Thats interesting. Yes, kids can specialise here through highschool although not intensely till years 11 and 12. When I say specialise- they still have to do their basic subjects but can pick electives that reflect their interests from year 8, and there are also many specialist streams- so at my son's school there is an art program and a tennis program that talented kids can apply for- even from other districts. By years 11 and 12 there is very definitely specialisation and one has to choose then (around age 15) whether or not one goes to university or the TAFE system or apprenticeships- and it doesn't seem to prevent kids from giving up. And there is definitely career education. I suspect the issue is multi faceted and there is no simple answer.

Yes, this tends to be my approach. Taking away major social events probably will breed more resentment, and you don't need more resentment. I would deal with it immediately, but on an appropriate level. You might like to check out the recent teenagers and respect threads. Its a good time to build relationship and learn not to react too much. Chances are you are at the beginning of a long ride and keeping things in perspective is a good skill to have.

My son was like this too. He gave up in grade 2 age 7- except that thats when I pulled him out to homeschool him. The damage went deep though and he never really seemed to feel confident in himself after that. Now that he is back in school, I am watching that failure programming work its way through already- telling me he is going to fail tests and it doesn't matter- and then also realising he CAN do school and is actually very skilled in SOME areas. I am hoping that he learns to overcome that earlier conditioning- and in a way he needed to return to school to face his fears. But already he is realising- school is a prison, for most kids. If you are the sort of person who likes a lot of external structure and being told what to do, great. Especially great for a government that would like to be able to control people- train them young to accept lots of external authority. But kids know deep down that there must be a better way that is more honouring of them. WHy is it that we treat our kids like that anyway? They HAVE to go then we expect them to be self motivated? The two simply dont go together unless the child is a good fit for school. I dont think I agree with this. It would be nice if kids did have a good idea, but most dont. Some do. Here the highschools (which start year 8) put a huge emphasis on getting the kids to choose their subjects according to their future career, at a young age. But even though they get lots of career education- most kids do NOT know what they want to do. And, they also are already turned off by then. It takes maturity to be able to set aside immediate pleasures of childhood (kids live in the present) for long term goals. I also think education for careers should not be confused with true education. I think that is the problem- schools are too career focused. And kids have to narrow down their options too soon. Many kids here are opting for easier subjects just because they are easier. I think the problem might be a mixture of too much catering to the individual, and feelings, and trying to please everybody including all the various political factions- and not enough pure education along the lines of a classical education that most of us have tried to give our kids. My son doesn't bring a novel home for English- they read it in class- and no other kid in the class can read aloud fluently. That says a lot about the type of education they received before now. Probably no one can be trusted to read a book at home. So something went wrong way before highschool. Somehow the foundation is not being laid properly. One thing I noticed when I was a kid was that most adults WERENT HAPPY ANYWAY- yet I was supposed to follow in the steps of my academic relatives- they had a great sense of achievement that they liked to talk about regularly- but they werent happy! . No one gave up on me- I was the star grandchild on both sides, the firstborn on both sides, bright and eager- and expected to go far with a great career. Instead, I left home at 16 and went on a spiritual pilgrimage, didnt see my family for years and never went to university. I did NOT want the path they presumed I would take, for myself- I did NOT see that it made them happy. So- they didn't meet me where I was. They put their ideas onto me and no way was I going to live that life. I have never regretted it. Exactly- but they have those streams in schools here. And it is good for many kids- they get to take apprenticeships. But what I have heard is that in the colleges where the apprentices do their study, their attitude is terrible and they don't turn up to class etc. So, its still the same situation. There are so many factors at play. Social factors like the introduction of technology affecting how long kids can concentrate for. When you can get instant gratification on a computer game, why work hard to study for a maths test? Where is the feedback mechanism that makes you want to do well? I think we live in very changing times and no "system" can change quickly enough to meet the needs of the times, when so much beurocracy is involved in changing systems. They education system here is based on methods they have long discarded in other countries. The system is too big. Unless we take it back to grass roots, to families taking responsibility, to small communities taking responsibility, and decentralise it and disconnect it from political agendas...its never going to work well. Its too big and unwieldy.

Happy Birthday and enjoy your present! You will!

Yes, mine both "date" (ages 16 and 15), although that term doesn't seem to be so strongly used in the Australian culture. Dd goes out with various male friends to the movies or shopping, with or without groups of friends, and its not usually called a "date". Its just "going out" and it may or not lead to more "going out" and deeper friendship. We tend to play it by ear. Ds has had the same gf for several months now. Dd16 has had 2 "serious" relationships so far- one lasted for 5 months, the other only a few weeks and then ended suddenly. She is a free spirit though and really doesn't want to be pinned down or "owned" and adolescent boys tend to be highly....emotional. She is not needy and she is gorgeous- they go a bit cuckoo over her and then she gets tired of them. Its been interesting to watch. The general rule is to be home by 10pm- yes, we have allowed both her more serious boyfriends to drive her, after they had a good man talk with dh. If catching public transport she needs to be home by dark. Another rule is to always keep the bedroom door open. We allow them in their bedrooms. But I think this depends so much on your family's values and the character of your individual children. We let go of the strings bit by bit as seems appropriate at the time. No major "rules" other than 10pm kerfew. I think its far more important to foster healthy self esteem and practical self care than make rules. My dd takes good care of herself and wont give herself to any young man lightly, on any level. We would rather not create rules which might make her do things just to rebel. I am finding that letting go and allowing my "kids" to be the young adults they are, more and more, is the least stressful and most encouraging of mature behaviour.

Here, it was ipod touches....then dh got an iphone. Then I bought an ipad. Now i have a 27" imac desktop and I LOVE it. The truth is I don't use my ipad so much but I intend to keep it because when I do use it, I really appreciate it- for downloading kindle books, and for when we travel. I use my desk top for hours every day. It is so beautiful to use.

Awesome! SO glad for some good news.

I too would suggest a 2nd opinion and if it were me I would be trying to find out what actually happened and why it is causing so much pain.

We both have different doctors, we both often try different doctors, but we do have a medical centre that we both prefer- and we don't mind so much which doctor we get there. They are a little bit alternative- they don't look at you too funny if you want to do an alternative vaccination schedule, that sort of thing. We live in a fairly alternative area and there is another medical centre nearby that has doctors who actually specialise in nutritional medicine, alternate treatments to depression, chronic fatigue, that sort of thing- but it costs much more to see them so its not our first choice. The truth is even these doctors look down their noses just a little bit, and are a teeny bit patronising, but they are the best I have found. I have given up telling them what I understand or my training or anything like that- it only makes it worse- I just go in there with a specific purpose, milk their brain, expertise, access to testing, or ability to prescribe something strong- and get out again. Yes, we both have a general idea of our parent's health history. They generally want to know things like diabetes, heart disease, breast/prostate cancer- the big ones- because these diseases have hereditary factors to them. I don't think they need to know that your mother had measles at age 4 or broke her arm as a teenager. When I was having a breast check recently they wanted to know if there was breast cancer OR prostate cancer in my family because they are both related to breast cancer susceptibility.

I actually type very quickly, and can get my thoughts down fairly well- I am definitely not a 2 finger keyboard pecker. However- I make LOTS of mistakes as I type and have to go back and make lots of corrections. In particular I seem to reverse letters frequently- my fingers get down all the letters to a word quickly, but not in the right order! I have never officially learned to type- I have never done a program. Any suggestions as to how I could improve my typing so as to make fewer errors? The idea of a typing program seems a bit like drudgery but I am considering it. Has anyone improved their typing skills in other ways? Or have a good cheap or online program that helped them?

The problem I would have with this is that....then I would feel obliged to declare the spiritual inclinations of the books I read and ...frankly, I am too lazy and I just *expect* people to know I am into non mainstream stuff by now(which isnt fair since there are thousands who visit these boards who wouldnt know me from a bar of soap). I do expect people to look them up themselves if it piques their interest though. I must admit I don't look up a lot of the books here because I sort of presume they might well be Christian since the majority here are..but then, I seem to be pretty narrow in my reading so that certainly isn't the only reason I am not checking out all the great books. I also always seem to have more books than I can read on the go. But when something interests me I go to Amazon. I did buy that For Women Only book recently after reading about it here and then on Amazon. I didn't expect it to be Christian, I must admit, but I also didn't find that that interfered with its message particularly :)

Its an ok blend of appropriate herbs but like others have said, theres quite a few ingredients in there- that in itself is ok but what it means is that the ones you really need are in lower quantities. And as others have said- you would probably need a lot of these to have much effect. The serving info is a little confusing- are they saying that one serving has 1.32 grams, and one serving is 3 capsules? Thats not very much per capsule- I would even suspect a filler. I think you could do better, even in a health food store. I think one of the reasons they keep quantities low is so that no one has any adverse reactions. But that also keeps the medicinal effect fairly minimal. I always go for maximum quantity in my herbal remedies and often recommend tripling the dose on the bottle if its just a health food store brand (rather than a professional brand)- but that would be very expensive for that product.

We have a chicken bucket and a compost bucket. The chicken bucket goes out daily and the chickens get the bulk of the daily scraps. Its a simple small plastic container with no lid. Because a lid would make it less easy to throw the scraps in. Since it goes out daily it doesn't smell. The compost bucket is a system I bought when I must have had too much money in my purse. But its nice to have. bokashi.com.au/ It involves a product that you sprinkle on the scraps, that helps break them down. It doesn't look like much is happening but when you then empty the bin into the compost heap it breaks down very quickly, so it is already partially composted in the bucket. I like it because I tend to only empty it every couple of weeks (since the chooks get the bulk of the scraps) and it has things like onion skins and orange peels and corn husks in it- stuff the chooks tend not to eat. And when I get my worm farm going again...there will be another container. Really, an ice cream container is sufficient for compost. I know people who have larger buckets though and keep them in the laundry...but we need it right next to the sink or no one would bother putting their scraps in it.

Ds15 is surprised and has twice told me now that "mum, half of the kids have just completely given up. They just don't care anymore.". Referring to the fact that they don't do their homework or study at all, or listen in class. This is one of the 3 top state highschools. And he has now noticed that he has a LOT less free time, and he misses his free time. He is trying so hard, but its not easy for him either- academics never were. Mainly the maths. I hope the system doesn't do to him what it has done to half the other kids. He had his first maths test this morning. He is a perfectionist- he was so frightened that he might fail and had himself never getting into university, never having a job or doing well in life- over this one maths test. He could barely study last night because he was so wound up. His dad ended up giving him the "nothing to be afraid of but fear itself" pep talk and he calmed down. But this is a kid I couldnt motivate anymore. On the other hand they are reading a novel in English in class and each kid reads aloud- he reckons he is the only kid there who reads fluently aloud. And he is dyslexic! What's with that?

He is so...out of touch in his presumptions.

I have those black plastic compost bins with aeration on the sides, but they are not necessary. They work though. We are in the city- I have 3. I went to a composting workshop last year- we made a very very big compost pile. The trick is to alternate layers between "greens" and "browns". Greens are kitchen refuse and grass clippings- things that tend to rot quickly and can smell if not layered with browns. Dry grass clippings can be considered browns though. Browns are various manures and also hay/lucerne etc. So I tend to put in a bucket of kitchen scraps then maybe a spadeful of chicken manure from the chook pen, or an armful of hay or dry grass clippings. It just helps stop the other from rotting and getting smelly and slimy. I am not scientific about it at al though and will often put in scraps for a while, then chuck in some garden clippings, then I might buy a bag of manure and throw that on top, and some hay from the chook pen. It usually takes me many weeks before it is full, then I water it, put the lid on and don't touch it for a couple of months.

I dont think I could do it and I really love my vegie gardens. Trees a like wise old beings, like someone else said. Also, it sounds like it is saving you a lot of electricity in air conditioning etc. and the truth is vegetable gardens don't necessarily save you a lot of money. But if it was possible to trim it right back in a particular place to get some sunlight in- I would look at that option seriously. Otherwise I think I would make my peace with some herbs and greens.

It was always 8.30 for us. And get out of bed time was 7am. That left plenty of time for chores (and later, checking email!)

A pretty average healthy vegetarian diet has all that. DH is vegetarian, and i have cut way back on meat and seem to be heading towards vegetarian, even veganism. I seem to need the higher protein and also know about healthy fats. Eggs on toast for breakfast - if you use the best quality wholemeal bread (I like sprouted)- gives you all of it. I like to add in a green smoothie or toss some spinach in the pan too. Another breakfast is oatmeal with LSA or ground flax added when serving, maybe some butter, coconut milk or cows milk. Or toast with nut butter. Avocado, salad dressings with flaxseed oil. Salads with nuts, or nuts as a snack. Fry things in coconut oil. Various patties such as chickpea patties, walnut patties, lentil patties- all give you the protein. Or soups with the beans/lentils in them. Or curries. Cottage cheese is high in protein. I am not eating much cheese but I do have some goats fetta for salads, too. On each salad I have one or more of : avocado, fetta, nuts. I just scan each mean for some healthy fat and some protein. I don't count it or measure it. If you know your vegetarian protein sources, just make sure you have something at each meal. And if you want to add in some meat, thats easy enough. I cook meat for my kids- dh and I have the vegetarian protein one way or another, and they have meat. The vegies etc are the same. I am not against soy and have never been convinced it is evil, so we do eat soy regularly, but not every day. My favorite soy is tempeh which is fermented, and great on salads. If you need a structure, I cant really help you. Its just the way we eat normally- even when I do Weight Watchers, its the way we eat.

:iagree: :iagree: I especially agree that it is important to put the relationship before the rules. Being right wont help your teenager trust you, share with you, or open to you. I also feel that, as a step mother myself, it can be very easy to see how my dh "should" deal with his wayward daughter, my step dd, but I think love is beyond rights and wrongs and if your dh needs to let this one go for the sake of his relationship with his son, that should be his prerogative, completely. I know dh and I frequently let things go once the point is made. Our kids seem to respect us more for it, not less. I too would not like my 16 yo to drive but here in Australia they cant, unsupervised. I have let go of controlling things like bed time. I thought that once my kids started school/college last week, I would crack down. But I had a sort of realisation that if I did that, and brought bedtime back to a reasonable hour and enforced it...I would not be helping them learn for themselves. So I told them..I am not setting a bedtime anymore- its up to them. So far, both are getting as much sleep as if I had a kerfew. And I can go to bed not worrying about whether they are in bed yet- if they do stay up late, they suffer the consequences, not me. With a 16yo, its time to start letting go of the micro managing. I am not saying thats what you are doing overall, but I too would feel that staying an extra half hour, especially when he phoned to ask, was no biggie. It *usually* takes me that long to get my teens away from any social gathering. The lying would not bother me in the sense that....I would be far more concerned as to why he would lie, why he would not feel ok about telling us he had a girlfriend, than that he lied. Relationships before rules.

I think this is a FANTASTIC point and if I had my time over I would be much more diligent about forming the habits of "before you start a new game, pack that one up and put it away" while they are young. I know a homeschooling mum of 6 who told me the story of her sister who did this very strictly- and my friend used to really judge her for being so strict about it. But now that her sister's kids were much older, it paid off as they had the habit of being tidy, while my friend's home was full of clutter and chaos. So if you can pull it off (I couldnt), it is a great time now to make those habits in yourself and also your kids, to keep things tidy, to put things away before getting out new things, put dirty clothes in the hamper etc

No, I never answer my dh's emails, we have separate accounts and don't even read each other's emails. In the OP's situation, I probably would stop writing altogether. It would really annoy me too. But life is too short for giving it too much energy- I just wouldn't write. Maybe I would pick up the phone if it was important.

One of the whole foundations of the science behind chiropractic is that the spine has nerves that connect to the rest of the body. So your digestive system will be connected to nerves that pass through certain vertebrae, and if those vertebrae are "subluxated", or not quite sitting right together, it will affect the nerve supply and even blood supply to the digestive system. So certain vertebrae are connected to different organs and parts of the body and a good chiropractor will notice if certain vertebrae are not right and be aware of the connection to certain parts of the body. By correcting the spinal alignment, many conditions can be cured and helped- from colic in babies to digestive issues to asthma and skin conditions and even learning difficulties. Its all related to the spine and the nerves that pass through it. I know a homeschooling lady whose liver cancer was picked up by her chiropractor, not a doctor. He told her to go to a doctor to get it checked out and she did have liver cancer. This is why chiropractic is often considered a little "out there" and alternative rather than mainstream- because they treat many things other than back or neck pain. My brother is a chiro and is passionate about health on many levels- it is so much more than fixing a bad back, but it does that too.

Ouch- yes, painful. Is there a loan system? Genevieve is going to TAFE for a year and we are paying around $10,000 for the privilege- but we get a government loan, with a 20% loading on it, and pay it off as we can for her. She will pay for university after that. Unlike the U.S. we don't have to pay it back until she is earning $45,000 which could be many years off- and then a certain amount is added onto her tax bill. Its pretty reasonable. But I want to pay it off slowly before we have to. But it hit us hard as I signed the forms a few days ago. It is now a debt and we were fairly debt free apart from some investment properties. Its getting expensive. Dh is very glad we didn't have more children (he was saying!) because the financial burden is on him and he feels it. He is getting older- he is an older dad- and he is feeling it.

Do the dishes after dinner so you can wake up to a clean kitchen. No matter what. I usually unpack the dishwasher/put away the clean dishes when I am waiting for the water to boil for my tea in the morning - but I especially love it when I actually got around to putting the dishes away the night before too. Realise how little time many jobs take. Time yourself unpacking the dishwasher- it's amazing how quick it is in reality compared to how much it seems in my head! Same with cleaning the toilet or even vacuuming, or hanging out washing. Most jobs are not big. You can do a LOT in 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes or 15 minutes. A timer helps you move fast and gives you permission to stop. Great for kids or for everyone to work together. If your problem is perfectionism, as mine was....realise that a little bit every day adds up to a LOT over time. I wouldn't even start things because I was so overwhelmed. When I started using a timer and doing just parts of a job- and giving myself permission to stop when the bell went off- more got done because I started more. I don't need the timer much nowadays because I am not scared of big jobs anymore. In fact I love them! Never give yourself a hard time for not doing enough. Just do something and be proud of that. That positive energy is much healthier motivation than negative energy. Wipe down the bathroom sink and swish the toilet every day- then they never get yuk and are always ready for guests- and for your family. Its a 1 minute job. Routines- such as wiping down the sink every morning after your shower, or evening after the kids' bath- once established, means the house cleans itself.