thanks everyone, your thought were helpful. Yes- we are worried it might look like she is gifting money or hiding it. Because of that, she would be writing the checks for anything herself, no cash will be transferred to us. I go back and forth about what is the right thing to do. I wish I could do the suite ourselves, but we can't- and she has had a really hard life- a lifetime of emotional and verbal abuse- at the least, there is probably worse, but she covers for him. I want to wave a magic wand, build her a beautiful suite and treat her like a queen. I am worried if we wait too long, she might not live long enough to enjoy it much. There is no estate, the bulk of their money will go to pay for grandpa's nursing home care when he goes to one, I am just hoping to use some of the money he has saved -for her betterment while she is here. I'm planning for her to live with us till the end.

quick question, I'm hoping someone here is familiar with this... my grandfather has alzheimer's and will likely be in a home this year. They own a mobile home worth less than $20,000. We consulted once with a lawyer to see if they would qualify for medicaid to help pay for his nursing care once all of their savings is gone. He told us they had too much in savings and would have to spend it down on their own care, before they could apply. Things have worsened since that conversation and it is clear that grandmother's health is wearing down due to stress and grandfather's care. We are planning on moving her in at my house once grandpa goes into a home. We had the idea of adding on a suite for her with a handicapped bathroom, sitting room so she has her own place and were planning on using some of their savings to do the add-on. We are so budgeted out with 4 teens/college that we can't do the add on right now. Husband is going to do much of the labor himself, so we can do it for less, he can even do the building plans. We will spend about half (a little less) than what they have in savings right at this moment- joint savings account. This does not include the equity on the mobile home or incoming pension/SSI. I assumed it would be fair, since it will be for her care and to keep her out of a nursing home and it is less than half of their joint money- but now I am wondering if we will get penalized by medicaid for this when they go to apply? Anyone know? Yes, I do realize we will benefit by adding on to our home- but honestly, we don't need an extra room- it really is for her, and it has become clear that she can't live by herself. Originally, the plan was to spend down the savings by purchasing her a newer mobile home for her to live in when grandpa goes into care, but we know now that she needs someone to care for her. Once she is with us, we will not seek rent payments or any money from her. I'm worried we are assuming too much and might get penalized. any experience with this, Hive? yes, I'm going to try to meet with a lawyer, but this is gnawing away at me right this minute. We were planning to start pulling permits next week, but then I had this doubt all of a sudden.

I'm seeing a blank space at the top, but the bottom MPs lecture is still there.

I am always on the left side. It started when we had our first child, I moved to the side closest to the door to get up in the night if needed. 10 years later, we moved and I was again closest to the door, which happened to be left side. A year ago, we moved the bed and we tried to move me to the right, so I'd be closer to the door (kids don't need me anymore, but the dog likes to come to my side and nudge me with her nose and "check in" with me). We couldn't sleep, so after 2 nights, I moved back to the left. The dog doesn't like it because there is not enough room on the left for her to come check in with me. She now comes in at night, stands next to dh's side and then I verbally have to tell her to go to bed. Slightly annoying.

two big jaw drop moments in a long line of them: most recent- phone call with my N-mom, mom: "Aunt M is really doing poorly, she's bed-ridden now....I'm so sad for her, she was always so athletic, so independent, a horse woman......" (talking on about her memories of Aunt M being physical, starts crying as she talking to me) I am sympathetic and listening to her stories about things Aunt M liked to do and I ask a few questions in a 'tell-me-more' kind of way.... Mom: "so I guess I will be taking a trip soon to [State aunt lives in] Me: "oh, you're going to go see her! She'll really appreciate that, I'm sure, how nice of you!" Mom: [confused] no, later, for the funeral, of course! me: jaw open, no words. I was dumb-struct that my mom couldn't take the bother to go see her while she was alive, when it would have made my Aunt happy to see her, but would wait to go when she was dead for the funeral. Money and time were not obstacles to my mom. When I first realized my mom was most selfish person I knew: my sister called my mom from the E.R. where she was after breaking her thigh bone in a swimming pool accident. With her were her 3 K and under kids and a friend trying to help at the E.R. my mother and step-dad lived around the block from sister, sister needed someone to come get the kids out of the germ-ridden E.R., her husband was out of town. She tells mom what happened and mom's first words were something like "oh my gosh, I can't handle this stress and worry, I can't talk to you, talk to your step-dad!" and she did nothing to help my sister once home with a cast. My dad and step-mom stayed with her for weeks, driving a long distance to get there, I drove to help while homeschooling 5 kids, a relative flew in from out of state to help for a few weeks, but my mom never ever helped.

heh, I'm stalking, too. my guess is that your district is starting a new district led home program, and they are hitting up all the known homeschoolers. So, maybe it won't be so bad. your mail system in your area really surprises me!!

thanks! will go look for it!

I'm going on a trip with my elderly grandmother, I'm wondering if when we change plans- if we get a ride in a security car or whatever those are- to the next terminal because it would take her too long to walk, do we tip that person? I tip the usual people, hairdresser, waitress, starbucks. Not the garbage man, but we do give the mailman a gift card at christmas.

wow, just wow!

Welcome to Ca! Don't let it worry you much, that is the most alarming one I have felt in over two decades. -does depend on how close you are to the epi-center. We are in OC, we sat at attention and began thinking of exiting the house, but then it died down...the cat was pretty upset. :D

up front here- I haven't seen the movie yet, not sure if I will. Dawn, your post made me think of discussions we've had with our kids after watching a video series on youtube called "The Restless Church" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4V-JQ7UUVg8 and many points you wrote about are discussed in the series. We found it very thought provoking about thinking more deeply about exactly what we are doing - are we really "changed" by a radical worship conference? what changed? are we preaching to the choir? Do we want more? Anyways, left the link. I don't know the background of the group, but I love the narrator's accent.

I need to check out dropbox, good suggestion. Right now, I have lists and photos of cards in evernote and for my grandparents, who my sister and I are managing and caring for together- I started a calendar thing on Cozi.com which is free- both my sister and I can log in and add appointments, contact info and journal things that happened and we can also upload photos. ** was in for a CAT scan for my grandmother last week, while we were in the waiting room, an ambulance came and brought in an elderly lady on a gurney. She had on a blue silk robe and a feather boa. I texted dh about my sighting. I wanted so badly to snap a photo, but refrained, knowing that emergency moments are private, but it was really funny. -the MIL wanting to curl her hair made me think of that...my grandparents live in an area with a very high percentage of elderly, even the stop signs are bigger than normal and the turn lanes start like a half mile back, it's very interesting being there.

Anne, I'm just entering into this myself with my grandfather. I haven't found anything online yet, but I did call the Alzheimer's association http://www.alz.org/ and they had a counselor call me back in person, it was really helpful to talk to someone. They sent me some information by mail and email and they have local chapters you can go to for meetings. http://www.alz.org/

my mom died recently of cirrhosis due to drinking. When she got sick at the end, she told everyone, including Dr.s that she wasn't drinking anymore, because she couldn't (stomach pains/sick) we found out after that she was still drinking large quantities of wine, but didn't consider that "drinking" as opposed to the vodka etc. So, my point is, alcoholics get very creative with their terms and explanations. sorry you are dealing with this.

I don't understand the genetics thing, but I am half hispanic, my father has very dark skin, my mother is half English/Italian. I look like my mom, blond hair/blue eyes, though not as blue as hers, light skin. My sister looks Hispanic. I had blonde hair blue eyes at birth. 3 of my kids had dark hair at birth (my husband is also half Hispanic but looks Irish) and dark eyes but my son had blonde/red hair and blue eyes. His eyes changed after age two and are now light hazel and his hair has darkened but not as dark as his sisters. My sister, has one son with blond hair blue eyes, we joke he should be mine. Genetics are very interesting.

{{hugs}} can you arrange for two nights away for yourself to rest? I would encourage you to ask her Dr. about medication. I finally sought help for depression, I have tried everything to avoid medication and nothing really helped much, some things helped a little, like exercise but nothing helped like the medication has. I wish I had done it 20 years ago. I was afraid it would turn me into a not-caring zombie person or make me kind of crazy if they got the levels wrong, or make me not me somehow/ less creative, but it hasn't done any of those things, I am just better able to handle things, and not plunged so deeply into despair over things. I also noticed at night, my thoughts have slowed down, I was suspecting I had ADD, and I would stay up late because I have trouble falling asleep- now my thoughts are less like lightning in my head and I also noticed that I would get really anxious on the way to newish things and I noticed that is gone now too. I didn't think I was an anxious person, but now that the stomach churning anxiety is gone on the drive to a new place, I realize that yeah, I was really anxious a lot of the time. anyways, praying for you and your daughter and I would really encourage you to at least ask about different medications and how they might help. It is really the pits to have your own mind working against you in life.

my oldest is in her first year at a CC, we did it mainly for the cost savings, it is a great bargain compared to the State School and Universities. Because prices have gone up at the Universities here, there is an influx of people going to the CCs and I have friends whose kids did have a hard time getting the classes they needed as highschoolers taking CC classes- when you do it that way, they actually get the classes free, but are at the bottom of the list for getting classes. As a brand new College** freshman, it was challenging to get her classes and many did fill up very fast, but she has been able to take everything she needs and have 15 units- she just had to switch some things around, like take Math second semester instead of first because it was full. I have just started back to college and I am going to a different CC than my dd and it is actually less crowded then her school and I had a better experience getting my class, because of that, I'm going to stay where I am at instead of enrolling at the CC she is at, which is in our neighborhood. We have 4 kids, and we plan for them to all go to a CC first and then transfer, it really will save us a lot of money, and we don't have to mess with the A-G course requirements. Frankly, I like choosing our own materials and courses. We are in central OC, the school I found less crowded was Irvine Valley College.

many people just print out a year calendar and only mark off absences, mostly kids are always present. It's easier then marking present everyday.

I'm so sorry, {hugs}. my mom did get me horse riding lessons, they lasted 4 months, until she won the custody battle and then she yanked them. (so, sometimes even getting your wish is painful in unexpected ways). my past is painful, too - though not as painful as yours, I think. (super cyber hugs to you)

great! my oldest finished her first semester at the local community college. She took 15 units and got mostly A's, one B and one C. She wrote a paper for a class and got a perfect score and a written comment that it was one of the best papers the instructor had read ever for that class. I am so pleased with how she is doing, she is a bit like me (and I am scattered and don't finish things) so I was worried about how this was going to go, but she has buckled down, she took our suggestions about using a student planner and following it. She works in the mornings. I'm really proud of her. We did community college because that is what we can afford as a family, we plan for all the kids to do this and then transfer to a state college. and then...I started back to college this Spring semester. Community college, also- but not the one my daughter is at, I needed different classes. I do not have a degree, I am planning on getting an early childhood education license first (12 units) and then go on to get a BA in creative writing. You ladies here on the boards have been such an inspiration, and gave me courage to do this new thing. (I am only taking one 3-unit class this semester, but will take 2 classes next)

Welcome! I graduated my oldest, but then my next decided to go to an arts highschool for 11th grade. My two next kids have their eyes on the arts school, too- so my end is coming, too. I think the general feeling here is that we do what is best for each family/and/or our family. Wishing you a great year, stick around, this is a nice place :)

Dear admin, there are at least two posts on the classified boards about making money. I tried to flag them but got a message I wasn't authorized.

I've had two from Antigua and my husband has had several of these hang up calls. We heard about the scam and didn't call back, and I warned my kids.

my husband loves his job, he's a building inspector for schools and hospitals. It has the right mix of office work and outside work. When he first got his civil engineering degree, he had an engineering job that was in an office and he quickly hated it. He makes good money, loves construction, and gets off work pretty early because construction starts early in the morning. his dream job though, is to man the churro cart at Disneyland- but he couldn't support a family on that :D

yay! I went from a 10 year old chevy astro, to an SUV just as old, but luxury to the max and I love it too! I told dh I am never going back, it's luxury all the way now! enjoy!