Something has to give. You are in a situation where: You will not use the public school Your kids do not fully cooperate with your rules regarding meals, cleanup, and bedtime when you are working Your DH will not supervise kids while you are working Your DH will not file for foodstamps for which you qualify You need more income but don't think DH working an extra job will come to fruition You can: Put your kids in public school Continue to train kids Insist your husband participate in household responsibilities when you are gone Apply for Food stamps DH gets second job Honestly, it may need to be a three out of the five choices. I feel feel for you as you are shouldering most of the responsibilities and decision making on your own. I'd encourage you to rethink the things you say you can't change. Maybe talking out some of those issues in a separate thread would help you sort through this. If you had to pick ONE thing in that list above, what would it be? If you had to pick TWO things on that list, what would it be?

It never ceases to amaze me the things over which people take offense...

LOL. I do so agree with this. I think neurosurgeons everywhere must be thinking, "Being a mom is the hardest job??"

I have not seen frivolous Go Fund Me posts. I think there will always be some that abuse an otherwise good system. If I saw something silly or shallow, I'd pass by it quickly and not worry about it. I've seen some Go Fund Me posts that alert people to a need they might not otherwise know about. I think those that appropriatly use them and those that contribute to them like to live in community with those that share needs. I feel badly that a prior poster had such significant medical and physical needs and didn't want to accept help from others. Being independent is a good thing, but it is not a weakness to accept needed help. Some want to live in community with others and some want to be an island. I want to live in community. I want to know if there is a trial I can help with. I'm more comfortable giving than I would be receiving. However, if I were in a difficult situation, I hope I have the humility to accept other's help. Asking for help would be hard. Others want to be an island and apparently want to criticize those who don't want that life. Different personalities, different ways to live.

I would take her to a gyn as soon as possible to try and find her some relief. She sounds as if she is beyond over the counter pain relievers. There are presciption pain meds--non narcotic--that would work better. Just so you know, the first thing that will likely be recommended is BCP. While it may sound dramatic and wrong to put such a young girl on these, please keep an open mind. (This is what I wish someone had told me.) Many, many young girls use BCP to get relief. She is losing too many days each month suffering over this. So sorry for her. Please don't give up and pursue finding a solution. When she's feeling good, lots of exercise can help.

Glad to hear there was a very simple resolution to the issue. I'd look at this as a great learning opportunity. Sounds like there were family members lined up to have a confrontation. In reality, it was a simple misunderstanding that was easily resolved and no drama was necessary. Perhaps next time assume there is a calm solution before getting riled up. The rest of the family should assume this, too, before getting riled up. Even if the water park had insisted on a two piece suit, I still maintain the indignation would not have been necessary. Calmly ask for money back since no course had been taken yet.

I also think we're getting sidetracked here discussing whether two piece or one piece is a common swimsuit for lifeguards. I think the point is this OP's dd isn't comfortable with the job's uniform. She has no need to explain or defend this.

I missed the part that she's paid the money for the course, but the course hasn't started yet. Sounds like shortly after she signed up for the class and paid the money, your dd saw the swim suit she'd be wearing. I think a number of us thought she'd paid for the class, took the class, had the swimsuit ordered, and now you want the money back. I would think a quick, friendly conversation with the manager regarding the misunderstanding over the required swimsuit would result in a refund. No need to plan to bring in an angry relative or utilize your dh's lawyer skills.

Why will she be getting the money back? Was there a contact they signed which they violated? If they said she'd have a job upon successful completion of the course but your dd decided against the job, why would they pay the money back? I'm genuinely confused by this.

Why? Why would you want to do this? Why would a young teen want her name splashed in the media, assuming the media considered this story to be of interest? Why would someone want to be associated with making a big deal out of a swim suit and seeing how people could spin this in the news? Sounds like this job is not a good fit for this family. Why not just move on? Why bring family members in to confront the water park manager as the OP suggested she might do? Consider the cost of the lifeguard training as a learning experience. I think we do our children a disservice by making a big deal about things when we could just MOVE ON. I don't see why any confrontation or media alerts are remotely needed here. My son was a lifeguard at our local rec center and paid to have lifeguard training there. I didn't see anything improper about that.

If your either you or your DH is always present, how come neither of you have seen any of the bullying? I'm always hesitant to involve others when hearing one side. Particularly because this is a situation when you and your DH are around, I'd observe closely to get an objective sense of what is going on. I certainly wouldn't contact the other parent until I'd see a bullying situation in this instance. Once I saw a bullying situation, I'd probably even step in and say something immediately at this age. I'd also carefully observe the situation to make sure my own kid wasn't contributing to the conflict or exaggerating. This way, you have a more complete picture to present to the coach and the other parent when you decide to confront this. Presenting the situation with a huge dose of humility goes a long way toward a peaceful solution. i.e. "I know how kids can be rough, and when I heard my son say some things about baseball, I wanted to make sure my own kid wasn't exaggerating or contributing to the problem. I know kids my kids aren't perfect, so I hope someone would tell me if my kids do something like this, you know? So after hearing several stories like this from my ds, I observed at practice what he was talking about. Your son hit ds in the back unprovoked and then later tripped him. I know our kids often do things contrary to the way they are raised. I'm just hoping we can work through this and have he kids be good friends and enjoy their sport together."

This story contains, quite possibly, more irony than any story posted here on these boards.

I heard of dozens and dozens of mission trips and none of them come close to this description. This is an insulting (and to use your word, obnoxious) way to characterize them.

I think this is such a well-measured and compassionate response. OP, other people here have been in difficult living situations and have know the stress of it. You're not alone. I think some of the negative-sounding posts have come because you seem to think that you're being treated unfairly by your landlord because you feel that you've missed one payment. It's really more than that, and I think that's what people are reacting to and trying to tell you. Seeing the situation more objectively might help you in your court hearing, and I think that's what people are trying to help you to do. I'm sorry for your situation. I'm sure you wished you would've done things differently. If I were you, I'd try and focus on finding a new living situation as soon as possible.

I agree with the above post. Well said. When you donate money, particularly to a teen, you are also investing in the teen himself/herself. I think it would be great if every mature teen or young adult go on at least one short term mission trip. It's my opinion that they will likely donate more money over the course of their lifetime that the cost of that one trip as a result of going. I used to have discomfort with the idea of short term mission trips and viewed this as an ineffective way to help the particular county in need. Now that I've learned more and gone on a short term mission trip myself (paid for myself), I see a different perspective. First, typically part of the money raised goes directly to the mission they are going to help. I went to Guatemala. This trip cost $1700. I believe over $500 from each person went to this mission. It paid for our food on the compound but it mostly went for materials for the construction project being built on the property. People say, "Wouldn't it be more effective if that $1700 was sent directly to the mission?" That would be great! However, the reality is that the 25 people that went probably wouldn't have raised the $500 each that went to the mission. Multiply this out for the number of people that came and helped the mission. It's a lot of support they are getting in addition to the free labor the teams are providing. Second, the point of a mission trip isn't solely to help the mission while the group is there. Hopefully, they will see the great need in the country and want to help partner with what the mission is doing. This could mean, as it did in our case, that we spread the word back home about the work this mission is doing. To put it bluntly, these mission organizations need money. With regards to the mission organization we went to help, most all of their donations came from the U.S. Former short term mission teams spreading the word back home helps the organization in the foreign country reach more people about their cause. This results in more prayer and financial support. Third, after seeing firsthand the work the mission organization is doing, hopefully the people that went on the short term mission will go back home and continue to support the organization financially. We went to a home that cares for girls brought out of homes that suffered abuse. What we saw was so compelling, almost every person in our group went back home and sponsored a girl from the home. This is long term money this organization is seeing from just ONE mission group that came over the summer. Fourth, while most of us will not be full time missionaries, seeing missions work in person in a developing country give a perspective one wouldn't have otherwise. This trip was a life-changing experience for me. My two teenage children also went with us. They are changed by this experience and want to further help with missions in the future. What does this look like? We're still figuring it out. Financial help, for sure. Maybe leading a mission trip there in the future to introduce more people to the organization? We're considering this. As far as recreation on a mission trip, I can see the discomfort in that for supporters. I feel that any recreation should be funded solely by the person going on the trip. Yes, this does help the local economy. However, I feel that the person going should work and donate that portion themselves and make that clear.

I'm reading articles every month or so where a parent punishes a child for some misdeed and doles out the consequences in the most public way possible. For instance, the parent makes a poster of child's offense and consequence. Then they post this on social media and encourage others to repost. Seriously. Some of these kids are going to be scarred of life and the parent gets the smug satisfaction that they "dealt with it." I often see these types of parental reactions with regard to bullying. I see the parent in a bullying position when the child is publicly shamed like this. The whole idea of this type of parenting haunts me. I would even go as far as to say it shouldn't be legal. This child's name can be pulled up years from now. This childhood offense never goes away since it's been advertised *by the parent* on social media. http://cyberbullying.us/cyberbullying-your-own-kids-to-punish-them/

Chelli, This was too long to quote. But please do everything this poster says. Feel free to use her exact wording, too.

Really? Perhaps she's just lazy. Really lazy and irresponsible. I'm not sure I'd be so quick to excuse this with a medical condition. Lots of people have the problems you mention in your post and lead responsible lives.

I actually like this idea. It might give some parents an awareness that perhaps they need to build up some subjects they didn't realize were slipping. While these tests aren't perfect, they do provide some measurable feedback outside of their home schooling. Since this is non punitive, there would be a higher compliance rate. I'm curious. What do these test scores reflect? How are the Arkansas homeschoolers doing?

The difference is that a child at a public school with disinterested and unengaged parents still has a chance at the public school. The material is presented, at some schools better than others, but it is there nonetheless. The child at home who is not given access to enough books or lacks exposure to math, doesn't have the opportunity--at all. Depending on how sheltered he is, he may not have the tools to know how to get that access.

Well, I think the point is that if responsible homeschoolers don't look outward, their ability to homeschool could be taken away from them. If more and more stories and more and more kids come out being abysmally educated, states could come in and change the laws. Looking outward and trying to find a solution to educational neglect within homeschooling doesn't need to include government oversight. There are other ways to encourage homeschoolers to be diligent. Why do you assume the government is the only possible solution to this neglect? That's why I wanted to start a discussion to see if there was a better or less intrusive way to help the homeschooled kids that are falling between the cracks. Since you brought it up, I would venture to say that a student taking calculus at a low-performing public school is still far better off than the child in a home where algebra hasn't even been covered. However, I don't feel it's profitable to bring the public schools into this discussion. We're talking about how homeschoolers can help each other.

Can we have a discussion on ideas or ways the homeschooled children can be protected from educational neglect? This could include state laws, non-profit organizations, or self-policing within the movement. I really feel that homeschoolers will lose some of the liberty they have today if this issue isn't addressed somehow. Ultimately, they could lost the privilege to homeschool altogether. More and more stories come out about children that have been ill-served by homeschooling, particularly as there are now more adults that were homeschooled growing up and are telling their (often sad) stories. Yes, we acknowledge there are many, many homeschool success stories. It is a wonderful form of education for many families, including ours. First, How should educational neglect be defined? In order for this not to spin out of hand, can we follow the parameters below? --Can we have this be a broad discussion and not focus on specific children you know or exceptional situations that wouldn't broadly apply? --Please don't use this discussion to bring up other areas of neglect in the home. While these may or may not be paired with educational neglect, this should probably have a different thread. --Please don't use this discussion to bash public schools. i.e. "Until public schools raise their standard and keep kids from fall between the cracks, people need to lay off homeschoolers." So, even if people educated in other ways have been failed, it is not relevant for this discussion.

Here is what we know from the OP: OP has confirmed that this woman is not exaggerating with regard to her beyond messy house and lack of actual home educating. OP has seen the dirty house in person. OP has said that this woman has told her twice about her lack of actual home educating. OP said woman told her that a Sunday school teacher expressed specific concern about 10 year old not being able to write a sentence. So, a second, objective and independent verification on what mom has already said--twice. OP said mom is a blogger and public speaker, so she seems to have time for other priorities in her life. So, why do people posting here keep wanting to assume there is some exaggeration here? While it's gracious to give people the benefit of the doubt, hasn't the OP removed this doubt? Do we need pictures? Do we need samples of the kids' schoolwork--which doesn't appear to exist? Yes, there are people on that hoarders show who have houses worse than this woman. That is not the standard. Why is it so hard to say that a fellow homeschooler is doing a craptastic job? Can't we say that some people shouldn't be homeschooling? Can't we admit that homeschooling doesn't work well for all families? Again, the options aren't ignore or report to CPS. It appears that the OP has the common sense to have a conversation with her friend to determine the best course to take going forward. In the end, maybe it will be report to CPS. Maybe it will be report to the church. Hopefully, this mom will come to her senses and enroll these kids in school.

No regulations. We are in Texas so homeschools are considered private schools. No governmental oversight. -------- Chelli, This is not exactly true. When you look up laws for Texas homeschooling, you still must use a "curriculum" and teach the basic subjects. Just because we don't have oversight with reporting and portfolios and such, doesn't mean there isn't legal responsibility to teach. While Texas has wider latitude than other states with regard to homeschooling, people can't just not teach at all. She is not just being irresponsible, she is breaking the law by not doing school with her children for the past two years. The fact that she is does public speaking does not speak well of her priorities. Typically, people that are overwhelmed don't have time and energy to put together talks and give audiences insight and advice. Saying nothing and turning her over to CPS are not your only two options. Nor do you have a responsibility to help her plan out her homeschooling. Since she has specifically shared this concern with you, I think it is appropriate and needed for you to tell her frankly that she should not be homeschooling. She is doing her children a disservice and needs to find another educational solution for them.

I'm stunned some posters think a homeschooling parent self reporting that they don't do any school for 2 years is a MYOB issue. At what point would you feel it is your business? When they told you they hadn't done school for 4, 5, or 6 years? I'd encourage you to read some posts at Homeschoolers Anonymous where former homeschoolers talk about how their life has been hampered by parents who weren't responsible with home educating responsibilities. Children do have a right to education, and this mother has reported her children aren't being taught. And she is the teacher. Helping this mother organize her books or giving her some teaching tips isn't going to solve this problem. Ignoring, defending, or excusing this parent will not help the homeschooling movement.