Social aspects of homeschooling

[mamato3]

Hi,

 

I wonder how many of you out there struggle with the social aspects of homeschooling. We are a part of a co op that meets once a week and while that is something, I still feel like my children are not developing socially as I would have expected. They are young (5&7) but I feel like they are behind their ps peers in terms of social awareness - a bit naive I guess. On one hand, I think this is beautiful and sweet, but I am a bit concerned about this trend over the years. . . Anyone else struggle with this?

 

Thanks!

[Alice]

What do you mean by social awareness? 

 

If you mean socializing, I do think that the social factor is more difficult and more important than homeschoolers tend to admit. I have found that as they have gotten older it's gotten easier. I don't think that's true for everyone. For us a large part of it has been involvement in the same co-op for 4 years. When we started, with kids about your kids age, we just went weekly and they played there and had fun but it didn't provide much else in terms of friends. But over the years that is where the kids primary friends are. This year in particular my oldest has gotten involved in several activities where the circle of friends overlaps and suddenly I feel like his social schedule is almost too full. But it's taken some time to get there. 

 

If you mean more "socialization" like the ability to relate appropriately in social settings I haven't really seen that as an issue. We joke about things like homeschooled kids not being able to form lines but really they figure it out quickly.

 

If you mean things like not knowing pop culture or having interests younger than their peers I do see that and I see it mostly as an advantage of homeschooling. I don't shelter them but I'm happy that my oldest still is willing to run around the backyard with swords and play rather than think it's for little kids. I think being homeschooled actually gives him that freedom and I feel like his homeschooled friends are more tolerant of each other's quirks. He has also been on sports team and in Scouts with non-homeschooled kids and he fits in fine there too. I remember myself being in sixth grade and still liking to play with my dollhouse but being really scared of my friends finding out. I knew that they would think it was babyish and so I was kind of ashamed of it myself. I remember how everyone liked boys (or pretended to) and so I also pretended to have a crush on a boy but really I didn't care that much. So far, my kids seem to have more of an ability to be themselves with their friends and not worry as much about societal pressures which I find good. 

[Crimson Wife]

PS kids often seem pseudosophisticated and HS kids appear "young" in comparison to them. I'm with the PP in thinking that this is a real advantage to HSing. HS kids tend not to have the 8-going-on-30 thing, which I find totally unappealing.

[Danielle1746]

I agree with the above posters.  I pulled my oldest out of PS between his 5th and 6th grade year.  His first comment about the kids at our homeschool co-op was that "they don't act like public school kids".  I asked what he meant by that, and he said, "It's like they don't care what other people think."

[Alte Veste Academy]

I prefer (relatively) naive kids at 5 & 7. I worked in elementary schools before I had kids, and it was partially because of the early loss of innocence that I decided to homeschool. I mean, really, the things young kids are exposed to these days! 

 

My kids are now 11, 9.5, and almost 8. They are decidedly more socially savvy when they were when they were 7, 5, and almost 3, as it should be. As a homeschool parent, you get to decide at what rate to mete in the social awareness, something I consider an enormous positive. 

 

I agree with the above posters.  I pulled my oldest out of PS between his 5th and 6th grade year.  His first comment about the kids at our homeschool co-op was that "they don't act like public school kids".  I asked what he meant by that, and he said, "It's like they don't care what other people think."

 

Yes! OP, I recommend reading The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling. 

[Gr8tful4HisGrace]

Your children are very young.  They will develop very normally.  In fact, in all likelihood, they will develop in a much healthier, non-peer dependent manner.  It is a very positive sign that you are concerned about them, but don't let the concern become fear. 

 

I have been homeschooling since 1998.  I have graduated two students from my home ed program. I have a sixteen year old and a 10 year old yet to graduate.  All of my children are active participants in life.  My young adults vote, they shop, they talk on the phone, they have friends.  My younger students have lots of friends.  My word, sometimes I wish they had fewer.  I am constantly taking them one place or another for get togethers, parties, classes, field trips, lessons, park days, etc...  There has been so much opportunity that I have had to limit it to keep it all in perspective.  Family, Church and Academics are important too.  : )

 

Your children are not behind.  Don't let those who do daycare and public school make you think your kids are less than.  They are not.  They are normal.  They are not being pushed to socialize in a manner that is beyond their ages.  They are soooo little.  Let them enjoy you!  Let them explore friendships and be available to encourage them as they do.  It will never be perfect.  They will have bumps in the road, just like public schoolers do.  What happens when they bullied at the park?  What happens when they are unkind to friend?  These are all issues that you will do a better job in socializing them because you are there and can see what is happening.

 

In addition, you will teach them how to look folks in the eye, shake hands, etc...but it is going to be a few years before they master it depending on their personalities.  It doesn't matter when they master it, as long as you are actively working with them.

 

I encourage you to be aware, stretch them from point A to point B, whatever that is...in a timeframe that is appropriate for each child.  I have both introverted and extroverted children.  Each child needed a social education that helped them to love others, but also respected who they were as individuals.  Social education is about building confidence in your children while teaching them to respect and love others through actions and words, while also maintaining healthy boundaries.

 

Be encouraged!  You can do this.  Absolutely do not see your children as behind.  They are not.  They are homeschooled.  That is a good thing...a better thing than what happens at school.  Work with your children and don't give in to fear.

 

Blessings,

Yvonne

 

Homeschooling since 1998

 

Mom to Matt(22), Drew (20), Sam (16) and Grace (10)

 

http://www.notperfect-justordinary.blogspot.com

http://www.yvonneferlita.blogspot.com

 

 

[mliss]

 I remember myself being in sixth grade and still liking to play with my dollhouse but being really scared of my friends finding out. I knew that they would think it was babyish and so I was kind of ashamed of it myself. I remember how everyone liked boys (or pretended to) and so I also pretended to have a crush on a boy but really I didn't care that much. 

 

I could have written this part of your post almost word for word.  Also, I remember reading the teenage romance novel my friend thought I should read, thinking it was ridiculous but having to pretend I thought differently.  I could go on, only I won't.  But, oh, how I would have loved to feel like I was allowed to be my genuine self : - (

 

Anyway, back to the thread.

[Alte Veste Academy]

I always joke with DH that our kids were deliberately kept naive (aka allowed a childhood) when they were younger, but they will be deliberately...ultra informed about the ways of the world by the time they leave our house. Right now we are in the middle of that spectrum/timeline. It's kind of a nice place to be, probably at least in part because I don't have ultra-cool PS kids who already know the ways of the world rolling their eyes at me.

 

Hold On To Your Kids is another good one. 

 

I will say I am not anti-peers, like some people are. It is very important to me that my kids have friends and activities outside of the house. I make that happen, despite being an introvert myself. But still, I think being socially protected to some degree in early childhood and on in to elementary is a good thing for kids. 

[HS Mom in NC]

OP, unless you're more specific we won't be able to address your concerns.

[Alte Veste Academy]

OP, unless you're more specific we won't be able to address your concerns.

 

We? Seems like some of us are already giving it a go...

[mamato3]

Thank you all so much! I really needed this encouragement on a day when my dd's ps neighbor friend made my her feel really small, "behind" and on the outside. I love that this community can respond so swiftly and remind me that these are some of the very reasons we homeschool. I definitely have moments of weakness where I lose sight. Blessings all!

[Crimson Wife]

See I don't quite see that.  Or at least I don't describe it that way.

Every day when I drop off my little one at her special ed preschool, I pass a kindergarten class lined up waiting for their day to start. There is this one clique of girls who are always dressed like teenagers (at 5 and 6 y.o.) and dancing around to whatever the latest pop song from Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Selena Gomez, etc. is. That's the kind of thing I remember doing in jr. high (though it was Madonna, Janet Jackson, and other '80's pop stars, LOL!) Frankly, I'm glad my elementary-aged kids act like kids rather than teens-in-training.

[Tracy]

I am really confused, and maybe it is because I haven't experienced this with my kids.  But what exactly do you mean that your kids seem behind socially?  Can you give some examples?  

 

To me, my kids seem light years ahead of their peers socially.  They pay attention to others.  Not just kids their age, but everyone.  They worry about the younger kid who is left out, the widow is who is alone, or the child who hasn't shown up to church in a while, and then they actually do something about it.  They can talk to anyone comfortably, because no one has ever suggested to them that kids their age in their own class are their only potential friends.  

[LLMom]

This has been hard for my shy kids especially.  Also, my 2 oldest said they were so embarrassed when they left home and went to work for the first time.  They didn't understand the derogatory terms for human anatomy.  I guess they learn that in school but not necessarily if homeschooled.  So sad that kids have to hear that junk.

[Tracy]

They didn't understand the derogatory terms for human anatomy.  

 

Is this what the OP is talking about?  That kids are behind because they don't understand profanity?  I am truly trying to understand.  

[Erin]

I know exactly what you mean, mamato3.  I've struggled with this off and on, too.  It's particularly pronounced to me where I see "regular" kids so often when I sub.  

But as others have pointed out, the limit to peers is really a blessing.  We've lost perspective of what actually is and isn't normal.  

 

I think more telling for me is adult interaction.  I've always told my kids they don't care what other kids think of them.  Their years of dealing with other kids will be relatively few.  On the other hand, they *should* care what adults think of them.  They'll be dealing with adults for the rest of their lives.  

 

I'd much rather have a kid that adults find polite, fun, interesting, respectful, hard-working, etc, etc. and their peers find "weird."  KWIM?

[Dory]

I guess I'm a little weird in that I want my kids to care a little about what others think. I want them to realize that it's healthy to dress in ways that are well suited to where and who you are with. To choose your words in ways that are well suited to where you are and who you are with. There is a line that shouldn't be crossed in which we pretend to be something we aren't just to fit in, but sometimes all we need is a few new skills, or to show one side of who we are. I've seen a lot of homeschool kids up here that don't know how to dress well, speak well, or act in ways that are appropriate for the situations they are in (immaturely). I think that kids in ps often take it too far and try to fully conform to someone elses standards of what normal is supposed to be, but some homeschoolers tend to be on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I am trying to hit a middle ground. I talk a lot about it with my kids. We have taken time to notice what people wear or how they act in different places and scenarios and then talk about how one would fit into that world in a way that would make the people in those circles take them seriously without compromising who they are. My youngest, at 7, is not really ready for conversations of that much depth though. Right now we talk about private conversations vs. public conversations. About dressing for the occasion and about having fun without being mean or leaving anyone out (he is my jokester). I've seen a lot of kids come out of the home oblivious to the world around them, it was one of the fears I had for my kids going into this. I was a homeschooler, and I don't feel I was fully prepared for the world, simply because I wasn't taught the skills needed to fit into different situations.

[Alice]

I could have written this part of your post almost word for word.  Also, I remember reading the teenage romance novel my friend thought I should read, thinking it was ridiculous but having to pretend I thought differently.  I could go on, only I won't.  But, oh, how I would have loved to feel like I was allowed to be my genuine self : - (

 

Anyway, back to the thread.

 

Where were you when I was in 6th grade? We could have hung out together! :)

 

See I don't quite see that.  Or at least I don't describe it that way.  Homeschooled kids don't catch onto the fact that being yourself isn't cool and that your parents aren't cool.

 

My never schooled outside the home kid was appalled last week that his drama class was acting like, "a bunch of animals".

 

If anything my kids act "old".

 

I see this too. It's a weird mix of being older than their peers and also younger than their peers. 

[Alice]

I guess I'm a little weird in that I want my kids to care a little about what others think. I want them to realize that it's healthy to dress in ways that are well suited to where and who you are with. To choose your words in ways that are well suited to where you are and who you are with. There is a line that shouldn't be crossed in which we pretend to be something we aren't just to fit in, but sometimes all we need is a few new skills, or to show one side of who we are. I've seen a lot of homeschool kids up here that don't know how to dress well, speak well, or act in ways that are appropriate for the situations they are in (immaturely). I think that kids in ps often take it too far and try to fully conform to someone elses standards of what normal is supposed to be, but some homeschoolers tend to be on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I am trying to hit a middle ground. I talk a lot about it with my kids. We have taken time to notice what people wear or how they act in different places and scenarios and then talk about how one would fit into that world in a way that would make the people in those circles take them seriously without compromising who they are. My youngest, at 7, is not really ready for conversations of that much depth though. Right now we talk about private conversations vs. public conversations. About dressing for the occasion and about having fun without being mean or leaving anyone out (he is my jokester). I've seen a lot of kids come out of the home oblivious to the world around them, it was one of the fears I had for my kids going into this. I was a homeschooler, and I don't feel I was fully prepared for the world, simply because I wasn't taught the skills needed to fit into different situations.

 

I don't disagree with you. That's why I said I see it as "mostly" not an issue. I guess the difference to me is that I want to train my kids that there are ways to dress or act that are appropriate for a setting but that they don't have to change the essence of who they are.

 

An example for me would be that my oldest son loves to read. Really loves to read. He will bring a book anywhere. For awhile he would bring a book to co-op and read it during lunch hour which is his main  social opportunity of the week. He's an introvert so he just needed a little downtime after four hours of classes and before an afternoon of more social activity. I understood that, heck, most of the time I wished I could just sit and read my own book on the side instead of talking to people. (The apple doesn't fall far from the tree and all that.) We had some conversations about how reading is good but that it might be better to take advantage of being with people and about whether or not it was rude to sit and read instead of talking to his friends. He no longer takes a book. The nice thing to me though is that his friends all accepted it as "that's just C." They didn't really care that much and would come back to get him to come and play outside after awhile of his reading. He never felt like he had to hide how much he loves reading or what he was reading in case it wasn't cool. It probably would have been ok in that setting for me to just let him do what he wanted but I felt like this was one of those training times when he needed to learn that not every group would be as tolerant of him and might see his reading as rude or as being uninterested in being friends. 

[HS Mom in NC]

Is this what the OP is talking about?  That kids are behind because they don't understand profanity?  I am truly trying to understand.  

 

I prefer not making assumptions too but the OP seems to be OK with others doing it.

[shawthorne44]

I prefer (relatively) naive kids at 5 & 7. I worked in elementary schools before I had kids, and it was partially because of the early loss of innocence that I decided to homeschool. I mean, really, the things young kids are exposed to these days! 

 

My kids are now 11, 9.5, and almost 8. They are decidedly more socially savvy when they were when they were 7, 5, and almost 3, as it should be. As a homeschool parent, you get to decide at what rate to mete in the social awareness, something I consider an enormous positive. 

 

 

Yes! OP, I recommend reading The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling. 

 

There is a thread about dating advice from the 30's.  On that link is another link to "How to fall in love" according to second graders.  It is a picture of a "book" written on a napkin by two second grade girls.  I found it seriously disturbing.  If I remember right it went something like

 

1) stare into each others eyes

2) ask for a date

3) something (but it wasn't go on the date)

4) have sex

 

there were other things mentioned that were graphic for a second grader.  

[shawthorne44]

Thank you all so much! I really needed this encouragement on a day when my dd's ps neighbor friend made my her feel really small, "behind" and on the outside. I love that this community can respond so swiftly and remind me that these are some of the very reasons we homeschool. I definitely have moments of weakness where I lose sight. Blessings all!

 

I am curios.  Could you tell us the story?  So we can tell you how wrong she was, not just for my sake.  

[konglish]

This has been hard for my shy kids especially.  Also, my 2 oldest said they were so embarrassed when they left home and went to work for the first time.  They didn't understand the derogatory terms for human anatomy.  I guess they learn that in school but not necessarily if homeschooled.  So sad that kids have to hear that junk.

 

I went to public school K - 12, and I still got an "education" in slang terms for sexually-related things when I went to work in restaurants in an urban area when I was 22 (including one socially embarrassing incident that I remember).  So you can tell your 2 oldest that they aren't the only ones, and that it certainly isn't the worst thing to be embarrassed about.  Honestly, I just feel irritated thinking about it, that people should feel ashamed that they weren't exposed to a sufficient amount of filth.  

[Dory]

There is a thread about dating advice from the 30's.  On that link is another link to "How to fall in love" according to second graders.  It is a picture of a "book" written on a napkin by two second grade girls.  I found it seriously disturbing.  If I remember right it went something like

 

1) stare into each others eyes

2) ask for a date

3) something (but it wasn't go on the date)

4) have sex

 

there were other things mentioned that were graphic for a second grader.  

 

The year I pulled my oldest out of school the definition of a 'disco stick' was circulating the 2nd grade classrooms. That had me pretty disturbed. That to me isn't social maturity or social savvy. Stuff like that isn't going to help any kid grow up to be better adjusted or more comfortable in social settings. It's just morally degrading and putting to much information into kids minds before they are emotionally mature enough to deal with it.

[Targhee]

We have struggles with "youngness."  But also complements about their maturity  :confused1:   Two of the kids have ADHD, one ADD and with a LD.  Generally the hyperactivity comes across as immature, and the inattentiveness combined with her expressive language LD also comes across as "young."  But they are 2e, and so at times the other exceptionality comes through and people are surprised by their ability/understanding. Sometimes they play with kids several years younger than themselves, and sometimes with kids several years older.  I actually like this.

 

The hard thing for me is that I always feel that others scrutinize their nature - whether mature or immature - and attribute it to homeschooling/my ability as the home teacher, when in fact it is who they are.  Of course, this is what I feel (paranoid?) - it may or may not actually be that way.

 

I have recently been reading Free to Learn, by Peter Gray.  It puts forth the premise that learning, self discipline, self reliance, and social/interpersonal success are naturally and more efficiently learned through free play.  I really appreciate his argument, and the research he cites.  I believe sometimes as homeschoolers we equate outside activities (which are predominantly adult-run) with socialization opportunities.  Sure you are around other kids, but they do not engage in the type of play Gray argues is key to developing all these desired traits.  I do not think they get much more of this in public school classes, but they do get it at recess and some student-directed work. (But the trade off with school is all the negative peer-induced behaviors people have noted above).  What all kids really need is a bunch of kids to play with! Check out some of the comments of "When did 3 become the new 5?"  (my own comment was #55).  So I try now as hard as I can to get kids over to the house to just play, to meet up at a park to just play, or to spend time out in the woods/lake/etc and just let them be kids.  It's difficult in a culture of over scheduled families, and virtual-connectedness, but we are trying.  I really do think this is the ticket to "socialization" success.

[IsabelC]

I'm a fan of Rachel Gathercole's book, and I often tout the benefits of socializing outside of school. However, school does have two advantages for many younger kids. First, they get to be with the same other kids every school day. Seeing somebody once a week at sports / church / co-op isn't the same as seeing them daily. Second, school kids get the chance to have friends independently of their parents. Home educated kids, on the other hand, are relying on parents to facilitate social opportunities, at least until they are a bit older. 

 

 

@Shannon, I and other people I know have had similar experiences, so I don't think you are being paranoid at all in that respect. Yes, the whole of society is engaged in a continual process of reinforcing norms at the expense of anyone/anything different. If a child has some kind of issue and is home schooled, than homeschooling is seen to be the problem. If that same kid goes to school, then the problem will be identified somewhere else. 

[...................]

You will even find variations of that in schools.  When I went to a very large (1200 plus) public middle school in a very populated NJ area.  Then I moved to a very small (less than 200) Catholic School in a "Shore town" in NJ (basically a ghost town over the winter, much lower population- almost nil) and I remember being shocked that in 7th grade the girls were still watching Grease, wearing big giant (four inch) bows in their hair, wearing very very lacy socks, and not talking about drugs or sex.  They seemed immature to me, and in a sense, they were.  But not really in a bad way.

 

I wouldn't worry about it at all.  Make sure your children speak to people, have manners and get out there to play with kids often.  Be glad they have innocence.

[shawthorne44]

...I have recently been reading Free to Learn, by Peter Gray.  It puts forth the premise that learning, self discipline, self reliance, and social/interpersonal success are naturally and more efficiently learned through free play.  I really appreciate his argument, and the research he cites.  I believe sometimes as homeschoolers we equate outside activities (which are predominantly adult-run) with socialization opportunities.  Sure you are around other kids, but they do not engage in the type of play Gray argues is key to developing all these desired traits.  I do not think they get much more of this in public school classes, but they do get it at recess and some student-directed work. (But the trade off with school is all the negative peer-induced behaviors people have noted above).  What all kids really need is a bunch of kids to play with! Check out some of the comments of "When did 3 become the new 5?"  (my own comment was #55).  So I try now as hard as I can to get kids over to the house to just play, to meet up at a park to just play, or to spend time out in the woods/lake/etc and just let them be kids.  It's difficult in a culture of over scheduled families, and virtual-connectedness, but we are trying.  I really do think this is the ticket to "socialization" success.

 

Thanks for the recommendation.  There is one bad review, by someone that loved the book and is annoyed that the e-book version can't be loaned.  

[shawthorne44]

I'm a fan of Rachel Gathercole's book, and I often tout the benefits of socializing outside of school. However, school does have two advantages for many younger kids. First, they get to be with the same other kids every school day. Seeing somebody once a week at sports / church  co-op isn't the same as seeing them daily. Second, school kids get the chance to have friends independently of their parents. Home educated kids, on the other hand, are relying on parents to facilitate social opportunities, at least until they are a bit older. 

 

 

@Shannon, I and other people I know have had similar experiences, so I don't think you are being paranoid at all in that respect. Yes, the whole of society is engaged in a continual process of reinforcing norms at the expense of anyone/anything different. If a child has some kind of issue and is home schooled, than homeschooling is seen to be the problem. If that same kid goes to school, then the problem will be identified somewhere else. 

 

I agree that the lack of independent friendships is a tiny drawback to homeschooling.  Especially for the parents that are introverts.  

 

It is one of my concerns about our upcoming move to a 3,000 person town.  Normally I wouldn't give a fig what other people thought of us.  DH and I are naturally hermits with a few very close friends.  We've always lived in large areas, and even went to large schools, so there was always the option of starting over with people that didn't know you.   But, in a small town, if we were considered to be unfriendly weirdos, then other kids would be steered away from playing with DD.  Whereas at the public school, her happy, bubbly personality would win her friends, and those friends would tell their parents how great she was.  

 

We will still be moving, and we will still be homeschooling.  But, actively thinking about "fitting in" is freaking me out a little.  I didn't even do that in public school.  

[Spring Flower]

If I am correctly understanding what you mean by "behind in social awareness" I would also put my children in that category. I think they would probably fall into that category whether or not they went to PS. 

[LibraryLover]

Every day when I drop off my little one at her special ed preschool, I pass a kindergarten class lined up waiting for their day to start. There is this one clique of girls who are always dressed like teenagers (at 5 and 6 y.o.) and dancing around to whatever the latest pop song from Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Selena Gomez, etc. is. That's the kind of thing I remember doing in jr. high (though it was Madonna, Janet Jackson, and other '80's pop stars, LOL!) Frankly, I'm glad my elementary-aged kids act like kids rather than teens-in-training.

 

I wish. lol The PS K kids I work with are *constantly* singing and dancing to Let it Go.  Please. stop. lol   (It's actually the entire score they sing. All. the. time. Oy.)

[hepatica]

 

Hold On To Your Kids is another good one. 

 

I will say I am not anti-peers, like some people are. It is very important to me that my kids have friends and activities outside of the house. I make that happen, despite being an introvert myself. But still, I think being socially protected to some degree in early childhood and on in to elementary is a good thing for kids. 

 

I second this book recommendation! As your kids grow you will appreciate that their individuality can blossom because they are not so dependent on peer acceptance.

 

And, as they get older and are involved in more extra-curricular activities, they will spend plenty of time with other kids. 

[Crimson Wife]

My kids aren't so into pop stars or pop music for some odd reason, but I admit I enjoy pop music.  As a result my kids probably do know of all the latest pop stars.  I'm into other music as well, but yeah I'm big into music so they'd know about those people.

My little one has heard the pop songs because she's got a middle-school aged sister, but she hasn't seen the music videos so she wouldn't be able to imitate the dance moves. And I certainly would not allow her to go to school dressed the way these little girls are. Youngest DD wears little-girl clothes because she is still a little girl.

[AimeeM]

I don't really care about social awareness, in terms of a child being naive - well, certainly not at those ages (young elementary).

 

I did struggle with the social aspect of homeschooling my eldest, which is why she isn't currently homeschooled, but that had nothing to do with social awareness issues, and every thing to do with her personal needs (more socializing than I could provide at home, with little ones running amok).

[ForeverFamily]

OP, I understand what you mean.  I too worry about the social maturity and social awareness of my kids at times.  I think my kids are sometimes oblivious to the norms, attitudes, or comments of kids around them.  But when I have seen some of the behavior of some their peers I am glad.  Sometimes my kids will talk and talk and talk and I worry that they don't necessarily recognize what an appropriate length of conversation is at a particular time.  But I went to PS and I ended up with a hyper social awareness (due to constant teasing) and as a result I had a lower self esteem and a fear to speak up and express my opinion, so I am not about to create that fear in my kids.  So I will let them talk :001_smile:.  And yet I have had so many comments from adults on how kind, and happy, and smart my kids are.  I think they have a pretty good self esteem and confidence, which at their young age is the most important thing to me.  I have also seen my kids interacting with kids of all ages.  They will take the time to pay attention to kids younger than them.  I have also seen junior high kids asking my kids for skating advice, and my kids will gladly give it.  I have seen them play with kids their own age and get along well.  I have also seen kids their own age blow them off, I guess my kids weren't cool enough :001_rolleyes: , and they just moved on to the next kid.  I am not sure if they even noticed the cold shoulder and I am okay with that.  When I do have doubts I have to remind myself to analyze what social awareness practices I picked up from PS and many of them were negative in my opinion.  I think most of the positive ones I picked up were from home.  I think that I will need to spend more time directly teaching my kids some social skills, like when meeting a new friend ask their name, but that can be done.  I will gladly take a few quirks and have my kids grow up confident and kind over fitting in and knowing who the latest pop star is.  Just remind yourself of the end goals and push forward with confidence. :)  

[lots of little ducklings]

And yet I have had so many comments from adults on how kind, and happy, and smart my kids are. I think they have a pretty good self esteem and confidence, which at their young age is the most important thing to me. I have also seen my kids interacting with kids of all ages. They will take the time to pay attention to kids younger than them. I have also seen junior high kids asking my kids for skating advice, and my kids will gladly give it. I have seen them play with kids their own age and get along well.

This right here is exactly why DH and I joke that we can spot homeschooled children a mile away. Last summer after watching a nearby group of 3 siblings on the beach, I guessed immediately that they were hs-ed, simply because of their interaction w/ each other, the adults nearby, and my own kids. I was right. :-)

 

Not that it always holds true, of course, but often with hs-ers we meet, regardless of age ( pre-k through college) these are the really wonderful traits that stand out as different but refreshingly good. My kiddos are still quite little (and immature IMO), but even so we get comments from strangers on how well they interact socially with each other and with those outside our family. It's really calmed my fears about any perceived "loss" of socialization they may experience.