My oldest could drag out EVERYthing to take forever. We were not in a place where we could get evals done, and because this was my oldest, I didn't know much about it. If I had it to do over, and knowing what I now know (which is really a moot point, because you don't know what you don't know), I would have somehow made evals happen and perhaps have had some better tools. The whole time this one was home, it was exhausting pulling this kid through the day. As an adult, this one seems to be handling life well, and has learned some skills along the way. But oh, it was rough many days, and you have my sympathy!

This situation has been so heavy on my heart. I'm so glad your mom is doing better. I'm sure being believed is very good for her as well, even though it means she has to try to remember more details. I hate it that she is going through this, but I'm so glad you pursued it and something concrete is being done. I really hope they can nail this guy. Your mom is awesome.

It sounds like she was drugged. I don't know anything about these things, but it seems like you should go with it as far as you can. Is it too late for a forensic kit? Too late to have her apartment checked out? Because if this man did this, it could be a pattern. And others may not pursue it due to similar situations. If she was drugged, could it have reacted with her regular meds and caused some of the confusion, etc.? I'm so sorry you are in this situation. And sorry your mother is, too, whether it really happened or is just in her mind.

So glad to hear from you. I've been thinking of you.

I spanked my children. I don't regret it, generally. There are a few times I do regret. There are also times I used other methods that I regret, because I was aggravated or frustrated, and said things I shouldn't have. But I also used many other forms of teaching my children, such as redirection, conversation, logical consequences, and so on. Spanking was only a small part of our training. I used it primarily from ages 2-5 for direct disobedience, and under controlled circumstances (i.e., not in anger, very specific conversation--I told you not to do this, you did this, so I am going to punish you by giving you two pops to help you remember to listen next time.) My children understood that spanking was not all-out hitting; it served a specific and limited purpose. It was never on any part of their body than the seat of their pants. None of them hit each other or anybody else outside of the early toddler years. I am reading here lots of people saying it isn't effective, but I personally found it very effective for the age span for which I used it. It was quick, clean, and over, with a hug at the end and a reminder of "I love you, but you must learn to do what is right." The results were that the child learned quickly not to do that behavior, and did not have residual trauma over it. In fact, they didn't seem upset or tense with us after it was over. They were not afraid of us. I had one child who was a real drama kid. When I tried other methods of discipline (say, a time on the steps), this child drug it out into an hours-long situation of tears and drama. It created hours of tension and stress for both of us. When I spanked that child, it was like it was a relief to reset them, and it was over. Then they cheerfully went on their way. I know this puts me in the doghouse by many people's standards, and will lower other's opinions of me on this board. I really hesitated to post it. I suspect there are others here who agree, but are afraid to say so, like I kind of am. But it was a (small) part of our many parenting tools, and our children have grown up to be pretty wonderful and well-adjusted people. I don't know if they will spank or not, because it seems that for the most part, it is considered so horrible these days. I won't tell them they should. I will never spank my grandchildren. I don't think anyone should spank someone else's child. I would have been very upset if a school or anyone else had spanked any of mine.

I will be thinking of you and praying for you tomorrow. I’m sorry you are going through this. ❤️

We've done it. As everybody has gotten older, including our formerly stated guardians (now in their 70s and one not in great health), it seemed the best thing to do. So our second oldest we named as guardian to our two youngest. This was with the caveat that at the time, decisions could be made as to what seemed best for all, considering the current circumstances. She wouldn't be required for them to live with her if another sibling's situation seemed better suited, for example. Now, it is only the youngest who is underage.

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It always makes me a little sad to hear people say that older people are just showing who they really were all along. Because dementia is really a type of brain damage, right? And how do you know for sure that their brain has not begun to deteriorate? I had an aunt who gradually started behaving in ways that raised a lot of eyebrows when she was at an age you wouldn't suspect Alzheimers (sp?). So people would gossip about her and how selfish or mean she was. Later, she became very bad and was diagnosed with Alzheimers, and ended up dying of it. At that point, her children were able to look back and see the development and patterns of it, but at first, they just thought she was being mean. There was also a lady I knew growing up who became "boy-crazy" (for lack of a better term), which caused trouble at the care facilities where they tried to get her the care she needed. I totally believe it was due to changes in her brain, not due to the fact that all of a sudden she let everybody know what she was really like. Just something to keep in mind as a possibility. ETA: Well, of course brains are beginning to deteriorate as we age, but I meant in a more dementia kind of way.

Coughs last awhile for me, but it's the other stuff I'd be more concerned about. Like PP, I've always heard 24-hours fever free without meds that reduce it. I'm sorry you've been sick. Sitting outside in the fresh air can be helpful for the antsies, and it won't tire you out like going to an activity would.

I want a dog, too. However, we can't afford one right now. 😞 Plus, if we had one, I'd want to be at home with it to train it and bond with it, and no one is at home enough during the day for a dog to get the care it needs. So I wait. By the time I can actually get one, I will probably be too old and will have decided against it. Anyway, my sympathies are with you. We do get to dogsit a friend's dog when they travel, and that helps some.

Welcome! You said you wanted different angles, and this is the place for them! ;o) Overall, I don't think I've been considered overprotective, but when we were in a neighborhood with kids your kids' ages, I did have an "outside play only" rule. For one thing, I wanted them getting the exercise and sunshine. For another, I wanted to know where my kids were, and who/what they were being exposed to as much as possible. I also wanted to keep some semblance of order, as our neighborhood boys were rather rambunctious. I had one who was a strong introvert, and one a strong extrovert. I needed to provide the introvert a place to retreat when he needed to. And because we were on a tight budget and some of these boys had restrictive diets, other than offering water, when a kid said he was hungry, I would say, "Run home and get a snack then, and you can come back afterwards." That might not seem very hospitable, but I couldn't afford to feed snacks to the whole neighborhood every afternoon. I also didn't want mine going over to others' houses for snacks. I wouldn't worry a whole lot about the manners thing, other than specifying which areas they could play in, if they were in our home. Or keeping them from destroying things/getting into things that are private. Just enforce it for your own kids. If I saw my kids starting to pick up a lot of bad attitudes/habits and disrespect from other kids, I would step in then and limit time. You might not have the constant interaction and friendships that you are desiring, but there should be some balance in the situation. We had some very close friends with whom we spent lots of time when our older kids were younger. The other parents were more relaxed about kids than we were, which caused me some tension. I later found out some things that happened that could have been really dangerous (not of the sexual nature or anything). It could have seriously harmed one of my younger children, and both one of mine and one of theirs was involved. They just were not thinking and didn't realize the seriousness of what they were doing. Therefore, I prefer to monitor more closely the interactions of children, even if it looks like I am just going about my daily chores. I am also an introvert, so to have a completely open house was stressful to me. I didn't want kids in and out every day. Our kids were able to have a good balance of friendships though, because there were enough activities they could participate in that didn't involve having to do the in-and-out of our neighborhood houses thing.

Well, I can't promise that it's a purely medical result, but I started taking turmeric capsules a couple of years ago because I had mildish-mediumish pain in my hips, mainly one of them. I rarely notice any pain there now, and I don't believe any other circumstances around it have changed. So I keep taking them. ETA: No side effects that I know of, and besides helping with inflammation, it has other good health properties as well.

I'm not ignoring the other issues, i.e., it does sound like there is a lot more going on that should be followed up on. But I am very sensitive to color and light. Some are saying that blue is light, but though it is pretty, I think I would find a whole room of it too dark. Blue is one of my favorite colors, but for some reason, I do not care for blue rooms. We lightened up our living area considerably when we moved into this house, but I wish we had chosen even lighter. Our bedroom was quite dark, and we painted it a very light with just the slightest tinge of green (you'd never call it green if you walked into the room). Just walking into the room cheers me. So he probably needs deeper help, but repainting could be a detail that might help.

I'm not a runner, and it's obvious 😛, but several family members are. Lots has been covered here. I haven't heard about actual colds, flu, etc., but oftentimes right after the race the runners feel flu-ish and possibly run a little fever.

Here's a sample of ours with names changed. The next week is the opposite. I have the two charts saved on my computer and change the dates, printing them out about 6-8 weeks at a time. It doesn't cover everything you want done, but it's a lot easier to glance at and see what is there. Dh and I aren't on there, but we do have our specified chores as well. Sample chore chart.doc

I'm sorry you did not get what you deserve, especially after what seemed so positive in your favor. However, I hope that now you can take some slow, deep breaths, and feel the tension starting to leave. You do have a place to live, with a sister who loves you, and beautiful daughters who have a relationship with you. And any PTSD feelings are certainly understandable. It's been a long haul. His wealth really will be a cold comfort to him as he ages.

I'm with you! I don't care for heat too much anyway, and fall is my favorite season. Thankfully, it is supposed to start cooling a bit by next weekend, if I can wait that long.

As to Scarlett's situation, I don't know. However, I have found it a bit ironic that on a board where we are always talking about boundaries, and the Boundaries book is often recommended, it doesn't seem to apply if it is one's child rather than someone else. I love my kids with all I am, but if I had one who was trying to manipulate me to do something I felt I couldn't (thankfully, that hasn't arisen thus far), I would have to put a boundary there, The speculations have been interesting, and sometimes entertaining, but I must not have read as carefully as others, because I keep seeing people insisting that Scarlett said things that I don't recall reading that she said. If this really had to do with her son's wedding, it seems as though things must have moved really quickly, and talking things through to a compromise might not could happen as quickly as the wedding did. Hugs to you, Scarlett. I hope you and your son are able to find a healthy, loving way forward, with mutual respect for each other and your points of view.

My boys are on either side of yours. We still use a chore chart (no stickers or cute pics, of course, just business) on the fridge that lists each thing to be done. It's specific, alternates weeks, and it is clear what is expected. Add-ons for irregular chores can be written in or verbal. With just the two of you, you can put yourself on the chart, and alternate household chores with him. Not all the chores are equal, time-wise or effort-wise, so that is why we alternate. There is some flexibility about the timing of main housecleaning due to...life. I don't worry about their rooms, generally. One is neat, one is a slob. The one who is a slob occasionally gets instruction from dh or me, "You need to clean your room before you leave on the trip." As far as schoolwork, when our one ds started ps, I told him at the first, "This is your responsibility. I am not going to be asking you all the time if you are doing your work. If you need help, I will be glad to see what I can do, but you are the one responsible to stay on top of things." I do follow the parent portal to see how things are going or if something needs to be addressed, but managing his time is up to him. If his grades start dropping or he does badly on a test, that is when I try to find out what is going on, but I don't plan his study time for him. He has risen to the task. This approach may or may not work as well for you. As others have said, specific chores rather than timing for them seems to work better. Dishwashing should mean all the dishes, not just some of them. Or, "I'll do the pots and pans, you can do the plates, cups, and utensils." Or you can do a wash-your-own-dishes rule (as dirtied), plus 2-3 pots/pans. Call-backs are for a job sloppily done. Before the weekend, I ask about any specific plans. If they have a busy weekend, I remind them to make sure their chores are done before they leave. This system works pretty well for us, but they aren't really complainers about the chores, which helps a lot. I try to always give them a simple thank you when they have completed something that benefits the family, because everybody likes to be appreciated.

There are moral lines that I would draw with my adult children that could damage the relationship. However, they know me and my morals, so it wouldn't/shouldn't come as any surprise to them. It isn't that I would want to do anything to damage our relationship because I love my kids with all I am. However, agreeing to certain situations could cause me to compromise myself on a level that I refuse to do. (Boundaries, you know.) I would lose self-respect, and I believe that deep down, they would lose respect for me as well, knowing that I really felt a certain act/situation was wrong. They might be trying to justify something they don't feel comfortable with doing (and want approval for), or they may truly disagree. But I can't let even my loved ones cause me to go against my core beliefs. It would hurt like something awful though.

I'm so sorry you are having to make these kinds of decisions. I have wondered about this a bit--the "what would I do?" question. I like to have some preliminary scenarios in the back of my mind of things like this. I'm pretty large up top, and late 50s. I know I wouldn't do implants, because my system is pretty sensitive. I fear I would react badly to a foreign anything in my body, and would end up having to have it removed. As to the flap surgery--i'd have to talk a good bit to the surgeon to see what they say. I lean toward bilateral no reconstruction, but I'm not sure. Bilateral due to considerations mentioned above. I do not react well to stitches even, so having any more surgical intervention (reconstruction) than necessary doesn't sound appealing. It's such a personal decision about such a personal part of your body. Hugs to you, Jenny.

Your second one reminds me of my birthday one year in high school when I asked for a filing cabinet. It was a full-sized one. Loved that thing! (Never asked my parents what they thought about that.) Favorite punctuation--it's a tie between ellipses and dashes...

You've probably already heard more opinions on this than you want, lol. But I guess I'll throw in my 2-cents worth (I used hyphens!) as well. Most of my kids have been pretty responsible by that age, but I wouldn't have left them overnight, especially not for several nights. They would have gotten creeped out and even the introverts would have gotten lonely. I'm an introvert, and love time alone, but I get lonely after a day or so. Unless I am the one traveling, lol. But I'd sure love to see you get to go on this trip. You've had a rough year, and to celebrate both your recovery and your anniversary, and to have some time for just you and your dh, I think you should go and just not worry about sil and how they handle things, or whether they are a little inconvenienced or not. (And this is from one who has always had trouble leaving her kids with anybody. 😛 ) But really, they are family and they can survive a little finagling with the schedule. Ds might enjoy having some good cousin time, and if he doesn't, he'll appreciate you more when you get back home! So I vote that you go and enjoy the time relaxing with your dh, and let your son stay with the relatives. ETA: And since he is 14 and a nice kid, I'm sure, it is not like you are asking them to keep your three wild toddlers, ages 4 and under.

The ONLY thing I have ever been able to control of any of this, is when I did too much, too soon, after childbirth, and I bled more and longer. So I when the amount increased after being less, I took the hint and slowed down.