I can relate to the desire for a child to get on with it. But may I suggest that you listen to the women here...I wish I had, more than I did. They grow up fast. Doing worksheets at 5 is not a hill to die on.

We had a situation recently where some visiting kids overstepped boundaries we were comfortable with, in our home. At first, I was mad, and dh was livid, mainly with ds for allowing it to happen, and dh's reaction was to send the kids home. But after talking with ds and feeling heard, we scaled right back to me (because dh was still too loaded over it) just gently saying what we expected in our home, and it was plenty and the kids apologised. I generally am pretty lenient but will happily tell visiting kids what is expected in our home in a motherly, gentle but matter of fact way.

That is excellent news!

Shopping. Dd has an amazing dress and fashion sense and sometimes we just go to the mall and shop- usually looking for something in particular but I make a play out of it. Also op shopping- that is fun and cheaper! I too did not have a mother who played girlies with me, nor her mother with her- and I myself wasnt into clothes or anything, much. But I do have some fond memories of going shopping with my mum, where she would take me to a coffee shop after getting my hair cut, that sort of thing. With my dd it has been a journey of healing from her birth, for me, because my "girl" side was severely under developed but she is girl all the way through. So we have painted our finger nails and toe nails and played dress ups for years- although she does it much more than me. I think girls really need praise and adoration for their looks- its kind of inbuilt and to try to deny it is counter productive. I tend to tell her how beautiful she is a lot, and always have, and put attention on her hair, her clothes, her bedroom, her shoes.

It happens here too- mostly, I try to encourage him (hopefully nicely, sometimes rather more brutally) to go to his room where he has his own TV and computer (he watches TV while playing spider patience. A lot. I might bring him meals and visit him in there sometimes- generally I find it best if he isnt around the kids but he can normally handle me in small doses. When he is ready to come out of his man cave, he's usually feeling better. I guess its my equivalent of PMS.

I once read that Nutella is very high in Vitamin E. Yeah. So are potato chips. Doenst make it good for you :) Is it new in America? Its been around here for many years and I guess the novelty has worn off. I just know it as one of those foods that are best off never entering the house.

2 kids, boy girl, close in age, very different in some ways. Firstborn Dd16 is easygoing and has been just so easy to bring up. Its hard to explain how easy it is to be her mum, most of the time. If I had only had her, I would never have any compassion for parents of difficult kids- I would probably think it was their parenting, honestly. People told me I must be such a good parent after I had her. She is also smart and learns easily. But then along came ds15. A nightmare, screaming, never ever put me down or I will scream non stop, child. Clingy, demanding, angry from birth, and very manipulative. But wow that child has made me grow and I adore him so much. HE is what has given me compassion for other parents. And he loves his mamma like nothing else. He does NOT learn easily and its always been a challenge. If I had had him first, he might have been an only child. But you know how it is- I love him just the same. Totally. But both are outgoing and incredibly social creatures. Dd16 and i were talking about that yesterday and she said "its ok mum, dad had enough self confidence for 2 kids". I was very shy as a teenager and under confident- not my 2. They inherited their dad's outgoing nature. I am glad.

Gees, it's not letting up here in Australia at the moment. Melbourne and Victoria have just been hit by severe storms and flash flooding! You guys and any others ok in Victoria? Here in Perth we are getting really strong winds from the cyclone that hit NORTH QUEENSLAND a few days ago which is really, really weird since the weather usually goes from west to east not back this way, and Nth QLD is a heck of a long way away from us in the South West! But that cyclone was really huge. Doesn't it make you think all those prophecies might have something to them after all? I mean, this is freaky! ETA- oh, and Melissa is there too, isnt she?

Deb, I have the same situation- but we have "voluntary" and "compulsory" school fees as well. I paid the compulsory fees of $250 or so last week and I "have" to pay the "voluntary" ones by the end of 1st term. Thats another $200 or so. Then there are further contributions you can make if you choose. Plus all the other things you have said. Yes- its not cheap, and I only bought the summer school uniform so far. The jacket for the winter one is $65 alone. On the other hand, my son came home yesterday absolutely raving about the swimming lesson he had in the school pool- and how he got to dive off the diving boards. I am pretty sure the government wouldn't have paid for that, which means the school raised the funds. There is also a basketball stadium and tennis courts. We live in a wealthy area- the school is one of the top scoring state schools. Overall, I feel we have done well- he got across borders to get into this school- their numbers were low this year, otherwise he wouldn't have got in. It has put me out of pocket for sure, but so far, so good, and he is really loving it. It feels like just what he needed.

Sort of but Buddhism is classically non theist- and doesnt even really talk about a life force...it's more emptiness. Although that does vary between Theraveda and Mahayana buddhism. Taosim is certainly into an energy force- the Tao. The others, even Hinduism, are more into the One God (Hinduism has many "aspects" of that one God, though, in the form of gods and goddesses. ) I have been interested in this topic my whole life and I think the further you go into doctrine and dogma, the less you can usually find in common. What I do think they all have in common is a foundation of trying to explain the great Mystery of life such that ordinary people can be uplifted, as well as try to provide a moral framework for people. I think all religions have their foundations in something healthy and deep and beautiful, and yes, an understanding of the Oneness of life, however they try to name it. They all try to inspire us to know that Oneness and to be more loving and to know our true nature. But it is rare that religion itself doesn't instead create greater divisiveness and exclusion, due to human nature. I do think all religions at their heart, stripped of all dogma, try to point to the Truth, but we generally cant hear it or see it because we are so conditioned, especially by religion. One has to really want to see beyond the surface to find the real value.

At first it seemed like a lot....but then I went back and read it, an while it is certainly a full and busy day, its not much different from probably most womens' days in some shape. We make meals, we clean up after meals- there's a huge part of the day (and an undervlaued part frequently). We drive kids places, we homeschool or take them to school, we shop and do housework....and that is just the bare bones that our lives are built around, really. Let alone anything extra. It is great that you got that hour of quiet time first thing in the morning- that is important to me, too. I often wake up at 5.30 or even earlier, but I cherish the alone time. The rest of the day, I may or may not get a decent break (usually I *do* get an afternoon rest). Today I had to take my dd to enroll her in college and have an orientation day- I am exhausted! I came home and because i have been meal planning using plantoeat.com, I had Pad Thai planned for dinner and...I decided to make it and everyone loved it but I probably should have said "cereal tonight" instead. When I have several really busy days, I often cancel things and aim for a day off. I cant handle busy for too long without burning out.

I am a huge Flylady fan, but I do not follow her program rigidly at all.I joined up about 8 or 9 years ago and it helped me so much- but I don't think I have ever in all these years followed her program completely. I take parts of it as it suits me. Its the "flywashing" over years that helped the most- its the attitudinal stuff- the "you are never behind, jump in where you are" and the you can do anything for 15 minutes" that helped break me out of my perfectionism. I can now keep home- but I still like to create systems and routines for myself and I usually use Flylady as a foundation for them because it has always worked for me. But no, I dont wear shoes inside much, I use zones just as inspiration for where to put some energy but not much at all really, and I usually delete the digest without reading it. And sometimes I go for months without being subscribed or following the system much at all. BUT I am extremely grateful to Flylady - she really changed my life- and I consider myself a "Flybaby" no matter how far I drift from the system or how loosely I implement it.

Now. The freedom my teens have to be themselves is awesome. I think most people today still have morals and respect, and I think fathers are generally more involved now than they were in the 50s, from what I can see. In the 50s men didnt attend their children's births, didnt change nappies, and didnt do much childcare. Gender roles were much more rigid. I know many people like to hark back to previous times but I honestly think things are far better now- especially for women. For me though, if I was to pick a time, I would have liked to have been a flower power child in the 60s :) I told me mum when I was a teenager that I was born a generation too late- I really should have been a hippy.

I have a Mac and I use Gmail- love it. I am sort of using ICal- just not sure if I want to yet but I am playing with it. Gmail is just so easy and seamless for me.

Well, I had number 2 close to number 1 in order for them to be playmates. Dh wanted it and I wasn't sure I couldn't handle another so close but it happened anyway and we have been grateful ever since. But you have many children- its a different situation. It has been great to have kids close together, as you already know, but I would have had a 3rd no matter how far apart- and dh wouldn't. The "baby" probably also has its own place and gets a lot of attention from all the older kids.

I am not sure I would ever think that other parents are "egocentric" because they do things differently from me. If it works for them....maybe their kids are having an interesting life, too? Many families are much closer to their extended families than I am and that might be a good thing for them. And I am not sure that it is particularly virtuous to spend all day every day with my 6yo. There are many ways to live. Surely we are all egocentric to some extent? We all tend to think we are the centre of the universe and that our reality is the most right one- it is human nature. Whose to say whose reality is better, or the right one? There are almost 7 billion separate realities on the planet- which one is right? Maybe you are just venting- thats ok.

Please, both of you need to research this. Mercury is a very toxic metal in even very tiny amounts- if your dentist is not using any special protective techniques to stop you swallowing the mercury as he drills it out, he is very, very ignorant and literally putting your life in danger. Even dentists who still use mercury for fillings tend to know that you need protection when having them removed. You can ask if they will- if they wont- run. Yes, I had mine removed last year. I went to a dentist that does it regularly and is experienced with using the rubber dam that prevents the mercury from going into my body. I would have inhaled some but at least I didn't swallow any. I went to a specialist dentist- in that, he does not use mercury in his practice at all because he knows it is toxic. However there are many dentists who still use mercury who also will do it properly- but you have to shop around. I would NOT muck around with it.

I think that is that square meals and "dont spoil your appetite" were the norm in past generations. Meals were all cooked from scratch and so considerable effort went into them. Meal time was also more of a communal event, and an important social one. Nowadays food is so freely and widely available, easily prepared or grabbed from a packet or take away, and it has been stripped largely from its social context. That may well have something to do with why people generally overeat. As the No S author says....while frequent snacking has been normalised and we justify it as good for our blood sugar.....what person can actually do it without consuming more calories than they need? If we could divide our meals over the day, fine, but if we are eating more than we need because of all those snacks- which I know I have been guilty of...well, not so fine. I think it IS worth considering that free snacking might contribute to overeating for many people. And once you are used to it, your body is also used to it. As for kids...no, not sure no snacks is so good for them. I don't know for sure. Quite likely we over pamper our kids and they could do perfectly well on it. BUt I think if my kids were young I would just have an official morning and afternoon tea..and so make regular 5 meals. But I am not sure it is necessary. I would not do it to my teenagers, because I have brought them up snacking- but they know what I am doing (no S diet) so can always choose to do it too if they want. It really made sense to me that snacking stops us really seeing how much food we are eating, wheras if we were to put all that food on a plate at 3 mealtimes, it would LOOK like a lot of food, so we wouldn't be fooled.

Wow Isabella, you have been on quite a journey. Thanks for sharing about the homework. I am stealing a few minutes on the computer before going to bed, after spending 4 HOURS helping my son with his homework. He did forget to tell me he had till Monday to finish his maths- I thought it needed to be in tomorrow. Grrrr. But thats what took most of the time. Maths is not "easy" for him but he is really going for it. I asked him if he wanted to stop several times and he insisted we keep going (wanted his weekend free :tongue_smilie:). I am so glad that for some reason I can actually remember how to do year 10 algebra. I have no idea why that information is in there taking up space in my brain since I haven't used it in almost 30 years. :) Jared and I were actually enjoying both doing the work side by side and comparing answers. I cant imagine him doing that much work on his own, honestly- and he did do most of his homeschool work independently by the end. I have no idea how long I will need to help him so much. He has always needed a lot of support. Your story about your dd helps me feel no so bad about it- and I dont mind. One day he will not need me so much but while he does...here I am. So maybe thats why I havent felt strongly pulled to do something else this coming year, like get a job or study. Maybe having the kids at school/college is going to be virtually as much work as having them at home. I must admit I *am* enjoying having free time during the day, though it passes very quickly. Take care Isabella.

My dd was naturally musical and learned piano easily and still plays- for fun and relaxation, not exams. My ds did not seem naturally musical although he did love to sing which is a good sign. WHen I had him start piano lessons though it was just too hard for him- he has learning issues, probably dyslexia, and even age 9 was too young. Fortunately the piano teacher we were using suggested that her mother was a retired recorder teacher who had a knack for relating well to boys. We gave it a try and whammo, ds's gift for music was discovered. He never really learned to name notes or anything, but he can read music and play beautifully. He learned for 5 years, did extremely well...then just didnt want to do it any more. Didnt want the pressure to practice etc. He and dd did both pick up and do some guitar as well, which they may go back to later. I worked really hard...I wanted them to both have an instrument since i did. I know it is a beautiful thing to have in life. But you can only do what you can do and I never wanted them to hate it. I have never made dd practice. She just does because she wants to. I did make ds practice but he was motivated anyway. He just needed help to structure himself. But once he decided to stop, that was it. After 5 very good years, I wasnt going to "force" him to continue. Its enough of a foundation that he can come back to it if he wants to. YOu cant ensure your kids are musical or will want to play an instrument their whole childhood- you can give them an opportunity, though. I think as a parent we have to watch that our own agendas dont get in the way of what our kids are here for- they have their own gifts. We can only try. But if their gifts are in other areas....we need to also be able to let go. There is only so much time and energy. I really like SWB's approach in TWTM. Give your child 2 years of piano lessons as a part of their classical education. If they want to continue, great. If they don't- it is enough. I like that.

Whoa- 12 kms is way too close for comfort. Glad you are ok.

Yes, we all have our own computers. Once we started homeschooling we realised thats what we needed- so the kids would have been about 8 and 9 when they got their own. Dh and i don't like sharing ours :) In fact, we have more than one each, but really we started very cheap and basic and every now and then we upgrade someone's.

Oh thanks Isabella, for thinking of me! I remember you. I am so sorry about your Hodgkins Lymphoma. Is it in remission? Jared came home yesterday quite excited. He enjoyed it. They did a full day's work on the first day and he came home with an hour's worth of maths homework- which I then had to sit next to him and help him through. He could do it but asked for my support because he wants to do well! Woohoo! He is motivated! Dh and I have discussed this....we want him to stay motivated rather than give up because its all too hard (which is whayt happened in grade 2 when I pulled him out), so I will give him all the support he needs- probably lots of homework help. But even though I was sitting there and helping him (stay focused more than anything), he also kept insisting on "doing it himself" so that he "didn't look like an idiot because he couldn't do them in class". So this is why he needed to go to school- I could not motivate him any more. He said he learned a lot on his first day and he enjoyed what he learned. He likes the teachers- and I must admit, seeing them interact with Jared in the few times we went to the school before now, I find them very respectful and friendly- really talking to him as a young adult. He feels they are respectful too- they treat the students with respect and care (I think its a big deal to him so thats why we are noticing). The students also banter with the teachers a lot, which Jared enjoys and was surprised by- that they could speak up in class fairly freely. As for friends- that was not something I was worried about. He knows kids there, and he is also very good at making friends. He made "heaps of new friends" on his first day, he said. He also reckons that the kids dont really care what each other does so he feels he can just be himself to a large degree. That means a lot to him too. Overall, I am thrilled, and he is very enthusiastic and thinks he is going to like it. Unfortunately some of his friends (homeschoolers and others) have bets on how long he will last at school. He felt a bit hurt by that, because instead of being supportive of him, they are sort of "waiting till he fails". However last night at gymnastics some older boys- 19year olds- told him in front of me that they really miss their school days in retrospect, and they encouraged him to really enjoy himself and school life. To them, getting up at 7am and starting school at 8.30 seems like a distant luxury- they have jobs that involve a very early rising. But I am happy that they were encouraging of him. He is quite vulnerable about it. I made him ride his bike there this morning. Its only a 10 minute ride. He was so tired yesterday when he got home, he couldnt imagine riding home today, but I reckon he may as well start now! Even though it is a 37C degree day! I will make him a smoothie when he gets here. So thanks for thinking of us. So far so good. ETA: Day 2 was also a success. Graphic design and metalwork were hits! So was Health Ed but I havent understood what they actually did. Overall, another good day.

Yes, I think it IS fairly normal for cyclones to lose power as soon as they hit the land- when I think about it that is the norm here. Since this one was so much bigger than anything we had had before, no one knew exactly what it would do. The photos are beginning to pour in. If you were one of the people whose house was de-roofed or destroyed, crops decimated, or business damaged..i am sure you wouldn't say it wasn't so bad....but, it was better than feared overall.

I am tired of all the extras and the sales stuff with Flylady too. When I joined years ago it was much more basic. I would like to be able to get just the basic emails. I do however use the zones- which you can get off the website or download to your online calendar from the Cozi site. Then I have a morning, afternoon and before bed routine stuck up on the wall in my office here. Then I have a laminated sheet of detail cleaning points for each of the zones- which I keep in the actual zones. A control journal just never worked for me- I never opened it. But a bathroom cleaning sheet on the toilet wall is something I will use. Thats about it for me. I declutter regularly. I have a timer. I like the zones even though I don't always use them- it does give me a focus. ANd I like the routines. I have a large squared calendar for writing appointments and events on. I also have a page to a day diary where I write my To Do lists and things to remember, plus phone messages. It has been an evolving process over many years but my system works very well for me now and when I "fall off the wagon" I can usually see what i need to do to get back on track. Quite often it is simply getting off my butt and going and doing the dishes, a load of washing, or tidying my bedroom. I get the Flylady emails as a daily digest- sometimes I delete without even looking at them, but often I will skim them and read one or two posts. YOu can make it work for you without throwing out the baby with the bathwater :) The thing I like about Flylady is that I dont feel guilty if I don't do it- I just get back up and start from where I am- I am never behind- it makes me feel good about doing anything rather than bad about not doing it all- I like the motivational side of it- and I like the sense of humour and fun aspect of playing music, using a timer etc I have looked for other systems because I like systems :) but nothing sticks like Flylady, so I throw out what I dont like and use what I do.