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Lisa R.

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Everything posted by Lisa R.

  1. I agree with your first paragraph and disagree with your second. We had a college student found a job as an intern and he stayed with us over the summer. He came from a large family with very limited resources. He grew up in a rural setting, and there weren't funds for him to take classes or lessons. Travel sounded like day trips here and there. His day-to-day life sounded isolating despite the number of siblings. This kid was so underexposed to...life. He was also saddled with debt for his college education. I felt really bad for him. It sounded like a loving family but had very limited options growing up. He's going to be alright because he was gifted with remarkable intelligence. He graduated with an in-demand degree and is already traveling. I'm very happy for him. If he hadn't had the intellect for a marketable and well-paying degree, I'm not sure the story would've ended so well. I look at the way he grew up and his parents could "afford" their multure of children as they provided food and shelter and love. That's great. However, the rest of it sounded depressing. It was not a well-rounded or flourishing childhood. I don't think it's materialistic to want more than that for my children.
  2. I have to say...I disagree with this line of thinking. Do people that have unplanned children love them and parent them to the best of their abilities? All the time. Do people have large families and parent them well? All the time. All. The. Time. However, this doesn't mean that these children receive the time and attention they need and deserve. There ARE people that have more kids than they can handle. What is that number? It's different for everyone. Some can't even handle one. I really believe that if someone is stretched to the limit with their current family size, they shouldn't have more. The feeling of being overwhelmed is a sign. I think we need to honor that feeling and realize our limits. I can't see how having more is fair to those bonus children. What is someone has that bonus child and they don't actually get more energy and emotional strength? What then?
  3. Are these attitudes you've noticed recently, say in the last several years? The reason I ask is that there is better understanding overall about depression in the last handful of years. More people are admitting they have depression and I think there is an awareness that it is becoming widespread both inside and outside the church. I think that, traditionally, many didn't have and understanding or sympathy toward depression. I see that changing which is a good thing. I never really heard depression spoken of much in the church 10 years ago or before. However in recent years, I have. I've seen a change and a sensitivity and compassion.
  4. I believe that, eventually, schools will be nut-free. The potential of having a dangerous situation is real and not worth the risk. Frankly, I'm surprised it hasn't happened already. We do not have nut allergies in our house, but I'm more than willing to follow a nut-free policy in a public place. Some schools, particularly small private schools, may not have cafeterias and so students eat in the classroom each day. It's not always practical to say that no one can eat in the classroom. There are so many foods I've heard people are allergic to: gluten, dairy, strawberries, bananas, avocado, tree nuts and on and on. Yes, allergic and intolerant are two different things. But peanut butter is a common lunch food and one that can is dangerous around certain children. It is uncommon to hear about dangers regarding other foods. If we can all potential problem food, there will be little to eat. This is concerning for kids who may not have a wide palate anyway. Then, you'd get concerns about the underweight child suffering from lack of food choices... When does it stop? i realize the following isn't popular to say. There are those that say they have allergies, when no medical confirmation has been made, as they attribute many health issues to particular foods. This really does diminish the real danger of those that truly have medically confirmed, life-threatening allergies. I know people that have anaphylactic reactions and don't make as big of an issue out of food as those with far less concerning food intolerances. It's the latter that are making things difficult for the former.
  5. It's not what I would do, but I wouldn't be offended by it either. However, I'd also not expect the bride or her family to be offended when some invited guests can't come due to lack of babysitting or unwillingness to leave their baby or young children.
  6. How old is she? What are her main interests?
  7. Whenever I hear a question like, "is this normal behavior?" I think the mom really wants reassurance she's not alone. Feeling like you're the only person with this particular problem is a crummy feeling. My kids were awesome sleepers. Took long naps and went to bed early, slept through the night and didn't get up early. When people tell about how their kids have trouble going down to bed, don't nap, or wake up frequently at night, it's really not appropriate of me to say, "I can't imagine. I never had that problem." What a way to leave a young mom feeling lonely! If I was directly asked, I'd respond, "this wasn't a problem we had, but we had others. Don't ask me about picky eaters, for instance. That's an area I haven't done well in." I can answer honestly, but not leave the mom feeling like she's done something wrong. We may not have the same problems but we all have problems. All of us! Anyone presenting themselves as not having parenting problems is either being dishonest or is oblivious. Either way, it's prideful and I choose not to spend time with moms with those attitudes. Now, if I'm directly asked and it sounds like there is a problem, I can suggest she talk it over with her doctor. A pediatrician is a much better judge than me if a child needs intervention or evaluation for a non-age appropriate response. Or I can gently suggest she consider this or that while being reassuring. I just think the "I never had that problem" response alone is insensitive and not being supportive of others as we go on the mom journey.
  8. If so, please explain why. I've never had one. I have two ovens. One of them is smaller than the other and heats up quickly. I don't feel like it heats up the house to use it. Given this, why would I use a toaster oven? I mean, why don't people just use their regular ovens rather than the toaster oven? Is it just they are saving on electricity and not wanting to heat up the house with the big oven? Also, I like to keep my counters clear but have a toaster sitting out. If I got a toaster oven, I'd swap it out with the toaster. For some reason, I feel strangely compelled to get one, but I don't know why!
  9. Why do you feel the need to educate people? (Other than you own children, of course.) When I see people try and "educate" other adults, it can be as annoying as the person who is spouting misinformation. I think it's best to not give advice unless asked. If someone asks how you educate your children at home, I think it's great to give them as much information as they're interested in hearing. If people are genuinely interested, they're open to learning more about homeschooling. If they're stating factually incorrect information about a topic that has readily available information, they'll probably not pay much attention to someone giving factual information. Act confident about your choice. Don't explain unless asked. This results in almost no drama or intrusion or irritation.
  10. After many years of homeschooling and not having the balance in my life I needed, I've worked hard in recent years to nurture my female friendships. For my 50th birthday, I asked all my girlfriends to meet me at an Italian restaurant that serves family style at a circular table. I chose the menu ahead of time. As different courses were served, I started out the luncheon going around the circle introducing each friend and telling the group how our friendship started and what I admired about them. I'm not a particular demonstrative or gushy person. It was important to me to do this for them to let them each know how I valued each friendship. It was very meaningful to me and worth the splurge. I'd planned it for months ahead of time.
  11. One of my relatives made a small photo album for my grandpa when he was in the nursing home and starting to forget names. She had picture of the families and put the names of each person around the picture to help him remember. So, he could enjoy seeing his children and the grandchildren and also review names. Very sweet.
  12. Please know that when you "pop them on the thigh" in public, you are shaming them...and yourself. If you have neuro typical kids, there's no reason they can't be trained to not behave badly in public. They can certainly be trained to do this without physical means. Also, it is unusual that strangers comment in the middle of a mother parenting. If you're having multiple people who don't know you telling you that your kids are behaving appropriately as you are correcting them, it is possible that you are either overdoing the correction or are correcting behavior that is normal and age-expected. Gently, please look objectively at your training methods and see if there is something you need to change. Something is off here...
  13. Since you're looking to earn money, I'd target people who have money to start with. So, to start, I wouldn't target the "looking good on a small budget" crowd. If I were you, I'd be a stylist charging by the hour. Start offering a well- connected friend your services for free on the condition she spread your name amongst her friends. (People who have money know others who have money.) Given your eye for this, it wouldn't be hard for you and would likely be an enjoyable diversion. Offer to go with them and look in their closets to keep what looks good and donate the rest. Offer to go shopping with them and let them know what styles look good with their body type and what colors look good against their skin and hair. You can offer either or both services for hourly fee. Then you can think about putting together a class at a community center later with pictures you've put together of your work. In the meantime, you can do thrift shopping, make a couple of your awesome bargains and offer to sell these pieces (up charging--good deal for them and you) to your new clients. I like the idea of starting a blog. It would be good for advertising but it's not a great way to make money unless you're one of the few lucky ones. So, I wouldn't focus my efforts there for awhile. Your time is limited. Focus where you can make money right away, right now. In short, you can do what you love and what you're good at and should find the best way to monetize that right away. Blogging and videos are lots of effort with little return for most. Hourly consulting would be immediate return. Market yourself saying you're actually causing people to spend less money, even with your consulting fee, because they're buying clothes that they'll actually wear. So many people have clothes in their closer that collect dust...this is where you come in and help!
  14. How do you define bullying? I'm not looking for more heart-breaking stories or anecdotes, but specific behavior (s) that you count a bullying. The reason I ask is that it means different things to different people. I know there is a continuum, but I'd like to hear how the board defines it. The reason I ask is that if the word is overused, it loses some of its power. I think when people use the word bullying when behavior falls within the realm of normal childish behavior, it diminishes the real cases of bullying and causes victims not to be believed when they report. The stories on the other thread are heartbreaking. I hear of educators ignoring kids and parents when they report they've been bullied. However, I do think educators are receiving reports of bullying when behavior is normal kid behavior causing them to become more callused to the word. Case in point: there was a girl in my school that was attention-seeking in each class. Time was wasted by her antics despite calls to the parent and teacher efforts. After months of this, a few kids came to her and told her to "knock it off and stop being a pain." The mother promptly called the school office and reported her daughter was bullied. So, I multiply this mother's behavior amongst all the moms of the special snowflakes and picture the educator's dilemma. It's my feeling that bullying gets ignored because of the people claiming bullying when it's not. This causes true bullying to be overlooked and/or under reacted to leaving the victim unprotected. (I'm hoping I explained myself well. I'm FIRMLY against bullying. I want kids who are reporting abuse by their peers to be believed.)
  15. Can you elaborate further about this program and what they teach? This sounds interesting.
  16. I think homeschoolers give themselves a bad name when they want to join a group and then expect individual accommodations. Being in a class is being part of a group. If people want to tailor everything individually, then don't join a group. These kids might be in for some embarrassing conversations when (if) they go to college and expect teachers to work around them. These parents really aren't setting up their kids for reality. Say NO. Please. It's a class. Everyone comes at the same time. You're a professional. People who don't respect this might not fit in well with your other (reasonable) class expectations.
  17. This is a good point and another way to view the situation.
  18. One thing that is helpful is to realize that a gift such as intellect is given and not earned. So, really, it's hard to legitimately take credit for it. Picture if you or someone like you had been born at a different place and time. -in medieval times an intelligent person would be doing well to survive adulthood and not be hungry each day -a female until fairly recent times would have few choices regardless of her intelligence -in current times, a person living in a developing country can have difficulty subsisting regardless of intellectual gifting -an intelligent person born in this country in this time period to a crappy and dysfunctional home may underachieve all their life due to poor esteem issues -and so on... So, you are a person blessed with intellectual gifts but much more. You were likely: Born in a developed country Given an education starting at a young age Had enough to eat and a place to live so your energy was able to be placed elsewhere--learning Were healthy enough to stay in school and continue learning Were born after many females a hundred years earlier fought for our right for education and workplace rights. So, I find it humbling that I have these blessings, for which I've done nothing. Born at a different time, different country, to a different family, born with different health, etc. are all things outside of my control. I DO take pride in my hard work, honesty, loyalty, etc as these are qualities I've sought hard to develop over years. Does that help?
  19. People that don't get motion sick just don't get it. I've been told my motion sickness might come on simply due to the anticipation of getting sick rather than actual motion or visual triggers. Not helpful! And not true!
  20. I do wish this trend of using hand held cameras and shaky camera movements to add suspense or simulate more action, would stop! It makes it difficult or impossible to wafch movies in a theater. If I do go to a theater: Sit in the last row Only attend theaters that don't have an extra large screen Make sure I don't go on an empty stomach Choose a movie other than an action movie Watching movies at home is generally much more enjoyable. The smaller screen of a TV allows me to see movies I couldn't tolerate on a larger movie screen in a theater. I hate motion sickness!
  21. You know, you might find you like the new schedule better. Afternoon classes always allowed us to get several subjects out of the way in the morning. It never would've worked for us to be out of the home in the morning and then work at home in the afternoon. You never know! Give it a try and see. Your younger ones are getting older and maybe this will work better in the end. Maybe?
  22. I've read many of your stories here and appreciate the transparency in which you've shared your struggles. With that, I have two things to say, neither of which are related. First, I think many dhs think that the workaholic tendency, which they may not even recognize themselves as having, is really benefiting the family. I absolutely realize that this is distorted thinking. However, it may be that your dh felt like this extra work with the business partner would result in financial freedom for your family. In other words, if all had worked out, it wouldn't even be a financial necessity that you worked outside the home. At any rate, the distorted thinking still has damaging results. I'm not really sure how to get a workaholic to see this, but I do see it as a good thing (hard work) being taken way out of perspective and damage comes. Second, your friends with great careers while balancing that with a family, likely had neurotypical children. I'm sure they are lovely people but they didn't save a child. You did, and you continue to do so. If one is looking at the larger picture, your contribution to society may well surpass all of theirs combined. You made the hard choice and are sacrificing for it. Most people (really, the VAST majority) wouldn't have the character to do this. I'm not saying your future might look different if you reach a capacity and need to change your caring situation, but what you've done so far is not a task most people have the strength to do, particularly without a solid support system. Anyway, I know you didn't share to get commended, but I thought you should anyway.
  23. Regentrude, I agree with almost everything you post. Really. I don't agree with this one. I think it was brave of Stephanie to speak out here. Maybe it isn't just for the benefit of the OP either. There are times when posters regularly talk about being overwhelmed with their already large family and then in other posts discuss having a desire and even a plan for another baby. It isn't popular but possibly needed for someone to speak up--after someone has already openly discussed child planning--and suggest that maybe it isn't such a good idea. Or, if someone is overwhelmed or depressed and not wanting more children, I think it is also appropriate to suggest, since this is a conversation they've already started, that the poster practice some very reliable BC or even double up on BC to prevent bringing another child into an already stressful situation when more children aren't being planned. It's not like Stephanie is giving unsolicited advice here. The OP is asking for help. Additionally, as I already said, this advice can help a similarly stressed mother reading the posts.
  24. I can relate to what many of you are saying. I'd like to share my story as someone who's "been there" and found a solution that worked for me. I started homeschooling when oldest child was four years old. Fast forward, I was still homeschooling 15 years afterwards. We'd had three cross country moves and ended up in a place where I had difficulty finding a solid community. I'd been looking for a good social group for the kids with solid academics. We found classes and groups that sort of worked, but not particularly well. I found that my community was drying up as well and realized I was slowly withering. My two older kids had the small and often undependable social circle and I was realizing my two younger kids were headed for much of the same. I knew my life was out of balance, and I was determined to get it back in balance. My oldest went off to college and the second was well on his way to finishing high school. I enrolled the younger two in a classical, university model school. I had two days/week to myself for the first time in 20 years. I was only 5 hours each of those days, but I hardly knew what to do with myself--*in a good way*. They were receiving a SWB/TWTM education without me planning all of it along with a friend group. I was satisfied with the school but still needed a challenge myself. Who would hire me after being out of the workforce over 20 years? My college degree wasn't outdated but I had almost nothing to put on a resume. Also, I needed to be home three days/week as my kids were only in school two days. After a couple years I started volunteering at the school. I ended up taking on a rather large project at the school that really challenged me and introduced me to a number of friends. I was hired the following year in a small part time job. (I actually saw a job opening and got up the nerve to ask for it.) This led to me being offered a job in admission for the following year. I now work from the school on the days my kids are at school. I work from home a small amount the other days. If I need to take off early from school because my child's basketball game, they are enthusiastic about it. "I hope they do well!" is called out as I go out the door. They are creating a great work/life balance for me here. I now have a part time job that gives me the challenge. While private schools don't offer lots of money, I'm able to make connections with people, build my resume, gain valuable experience, and challenge myself. I'm so grateful. This school is also the only place I can think of that would work with the ridiculous hours I have available to work. (I can work outside the home from 8am-2:30pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays and part of Friday.) I never saw this coming. I put my kids in a place where they could thrive. I volunteered. This led to a job. I feel like a new person. I'm also hopeful my daughters can see that balancing a family and a job can work. I've encouraged them to look at careers where this is possible. My oldest is now a nurse and my youngest daughter is also looking at the health care profession. Honestly, I think I would've been a better wife and mother if I'd had more balance in my life earlier. I have it now but it took a long to to realize I needed this balance and several more years to get it. I hope my daughters have that balance sooner than I did.
  25. Due to a storm, our electricity was out for just under 24 hours. We have two refrigerators that were, thankfully, not as full as usual. It is rare that we lose electricity, and when we do, it comes back on rather quickly. Had I known it would be out for so long, I would've gone to the store and bought a bag or two of ice and packed some of the food in coolers. I kept thinking, "It will come on any minute now..." At the end of the day, one of the kids asked for ice cream. At this point, I figured we'd lost most of of the food anyway, so I said she could have some. The ice cream was liquid. I popped some restaurant leftovers in our spare refrigerator at the end of the day, and it didn't feel cool at all. (The house indoor temperature was mid 80s during the day.) So...I went ahead and tossed the hamburger I'd planned for July 4 burgers. Maybe some people would've kept it..I just could not have eaten it. (Again, wish we'd grilled it knowing it would be so long.) Would you keep: couple packages of Hebrew National hot dogs lots of shredded cheese condiments-mustards, relish, salsa, barbecue sauces salad dressings salad kit from the store-contains a poppyseed dressing and salad toppings frozen spinach/artichoke dip from Trader Joe's Lots of butter and eggs that will be fine as will frozen fruit.
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