Thank you for responding. It helps to hear from someone who's been here. Counseling is an excellent idea. I will check into options for the healthier spouse, I'm fairly sure there are options within their church that he would explore. I think he is struggling with feeling isolated, as the unwell spouse's world is really shrinking, and I think that getting him out more would help. I'd love to chat more, and get your take on how to help.

Sorry, I'm not being clear. It's the spouse who is refusing medical care who is throwing out separating as an option. The spouse that has been (relatively) well is doing his best just to respect the sick spouse's wishes re: no medical care. The problem is that when Spouse A cannot walk, or care for herself, and ends up falling down and unable to get up... then Spouse B, who is unsteady on his feet and uses a walker due to knee issues, tries to help her. They have both ended up falling and becoming injured. More than once. And Spouse A's reaction to this is an uncharacteristic, "Leave me alone!" Spouse B is trying to respect that. There is more, including a desired move to a different assisted living facility - but that facility refused them based on Spouse A's choices, stating that they don't allow new residents to come to their facility just to die. I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist, that they won't take the couple because Spouse A is refusing medical treatment.

That was my initial thought, but the issues that are not being addressed are impacting the quality of the other parent's life in a big way. To the point that there has been talk of separating after 50+ years of marriage.

If an elderly parent refuses essential medical care... isn't there a term for this? I vaguely remember something, but my google fu is lacking today. So far I've come up with "silent suicide" and "Indirect self-destructive behavior" (as a form of suicide), but both of those terms seem to be older, from the late 80s/early 90s. I am fairly certain there is a newer, more specific term? Either way, are there options to help an elderly parent who refuses care? The issues: 1) Has a blocked artery and has been referred to a cardiologist but refuses to go. Wants to just "wait and see." 2) Has significant memory issues and has been referred to a specialist but refuses to go. 3) Is diabetic, and does take meds, but otherwise eats copious amounts of sugar. I'd say this person is compliant as far as meds go, but not lifestyle changes. A recent health care advocate has commented that the parent is just waiting to die, and we are aware of that, but only just learned that there are specialist appointments that are being ignored. I suspect depression, and possibly major personality changes happening due to the memory issues. Is there any recourse? What can we do to get this person some help?

We were just laughing about this over the weekend. In-laws have everything planned to the most minute detail. It's all pre-paid and written up in a special book. Every last detail. Over the weekend, we found out that they have already had their stones placed at the plots, with everything but the date of death engraved. They haven't gone to see the stones yet, but plan to soon. We offered to take their pictures lying in their spots, checking out the view. :) My mother plans only to be cremated, and wants our family to take a special trip to a beautiful place and scatter the ashes. We will do a small gathering of her artist friends.

It sounds like you're feeling rushed. That's never a great way to make decisions. Personally, I'd skip that house, because it sounds like it's not a good choice. And since you're not in town, you can't be sure the work is done to your satisfaction. I would opt for renting for a bit, while looking for the perfect house - which *will* come along. Good luck!

We've got a Bumblebee (3yo) and a WereCat (10yo). DH and I are dressing up as skeletons a la Day of the Dead.

I'm so sorry about your cat. It sounds like it might be time to let go soon. I don't think a vet should be pressuring you at this point, and even if they find out what's wrong - what type of quality of life will your kitty have? How much hope that this problem would be fixed before another arose? There are so many questions, and very few good answers when a pet is that age. I did recently hear about a vet in the suburbs who does in-home euthanasia, if you decide to go that route, I can get the name for you. The person who mentioned her said she was very kind and compassionate. I'm not positive she can practice in DC though, we're in VA. Sending you warm thoughts, and hoping you find the best answer for all of you soon. :grouphug:

I have never heard of fingerprinting, photographing and asking for maiden names. Wow.

We're all afraid. Very afraid. :D

The gluten part surprised me. I am GF because of Celiac. But DS doesn't have those genes either. He's actually allergic to wheat itself, so his issue is wheat rather than gluten, but there's so much overlap that it makes it easier on me, too. :)

Not sure this will be helpful, as you've already got such excellent advice, but I thought I'd share my DS's story, in case it sparks an idea. DS gained a lot of weight very quickly when he was 8 or so. Looking back at pictures, we are always shocked at how round he looked. He regularly sees an allergist, and she did some extra allergy testing - not for the weight gain, but because it was just time for some new tests. We were astounded to see that he had developed new allergies. IgE-mediated allergies, to boot. We did some food challenges, and determined that he could keep eating some of the substances, but two of them - dairy and wheat - were exacerbating his asthma. So DS, who had always been a milk and water drinker, had to go dairy free. And gluten free. Wow. The weight fell off. Fast. I don't know if the weight change was simply due to less calories (less milk? more water?), but I suspect not. His calorie intake really stayed about the same, I think, perhaps with the exception of milk. The weight has stayed off. He's an average, typical healthy weight now. In fact, he's gotten 3 summers out of the clothes he wore that summer that he was round. That sounds so strange, doesn't it? Now the clothes just fit better. I expect that this next summer, I'll need to buy more clothes - but other than replacing what was worn out, he wore the same size for 3 summers - they just fit differently (like he grew into the length, if that makes sense). Your guy might not have allergies, of course. But it could be worth looking into, if you don't turn up any other ideas. If you do pursue the fecal transplant, would you be up for comparing notes on that via pm or on the board? I am considering it as well, for GI health reasons, and it would be great to compare notes on how to do it. The doc has me considering who to ask to be a donor at the moment, and I've stalled out on that part. It's hard to imagine asking someone to donate. :blushing: In your case, though, the other kids who don't have the same issues would be a good choice!

:lol:

I haven't seen HIV and ebola compared, with regard to contagiousness. Do you have a link or more info? No challenge here, just genuine curiosity. If they are similar, then frankly - ebola isn't nearly as worrisome as it's been made out to be. HIV protection is fairly straight forward - safe sex, don't share needles, don't exchange blood (to simplify it). HIV is not transmitted by tears, saliva or sweat. If your relative was working with HIV patients, I'd be surprised to hear that s/he was wearing a full hazmat type suit. It's certainly possible, of course, and I have no idea about your particular relative or the conditions s/he was in. Speaking for myself only, I have spent years with HIV patients, and have never donned a suit. I wear normal clothes. :) But then again, I'm talking about my oldest and closest friend, who has been positive for more than 20 years and we've been friends since before the diagnosis. We vacation together, we spend hours and hours talking and laughing and crying sometimes. I've wiped tears away, and inadvertently shared drinks. We follow normal hygiene practices, and I've never contracted HIV. Nor have my children. The above tangent is simply to illustrate that HIV is not as contagious as ebola, according to what I've read. And I think that it would be tragic if the ebola outbreak is compared to HIV, and HIV patients are again feared and ostracized.

I'm not terribly worried about Ebola, though I am deeply concerned for the welfare of the affected people in Dallas (especially the family in quarantine, I just can't imagine how they feel right now, and I hope that they are well cared for at the moment). DH flies internationally frequently, and usually through the airport through which the Ebola patient in Dallas flew. He is not feeling panicked about Ebola, nor am I. We take normal hygienic precautions. We do worry a lot during flu season, as we have kids with asthma and histories of pneumonia in the house. My understanding is that flu is more readily contagious than Ebola, and regardless of that, greater numbers of people with the flu increase the chances of catching it. My kids are fully vaccinated, and on time. As per our doctor's advice, DS and I don't get flu shots, but if our immune systems allowed for it, we'd vaccinate for flu, too.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Recovering from a hyst takes longer than you'd think. Hang in there, this will get better. ETA: I know I didn't address the school stuff, but I only have a moment to post this, so wanted to send support first and foremost.

I'm glad you got to the doc, and have a lead. If it happens again, get out the benadryl. Do you have an epipen (junior), just in case? Crossing my fingers for you that this is oral allergy syndrome, or just a bite of some kind. And *not* a food allergy. Those aren't fun.

Glad you called the doc. Don't panic: in the absence of other symptoms or worsening symptoms, I would not panic. DS is anaphylactic to bananas. His lips do indeed swell. But he cries, has a sore throat, among other things. My niece is anaphylactic to bananas as well. Banana allergy can be related to latex allergy, so be aware of that. Hoping it was just a bug bite!

We're using them this year for 5th, as a read aloud. We have the audibooks as well as the print versions. Loving them so far, and DS requests the audiobooks every night. They were given to us by a family that used them for early high school, so I was skeptical about using them in 5th, but it's been working out well. Great springboard for discussions.

Glad it's working for you. We like TT here, too, for the handwriting resistant, visual learner. It's been a great resource!

Did you ask him to send some selfies?

Yes, and YES. :iagree:

We have had both strains at once here, several times. Our pediatrician doesn't seem to find it rare, though maybe she's just never mentioned it. DS and I are the ones who end up with both strains at once, for some reason. DD and DH just catch one at a time. Treat it the same way you'd treat any flu. Lots of rest, fluids. We do the elderberry syrup, plus the homeopathic flu remedy, and if we catch it in time, we take the Rx anti-viral, too. It's miserable. So sorry. :(

Completely agree with this. Employees appreciate and value excellent benefits. We absolutely consider every part of the above to be part of the package.

Another vote for Moving Beyond the Page. I wish we'd found that one earlier. And for an idea I haven't seen mentioned: Build Your Library. You can pick up all the books through the amazon store linked, just choose your grade and grab all the books).