Homeschooling with Chronic Pain/Illness

[KristineinKS]

I know there are others here who are dealing with chronic pain and/or illness, so my question is for you. How do you manage homeschooling during especially difficult times/flare-ups?

 

I was recently diagnosed with Pseudotumor Cerebri (chronic intracranial hypertension) & while we're quite certain that I've had it for years, it has gotten especially bad - unbearably so - recently. What this means is that I'm dealing with daily pressure headaches (intense headaches, like my head is in a vice!), a stiff/sore neck & memory/concentration issues. This has had quite a negative affect on our homeschooling, to say the least. I'm hoping that the doctors will eventually be able to get my symptoms under control so that I can function, but until that happnes, I need some ideas on how to get through school every day. Even though we're new to homeschooling, I'm passionate about it and can't bear the thought of sending the kids back to public school (private school is unfortunately not an option).

 

My number one problem is that my kids are not exactly self-motivated (dd is very much so & has actually asked to be given work to do on her own), everything is a battle. We are managing to get through math daily and history most days, also science this week (though it has been very hit & miss overall, I'm trying to include more of it in history)...but language arts has been a real problem area. They have CLE Readers they can work independently from, but for grammar we use R&S, which requires too much teaching & lots of wailing on their part and with a massive headache, I just never seem to want to deal with it. Spelling has been another struggle as we've jumped around experimenting with different programs, but haven't found a fit yet. Oh we also have IEW Writing, but again, it's very hit & miss depending on how I feel...I also feel like I really need a back up plan, for the days I feel like doing *nothing* - even though most of our work can't exactly be done independently - any suggestions would be helpful! I know the kids are learning everyday & thriving, sometimes it amazes me...but at the same time I feel like such a failure, this is not how I envisioned our school year would go! :tongue_smilie:

[Jean in Newcastle]

On my bad days I pare down to just the essentials.

 

I try to have schedules (done on Microsoft Outlook) done 1 week ahead. Notice the word "try" - sometimes I'm typing it out day to day. But it is a lifesaver on bad days.

 

Ds11 does his math, history, grammar and Latin pretty much independently.

 

Dd7 can do her math independently most of the time.

 

I've found for Ds11 that R & S grammar (which he despises) goes better if he's allowed to do it orally.

 

I've also gone to homeschooling year-around. I've embraced my motto "Education is a life". We even do some school on Saturdays but only about an hour. It takes some of the pressure off me during the week and the kids don't seem to mind.

[vettechmomof2]

We have many days in my house that not only I but my daughter is feeling horrible so we skimp on those days. We read extra or do an extra lesson in math together on the couch and then when we are having a good day we might cram in an extra writing lesson or 2.

I learned not to let this bother me and we also have family meetings often talking of goals and how everyone in the family can work together.

Hang in there and I hope you have some really good days soon.:grouphug:

[Impish]

Diva's 10, so its a bit easier with her. Frankly, I'm worried about the future when Tazzie (4) and Princess (2.5) offically join the ranks. For now, we do the best we can, and Diva's pretty independant in her study, needs more oral direction than hands on.

 

Push comes to shove, and things can be done when Daddy gets home too.

[helena]

I have a 10yo, and an 8 yo so they can get a lot done independently. When I am feeling good I keep my classroom running like a well oiled machine. I have trained them to have good work habits, how to move on to the next work etc. I think that has helped a lot! Of course sometimes they act like they have no idea how to work on their own:confused:. There are days where I have to stay in my dark room and rest here are all the things they can do:

Time 4 Learning for math and language arts (no where near classical, but serves a purpose). Kumon daily math worksheet, cursive, printing, phonetic zoo spelling (she corrects it herself), piano & violin practice, poetry, pimsleur french cd, read whatever chapter book their working on at the time, books on cd while working with any kind of building materials or knitting, united steaming videos, NGA website, working with any kind of Waldorf art materials(felting, bees wax, etc). For me the trick on bad days is to quickly establish a peaceful content pace in the house. I turn on the fire place, put out a big fruit and snack bowl, lay out my general expectations, and then go pass out!:) It's kind of funny, but on my really bad days the house always feels relaxed and productive. I'm almost always fine with what ever they've gotten done.

hope you start feeling better soon:grouphug:

[KristineinKS]

Thank you all for the suggestions & Helena - I love that you've been able to establish peace when it's most needed! For us, the lack of school seems to have the opposite affect - the kids run wild...even when I give them work to do, if I'm not sitting right there, they just won't do it, no matter the consequences. I guess they know if I'm not feeling well, I won't feel like staying on them until it's done (or enforcing the consequences!). It's just so much work & I am completely wiped out these days. And I swear they try their best to take advantage of me when I'm feeling my worst. Now DH may be taking a job out of state this weekend, so I won't even have him around to help, which is a miserable thought.

[Peela]

After a recent bout of terrible neck and shoulder pain that left me unable to sit for any length of time- and reading aloud is still an important part of our days- I decided to change things around. I found it was so easy to write off the whole day if I was in pain, and we are only in the beginning of our school year here.

 

I have changed the kids' schedule from a daily one, to a weekly one. My feeling is that this will be hard for them at first, but my hope is that they will rise to the challenge. The idea is that just because they dont get something done on one day, doesn't mean they can drop it for the whole week. In other words, if on Monday to Wednesday I cant help my son with his Latin, it doesn't mean he just does Thursday's Latin when I am able to sit with him on Thursday. It means he is responsible for finishing it all by Friday, and if that means 3 days worth on Thursday, thats ok. My kids are older than yours, but I am just trying to change a mindset in them that only looks at the day's work, and instead sees a bigger picture. Also, because he has been dependent on me to do his Latin with him, I have been making up some drill worksheets I can hand him on days I can't work with him.

 

Another thing I have implemented is that both have an "ongoing project" that will take several months. For my daughter, it is making a medieval style book with illustrations. For my son, it is building a town and castles etc to go with his Warhammer figures. What I found is that when I was simply unable to work with them and therefore they finished all their independent work and still had plenty of time left over, I just assigned them both to work on their projects. It has worked well and didn't feel so much like wasted time.

 

I also swtiched some of our read alouds to independent reading, just to lessen the load on me.

 

Another thing I have done is get Foxtel- cable TV I think you call it over there- in the schoolroom. My husband has always had it in his room but we never had much access to it. I decided it was time we got it, and when I was at my worst, we turned on Discovery Channel for them. They were only allowed to watch documentaries.

[helena]

One of the harder things about having Lupus is knowing how much to share with your kids. On the one hand I don't want them to be burdened with fear or worry for me, on the other hand the fact is I need more and more help. I need help with the house, cooking, gardening, and I NEED them to pull their weight in the classroom. It's pretty obvious when I'm having a flare,& I think it's fair to say I've layed on the guilt. I've totally said "I'm sick, so if you want to be homeschooled I need you to do the work like a big girl". I hate the idea of having 2 daughters that don't feel a duty to the family unit. The Lupus is here to stay, it means delegating the work, like it or not. We read a lot of older books that show the children working, studying, and obeying their parents. I don't know where else to find modern examples of family duty with a happy, gracious heart. The older they get, the more important these "old fashioned" values become to me. There is no way I can keep going at the pace I'm at right now. I'm hoping it all pays off as they mature in the coming years...

 

That said, please understand on a sick day 5 min of french, the worlds quickest music practice, a shoddy math worksheet, time for learning (average 15 min.), a couple of fights, and 5 "The Way Things Work" dvds from the library is GREAT!!:D At 10 & 8 cleaning is.. well you know slightly cleaner, cooking is a box of cornbread, gardening is hosing EVERYTHING in the backyard including a box of paperwork, and so on.

 

In the end, Peela gave you the BEST advice. Sometimes you have got to say forget it! If your kids fill the day with good play, who cares! Play is just as, if not more important at their ages. In my opinion...

[CalicoKat]

Thank you all for the suggestions & Helena - I love that you've been able to establish peace when it's most needed! For us, the lack of school seems to have the opposite affect - the kids run wild...even when I give them work to do, if I'm not sitting right there, they just won't do it, no matter the consequences. I guess they know if I'm not feeling well, I won't feel like staying on them until it's done (or enforcing the consequences!). It's just so much work & I am completely wiped out these days. And I swear they try their best to take advantage of me when I'm feeling my worst. Now DH may be taking a job out of state this weekend, so I won't even have him around to help, which is a miserable thought.

 

OH Man, that's us. When I'm not well. . . yikes. Like most of the other posters I pick curriculum the kids can do independently on the bad days.

 

BUT logisitically our school moves into the living room. I park my sorry self on the couch. The kids have to stay in the family/kitchen room area by me. The older girls police it for the babies, but I usually try to not crash until the baby is down for a nap. Technically I can keep my ear out for some of the bigger issues. Those days are always just the 3R's.

[Lovedtodeath]

Our entire homeschool atmosphere has changed since switching Math to Abeka. This is because Abeka is set up like a classroom and because it has grades and tests. First off, I teach, then leave her to do the work. This is vastly preferrable to doing the work with her, which she hates and balks at. I just tell her she gets a grade when the timer goes off. This has already been established with the Abeka timed drills. (17 problems in a minute) She also has a sticker chart based on her grade for the day and at the end she gets a special day (trip to the animal shelter and bookstore, or a pedicure, or a day alone with mom and dad while g-ma watches jake, a trip to Chucki Cheese, $10 for the candy store, etc.) This has really helped her to have some motivation.

 

I have also switched a lot around so that there is less conflict and more independence (which she actually likes, I have to watch her a lot of times, but she doesn't like me telling her what to do, she hates oral drills and isn't big on read alouds). She does history independently, we are unschooling it this year and she is thriving, I am amazed! She did not even show any interest in independent reading before we started this. Abeka Math is working so much better than MUS, which she hated. Phonetic spelling is done on the whiteboard, chalkboard, or overhead projector (or maybe an ETC sheet for the day) because she dislikes sounding out and those things make it more fun. We had a book for FIAR this week, and she said that she didn't like the book. Okay, we will go on to the next one, why make a big deal out of it?

 

I also put as much of her work as I can on a clipboard the night before so that she can get started without my help (but still needs my pushing. ;))

 

I hope some of this helps!

Edited April 15, 2009 by Lovedtodeath

[Pamela H in Texas]

I hope you find enough good answers that work for y'all.

 

It was harder when the kids were littler even though we were relaxed the early grades.

 

One thing I did was to be VERY upfront with the kids. Chronic illness (I have a few autoimmune disorders and residual issues from a stroke at 31) is a FAMILY issue, not just an individual one. The kids MUST step up to the plate. Instead of feeling sorry for them, I've always felt this was a blessing for them. They learned responsibility as well as some awesome character and personality traits early on.

 

Of course, that doesn't stop the guilt and concern, but I do think it can be helpful to be honest.

 

I also think another thing we had in place that helped a LOT was discipline. It does take a little extra effort at first, but I wouldn't hesitate any longer. In order for homeschooling to be successful, ESPECIALLY under these circumstances, discipline has to be encouraged on EVERYONE's part.

 

To do this, in your case, I'd set up the main schoolwork (what MUST get done), based on what you WILL follow through on. They don't do ANYTHING until that work is done. You don't have to add punishment or whatever, simply they don't have a life (video games, outside time, quiet time in their rooms, tv, board games, etc) until they have take care of business (chores usually would count as business to be taken care of also). In time, you can add a little more to the "main schoolwork." And after you have this all established, you can take off hours or days as necessary, but for now, long enough to establish consistency, they work until they get it done.

 

Curriculum DOES play a part. I LOVE certain curriculum, but fact is that it WON"T get done. Instead, we picked something that COULD get done. Is it inferior? Possibly, but it is what is necessary to cover the material in our situation. Doing 90% of X is better than doing 20% of Y.

 

The same is true with other "interventions" like Carmen mentioned. If math on the white board gets the math done in 40 minutes rather than 20 hours, guess where we do math (actually, guess where we did math until 3 months ago...and THAT change was because the change in math programs made it unnecessary, but every math program for the past few years has required whiteboard math).

 

Anyway, so I'd be honest with the kids, establish some firm discipline, and make your curriculum and set up MOM friendly.

 

And you'll still have REALLY bad days. And it is perfectly okay to mourn, moan and sigh (according to scripture). Enjoy the good, keep plugging through everyday, and forgive the bad.

 

HTHs a little...

[AnnetteB]

The kids give each other spelling tests and grade each other's math papers. It helps give my eyes a break. The older dc all learned early to work with the youngest on my worst days. The dc do all the kitchen work...they cook and clean up...the standard isn't as high as when I was head chef and dishwasher, but they are saving my neck and back a lot of pain so I don't give them grief over it. They actually love to browse the recipes, make grocery lists for dh, and cook up new recipes. Dh does nearly all the shopping for groceries on his way home from work. He really doesn't mind! We make education a lifestyle year around and just go with the flow.

[eight_gregorys]

Helena,

 

I have Lupus as well. It can be a real challenge, especially with my boys. (They are 7, 5, 5, & 4. My girls are 11 and 2.) We are finally getting to a point where they understand when Mommy is sick. It is pretty obvious. Lately it has been really tough. I've been sick...end of the school year....everybody else had something flu-ish. I'm in real need of a vay-kay soon.

 

I do agree that the discipline issues definitely need to be addressed first. It is A LOT better than when we first started. My oldest is son has some mild special needs and that has been a real adjustment. I just have to remind myself that I won't feel like this everyday. I think the weekly schedule someone suggested is a great idea. Especially for those of us who don't know how they'll feel each day. It'll let you take advantage of the good days and rest on the bad ones.

 

It's encouraging to see so several people who here who struggle with some of the same issues. It's easy to feel like I'm all alone sometimes even though I know I'm not.

 

Blessings,

 

Andrea

[Melinda]

I know my kids are little, but I hear you...

 

I have some autoimmune issues and blood-clotting issues that cause my leg to get ulcerated. When I have open nerves and the wounds just won't heal, I have a hard time walking, much less going anywhere.

 

I tend to sit at the table with my leg up and let the kids come to me when I need them to, as I am physically unable to chase them down.

 

The times I have had migraines, I have called off school for the day and gone to lie down. During those times, I leave out art supplies and turn on a movie for the kids. I will also give them jobs to do (clean their rooms, pick up the living room, read a book to the 2yo, etc, etc).

 

I am in the same boat as those of you who have wild children when school or other planned activities don't happen. My kids do much better with structure.

 

Good luck, and I hope you are able to find a therapy that keeps you feeling good more often than not!

[KristenS]

My issues are a bit different ... I have a severe anxiety disorder that causes major panic attacks, with all sorts of physical symptoms on the side. My kids know when Mommy's having a bad day and we have to be a bit gentler/quieter/etc. I hate that they have to see me in a bad place, but then again, they are learning compassion too.

 

Mine are still young ... 7 and 4 ... so I've recently been trying to step it up on teaching them basic chores. And I've tried to get a better routine going so the house can run without me during the bad spells.

 

It does seem easier when they're young, and it's gentle learning that can be set aside for another day if it has to be. It'll be harder when my youngest is formally incorporated into the schedule and we add more subjects (we do gentle FIAR, handwriting, phonics, math, and science right now ... the science is new this year). Next year I hope to add grammar, and the year after we hope to start our history rotations. We'll see.

 

On The Homeschool Lounge forums there's a (slowish) group for families in chronic health situations. Might find some good support there.

[tinkgumby]

We've just barely implemented the Workbox system (there are threads about it here if you do a search, or I could provide links if anyone is interested), and it is a LIFESAVER. It took a bit of setup time (though you can also buy the labels pre-laminated if you don't want to bother - I just wanted to customize mine), but I was able to do that on a good day.

 

Every night before bed I put things in their drawers for the next day. They are then responsible to go from drawer 1 to drawer 2 and so on throughout the day. It takes stress off of me from running the day, and there are a lot of things in there that they can either do on their own or only need minimal assistance. Things are flowing really well, and still leaving time for a nap in the afternoon! :001_smile:

 

(My issues are mainly fatigue and pain from fibromylagia.)

[NewHomeSchoolMarm]

Have you tried a non-parent driven curriculum? This year we decided to use Abeka DVD Academy for my dd age 9. I honestly had to set aside all my love for literature approach and flowery curriculum--at the suggestion of a friend. I had to ask myself...What is more important? Curriculum...Daughter being home? Come to find out my dd 9 is extremely motivated with her 4th grade "teacher" and loves the workbook approach. She begged me never to go back to reading books and stuff. :001_huh: I have had two major surgeries the last two school years and now, my daughter's day is not dependent on me starting her and carrying her through the day. Don't worry there is still plenty of work to do together...and reading.

 

HTH,

 

NHSM

[linders]

A year ago I was diagnosed with a chronic illness that occasionally keeps me out of action - too tired to do teacher-intensive stuff, too tired to read. This was a problem because we (a) used teacher-intensive currcula and (b)thrived on readalouds.

 

I finally got some curricula that I use as "backups" for those times. For example, I have Singapore math workbooks around, although RightStart is our primary math program, and I'm looking at getting a workbooky-type grammar/writing program to back up FLL/WWE. And I've had to use books on CD much more - the boys actually love them, I just feel sad not to be doing the reading. And I'm becoming more open to quality videos - we have the Planet Earth and Blue Planet series, and I just got Liberty's Kids.

 

Very best wishes to you!

[TravelingChris]

I tried to use very intensive curriculums a few times- Sonlight, TOG, etc. They both seemed so good but I just don't have enough energy or enough good days to make it work. Currently my older is mostly doing work on her own. She does taped lectures of Spanish and Chemistry, guided program with Geometry and Literature/Writing and her history is text based with printable tests. She has also done dual enrollment and will do that again plus online courses.

 

My younger is still a work in progress. She did an online short course in grammar and learned how to diagram and learned her parts of speech much better. She is doing Calvert and getting assignments from me written down. She does most of them by herself and only gets discussion questions with me. I am trying to decide between something like BJU dvd, continuing with Calvert or switching to more of a mix like her older sister. I do know that I can't do things that require too much parental involvement.

 

I have Sjogren's Syndrome and possibly have lupus. I also have asthma and my migraines have in the last year become more severe plus my arthritis is more disabling too.

[Lovedtodeath]

We've just barely implemented the Workbox system (there are threads about it here if you do a search, or I could provide links if anyone is interested), and it is a LIFESAVER. It took a bit of setup time (though you can also buy the labels pre-laminated if you don't want to bother - I just wanted to customize mine), but I was able to do that on a good day.

 

Every night before bed I put things in their drawers for the next day. They are then responsible to go from drawer 1 to drawer 2 and so on throughout the day. It takes stress off of me from running the day, and there are a lot of things in there that they can either do on their own or only need minimal assistance. Things are flowing really well, and still leaving time for a nap in the afternoon! :001_smile:

 

(My issues are mainly fatigue and pain from fibromylagia.)

Are you using the curricula in your sig this way? How does that work?

 

What is that math program?

[Lovedtodeath]

I think you have to let some things go and have a little bit of trust. We do science or history, not both. So what if we take two years to get through a 36 week program? Is it really that important? Grammar... Analytical Grammar says they do a really good job in only two years. Total. So if we don't get through our programs to the end or very thoroughly, that's okay. We will pick up the slack later when the kids are older and everything is a little easier.

 

Exposure to the cultures of Ancient History, learning to work independently, reading on her own... these are going great with unschooling that subject. Does she do everything chronologically, memorize lists of kings, etc? No. That's okay.

 

Curriculum... that is a biggy. If one is taking a lot of time and/or sucking your joy, ditch it. I am so glad I did. (MUS) What is better for some families is not necessarily better for yours. The whole "Abeka is too much like PS at home, one-on-one tutoring is best", yada, yada... she is doing so much better with "school at home". If I have trouble with any other subjects again I will be looking at just that. Abeka, CLE, Calvert. It works for us. The main thing that drew me to WTM was that the literature approach seemed like more fun and less drudgery. I am learning to tune out why others think it is best and do what works for us.

 

Okay, off my soapbox, but letting go of the ideal classical model has changed our homeschool and our household. DH is pleased as punch. He was bragging to his mother about how well our schooling has been going. :)

[tinkgumby]

Are you using the curricula in your sig this way? How does that work?

 

What is that math program?

 

I am, and it's working fabulously! I made up lots of laminated cards for everything I could think of, and go through and toss the cards in the drawers, and then add books or worksheets or whatever applies.

 

So for tomorrow, it looks like this (more or less the same for each boy, though they have their own drawers) - oh, and I'm doubling up in the drawers until I get my folder system worked out:

 

1: Gospel Study Card/reader/worksheet/pencil

- Reading Time card/timer set for 60 minutes/book I want them to read

2: Language Arts card/WWE pages

- Spelling Time card/AAS

3: Math time card/pages from SRA math (I'll get to that in a second)

- Computer time card (they have educational games)

4: Science time card/Science kit for my older son to choose an experiment from

- Piano practice time card

5: Cooking time card/box of cake mix in one son's drawer, measuring cups in the other (we're celebrating hubby's birthday Friday, so they get to help make the cake!)

- Recess time card

6: Read with Mom time card, along with all my SL read-alouds and history for the day

- Lego time card

 

They love the drawers, and it makes the day flow smoothly with exceptionally little effort on my part. They are so good about finishing one drawer and moving right on to the next! I really think, with these drawers set up, I could even have my hubby take over for a day if need be (gasp!).

 

About SRA Real Math - I made a post about it here: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?p=892610#post892610

and here:

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?p=877657#post877657

 

It is working really, really well for all of us and I'm so glad I switched from Saxon! I've already bought almost everything I need to do it through Grade 6. :D

 

It's good to see you again, btw - you and I often seem interested in the same things! (:

[Lovedtodeath]

It's good to see you again, btw - you and I often seem interested in the same things! (:

 

I was thinking the same thing. I hadn't seen you around in a while. Thanks for the ideas.:)

[dragons in the flower bed]

I'm not in pain but have epilepsy. My seizures come in clusters and when I am in the midst of a cluster, my capacity to think straight just disappears. It goes on for about a week and often my first sign is not a seizure, but absentmindedness. Here's what I've done that's helped the most.

 

1. Remove from the house anything I wouldn't be happy for the kids to spend all day doing. (This recently meant selling the Wii.) They mess around with craft supplies, they read, they create things with Lego, and I can call that art: composition, science: engineering, and literature.

 

2. Choose programs with the best teacher helps. Must have answer keys. I can't always come up with these on my own, even at a third grade level.

 

3. Keep educational activities around that don't need me to run smoothly. I can assign, for example, a geography puzzle, or a Nova DVD, on days when the room won't stop spinning. I know that they're working on something valuable to their education even when I'm gripping the arms of the couch.

 

4. Get them reading before diving into any other schoolwork. That way, I can say, "Go look at my planner and tell me what you need to do next."

 

5. Teach them to help each other. They drill each other with flashcards. They listen to each other practice their instruments. The big kids read history, literature and science aloud to the little kids. The little kids use the stopwatch to time the big kids.

 

6. Teach to a routine. Make sure they do the same things every day. This week I didn't have to tell my six-year-old to do math, music or Latin, not even once. Every day he just got up and did it. It's a habit for him.

Edited April 16, 2009 by dragons in the flower bed

[Friederike in Persia]

Could you move them to your bedroom, so that you can lay down and still supervise a bit?

This used to work quite well for us, but I had pelvic pain, no headaches.

[tinkgumby]

After doing my previous post about the Workbox system, I thought pictures might be more helpful - if you'd like a visual idea of what I was talking about, you can see pictures at our blog here:

 

http://gwgumby.blogspot.com/

 

:001_smile:

[KristenS]

I thought of another tip that got me through the nursing a baby phase, and some of the younger years. Seems like they're always wanting a snack at the wrong time for me to be up in the kitchen. :) So each kid had a small (shoebox size) bin labelled, and filled with the day's snacks. It would include things like a box of raisins, a container of applesauce or an apple, maybe a sweet, just a mix of things that it was okay to have and that they could handle on their own.

 

The rules were: You still had to eat your meals (even if you pigged out on all your snacks before lunch), and The box wouldn't be refilled until the next day, and The box sweets wouldn't be replaced until all the healthy things had been eaten. :) It really helped on the days when my hands seemed constantly holding the baby.

 

I guess it's a meal variant of the Workbox system. :)

 

We do rely sometimes on pre-made stuff ... juice boxes rather than a bottle of juice in the fridge, and so on. Things my kids can be independent with. Since they are still smallish, we also keep all the kiddy dishware in a three-drawer cart beside the cupboards .... all their cups are in one drawer, bowls in the other. (The bottom drawer has kid-sized cookware for when we have a GOOD day.) That helps a lot too. And they know they are always free to get some water.

 

Not sure if those tips help or not, but I was pondering the thread again and I recalled those things helped me through some rough times as well as curriculum adjustments.