment and choose to stay there. Their families are there and it is what they know and believe as truth. I, too, am fascinated that adults who live the conventional western life and wish to convert. I cannot imagine an adult wanting a list of very rigid extra-Biblical rules to live by such as the exact size of a collar. This would suffocate me rather than give me comfort. However, I think it's the same way people are drawn toward fundamentalism. It gives them a list of rules by which to live and to some it's very comforting to certain personalities. I also think the idea of close community with like-minded families is also a huge draw. This seems easier to relate to.

Yes, my research has told me that Texas is one of the worse for mold coverage issues. Apparently there was lots of fraud here with regard to mold insurance coverage in the past. Now it is highly regulated in this state with regard to inspection and clean up and notification when a home is sold that had past mold problems. When you say "lower the costs" are you referring to her cleaning this up herself? There are significant amounts of visible mold all over the house. It is on cloth sofa, for instance. It is on the front of her appliances. It's on her shoes in her closet. She has an extensive book collection and all of those are ruined, too. I would assume her mattress is ruined. I believe most of her contents are a total loss. She moved out at the beginning of July when she discovered this as it is no longer livable. As the owner took two weeks to file the claim and now the insurance company wants to investigate, more time is going by as the problem just gets worse. I'm thinking we now need an attorney because 1) This is taking too long. 2) There is a good chance the insurance company will come back and say mold isn't covered, so they aren't paying for damages.

I was thinking it may come down to needing a lawyer. My concern is that more time is going by as owner and insurance company are dragging their feet taking their time to file the claim, investigate, etc. and the house is just getting worse. I guess we would look for an attorney that specializes in insurance? Hiring an attorney also seems like an expensive way to go. It seems like this will be expensive for her either way.

My dd purchased her first house in February. At the end of June after a seven day absence for vacation, she noticed white/gray mold forming on furniture and appliances upon returning to her the house. Her homeowner's insurance sent out an adjuster and said her policy contained no mold coverage. They gave her suggestions of how to identify the source as mold was getting worse each day. After plumbing and roof issues were ruled out, it was discovered that the A/C unit was improperly installed. It was installed before just before she purchased the home. The mold did not start to form until the weather became hot and a/c was running. (A/C unit created excess humidity which resulted in creating mold.) A/C owner came out and confirmed the unit was improperly installed and was the cause of the damage. I believe most of the contents in the house are a loss. Getting a mold remediation company to come out will be an expensive clean up process. If she wants to sell the house within five years, she would need a mold inspector to come out to inspect and clear the house after clean up. Inspector costs $1500. Mold remediation company will not come out until inspector comes and gives them a report. Based on the amount of damage, this will be an expensive process. A claim has finally been filed by the a/c owner. His insurance company, over a phone call, said mold isn't covered in his commercial policy. Adjuster is also checking on date of a/c unit installation because the damage "may not be covered." While I know that mold damage is not covered in Texas by homeowner's insurance unless additional covered is obtained, would it work differently for a commercial insurance policy who's shoddy work caused mold damage at a customer's house? We live in Texas. Insurance company is based in California. I'd appreciate any help.This will be financially devastating to her for the loss of her contents and clean up process if there is no insurance coverage.

I've read up quite a big about the Quiverful movement, but I've not heard this. Is this really happening often? I guess I can see if someone hits menopause early--say in their 30s, but for a woman with children to do this when menopause hits at normal time....wow. It seems like an unhealthy mindset that needs to be addressed rather than just someone adhering to a philosophy. I think that when people say they miss having babies, strong consideration needs to be made if they want another "baby" or another "child". I think there's a big difference in thinking here. Some women just love babies and always will. They will always miss having a baby to hold. IMO, this is not a good reason to have another child as those baby months go by so quickly. There are lots of ways to get a baby fix other than conceiving and birthing a child. Someone that wants another child wants a baby, toddler, tween, teen and young adult. Some love babies and find the teen years taxing--because ARE taxing. However, lots of us love the different stages chose to have another child. As far as quiverful, I think it's important to remember everyone's quiver is a different size. For example, Catwoman's quiver holds one. My quiver holds four. Both of us have a full quiver. It's all good.

This is interesting. I take the opposite approach. I actively encourage them to be as busy as possible whether through sports and/or jobs in the summer months. We live in the suburbs and there are simply not enough chores around to keep them busy. I am not surprised a fifteen year old boy is bored and unmotivated by household tasks. This seems completely normal. I'd encourage him to participate in some form of physical activity and encourage a job. My sixteen year old has had a lawn business since the age of twelve. It keeps him active and busy throughout summer months. My other kids have ket busy with babysitting, swim instruction, library vokunteering, hospital vokunteering and so on. Having teens sit around during their summer break would have been very frustrating for them and me. I'd rather do laundry myself and have them out working or vokunteering somewhere.

If there are a lot of moms in the room, calling you by your first name is an easy way to get your attention. It's not a big deal at all, and this guy needs to relax. He definitely crossed two boundaries: 1) asking you if he should deal with it when you'd already told him to stay out of it and 2) talking to your ds anyway. While I'd be highly irritated, it appears your ds is a teen and is perfectly capable of dealing with difficult people. I'd leave this as a good lesson for ds to learn how to enforce boundaries. If you happen to see this man again, I'd prep ds ahead of time and tell him that he has your permission to tell this guy to back off. Would he feel comfortable saying something like, "My mother doesn't need your help. If you have anything further to say, feel free to talk directly to her"? Now that's a lesson in boundaries! If friend questions you regarding anything about your ds, anything at all, I'd say something similar. I wouldn't call or email this guy right now. Your son is a big boy, and he can certainly handle what that guy did. If ds was a younger child, I'd leap to his defense. However, at his age, I'd let it go. But I'd also be ready for next time.

In general, wearing hand-me-downs will not be a significant bad memory. Children don't have a right to brand new or brand name clothes. However, if a family can only provide ill-fitting or out-of-date clothing, this could be a bad memory particularly as children get older. I actually don't find this to be a petty issue either for those that like to be stylish. Stylish doesn't have to cost a lot of money, but it takes some time, effort, and usually some money. Children enrolled in school can receive many extracurricular there--music, sports, drama, language and so on. If someone chooses to homeschool, I think it's important to make that experience as well rounded as possible. I'm not sure what you mean about making kids self actualized. I think it's rather about providing opportunities to help kids find their niche, broaden their horizons, and well round their education. I object to people referring to those that live in developing countries in cramped living conditions and compare that to us. They are living like this because those are the options they have. Thirteen people living in one room would be a nightmare to most of us. It's not normative or necessary to live like this in our country. Does each child need to have their own room? Of course not. If you have 13 people living in two rooms now are they going to grow up bitter? Most of them, I would guess. Good parenting, ultimately, is being unselfish and doing what is in the best interest of the children and the family. Wanting to have another child may not be in the best interest of the family even if the mother really wants another baby. I just think it's responsible to consider everyone in the family before making the choice to have another child.

Our HOA dues are $350/year. Our neighborhood has consistently gone up in value due in part to our entire neighborhood looking good year round. It does send out letters, but they are reasonable repairs or maintenance. I don't want to live next to someone who thinks it's a great idea to paint his house in lime green trim or mow his yard once every three weeks or have peeling siding. Every house and yard looks great. Our house has almost doubled in value since 1997, and we could probably sell our house within days, based on how other houses are selling. I would say our HOA has helped increase our house value as well as make our neighborhood beautiful to drive or walk around. They do this with slight oversight and no ridiculous rules.

Outside of China, no one is telling people how many children they are "allowed" to have. I have never heard of anyone insisting that all children must have an "upper class lifestyle". How are children "punished" for their parents' low income? All resources are limited. While we have a good income, we could not make it stretch for 12 children to have the food, clothing, shelter, and education we feel we would like to provide. Time is limited. Many people do not have the time to adequately nurture a large family. Energy is limited. How is that unfair? Emotional well-being is limited. Many of us would go bonkers managing twelve children (or less). There isn't anything wrong with us; we know we couldn't do it and choose not to. I am opposed to abortion and pro birth control. (As an aside, I don't understand how people in this modern age have multiple unplanned children. It's just not that complicated..) I believe even unplanned children have a right to live. I disagree with your first assertion as do all those who are opposed to abortion. My dh and I know how much we wish to provide our children in terms of education and extracurriculars and clothing and time. This caused us to limit ourselves to a certain number of children. Almost everyone I know did this. I can see how children in larger families could be bitter when they did not receive much attention due to other siblings. I can see how someone could have regrets when they didn't get to participate in sports or music due to there not being enough money for each sibling to fairly participate. I can see how someone would feel awkward about wearing clothes that was in disrepair because there wasn't enough money to buy clothing for the family. Poverty typically isn't a choice. If someone's family is simply poor, I rarely hear people complain about resentfulness toward their parents. Typically, those parents did the best they could in a difficult situation. Family size is a choice. I can see how those children could feel resentful if they missed out on opportunities because of choices their parents made that caused the family's resources to be limited because of the family size.

We don't need to live in fear, though. Have adequate insurance and go forward and enjoy your life. We shouldn't let fear of being sued prevent us from having fun in our backyard. Get that swing set!

Yes. I think the question should be, "how did the injury occur?" My dd broken two fingers while at someone else's house. She was playing in the backyard with other children and fell while running with them. While the accident occurred on their property, it had nothing to do with their house or yard. Our health insurance paid for the charges, and we paid the additional charges due to deductibles and such. I would never have expected the homeowner to share in that responsibility. If a friend were to expect my homeowner's policy to pay for an accident like this, I would be an annoyed homeowner too. If the accident occurred as a result of negligence or carelessness on the property, I think homeowner's insurance should cover it. I'm not an insurance expert, but I have always assumed it worked that way.

If it helps at all, even public schools have dress codes. Without some guidelines in place, there are always a few kids who will wear something that would make the most liberal among us blush. Some kids like the shock or attention. Thus, it's just easier to have some rules in place. So, while I also have a heightened sense of purity/slut shaming tactics, I've also been around enough young people to see why there are some guidelines in place. If that was the only rule like that on the list, I'd let it go. However, if the list is longer or adds the admonishment, "we must protect the boys' eyes" or something even remotely similar, well, then, we have a problem.

I would like to reiterate what a PP said that it is not a good idea to console oneself by looking at a person who appears to have some aspect of his life easy and think they probably have bigger problems beneath. Really, some people do have large houses and go on vacations and have nice cars and aren't in debt. Some people just have high salaries or inherited money. I think it's selfish thinking to make oneself feel better by looking at people who have more material possessions and think, "Well, they're probably in debt/unhappy with their life/materialistic and shallow" or whatever. I think our goal should be to "rejoice with those who rejoice". So this family took a European cruise. Not my business how they paid for it. Hopefully we can think, "Good for them. What a great opportunity for that family." This is a much healthier reaction than thinking, "Nice vacation, but they probably went into debt to do that. Not worth it to me." The first is an unselfish response, and the second is a petty one. We would never teach our children to rejoice in another person's misfortune, so I don't feel we should console ourselves this way either. Comparison is such a trap. I think social media exacerbates this showing the comparisons more than ever.

She is a woman who defines her own truth. I, personally, call what she is doing lying. Here is how she describes it: "I really feel like there have been moments of some level of creative nonfiction. I have kind of had to explain or justify some of the timeline and logistics of my life in a way that made sense to others," she said. http://www.today.com/news/rachel-dolezal-caitlyn-jenners-story-resonated-me-t26651

Have you considered getting a second opinion? One thing I've learned about orthodontists is that they don't always agree. Orthodontics is not just a science but also an art. It's about creating a healthy mouth but also an attractive one. It's been my experience that 3 different orthodontists will give you 3 different opinions on how to treat each mouth. Maybe another orthodontist would suggest something else or possibly give you more peace that this the route to go. Maybe there is a less invasive way to go now that he's been in teeaent so long. His issues sound complex, and, in general, it's a good idea to have more than one specialist give input. Around here, orthodontic consultations are always free.

I stand corrected. Yes, OP does want people to tell her that six is as easy as five. My apologies. (I still admire the person who spoke and said it wasn't easy. I think this is hard to admit.)

You know, OP asked for honest feedback and you gave it. I admire you for your candor and for giving authentic answers and not just answers that will make us feel good. I think many people are equipped to handle large families. Some aren't. It's ok. I think we do people a disservice by sharing all the good and not showing a balanced perspective of what it's really like. Having one child is hard. Having ten children is harder. Here's what I tell people who seem to feel large families are somehow better: everyone's quiver is a different size. My quiver holds four. So, my quiver is full. (This really shuts down people who are of the "quiverfull" mindset). I digress. OP, I wish you well whatever the eventual size of your family!

Nope. Everyone has problems. Everyone. No exceptions. Just because people like your MIL don't talk about them and choose to use phrases like "I just chose not to be tired" doesn't mean they don't have weakness and struggles. She is choosing not to be empathetic or sympathetic. Her loss. People like this miss out on deep, rich, and real relationships. So, either they are living in denial (unhealthy) or are living with pride (unhealthy). Denial is a dysfunctional trait that will stunt her growth and make her have unrealistic expectations. Pride suppresses the real issues we need to discuss but won't out of fear people will think less of us. I'm not saying we need to share our struggles without boundaries. However, it is sad if we can't be sympathetic to other's struggles, and it's sad if we can't share some basic struggles with those we should be close to.

Can I ask why you would do a parasite cleanse? Have you recently been to a developing country or have you been drinking contaminated water? I ask this because I've heard of people in this country having parasites, and I've wondered how that's possible.