I am so glad you said this. :iagree: She is absolutely their child. Adoptive mom here. Married to an adult adoptee. DS is very like his birthmother, whom we adore, and are privileged to know well. I see it every day - physically, and in his talents. There are parts of him that come from her, and her alone - and they make me smile. Probably parts from his birthfather, too, though we don't know him as well, so it's harder to identify. And then, of course, there are aspects to DS that are clearly from us - from his environment, and his upbringing. There is a mix. It's our job to see that he lives up to all of the potential he has, feeling loved and secure. With DD, she's very much her own person right now. I'm sure we'll see more of her birthparents as she grows. One plus to open adoption is that we are aware of genetic tendencies and histories, so can act accordingly with regard to that knowledge. One small anecdote about the twin study, apropos of nothing but mild interest: my mom is a (fraternal) twin. She (lovingly) calls her twin her "evil twin." There could not be too more different people on the planet. In their high school yearbooks, in the "last will and testament" section it simply said "Spryte's mom and Spryte's aunt leave fighting." As kids, researchers requested to study them (their parents refused). Not only do they look different, they are different in every way imaginable. During the last election, I was with them at a breakfast shop when a TV crew wanted to interview our table - and they had to laugh and refuse on the basis that bringing up politics between them would start WWIII. They are not your average twins, and throw a wrench into all the studies. :001_rolleyes:

:lol: We also had a very strange ring pop. It was shaped a bit like something that might have come from a bachelorette party! Aaaagghhhh! That one went straight to the trash.

Ok, this thread seems like the right place to throw this out there: if there is a handbook for Halloween etiquette, it should include *not* handing out candy canes for Halloween. Seriously. Candy Canes? I know they are in stores now, but really.

Amazon has some for $29.95.

Oh, that story really made me smile. What a great thing to do when visiting Grandpa in the hospital, and to decorate his room. Excellent idea! How cool. We ordered a Lego calendar for DS this year, but normally we do Playmobil. We haven't had a Lego calendar in 4 or 5 years, so it will be fun. DD is getting a Schleich farm calendar, so it will be our first year without any Playmobil. But we'll still pull out the Playmobil holiday stuff. It's fun to set up. I prefer it over Lego, for some reason.

Mine wears a 4T or a 5, and size 10 shoes. She's very tall, though.

Agreeing that it would be hard to re-use. It's so easy to lose tiny Lego pieces, too.

We use the geochaching app, so you could probably search for virtual caches near you. We are near DC, and lots of DC caches are virtual - leaving little caches/packages around might get one into trouble. :) Here's a link to one virtual cache, it's not one we've done though: http://www.geocaching.com/geocache/GC11C2_fdr-memorial?guid=76522fba-ae75-48a8-8697-9bc46c5ea3b5 ETA: the first time we did a virtual cache, we didn't catch that it was virtual, and spent an embarrassing amount of time looking for an actual cache!

Gardening (raised beds can work for wheelchair gardening, maybe building them could be a family project) - I grew up with a neighbor family that had extensive raised beds built for wheelchair gardening - it was beautiful. You could then make cooking the produce a family thing, too. Do you live near a city? Our city has "virtual" geochaches - lots of them - they involve solving a small puzzle, rather than finding a cache and since they are in a city they are almost always wheelchair accessible. Love all the other ideas, these were the only two different ideas I had in mind.

I thought of something else: Airsoft. We didn't give any Airsoft or paintball stuff (we don't do gun toys, DH is firm on that one), but DS always asked for/and received it from his bio-mom, to use at her house. If that's something you're open to, it might work.

I have, also. DS loved his play kitchen, and all the accessories. His wasn't girly at all, but we had to search a bit to to find one that wasn't geared to girls - it was a few years ago. His actually had a grill on the back, so we made a lot of jokes that it was the boys' version. Here, DH is the cook, and he's very good about including little people. So DS never thought of cooking as a girly thing. He also played with dolls. :) But we have a neighbor who is very traditional and even if his boy showed interest in traditional "girl" toys, the poor kid wouldn't be allowed to play with them. But honestly, that kid would never be interested.

For our oldest (now 23, oh my goodness!), we followed along with his interests. At that age, he didn't want kid toys so much as older kid toys. He loved Make magazine and tools/supplies to build projects, tiny figurines to paint (I think his were Lord of the Rings, as the movies had just come out), intricate models. Funny t-shirts, think geek type items, funny boxers, pajama pants and slippers. Books, of course, and magazine subscriptions. I think that was about the age he asked for his last big Lego kit, too. Music and movies were good, too. There was a definite transition period, but we just followed along with his interests. By 16 or so, he really wanted clothes and other things, and we knew - because he told us. By that age, there were some DVD sets (TV shows) that he wanted, too.

There are so many great ideas here, more aren't needed, I second most of these, but have to add 2 more: The Haba Ball Track - it's pricey but you can add on pieces slowly, and it will last and last and last till you have grandkids. :) And for all those playsets ... some playsilks. Blue makes great water for pirate ships and water battles. Green for grass. Get large enough that they can be used to assist in fort making, or become capes, or ... everyone in our house has loved playsilks. They are *essential* for pirate play as head scarves and sashes. They become pouches on hobo sticks, they are waved as flags, they are pulled out of hats during magic shows. They are not a girl-gift. All the boys who come over use them, even at 9 - 10.

My mother and stepmother would cook it and serve it. And it would probably be fine, and none the wiser. I would toss it. We have compromised immune issues in the house, and I've personally had 5, yes 5, different strains of salmonella. Did you know salmonella can go chronic and cause horrible joint pain? And be difficult to eradicate? It's not just a night of stomach cramps and the runs, necessarily. Yep. So there ya go. I'm another one on the conservative side where thawing meat is concerned.

We live in a neighborhood that has ToTers arrive in droves. Our county is rural, with the exception of the larger towns, and lots of kids don't have a place to ToT. I think it's great that kids can come to a safe place to ToT. Most of the kids whose parents bring them here probably don't have nearby houses or sidewalks. This is a safe place, side walks, well lit, and most houses in our neighborhood participate - lots of houses go overboard decorating. I'm always disappointed on the years we have less ToTers. So bring 'em on!

Mine, too!

Oh! I forgot to say what happens to the candy DS collects. :) It's never thrown in the trash. He often puts it into our cauldron, and passes it out later (we live in a neighborhood with gobs of ToTers), then he puts the empty container where the Switch Witch can switch it - but he'll leave one piece of unsafe candy as a token. Last night we sent our party guests home with all the candy he'd collected. One year, I freecycled all the extra.

Do they live in a house? If they are in a retirement community, this might not work, but we've done stepping stones - you can make them, of course, or there are some you can buy that are sculpted. My mom received a frog years ago, and it was such a huge hit, everyone laughed, and she's loved it for years. She's selling her house, but the stone is staying, sadly, as it's part of her landscaping paths. That's something that stays outside, doesn't clutter the house. We've made stepping stones for our other parents, with all the grandkids' names. I painted flowers and put the names of grandkids on each, then wrote "Grandma's Garden" or something like that.

We do the same thing. Kiddo can't eat the candy, or even touch it, but he adores Halloween. The Switch Witch takes the unsafe candy and leaves safe treats/toys. Same system.

I can't believe you said that! I've wanted to do the same thing. Get in the car and hit Starbucks for a coffee, steal someone's "I voted" sticker and come home. :) I won't ever do it. I always keep driving past Starbucks and vote. But it is sooooo tempting.

I feel for her, too. I feel for the BF, too. I can't imagine. My heart aches for them, and I hope that meeting DH, and seeing that he's okay, that it all turned out okay, will help make things feel better. Closure, in some ways, and of course the possibility for a new kind of relationship moving forward. I like the idea of being surprised if BF shows up, and not asking ahead of time. It may be that BF hasn't decided yet, and won't decide till the day of the visit. And that would be okay, too. Now, can I admit to wanting to be a fly on the wall??? We've seen pics of BM, and DH looks *just* like her! I'm dying to see someone who looks like DH. And I soooo want to hug her. But, again, I don't want to add pressure to this whole complicated scenario, so unless she brings up me coming, I'm going to stay home with the kids.

I didn't take it snarkily. :) (Snarkily! Ha! New word of the day.) No one wants her to feel pressured to meet. It appears that she's getting a lot of pressure *not* to meet from people on the other side of the triad. You know what? This is too hard to keep vague. I'll just spill it, and if you guys are okay with not quoting, I'll delete the identifying bits in a little while. Birthparents are married. They have many more children together, none of which know that they have an older sibling out there, who was placed in an adoptive home. DH has been searching actively for 10 years, in a very ethical way, finally made contact four years ago, but it hasn't been smooth. BM is interested in meeting, would like to tell the other kids, would like to get to know DH. BF seems to feel that what's done is done, don't open doors, and don't tell the other kids. We don't have those words from him exactly, but that is the impression that's been given. DH is fine with whatever they decide to do. Of course he'd like to meet everyone - he's never met anyone related to him, by blood, except for DSS. But he is a cool guy, and very respectful of everyone's privacy and wishes here. DH just received the invitation to meet from BM. It doesn't mention "we" would like to meet, just "I." So DH is guessing that it will only be BM. I suggested he just ask who'd be coming, but he fears that asking will make BM feel that DH is disappointed that it's only her. And he's not. He's just thrilled. But he's trying to figure out if it's better to bring me along, or just meet with the two of them, if it's only her. ...Whenever he asks too many questions, she seems to back off. Does that help clarify the pressure? Pressure might not be the right word. :) There are a lot of raw emotions here.

That's a good question. Birthmother has taken a long time to be ready to meet, so there's reluctance to ask her a lot of questions about the meeting, no one wants her to feel pressured. I think there is fear that she'll back out. :( So, it's possible that she will bring along someone, though she hasn't mentioned it. Possibly birthfather, actually. (!!!) But the worry is that if the question is asked... she'll somehow feel that she's not enough, by herself. Which, of course, she is.

:lol: That made me snort coffee. Thanks so much - those are great ideas. You echoed DH, who said the same thing about being face to face in a restaurant. I think a coffee shop meet up and then a walk is a great idea. I'm going to suggest that. Especially since it gives each person something to clutch (coffee cups). Nice idea. Thanks!

Aside from experiences (which are super cool): play doh; art supplies; baking kits or maybe some real baking items; maybe some play silks and a kit for dyeing them, if they won't bother you too much. Movie tickets are always favorite, here, and not as pricey as some experience gifts.